Is BF teasing or what cuz it hurts

Avatar for roxannejp
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Is BF teasing or what cuz it hurts
4
Tue, 05-11-2010 - 3:07pm
Hi new to this room. im here because im at a breaking point. im a mother of four ages 12 to 6months. i lost all the weight with my first 3 kids but after the last ive been gaining. i have been trying to lose weight by exercising eating right. im not sure if i keep gaining due to med reasons or the stress my bf gives me. he stays with me half time cuz he works a few hours away and stays with his mom while he works. while hes with me he complains of being so bored. and he has been checking out other girls all the time. yes i know guys do that but he never looks at me. and he has made a joke as he says.. that if i put my head on the neighbors girls body id be the perfect woman. he makes farting noises all the time every single time i walk. i have began to hate myself i dont even try anymore. yes i have put on 25lbs since xmas i now weigh 162. but im still a person and well this sucks
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 11:13am
hey, roxanne, welcome to the board. no offense whatsoever, but your bf sounds really immature. have you told him that his teasing bothers you?
Avatar for roxannejp
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 2:20pm

yes he is. i have let him no and he left me. said if he's making me feel that bad he'll leave. the messed up part of it all is he is a mental health conselor. he was my conselor and he knows exactly how to mess with ppls heads but we have had a life and a baby and our kids are involed which makes this so much harder to do the right thing. i know i deserve to feel beautyful but i dont i feel ugly and stupid

Avatar for firstglimpse
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 1:19pm

I fear unless you set boundaries to protect yourself & then keep them, your esteem will only continue to fall.

It appears to me he's basically using your fear of losing his support as a way to abuse you. I understand you're worried about his involvement with the children, but at the same time, is this how you want your children to treat you? One of my fears is to have my children mimic dad. I have learned to stand up to my H when I feel he makes comments such as that. I don't 'talk' about them. I state my points & leave it at that, if need be, I'll leave the room as to make sure it does not turn into an argument. It took me a long time to stand up for myself & a lot of emotional turmoil before we got there. But as far as I understand, mental abuse is has hurtful as physical.

Your weight gain could be of many reasons. It could be emotional, it could be that your masking habits and/or it could be a physical problem. Have you talked to your doctor to rule out any hormonal problems.

Do you nurse? My sister, for some reason, gains weight while she nurses. I don't know if it's a masking habit or something real with her. She's had 6 live births & has gained during the nursing period with each of them.

Have you tried to use a food journal? Sometimes you just do not realize all the foods you're eating.

I think I gained weight when I started to eat faster due to trying to keep with my family.

I also personally believe sometimes when we carry too much emotional weight is shows up on our thighs, butts, tummies, chests & arms. That when you cannot relieve yourself of this emotional weight diet & exercise is just not going to get you where you need to go.

There is a website I've used to keep my motivation going called sparkpeople. There is a place to track your exercise, diet & other type of support.

I cannot lose my weight & have been tested. I'm still w/in the 'healthy' range - but barely. I start to get down & then I bounce back up w/o making any changes. I believe I have a barrier. Like I'll be pleasing my H if I get to 'his' ideal weight & it upsets me, so my mind puts that weight right back on.

ONE MORE IDEA! If you're nursing, are you getting enough water? Dehydration can wreak havoc on your body. We often confuse thirst with hunger. One website I read said, "Dehydration causes the body to store toxins in fat cells. The body will not release fat unless it is adequately hydrated to safely remove the toxins."

Question??

On the days your BF stays with his mother - is your mood different?

Peace




"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng



"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Fri, 05-14-2010 - 8:22am
do you feel ugly and stupid only when he's around? when he was your counselor, did he treat you differently? i know that it can be harder when kids are involved but if you do the right thing then you