I realized that I need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2009
I realized that I need help
3
Sun, 12-13-2009 - 2:56am

Hello

I'm new on this board and feel as this is the place to get some comfort. I am hoping anyway. I always knew that I had a poor self image over the years but I in this last year it has worsened and it stepped beyond not liking my physical appearance to internal self worth and belief. I really think that I am worthless..in my eyes anyway. I hate the way I look as a matter of fact I think I am ugly :(. I feel as if I am not smart and I will not achieve anything worth while for my future. I constantly compare my physical appearance to other beautiful girls. I will explain that one a little bit further. I was involved with a man whom I was head over heals for but it didn't work out. He lost interest I suppose. He is talking to other woman and I have seen these women and they are stunning. I think about how ugly I feel and of course he will move on to them. I cant tell you how much I have cried with these thoughts. This is a difficult topic to talk to even with your best-friend. You see what happens is they will and have said; you just want us to tell you you are beautiful as we have told you so many times. IT IS NOT THAT!!!! I really have this problem and I have been thinking counseling. But does it really work? I don't know what to do. I am a fighter and I do hope to live life without these extreme feelings of insecurities.

Time heals all wounds, unless you pick at them. --Shawn Alexander
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Sun, 12-13-2009 - 3:38pm

I'm struggling with something very similar. I posted about how my relations with my mother have affected my self image. It's hard to hear your own mother commenting on how other people are beautiful and it's never at you. And, when compliments are there, they are half-assed. It's painful and it's hard to overcome. I think in your situation this man has made you feel these insecurities and you're battling to find some self love and appreciation.


I don't know if I am able to offer helfpul advice because clearly I'm struggling as well. But I think some things that may help could be to try focusing on yourself. Join a gym to get your endorphins going and to get in the best shape you can be, play around with hairstyles, makeup, clothes, do things that make you feel good--jobwise, hobbywise, etc., surround yourself with GOOD and POSITIVE people! Environment is so important in shaping our ideas and feelings about ourselves. Right now, I don't have anyone around me to lift me up so I am focused on all the things that are bringing me down. This is not healthy. Also, if you feel the need to talk to a therapist, give it a try because it may help.


Don't think that this man is not with you because you are not beautiful. That is not true. This man is not the man for you which means that someone out there is much better for you and WILL make you feel like the beautiful and special person you are. The wrong person can do a lot of damage and you don't want that to continue.


You are beautiful and smart (you definitely sound like it from

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Sun, 12-13-2009 - 9:37pm

Hello and welcome.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2009
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 2:54am

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. Just knowing that I am not alone in what I am feeling is comfort in itself. Thank you! I read both posts and the tears just streamed down my face! You guys got me to think about this a little bit further. You see.. my father have not been involved in my life for over 17 years and I thought I had buried those feelings but I guess they creep up in mysterious ways. Also growing up I was in relationships where I was not good enough for them as they would find ways to change me or critique me when they have the chance. I just want to be loved for ME. I am blessed to have my mother and she tries to comfort me. About this man. He is a ladies man. You know he will make you feel like a million bucks when you are with him and then when something better comes along you are forgotten. My hurt and my pain just runs so deep. I just want to fall in love. find someone who is willing to fight for me and be with me through thick and thin. I have yet to meet that one man. They seem to want someone "better". You are right n2ishn I really shouldnt put my self worth in anyones hands. But i do and I so desperately want to stop that!

I really wish I could give you guys some comfort and will try I am a great listener :)

Time heals all wounds, unless you pick at them. --Shawn Alexander