Failure

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2010
Failure
4
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 4:09pm
Hello, I'm not sure if this is the board I should be in, but it seems to be the best fit. I have just seen a psychologist and have been diagnosed with an adjustment disorder. In general I don't consider myself to have low self-esteem, but for the time-being I do. I am in my 2nd year teaching and am absolutely hating it. I feel like I am doing a bad job because I get really unhappy with my class really easily. I used to consider myself to be a patient and calm person but I'm not like that anymore and I hate it. My principal gives me mostly negative feedback and says I'm not doing as well as I should be at this point. I feel like quitting but I know I at least owe it to the kids to stick it out to the end of the year. But after that, I really want to quit. The thing I'm most worried about though is feeling like a failure. I have wanted to be a teacher for most of my life, and quitting after 2 years sounds awful. But I just can't live the way I'm living right now. I am constantly saying how bad of a teacher I am and how much I hate it. I've never truly felt like a failure at anything before, and this is really scary and difficult for me. I don't know what I'm looking for here exactly, maybe just some support or some thoughts. Thanks for reading :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
In reply to: charlie_cat09
Fri, 02-12-2010 - 1:46pm
hey, charlie, welcome to the board. maybe you're just not in the teaching job that's right for you. that doesn't mean you have to give up your dream. there are all kinds of teachers and all kinds of schools - the possibilities are endless. and sometimes you have to adjust your dreams a little; maybe you always dreamt of being a kindergarten teacher, for example, but once you actually become one you realize that maybe you're better suited for high school or college teaching. what about teaching do you enjoy, and what do you dislike? and remember that the #1 reason why people quit jobs is a bad boss. it sounds like your principal is prone to deconstructive criticism (i had a boss like that once) and you will never make him/her happy; the problem is him/her, not you. i hope this is somewhat supportive feedback for you :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2010
In reply to: charlie_cat09
Fri, 02-12-2010 - 2:22pm

Don't beat yourself up for discovering that teaching isn't for you.

~Peaches
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2009
In reply to: charlie_cat09
Thu, 02-18-2010 - 1:52am

Hey Charlie Cat -

I wanted to write because I can completely relate to your situation. I too am a teacher and have struggled with it from day 1. I too thought I was a patient, kind person until I started teaching. I am now in my fourth year, and it is just "okay." I have quit 3 jobs and was just lucky enough to get a job with a virtual school that I can handle. I have discovered that although I love learning and the school environment, I really don't like managing other people, especially unwilling other people, and that is so much of what teaching is. I also realized I am an introvert and that I get my energy from alone time; being in front of a group all day every day was a huge stress for me and left me completely emotionally drained every day. So I agree that there is nothing wrong with you if you don't like teaching. It truly is a VERY demanding job. You might want to try looking into teaching for a virtual school; it has lessened the stress for me tremendously. I also don't think you should feel bad if you choose to leave the profession. I think many of us go into teaching because we want to do something good for the world, and then we realize being a good person has very little to do with being a "good" teacher as defined by today's educational system and its expectations(which may be incredibly off anyway). You are a good person in a flawed system. You have worked hard, and that is success. You are resistant to "giving up". You care about the effect of your actions on your students. These are all signs of a successful person, I think. Anyway, would love to chat more sometime. Hang in there for now!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2010
In reply to: charlie_cat09
Thu, 02-18-2010 - 9:38pm

Lookin4truth, thank you so much for your words! I had another bad day today and a stressful meeting with my principal this afternoon, and what you said was exactly what I needed. I just feel so strongly that I shouldn't be a classroom teacher, and that is just so upsetting to me when I've felt I've wanted to be a teacher for most of my life. I would love to try your idea of virtual teaching, although I think the jobs are hard to come by. I've also been thinking I'd like to try private tutoring. It is so frustrating to feel like I have to "re-decide" on what I want to do for a career.

Thank you again for your support, and thank you to everyone who responded!