I am so tired of my life

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2009
I am so tired of my life
11
Tue, 10-27-2009 - 7:43am

Hello I am new to this board. I just feel that I need to get this out. My whole life I have tried to be a good person. I worked my behind off at school, college, university and for my post grad. I was always given the impression that education was the key but now I beg to differ. Perhaps a knack for getting out there in the world or entreprenueral skill are key.


I am in my early to mid twenties and still live at home. I have no job (am actively looking) and am living in mental agony. I was in a long term relationship up until last year when he ended it due to his personal issues. I always thought we would move

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Tue, 10-27-2009 - 9:46am

hey, welcome to the board. have you thought about temp work? it doesn't usually offer any benefits like insurance but because of that the pay is generally higher and you can quit any time. you may also be able to find work somewhat related to your field (you mentioned "agency", so i'm guessing advertising?) so that would help you build up some experience. you could also look into volunteering; i know it doesn't pay but it might help boost your mood to do something good for someone else.


as far as your ex is concerned, i think that you need to move on, too. i know that you guys were together for a long time but holding out for him, talking to him, etc., isn't good for you right now. maybe in a few years you'll be able to talk to him without becoming upset, but at the moment i would try to stay away from him whenever possible. basically anything that makes you feel sad, down or depressed needs to be avoided for your own sake. that being said, whenever you are feeling blue (or just bored) try and do something good for yourself: take a walk, watch a funny movie, write in your journal, work on your resume, take a bubble bath (my favorite), go to the gym (if you can afford to), do a craft project, browse the bookstore or library, etc. i know how easy it is to get stuck in a rut but it's little things like that that can help you get unstuck.


and friends - i don't think anyone can ever totally empathize with what you go through. i think it can be close but never really 100%. i do believe that your girlfriends have your best intentions at heart and that they do care about you, but unfortunately everyone has their own stuff to deal with. so try and appreciate what they can offer but remember that only you can make yourself feel better. you are moving forward with your life,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Tue, 10-27-2009 - 1:05pm

Hi sunny-petal1.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2009
Tue, 10-27-2009 - 5:06pm

cl-happypants thanks for your suggestions on doing certain activities, I have been thinking about this myself and am trying to shake off the bad feelings to motivate myself to do creative things in my spare time. I am also thinking about opting for lower paid temping jobs that I am over qualified to do because of the recent shortage- I don’t know

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Tue, 10-27-2009 - 6:01pm

Enough said.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Wed, 10-28-2009 - 9:24am

you're welcome. i don't know that doing temp work that you're overqualified for would lower your self-esteem; you never know who you'll meet and you could end up with some good contacts. i was laid off 5 years ago and did temp work before finding my next job. my self-esteem was at a low point from being laid off, i felt like a loser, but just getting up and going to work every day helped A LOT, even if it was just doing data entry. you'd be surprised :) even part-time seasonal work at the mall is better than nothing because it gets you out of the house.


i think you will meet more reliable and sturdy people; it just takes time. if you can concentrate on yourself right now then later on you'll be in a better spot and will attract people who are similar. i didn't know that you were your ex's only friend; that is quite a responsibility. but....he has to help himself, just like you have to help yourself. do you know if he's had a chance to talk to a professional about his personal issues?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2009
Wed, 10-28-2009 - 7:19pm

Thanks for all the advice both of you. I really need to find some work before all of my money runs out so taking work that Im over qualified for is probably my best at the moment- you're right, the main aim is to get myself out of the house right now. Being in the house all day is equivalent to living in a snow globe or a goldfish bowl, thats how I feel.


I know that I should really be concentrating on myself right now, but I do feel lonely at times and lacking a social life hence I contact my part-time 'friends'. That might sound harsh but thats how I feel about most of them right now. I

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Thu, 10-29-2009 - 10:09am
any time :) something else i forgot to mention: i've made most of my friends through work. and a job, any job, will help with your lonely feelings. also, don't worry about being overqualified; i've fallen into that trap before. i finished my master's in 2002 and the economy was pretty bad (it was right after 9/11), so it was impossible to find a job that would 'match' my qualifications. i thought it was me, but it was an external factor (probably the same for you - it has nothing to do with you, it's just the job market right now). i still did some job searching but at the same time worked in a department store and at a collections agency because i needed some type of income. eventually i got a job in my field (in 2004) but was laid off later that year, so i went back to the department store and also did temp work while looking for my next job. the one thing i have learned from all of this is, just because you have a master's doesn't mean that you can't do 'ordinary' work. like i said before, it is good for you to just go to work, because the faster you can save some money, the sooner you can move out. (and that is your ultimate goal, right?)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2009
Fri, 10-30-2009 - 11:37am
Yes my ultimate goal is to just get out of here. I don't wish to be rich or to have a glamorous life or anything like that. I just want my own space so that I can be more grounded and grow as a person.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2009
Sun, 11-01-2009 - 2:18pm


Oh, Sunny... my heart is breaking for you. You are so young and so intelligent (it takes a special person to get all that education completed at young age), I'd hate to say it but you have your whole life ahead of you! How exciting is that?

I am going through many problems myself these days so I am not sure how much help I can offer you at this point but on the subject of living at home. Moving out and getting your own place is overrated in my book. Saving money and buying vs renting is the way to go. Unless you think you can qualify for a mortgage without a steady income (very difficult), why don't you concentrate on getting you s**t together, sort of speak, make plans for the future and move on from there? The ex issue- sticky, indeed. He sounds needy and if depression is a bug part of his existence, he will drag you down a little in your progress. I have been dealign with depression and anxiety lately and believe me, the few friends I have are getting sick of me. I don't blame them.
Angry, toxic mom- as long as you realize that;s who she is, you can get past it, even if you live with her. Just understand that you cannot allow her to effect your self esteem, although easier said than done.
Travel is a fantastic way to spend your 20s- go for it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2009
Sun, 11-01-2009 - 8:23pm

Hi just Aubrey, thanks for the advice.


Ideally I would love to jump from being here to owning my own home. This is what a couple of my friends are doing and I wish I could too but

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