Looks obsessed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2008
Looks obsessed.
Wed, 08-04-2010 - 12:44am

Hi Everyone,

I know for sure I suffere from low self esteem, have my whole life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2008
Wed, 08-04-2010 - 9:20am
I can relate to this. Comparing myself to other girls and thinking I'm not hot enough for my man. I'm trying to work on this as well. But, you are not alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Wed, 08-04-2010 - 10:03am

hey, veronica, welcome to the board. you're definitely not alone, since our society is pretty much looks-centric because we're visual creatures and thanks to all the media that we're assaulted with on a daily basis. it's really hard to get away from it. one thing that you might want to try is turning off TV shows and staying away from magazines that

Avatar for firstglimpse
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 08-04-2010 - 1:01pm

The 20-40-60 Rule…

At 20, you care about what everyone thinks of you.
At 40, you don’t care what anyone thinks of you.
At 60, you realize people were not thinking about you to begin with!

I don't know if you can completely stop comparing self to others w/o a HUGE transformation that I believe only few people can truly achieve.

Though, you do want to take out the obsession of it so you can accept yourself.

How long have you been in therapy?
Maybe it's getting worse before it gets better b/c you're bringing your thoughts more to the surface. Maybe you were not realizing how much you were criticizing until you started to talk openly about it with your therapist?

There is a therapy which has helped with my anxieties called "Acceptance and Commitment Therapy" (ACT). Maybe you can ask your therapist about it? Or maybe find a book on it. I used a workbook myself and then reading up more on mindfulness (or podcasts).

I like to think of it as a combination of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy mixed with Mindfulness.

On Wikipedia it summarizes like this ....

Core of many problems is FEAR

F- Fusion with your thoughts
E- Evaluation of experience
A- Avoidance of your experience
R - Reason giving for your behavior

Then it is time to ACT in a healthy way...

A- Accept your reactions and be present
C- Choose a valued direction
T- Take action

This is my summarization.
Learning to accept life at its present state; to let go of the past, stop idolizing the future, live in the now and to find beauty in everything around you.

"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng

"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2010
Sun, 08-22-2010 - 7:43am

Hey Veronica. I want you to know that you are not alone. I am 37 years old and have been obsessed with my looks since i was about 11.
I do pretty much everything that you do. Compare myself, constantly ask my boyfriend questions about my boobs. If I go out and there are women near me that I believe are prettier than me my day/night is ruined.

I have tried many self-help books, but I do believe therapy is the best answer. Getting to the core of the problem and dealing with the issue that makes you feel the way you do will be what helps you.