why am i doing this to myself?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2001
why am i doing this to myself?
7
Mon, 12-28-2009 - 5:46pm

I have no idea why i choose to be involved in toxic relationships and have thought that things will work out and be ok. I have spent a year believing in

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2009
Mon, 12-28-2009 - 7:20pm

Hi Maria

Im so sorry that you had to deal with all of that. I think that you got lost with the hopes of this relationship. You are not an idiot. Good people that actually care and have a conscious have this happen to them. I can relate because my BS tolerance is way to high. I always try to see the good in people. BUT sometimes it is what it is... they are JERKS! It is a reality that some people are just guilt free and feel no ways of trying to hurt the ones closest to them. I dont like that he turned the tables around on you. Ok OK it is not right to go into someones personal property but really look at what you found out!!!! Naked pics of him sent to other woman. In your deffence I am guessing that you didnt do that before. Something inside of you was telling you that something is not right. If you are not going to get a clear cut answer from him than you felt this was the only way to do this. NOW you know and what have you done with this new found information? I have to warn you that the more you stay in this toxic relationship the more your self esteem will diminish. These sort of things chip away at your self worth and esteem. Crappy thing is it happens so slowly that you dont even realize that it is happening. I would suggest (only a suggestion) that if you want to savor what you have left of you.. get this guy out of your life. Set boundaries for yourself. For example... If you want to be with me I deserve you to be truthful and honest. If you want to be with me I want your 100% commitment. etc. Now why this guy dumped you well I will tell you what I think. He is emotionally unavailable. He is insecure with himself (forget what he portrays) he is seeking woman to stroke his ego. That is what men like him do. They prey on women for this. Its very selfish.

We can continue to chat as we go. I know deep inside you you know the answers. We all do (gut) but we ignore them.

Time heals all wounds, unless you pick at them. --Shawn Alexander
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2001
Mon, 12-28-2009 - 7:39pm
thank you! I do so appreciate your advice. I would love to have him out, but we share a house, are both on the lease, neither can afford to leave, and finding a roomate has been a huge challenge.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2009
Mon, 12-28-2009 - 8:24pm
That is so tough.. I am sorry you are in that dilemma. A few months..WOW! What a feeling to be in your own home and feel like you are going crazy! Do you do other things such as going to the gym.. that can ease alot of the anger and stress you are building inside of you. I know this is horrible advice and it not a fix to your solution but it will help with how you are feeling. Always always remember.. BEST REVENGE is to LIVE WELL ;) You take care of yourself first and the rest will fall into place. Trust me he will notice..oh he will. You are human and you are feeling so many emotions. Sometimes that inner child just wants to scream. Even as adults. I am not just saying this.. but you are just worth soooooo much more! Keep your head high. When ever you feel like punching his face in LOL not literally of course.. come here and post I will be here! Good to vent to those who will understand!
Time heals all wounds, unless you pick at them. --Shawn Alexander
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2001
Mon, 12-28-2009 - 8:39pm
Yes till june to be exact! You are the first person who has said that about living well and I think that is some of the best advice I have received yet! Everyone has tried to tell me to get myself out, I wish it were that easy. It is winter, I own ALL the furniture here and our dog is coming with me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Fri, 01-01-2010 - 3:23pm

When reading your first post, I thought to myself...."she's parenting".


Then on your second post, you said almost the same thing...."6 year old" reference.


I am attaching a link that you might want to check out regarding Peter Pan Syndrome.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2001
Fri, 01-01-2010 - 4:01pm

Wow! minus the rage, that is him in a nutshell! I wish I could tell him, but he probably would just call me psycho. He continues to play games with me, doing things he thinks will push my buttons. The only saving grace is that we work opposite shifts till april. I am hoping by then we can figure out something! I wish all of this were that easy. HE has strained me financially, and he is useless as far a money goes. The house we live in belongs to a friend of his, that guy is very similar to him...so he is not going to be understanding at all. I have been doing my best to avoid him, he is avoiding me, but we do need to talk about house issues which of course leads to a fight because he has no idea about responsibility. UGH Be great to have him out!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Fri, 01-01-2010 - 8:08pm

I'm glad that the site was of help.