Does Facebook lowers your self-esteem?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2009
Does Facebook lowers your self-esteem?
11
Fri, 03-12-2010 - 5:24pm

I'm trying to change my life for the better and meet new people because I don't really have any close or even just good friends anymore... I had very few friends in high school and stuff.

I hate facebook because I feel like I can't escape my past.. if you don't have facebook it's just considered odd because most socially active people do, so I have an account, but if I do meet someone new and they add me I feel like they're just gonna judge me for having no friends/not being very popular.

Even if they don't say anything to you about it, it's obvious they're gonna judge you in some way because of it.. don't say they're not the kind of people you want to be hanging around with because they are really nice to me in person before they see my profile.. and it's not like they are mean to me about it afterwards, they just make less of an effort to get to know me or to go out of their way to make me their friend.

If your trying to act more outgoing or sociably with them because your turning over a new leaf it makes you look like an idiot/fake when they see your profile.. It looks like you don't have a life if noone ever writes on your wall or tags you in photos etc and this can sadly put a lot of people off wanting to be friends with you.
What do you think?

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Avatar for firstglimpse
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Sat, 03-13-2010 - 5:13pm

I started facebook b/c I was trying to decide if I was going to go to my reunion. I saw a note on classmates that there was a FB account for our class. So I was curious and took the bate. OMG! The anxiety & panic set in like crazy. All these people who were making me their friend only to find out if you try to email them they ignore you. You have to speak to them in public on their wall to get a response. It was quite painful actually. There were some friends I really missed from college & they would email 1-2 times and then that was it - come to find out I'm only a number.

So I stopped going to FB for a few months (no I did NOT go to my reunion, FB proved to me I did not want to go).

Then, when friends found me I would tell them, I only use FB as a way to communicate through email, I'm too busy to use it socially. I had other friends tell me the same thing & others who insist on communicating via wall.

I honestly look at the people who have a high number of friends and I feel sorry for them. Think about it... they have nothing better to do than to run around trying to befriend every person they can find. Roll eyes!

So I guess it depends? What kind of friendship are you after? Ones that are only there if everyone else can see or ones who are there even if they cannot be seen? I've received invites from people who went to college the same time as I did but I have NO IDEA who they are. Desperate?

Sorry, I'd rather have a smaller friend count then to run around collecting every spec I can find.

So find a new way to look at it - change your attitude in regards to it. If you cannot, turn it off & take a break. It's what I had to do. Then I came to accept how it works. Even my sister will no longer communicate with me via email ... I forgot her birthday & had to go humiliate myself in public on her wall b/c she wasn't picking up the phone & doesn't respond to my emails.

Somebody once told me in college & I'm inclined to believe. A lucky person is somebody who has made five friends through their lifetime.

Peace




"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng



"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Mon, 03-15-2010 - 8:40pm
facebook is a facade. and anyone who would judge you based on your wall or lack of photo tags is shallow and you should think twice about being friends with them in real life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Sat, 03-20-2010 - 12:50am

I really think that Facebook does lower your self esteem. There is so much importance placed on how many friends you get on your friend list. Even all the games want you to send stuff to friends all the time. You go ahead and add all these people that you know but really when it comes down to it, how many of them are your friends. Most of them don't even speak to you. That's enough to bring anyone down. I have facebook but I use it for chatting with my family that lives far away from me and for chatting with a couple of old school friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Wed, 03-24-2010 - 2:00pm
i use facebook for the same reason. and welcome to the board, by the way :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Thu, 03-25-2010 - 8:51pm
Thanks for the welcome...I love message boards...I have been on a few around here but the first time for this one..
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 11:26pm

I think it can lower your self-esteem if you let it. For example... it can be a downer if no one is sending you friend requests, and you always have to send requests to others. Or if someone ignores your friend request (and you truly thought they were your friend).

On the other hand, when I see someone has hundreds of friends, I know they're simply the kind of person who befriends everyone (even people they don't really know) or accepts friend requests from strangers, just to make it look like they have lots of 'friends'. I think that's insincere. When I see someone who has a minimal amount of friends, I feel they're probably someone who has true friends, and isn't concerned about the 'numbers'. I find this to be more impressive, in my opinion, than someone who has hundreds of 'friends'.

I guess Facebook is whatever you make it out to be. For me, it's a tool I can use to see how my grown kids are doing, catch up with people from high school (although only one or two of my Facebook high school 'friends' were ever actually a true 'friend'), or to keep up with family. Example: When my father was ill recently, my sister called everyone up and asked them to post our comments on his wall, and she took her laptop to the hospital to show him everyone was thinking of him (that was pretty cool).

If you enjoy Facebook, then use it. If you don't like it or you find it stresses you out, than skip it. Either way, your true 'friends' are what matters, not your pseudo Facebook numbers. Peace.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2009
Mon, 04-05-2010 - 3:30pm
On the intellectual level, I UNDERSTAND what FB is- it means different things to everyone. I know people who spend every day on there, updating every single detail of tehir lives, as it seems. I still scratch my head why someone would announce such things as break up with a boyfriend or that they're going away and the house will be empty (helooo? security reasons?).
But on the other hand, when I try to be a little more social on there and engage via posting nice messages on others stupid walls, sometimes they don't respond for weeks, if ever. I'm not sure how to ignore such huge faux pas because in "real life" if I called someone and they never called me back, I probably would not make another move toward maintaining the friendship until they apologized and had a decent excuse for ignoring me. No?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2009
Fri, 04-16-2010 - 5:24pm
yes i strongly agree! i never heard about facebook until an office worker told me to go on it. then my husband did. what bugs me is yes-having ALL of your past there to be able to contact you, ex boyfriends, girlfriends, whateveriits like having the fbi on your tail and they can email you at anytime! anyway, i wonder at the people who have over 200 friends! i dont think i know that many people to incite to a wedding! every single person on my fb page is someone i chat with on a normal basis or have connected due to a work opportunity, etc. i think in this day and age we are all somewhat craving human connection and unfortunately sites like this bring out all insecurities within the human psyche, but also can be a great way to start discussions on where are we failing ourselves with the disconnect and how to be a better friend to eachother.
btw yes i do monitor ALL exes that try to contact us! lol
take care.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 5:49pm

Oh years ago this girl once told me, "those who matter don't mind, those who mind don't matter" -- I think it is Dr Suess.

Maybe just be a bit more complacent? Forget about Facebook. Use it less, and use communities like this more. In the end, just use the Internet in a way it will make you feel good and forget what the masses are doing. (I know plenty of people who don't use Facebook if at all. Old, young. You wouldn't be alone.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2009
Sun, 05-16-2010 - 10:08pm
I try not to get on there as often. It's just too irritating reading all of those updates from people whom i barely know and who don't even bother to say hello or post a nice comment on my wall. i often wonder why they bothered adding me as their friend in the first place. maybe they're just in it to beef up their collection of friends?
either way, i find the concept of fb overly narcissistic. to boot, it certainly has not helped me in boosting my self esteem.

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