Do you go out of your way to make fri...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Do you go out of your way to make fri...
8
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 11:44am

Do you go out of your way to make friends?



  • Yes
  • No
  • Sometimes
  • When I feel like it


You will be able to change your vote.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Tue, 07-27-2010 - 8:07am
if not, why not?
Avatar for firstglimpse
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 07-27-2010 - 12:09pm

Seems like if I put myself out there I'm more likely to get hurt. It's just better to sit back & wait for something to happen naturally.

That also means I only have 0-2 friends at a time, usually 1 (I am married after all), but it doesn't feel fake in any way.

Especially once you're in your 30s and beyond, family lives take up so much time it's hard to have friends let alone go out of your way to make friends.

When my DS started playschool & I was meeting other moms, I was going out of my way - only to get stood up many times or late cancellations. Sure they had stuff going on, but I still took it personally.

I also suffer from anxiety/panic. As I've learned to to make peace with my anxiety/panic I have let go of the desperate need of needing others in order to feel better about myself.




"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng



"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 2:15pm

the best friends that i have are the ones who live furthest away. maybe that is weird but i

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Fri, 07-30-2010 - 8:40am

I have never gone out of my way to make friends it just seems to happen though work or school or meeting friends of friends. I have several good friends where I used to live but since I have moved I now only have my sister and my BF. I do think it would be nice to have a couple more good friends. I don't feel like I need a lot of close friends but having a good support system is nice. I never have had a problem living alone or being alone. I guess with my pups I am never alone:)

Interesting thread. I wonder if the number of close friends you have is somehow related to self esteem? I think there is a difference in being alone and feeling lonely and you can be surrounded by people and even married or in a relationship and feel lonely--I've been there.

Ollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2010
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 8:16pm
I was just about to post about something similar. YES, I def go out of my way because I feel so insecure about myself and have the constant need for being liked, respected, etc. I am the person who usually initiates contact but then quickly backs off when I sense that someone may not have as much interest in pursuing a friendship than I. I also analyze peoples behavior towards me: do they like me? Classic low self-esteem symptoms.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Wed, 08-04-2010 - 10:10am
do you think the other person is not interested in YOU? or maybe they're just distracted/lazy/self-absorbed?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2010
Sun, 08-08-2010 - 11:57am
Yeah, I know many self-absorbed people.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2010
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 11:57am

I voted no because I don't care about having friends. I don't bend over backward to have clingy relationships with my family either.


I learned a LONG time ago that one great friend is all you really ever need. I don't have time for shallow relationships with women (or men) and I really can't see spreading myself thin enough to have more than one or two really close connections.