Socially Incompetent?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2010
Socially Incompetent?
6
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 2:47am

Hi everyone,

I am new to this whole message board thing, but this seems like a good idea at the current moment. I have a problem...or problems and am not sure what to do or what to even think. I have noticed lately that I have become socially incompetent and people around me don't seem to like me anymore. I am not sure what is going on. At first, I was quick to assume that it must be the other person. But when the common denominator is me, it can't be everyone else....it has to be something wrong with me. I am someone who loves to be around other people and I feed off their energy. But as I look around, no one comes over, calls, or asks me to do anything anymore. And I would like to ask what is going on but I fear no one would be honest enough and plus, its just down right embarrassing to ask..."so why doesn't anyone want to be around me anymore?" I was hoping to see if there is anyone who has experienced this before? If so, what did you do to remedy the problem? Thanks in advance :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 8:05am
hey, gimom, welcome to the board. i would say it's most definitely not you; it's the people around you. i like to watch people, and i've noticed that most people are too preoccupied/distracted with their own lives to interact with each other. but check your mood and your facial expression: if you're usually grumpy (like me) and ignore everybody, then if you want them to talk to you you'll have to work on seeming more approachable. but if you're usually in a good mood and you smile a lot and people still don't talk to you, chances are it's them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2010
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 12:22am
Just had a conversation about this very same thing with a friend. She said that regardless of how many friends she calls and leaves a message, no one calls back. She is naturally wondering if the cause is HER. Is this what you're going through? I would say that it wouldn't hurt to ask one or two of your closest friends why they have decided to exclude you from conversations/activities and do state to them that you are looking for an honest answer. That may be better than guessing, no?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2010
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 2:38am

Thank you for your response. It's nice :) LOL. I have recently made a few calls to see whats going on, and as it turns out many of those who I was worried about have been very busy. We are military families, though not all in the same units. Activities vary from one organization to another and those who I considered close friends had not informed me on how crazy things are getting for them right now (which they don't necessarily need to I suppose). However, there are some people who have stopped talking to me and I can't seem to figure out why. I don't know if I necessarily want to ask because I doubt they would give me an honest answer. Or perhaps, I may be scared to face the truth. Who knows???? But those that I consider close seem to have no issues other than having a very busy schedule. BTW, what was the result with your friend you mentioned?

Take care and thanks again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2010
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 2:42am

Hi Happy Pants (love the name) LOL!

Thanks for the message. I have been told that to have friends one must first be a friend. Your statement about talking to people hit home to me. I asked myself, "when was the last time you called a friend to see how she was doing?" So I started going out of my way to check in with those in my life and in just a few short days, thing seem to be looking up. I really appreciate your feedback. I think I will keep up with this message board stuff! Its been really helpful so far.

Thanks again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 8:43am

thanks :) an old boyfriend gave me the nickname and i always thought it was funny. it's good that you're feeling more secure regarding your friends. sometimes when you are

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
Sun, 06-27-2010 - 9:36am

Hello,

I think that is great! My most fulfilling friendships are with people who take time to listen to me and I take time to listen to them. By nature we are always so anxious about what we want to say in a conversation that we don't take time to really listen to what the other person is saying and then validate what they say by commenting. One way to do this naturally is to develop a curiosity about each person. Sometimes when I am at a dinner party I think to myself "who is the person?" "what motivates them?"

What you say is true. People get busy and caught up in their lives and friendships can take a backseat. It sounds like it meant a lot to those you reached out to!

All the best,
Donna

Donna Deming, Life Coach http://www.BreakThroughLifeCoaching.net http://www.BreakThroughLifeCoaching.net/blog/