emotional abuse

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
emotional abuse
8
Sun, 11-22-2009 - 2:47pm
im 48 and recently got out of an emotionally abusive marriage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Sun, 11-22-2009 - 7:45pm

It doesn't go away overnight.....it takes about 5 years before you start feeling anything close to "Better"...and I'm talking "better" not "fixed".

Missy
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Tue, 11-24-2009 - 10:24am
welcome, freenhappy. good for you for leaving. misssy has already given you some great advice, but i'd like to add just one thing. when someone calls you stupid, ugly, worthless, etc., it's usually a reflection of how they feel about themselves and has nothing to do with you. if you're with someone for a long time then it's hard to see this but that's really all it is. again, congrats for leaving and feel free to post here any time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Tue, 11-24-2009 - 11:02pm

thank you both for your responses.

5 years...ugh

he got that much from me while we were married the thought of giving him anymore of my time is incomprehensible. but from what you both are saying i will interpret it to mean its 5 years on me and not on him? would that be correct?

how do people get away with this and he's doing it to another woman...but she probably won't listen to me i'm just the ex.

i'm so angry and i'm truly not a hostile person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Wed, 11-25-2009 - 8:22am

just because you're not a hostile person doesn't mean you can't get angry. your anger is 100% justified.


i feel bad for the woman he's with now and i hope she figures him out soon. you could write her an anonymous letter or something. i think people get away with abuse because humans are social by nature and want to be part of a group, and want someone to lead them. it's how societies function. however, some people take the leadership idea a little too far and use it to manipulate or brainwash others. and most of us, unfortunately, will believe what we're told (i don't know why - for survival?). it's easier to go along with something than it is to come up with your own rules and stand up for yourself because you risk not being part of the "group". just my guess, anyway, and it might not be accurate.


i would interpret the 5 years as on you - you need to get back the time that you "lost" while you were with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Thu, 11-26-2009 - 9:36pm
why does bad love feel better than non at all? im so sad
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2007
Thu, 11-26-2009 - 11:08pm

There is so much I could say here. First of all, you are special and God wants you to feel good about yourself. You may need some professional help to deal with emotions and feelings from your prior marriage and how to keep these from affecting future relationships too much. Your friends may want to help and encourage you but sometimes it just takes a professional. Most communities have places you can go to see some guidance and advice.


Part of the mental game is to put the past in the past once you can understand the issues surrounding your first marriage and what Very important, don't hang with nay sayers or people that are always focusing on what is wrong. Try and cultivate friends that feel the "glass is half full rather than half empty". Pray and consider church as most faiths focus on hope. Seek God and he will guide you. I will pray for you every night for the next month.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Sun, 11-29-2009 - 12:04pm
thank you gentlejohn, you are very kind. i walked away from God not too long ago, your message tells me he didn't walk away from me.
Avatar for cmkarla
Administrator
Registered: 01-03-2001
Thu, 12-03-2009 - 8:30am

Hi Free-how are you doing? I took your question to our expert on health, diet and wellness, Dr. Madelyn Fernstrom and here is the advice she has for you. http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-fbmadelyn/messages?msg=129.2

Karla
Community ModeratoriVillage.com