Extremely Distraught

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2009
Extremely Distraught
3
Mon, 11-30-2009 - 9:49pm

I just lost the love of my life due to me not liking the way i look, feeling worthless, and lying to make myself look and feel better. I have had issues with my looks since i was a little girl. It is hard for me to deal with it all. My self-esteem has to be lower than the equator. People tell me that i am beautiful and I get very angry with them. I feel like they are lying. I know what i look like. that is why i only have one mirror in my house. But knowing that i lost the best thing that has ever happened to me due to my lies, I need to make some serious changes.

So my problem is that i hate the way i look and I complain and sulk about it. In my head i will make up stories and lies to make myself look like Iam important or wanted. Am i crazy?
Someone please help me. I want to get the love of my life back and make serious changes before it is seriously too late.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Tue, 12-01-2009 - 8:15am

i have an idea. what if you made two lists: one list of all the things that you think are wrong with your looks, and the other of all the compliments that people have given you. then put them side by side and see how they match up. sometimes when you see your thoughts on paper it makes them "real", instead of just swimming around in your head.


i think we all tell ourselves little lies, or at least adjust reality to suit us. it's how we get through each day. however, if it's getting to the point where receiving compliments is making you angry, maybe it's time for a reality check. can you possibly be as bad-looking as you believe? someone said in an earlier post that god doesn't make ugly people. i think that is a very valid point, whether or not you believe in god, because we are all part of nature and nature is not ugly, is it? so, logically, since you are nature you are not ugly.


also, maybe focusing less on your looks and more on what you enjoy may help. do you have a lot of hobbies/interests?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2009
Tue, 12-01-2009 - 9:37am

Wow,

Thank you so much for that. I did make a list and the compliments outweighed the negative thoughts I have. I guess i really have been living in some fantasy world. The media makes us believe that we should wear make-up, dress provocatively, and weigh about 110lbs. Well i never wore make-up, don't dress that way and i use to weigh 110lbs before i had 2 kids. I am holding on to this teenage lifestyle. I need to look a certain way to get a man.

I do have a lot of hobbies and interests. I like to make things, i love sports, shopping, hanging out with friends. I do have one habit that i know i use as a self-esteem booster and that is gambling. When i go to the casino which is not but 5 miles away from my house. I feel good about myself and happy. I know that i have a problem with gambling. Maybe i need to get help with that as well.

I guess I am holding on to the negative things that have affected me since i was a child and i need to just let it go. Move-on and start a clean slate. I really appreciate your reply. I was beginning to think that no-one would write to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Wed, 12-02-2009 - 10:32am

you're welcome. i never think anyone will write to me but i still keep on posting :) i'm glad the list-making helped you; i had a feeling that it was the media that was putting the ideas in your head. a lot of people think they "should" look or dress a certain way because that's how it's portrayed on TV, but TV is hardly reality, right? next time you start to feel anxious about not looking like a media standard, take a look around you and see how many women actually look like that. maybe 1 percent. or just turn off the TV :)


i'm glad that you have a lot of hobbies and interests; my next suggestion would've been to start thinking about things you might like to do. i like making stuff, too, as well as sports. i don't think that gambling in moderation is a cause for concern, but if you feel that it's controlling you (instead of the other way around), then maybe it wouldn't hurt to talk to someone (one of the anonymous hotlines or something - they are toll free).


yeah, let