Being Vulnerable

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Being Vulnerable
5
Wed, 10-28-2009 - 12:29am

Hi all, I'm 28, male and live in New York.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
In reply to: jello_b
Wed, 10-28-2009 - 9:45am

hey, jello-b, welcome to the board. i personally don't think there's anything wrong with holding back, especially in this day and age where most people are eager to share their innermost thoughts at the drop of a hat. however, if being reserved bothers you, then maybe it is time to make a change. the dictionary definition of "vulnerable" is "open to attack or criticism", so being vulnerable means that you share some part of yourself at the risk of being made fun of.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2009
In reply to: jello_b
Fri, 10-30-2009 - 9:49pm

Hi there, jello!

I was in the middle of writing my own post and I decided to respond to you first. So much
of your "issue" echos my own struggle with self-esteem. So please, know that you are NOT alone in this. I am, too, in my late 20s and for what it's worth, have been told my whole life that I am beautiful. I actually think that I am very attractive as well but guess what- I think I also have the lowest self-esteem from everyone I know! I kid you not.
The thing I can relate to with your story is that very few people know that I am so insecure because I am also very good at "faking it". For me, unfortunately, it translates to me being perceived as "aloof" or standoffish because I just lack that enthusiasm and honesty that truly secure people posses. For example, even if I am happy to see someone I act semi distant because I am not sure if they're happy to see me. I am constantly wondering if I am being accepted by others and what they think of me. Does this sound familiar? It's almost as, I reject others before they can reject me. Kind of sad, isn't it?

Well, I can tell you this much: I started to see a therapist about this and it seems to help so far. He's breaking it all down for me, why I developed such huge social anxiety, what happened in my childhood to make me feel so insecure, how my upbringing contributed to this, etc. I'll be happy to share with everyone my progress.

Last week my therapist told me that I should remember that people don't think about me half as often as I think they do. Meaning, most don't really occupy their precious time thinking about ol'lil me because they have their own bust lives to live. Makes sense? I know this may sound a bit trivialized and primitive almost but statements like that seem to help me. Maybe sometimes we all need to hear the obvious facts of life because we forget them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
In reply to: jello_b
Sun, 11-01-2009 - 1:38am

Some one told me that to be vulnerable is to show your personality.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
In reply to: jello_b
Mon, 11-02-2009 - 11:47am
did somebody ever say that you shouldn't show your true colors? or do you think that you should be different than who you are? my parents were pretty reserved so i was uncomfortable as a kid and teenager in expressing myself. i think that this gets easier with age, so don't worry!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
In reply to: jello_b
Sun, 11-08-2009 - 11:23am

Very interesting thread.