Ideas on overcoming jealousy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Ideas on overcoming jealousy?
6
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 10:37pm
My husband has taken on a new (legitimate) hobby which involves him spending a lot of time at the beach. We've been married over 25 years, my husband has always been faithful and the kind of guy I've always been able to trust. He's also the kind of guy who gets totally into any hobby he's ever had, and he's totally into this one. The problem is that I've always been a jealous person. At the age of almost 50, and after four pregnancies, I'd say I have a pretty poor body image. The thought of my husband spending most of his time at the beach, surrounded by women obviously younger and better looking than myself, is eroding my self-confidence even further, and causing me to have suspicions about my husband's motivations. I want to be supportive of his new hobby; I don't want to come across as accusing him of only going to the beach to check out girls; but I'm finding it really hard to not focus on the fact that he obviously can't help but notice what's all around him. I guess my fear is that after spending all day around better looking women, I'll seem less appealing. Any ideas on overcoming jealousy and a less-than-optimal body image?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2009
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 12:55am

Hi!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 8:50am

hey, tt, welcome to the board. you know, the beach isn't the only place where there might be attractive women. they could be at the grocery store, at the mall, walking down the street....anywhere. i'm not trying to make you paranoid; i'm just saying that your husband could meet someone else pretty much wherever he goes, and he hasn't, right? keep trusting him until he proves you wrong.


an old boyfriend of mine was a musician who played lots of gigs in bars, and i was always worried that he would meet another girl while he was there, but the truth was that he could meet someone anywhere, not just at a bar. i had to figure out how to let go and let whatever happened happen, because you can't control another person so you might as well relax and let them enjoy themselves so that you can focus on enjoying yourself. all that energy that is wasted on jealousy can be better spent on your own hobbies and interests. with your husband off doing his own thing, you will have more time to yourself (which is invaluable, in my opinion). so, start thinking about things that you've always wanted to do, go to the gym or try a new sport if that interests you, work on your appearance (like tinytina suggested) if you want to. anything that you would like to do, do it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 11:03pm
Thanks for the feedback! Yes, I do need to focus on my self-image, always tend to see the worst in myself. And no, my husband's never been a flirt or a player (which is why I married him). It's really not that I'm worried he'll stray... I guess it's just that I worry I'll seem less appealing after spending so much time around other women who are able to spend time on the beach, working on their tans, etc. Insecure of me, for sure, just need to get over that!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 11:09pm

Yes, true, he could meet someone anywhere. He's always been very much a homebody... I guess it's not so much that I'm worried about him meeting someone as it is that I'll seem less appealing than others who can work on their tan and have time during the day to workout, etc. And it's not that I'm home with nothing to do, I'm working (which I guess causes some resentment, since I wish I could be at the beach all day! But that's another issue!). Anyway, yes, you make sense, I just need to work on my own hobbies in my time off and stop worrying about what he might be checking out at the beach. Gym idea is good... I've been thinking about that. And spending time at the beach when I'm able to would also be good.

Thanks again for all the feedback, it's appreciated. Sometimes just venting concerns gives us the opportunity to read what we're writing, reflect on what's bothering us, and try and make sense of it. It's nice that there are sites where we can get feedback and honest opinions. Thanks again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 9:38am
what about sunless tanner, or bronzer? it's a lot better for your skin :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2010
Thu, 04-29-2010 - 4:47pm

I completely