A self wake up call

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
A self wake up call
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 5:39pm
I never thought that I was a victim of low self esteem until I looked at my marriage. I am in the process of divorcing my husband after 11 years of emotional and mental abuse. He's involved with another woman whom he treats exactly like he has treated me. I've suspected all along, but my suspicions were confirmed after hearing him speaking with her on his cell phone. One minute he was telling her to stand by her man,support him, and stay by his side. The next he was calling her a fu---g B--tch because she was arguing with him about remaining in our home. As i listened to him, I realized through her what I have accepted for so many years and wondered how could I? He disrespected me for all those years and I argued with him but essentially stayed in the relationship. Even the divorce is prompted because he said that he wants out. I hope to meet with a domestic counselor soon...the wait list is long. Hopefully, in time I can restore my self esteem. For now,however, I am depressed and feeling completely rejected and empty!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Sat, 07-24-2010 - 8:04pm
do you feel rejected and empty because of your realization, or because of how your husband treated you? i don't think his behavior had anything to do with you; it's just how he is (like you said) so you can't blame yourself for it. in the meantime just try to do nice things for yourself or think about what you would like to do now that you will be a free woman!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Fri, 07-30-2010 - 9:08am

Hugs jestlene, Having a spouse who has an affair does a number on your self esteem--I've been there. It sounds like, from your description, your stbx is a jerk! You are better off without him!

My exh always tried to make me feel inferior when in fact he was/is the one with the problems. I think some people cut others down to somehow elevate themselves in their own mind. I am sure your stbx has horrible self esteem among other problems.

When you have counseling that will really help you. I like you am working on finding my own value and not trying to get it from someone else. Saying no I will not let you treat me poorly is a first big step! D is a long process but you will get through it and come out the other side for the better. It was amazing when I separated from my exh how much more clearly I saw things. How I realized so much of what he said to me were lies. His disrespect to me was only his attempt to make himself feel better, when in reality it only diminished his own character and who he really is.

Give yourself some time and do something every day that makes you feel well and valued by YOU!