Needing community

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2010
Needing community
9
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 11:01am

Hi...I'm new here. Nervous about joining an online community. Want to keep things safe on the net. Thinking ivillage is probably a safe place to try. Hope so!

I frequently feel like I am about to explode because I can't find anyone to talk to. Are these message boards a good place to start up some conversations? If not, do you know of other places?

I am not currently working so I don't have a lot of adult interaction. Most interaction with kids and my husband. Some online emailing and chatting. However, my friends all seem to be super busy and I spend way too much time checking email and trying to chat. I am working on getting out and about with grown ups more often. However, I feel like I need some support that I hope to find online...a bigger pool of people that might be available when I need them. And there is something about making some connections with people with less history and strings attached than with the people nearby.

I'm doing the midlife crisis thing...hating getting older and the changes in my body, regretting things I haven't managed to accomplish as time snuck by, not sure where to go from here. Not diagnosed with depression, but definitely teetering around it. Definitely feeling mostly alone and know I need to build up some community so I am trying the village :)

Thanks for taking the time to read!

Avatar for cmkarla
Administrator
Registered: 01-03-2001
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 3:23pm

Hi and welcome to iVillage! I've been around here for several years and not only is it safe, but it's wonderful to be here. I've made many on-line friends and even changed my life (joined in a health challenge and now I'm sporting around a good weight!). We are glad to have you join us and do hope you'll find the friendship you're looking for. Just make sure you take a few precautions as with any online site and don't post or give out personal information that you don't want anyone to know. :)


I know my way around here pretty good so let me know if I can help you find something.

Karla
Community ModeratoriVillage.com

Avatar for firstglimpse
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 4:53pm

I've been using iVillage for about 9 years now. I was reading articles & a member longer, just didn't bother with the forums for a fear years. I remember when iVillage was tiny little business, I think 3 women??

The most I've ever gotten was some unsolicited emails. They never know my real email address & some where beneficial, others I blocked. It's amazing to me how much identity people are willing to give out & privacy they give up.

Anyway, sounds like you need a boost. I moved to a new state & at the same time started to work from home over 10 years ago. I didn't have kids back then & I do not like organized religion. So, sometimes I feel pretty lonely out here.

But there are ways to get out & meet people. Having kids I've found really does help. I've also found some groups at meetup.org. Right now I've met a start up group for mind & body. Basically women meeting to learn how to treat both our mind & body better to heal the whole self.

Something I've also found very helpful it learning meditation from Buddhist Monks. There is a podcast from zecast.org and what I've learned is the importance to not worry about yesterday or tomorrow, but how to enjoy today.

As Elenor Rosevelt was quoted on Kung Fu Panda, "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift; that’s why they call it the present."

Another term being used is "mindfulness" to teach people how to focus on the present. Therapists are using this a lot now. This comes from the Buddhist philosophies. If you go to Amazon you can find a ton of books on mindfulness. I used a mindfulness book for my anxiety attacks.

It's interesting to see how my H struggled with turning 40 (now 41 soon) and how depressed it makes him. Then when I turned 39 he started to tease me thinking I was suffering too, but I'm not. I'm okay with it.

I've decided I would rather live quality rather than quantity. So I'm learning to enjoy my life today, how to eat better, exercise & give myself the energy.

I think a mid-life can be quite beneficial. Maybe it's why we have one. It's a time to reflect & start getting ourselves back on track.

After my mom retired as a elementary teacher she took a job as a university teacher in China. Now that she's over 70 the college she was going through won't send her b/c of her age. But the school in China contacted her directly to come back. My mom declined, she was there for 3 years, decided it was time to teach on cruise ships so she can see more of the world. Last I heard she was thinking of taking a job in Peru. She turned 71 in Feb & is volunteering her time 3x/week to help disadvantage adults get a better education & into well paying jobs.

Age & mindset are 2 different things. You decide how you want to age. You are not too old to start anything either.

Maybe give yourself 7-8 sessions of therapy & see if that helps you get out of this dark place. I've been depressed before, it's not a fun place to be, especially in summer. Just reaching out must feel better.

Treat yourself today!




"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng



"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2010
Wed, 07-07-2010 - 12:53pm

Thanks for your replies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2010
Thu, 07-08-2010 - 12:05pm

Is there actual chat rooms here on ivillage? Or do you know of any safe ones? I like the message boards but am also hoping to find some interactive conversations.

Thanks.

Avatar for cmkarla
Administrator
Registered: 01-03-2001
Thu, 07-08-2010 - 12:27pm
We no longer have them here on iVillage and I'm not really familiar with any other site enough to recommend a safe chat room. Perhaps someone else might know of someplace.

Karla
Community ModeratoriVillage.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2010
Thu, 07-08-2010 - 12:51pm

I didn't have any luck with the zecast.org ?

I do agree that midlife can be good. It can just be hard too. I am feeling pressured to decide what I want to be when I grow up :)
I am not currently "working" and haven't for a while. Doing the stay at home mom thing with part-time babysitting for a friend. I just have one kiddo and he's elementary school age. I've done some temp work here and there.

I feel like I am at a fork in the road and need to pick a direction now. I know I can always change my mind down the road, but I still need to pick a direction right now. Life has been crazy busy lately and I need to take some time for myself and figure out what I want. I have spent a lot of time taking care of other people and it's time to take care of myself for a bit.

I'm going to have to resort to some lists and goal setting and work on some things a bit at a time because there is a lot that needs to be done in my life these days.

Our family is looking forward to a little vacation....camping in Colorado. I think that will be great for all of us to get away from the hustle and bustle and enjoy nature while leaving some of our worries at home. I think I'll talk to my husband about me taking some time on my own there to do some thinking without all the distractions of home. There...now I have a goal to put on my list :) I will take some time by myself on our camping trip.

Avatar for firstglimpse
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Thu, 07-08-2010 - 6:59pm

Darn, I must have misspelled.

Zencast.org

I'm where you are now. I've been working from home for 10 years & have been in the web design biz for about 13 years. I have a Bachelor's, but never really used it, went straight into webdesign with the hope to be a work at home mom one day.

My 2nd & youngest starts K this year. Now I feel like I have 1 year to figure out where I'm going to take my life.

I am SOOOO burnt out of web design & with HTML 5 coming out, I just really do not want to relearn everything. I'm starting to hate everything technical. My hours have dwindled to about nothing & really my H cannot support us on his salary alone. So as I've taken on less my whole family does w/o less.

I want to continue working from home. I don't want to day care my kids at all. I'm so jealous of stay at home moms! I also believe teens need to have a parent home by the time they get home from school. I think even if they don't come straight home, knowing they have a parent who's home & waiting will hopefully help keep them in line.

I had gone to school with an emphasis of marketing, but over time I've come to hate what marketing represents. I cannot believe I used to want to be an advertiser. Now I feel they are all deceitful & I'm the worse liar in the world!

I just got back from 5 days on a secluded beach on the Oregon coast. Oh wow, I feel so much better! I little down time really does work wonders. I hope you enjoy your camping trip.

Peace




"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng



"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 8:39pm

Hi and welcome charliette.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2010
Mon, 07-12-2010 - 7:20pm

Thanks for the welcome.