Find a Conversation
|Tue, 06-29-2010 - 9:31pm|
My name is Kat, I'am 24 and have been in a committed relationship with my man since 2007. Last spring I moved out of our house after going through a miscarriage and some serious emotional issues. After doing some soul searching (and seeing a therapist) we got back together in August. At first we were so excited to be back together that we ignored everything else but after that wore off, we began to seriously deal with the problems we had and made a commitment to one another to work out and understand what happened.
That winter, I began to recognize a girl at his job. They were good friends and she was so excited to meet me. She talked to me all the time, she even flirted with me and I felt flattered by her attention. Then as time went on, I began recognizing something between the two of them. Then I found out that while we were separated, they had something of an emotional affair. They began to get closer, she was fascinated with him. He started paying more attention to her and talking to her more, and I began to feel like I wasn't good enough. As if she had something I did not.
Everything grew to a point when I finally broke down and caved into my suspicions. I snooped and found a conversation between the two of them where she revealed the truth: she hated me this whole time & was mad that me and him were together. She even said things like "I can't wait forever". As anyone can imagine, my heart dropped. The reality that I was a fool and that she was fake made my world begin to spin. Then I REALLY got insecure. Every conversation they had made me red in the face. Every word she spoke made me want to tear her hair out. I was tormented by this inadequacy, but I kept the majority of it inside. Finally, I busted and demanded my boyfriend get his stuff straight and admitted that I hated her. I couldn't stand them talking and I told him how much it hurt me.
Long story short, me and him worked out our issues and he stopped talking to her. He didn't realize how far it had gone, but he broke down and repeatedly told me how much he loved me and how he would never leave me for her. He worked with her though, so she continued to try and talk to him. Even though I told my boyfriend and he knew how I felt, I still struggled inside with dealing with her. This was months ago, and I still feel like I have a raw, open wound when it comes to her. Overtime I see her, I want to pick her brain and know what she's thinking. I've become obsessed with trying to figure out why she bothers me so much. I've always been a confident person, but with her I become so insecure. It's very strange, it was as if I hated her, but wanted her approval and wanted to one up her. We tried being friends but that was before I knew how she talked behind my back.
What I"am trying to say about myself though is that while this began with them, it wasn't about him anymore and it truly wasn't about her. Its about me, about how I can't get past my problems with her, how I feel like a little girl and lose all my self-esteem when I see her. I hate it! No one else gets it, I've talked about it so much with my close friends and my boyfriend that they can't understand why I still feel like I do. By now I should be over it, after all that's happened. But sometimes it feels like day 1 all over again.
I don't know how to regain my independence and stop being shackled to this self-consciousness and jealousy. I just can't seem to let it go.
I don't know how to stop obsessing about it and just realize that he loves me for who I am, and I should do the same.
Can anyone else relate to this?