how to stop being this way?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2010
how to stop being this way?
6
Sat, 04-03-2010 - 11:09am

I am a 33 year old married woman with a great husband and lovely son. I have a very successful career. But the problem with me is that almost everybody at my work place (except very senior management) are younger than me. I try my best to hide the fact that this bothers me

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2009
Mon, 04-05-2010 - 12:07am

First, I would give anything to be 33 again! Don't waste your youth (you are VERY YOUNG)thinking you are old! Just tell yourself you are not allowed to feel old until you are 50 or something. Seriously.

Here are some things that help me with age issues:

1) We are all eternal spirits at different points in our journeys. In an eternal perspective age really doesn't matter at all.

2) Physically, I try to have the rule that I am only allowed to compare myself with someone my same age. When I do that, I realize I don't look too bad. When I see a younger woman and am tempted to envy her looks, I remind myself "she will be my age someday also . . ." Maybe that is evil but it helps.

I can very much relate to how you feel, though. You want to feel appreciated and liked where you are. I totally feel that in so many situations. One thing that helps me is to be accepting and patient. Rather than letting myself want to be number one and want to be liked, I try to accept whatever the situation is. Maybe I really don't fit in as well as others, but does that make me a bad person? No. I think by accepting the situation I get less anxious and am more likely to be myself and naturally attract the people who really like me for who I am.

Anyway, just some thoughts. Thanks for letting me say something.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Mon, 04-05-2010 - 10:38am

welcome to the board. i'm 33, just like you. my coworkers who are in their 40s would give anything to be in their 30s again. and the ones in their 50s wish they were in their 40s. it never ends. but i know that i *don't* want to be in my 20s again - i would never trade what i have now (a great husband, a nice job and some level of maturity) for the constant turmoil and insecurity that i went through when i was younger. youth isn't everything. you know more and have more life experience than your younger coworkers. and your age is nobody else's business, so if they make comments about your age, then just say, "my age is none of your business." or they could be commenting because they also feel insecure about getting older and they want your reassurance that it's not so bad :)


as for your former best buddy and the new girl - are they both single?


being extroverted isn't at all unattractive and don't try to change yourself. but maybe before you say something stop and ask yourself if you'll regret it later. it might take some practice but you can do it.


again, welcome to the board and we look forward to hearing more from you!

Avatar for firstglimpse
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 04-05-2010 - 12:56pm

I'm the oldest in my work place as well. Though I do work virtually and have never physically met my co-workers, but the older jokes do come by (and probably most by me). My problem is, I'm in a career that is geared more toward the young & with becoming a parent & living out my 30s I just didn't have time to keep up with the newer technology. So not only am I older than my co-workers, I really am out of date.

Thirties are probably the best decade to live. Twenties you're too naive & forties, well, maybe they'll be good too, but your body (and metabolism) starts to really slow down and you feel your age.

So, I've come to the conclusion, I'm going to age by number only. There are so many things to keep your body & spirit young. Eating well, exercise, brain exercises, etc. I've come to the conclusion I do NOT want longevity, I want quality. I would rather live to be 70 & live every day well than to be 90 and live the last 20 years struggling to walk up the stairs.

Is there a chance you're not really 'jealous' of your co-workers, but you've hit this crux in life and you're realizing maybe you just do not understand them as well any more? Age really does make a person more wise. You are able to see the outcome better. Maybe you're going through a transformation? Maybe this is not something 'bad' but something beautiful? We all mourn when we lose something, but the end result can be amazing. Think about the caterpillar, it wounds itself into a cocoon, it probably mourns what it knows. I cannot remember where I read this, but a man watched a butterfly struggle to get out of the cocoon. Feeling sorry for this butterfly he ended up cutting a slit to help him out. The butterfly ended up dropping & did not develop the strength to ever fly. He had then learned the butterfly needed to go through this struggle to earn his wings.

Transformation is hard for the moment, but something beautiful will emerge. Thirties are wonderful, twenties is careless and naive. Enjoy this time.

Peace




"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng



"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2010
Mon, 04-05-2010 - 3:53pm

Thanks for the responses. I just have to keep reminding myself that I don't have any control over these issues. I am just shocked that I am feeling such sadness. I almost feel like I am going through mid-life crisis :(


Thanks for the responses. I will certainly keep you all updated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Tue, 04-06-2010 - 7:40am
i really like your butterfly analogy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2010
Thu, 04-29-2010 - 4:38pm

Gal,


What I see coming through this posting is this...."I don't like myself."


I understand that it is hard to get older especially in this age obsessed culture that we live in.