Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
1100
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:32am

Hi Tziporah,


I am so sorry that this is such a belated welcome to you. I've been absent from the board for nearly a month - so many things have been happening in my life that it was difficult to also come here. The good news is that life has somewhat calmed down (but I'm still crossing my fingers and my toes), which means that I'm back on iVillage.


I am so very happy to see you here, participating and sharing in our conversations! I hope that we'll get to know each other better in the coming weeks.


Welcome again!


(PS: I love the sound of your name!)


Please visit these other great message boards:
Cranio-Facial Abnormalities
In Vitro (IVF)



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 5:51pm
thank you for your welcome message. i think it's so nice you welcome every new member to the board--even if it's late.
i looked up your profile and saw you are living in Asia right now. i was born in New Jersey, but now live in Israel, which is also on the Asian continent--so i felt a connection to you. what part of Asia are you in? i am also a Piscies--March 2--although i really don't believe in astrology. i've noticed several members are piscies. wonder if it's part of our sign to be more apt to have emotional problems. who knows? i can testify to your quote and advice from personal experience. i have learned from life that your quote and advice are both true.
]the name, Tziporah, in Hebrew means "female bird", but it is actually a Biblical name. the name of the wife of Moses was Tziporah and appears in the beginning chapters of Exodus.
i have a question and thought that since you are the cl of this board you might be the best one to answer it. if you had read any of my posts, you will have some knowledge about me. until i was an adult, i never knew anyone else who self-mutilated herself. the first time i realized that others had this problem was when i started to read about it in books on mental health issues. then, i met a 20-year-old who also bites her cuticles and also has OVD and is taking the same meds as i. as you can imagine, we both felt an instant connection to each other. after getting online, something that only happened two months ago, i started browsing and found this website and board. i could so identify with the messages here--the urge, the shame, the humiliation, the pain, the triggers, wanting to stop and overcome it.
now the question--when i told my therapist about it, he wasn't happy. he said the psychological profile for people who have si is different from my psychological profile and i might do better looking at an OCD board. at first, i thought: what's the difference? si is si, whether you do it with an instrument or with your own hands. but then i started to notice that some of the women here have different mental health conditions than i. so, now i'm not sure, because i've also found some people who have anxiety and depression, like i do, but no one with OCD. i don't want to mislead anyone because of my slightly different experience, although some of the women have said they've found my insights helpful. i have also found theirs helpful. but this question is starting to make me anxious. is si, when done to oneself by oneself, different from using an instrument, and is my profile different from the women reading this board? my therapist wasn't willing to go into it, beyond saying that there is a difference. if i were to ask him again, knowing him, he would just say it's a diverssion from the real work we should be doing... typical shrink answer. so, i thought of asking you. can you help? Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 10:41am

Hi Tziporah,


I think it's just a coincidence that many of the members are Pisces. Perhaps it is in our nature to also contemplate on what is happening to us, and in certain cases what had happened to us that lead to the SI, and have a need to reach out in order to find out how to heal, and how to help others at the same time.


We are all unique. The way we are, the way we react, the way we heal and move forward is also unique. You have been frank here about your conditions, and you've also given really good insights on what worked for you and what didn't. After that, it is up to the reader to filter, judge and decide what might work for her and what might not work. A lot of people here also suffer from other disorders. SI can also be a symptom that is masking another disorder, for instance PTSD.


Have you visited the OCD board?


IMHO, as long as you feel safe and understood here, as long as this is a positive element in your life, then you can give yourself the option to stay. A lot of people here use the board to vent or to write in times when there are feeling unsafe. Many have said that writing here helps them ground, in addition of course, to being able to express what they are feeling and what they are going through. The very strong feelings that they usually keep inside themselves can have an outlet. Knowing that they will be heard and understood is also an important element, too. I have PTSD. Depression and anxiety are part of the symptoms of the PTSD. I do not self-harm, but I can understand the urge to self-mutilate. It's only by the grace of God that I don't self-harm - I'm such a scatterbrain that it's easy to distract myself from the thoughts.


But please. Your safety and your well-being has to always be at the forefront. It is the most important thing. If you are feeling unsafe and easily triggered, don't feel obligate to read other people's posts. Don't feel because you post and ask for help or support, that you have to read and support others. We fully understand that sometimes we can't always be supportive towards other people, and that we have to take care of ourselves first.


Tziporah is such a lovely and melodius name. Is the accent on the on the first syllable (zee'-por-ah)? You are so lucky to be a bird. One meditation I used to do is that of being a bird, and being able to fly, soar, glide



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 2:27am
thanks for your reply. it helped a lot.
i respond so much to others, not because i feel i have to, but because i want to. sometimes thoughts come up from my own experience that i think can help and shed light and that is why i write so much. i guess my greatest fear is that since i am not a classic-type si person, my comments may not be appropriate. your comment about readers judging and filtering out and deciding what's right and useable for them helped put me more at ease.
i did look at the ocd board and really couldn't relate to the entries there. but i will try the anxiety and depression boards.
right now i am going through a bad bout of si that has been going on for a couple of weeks. i both enjoy and am repulsed by it. sometimes in the middle of the night, when i can't sleep, i start doing it. i am going through anxiety and insomnia and slight depression right now. i am trying to start a new business and i'm very anxious about it. right now i'm working with a business coach and he asks me a lot of questions about how i want the business to be and this makes me anxious. i am also depressed about my changing friendships. these things cause me to bite my cuticles. sometimes when i do that, the cuticles start to bleed. but it's not just the cuticles--but further up the fingers themselves, so it's very visible. sometimes when i chew on the skin i can taste the blood--it has a sweet sort of taste, but knowing what it is, that it is blood, also disgusts me. i haven't been out all week, but i will be going out to synagogue on the Sabbath, Friday night and Saturday, and people will certainly see it. i'm nervous about that--and also embarrassed. finally, when i get to the point of total disgust, i stop and then the healing starts. maybe that's the hardest part, not relapsing. i'll certainly need group support for that.
my therapist says i should challenge my thoughts, stay in the here and now, etc. right now that's very hard for me to do. i spend a lot of time sleeping and relaxing in bed. maybe that's all i can do.
anyway, as usual, i thought i'd write a short post. but, as often happens, once i start i can't stop. maybe it's just having the chance to share it is what's helping the most. i've never had a chance to do it in a group setting, and as one of the respondents said to a previous letter--doing it in a self-help forum is different from therapy, where one is under scrutiny and examination. sometimes i'm afraid my therapist will criticize me and sometimes i select and choose what to share. here, i feel i don't need to do that.
about my name, Tziporah. actually, the accent is more on the second name, and the name has the same accentuation as, for example, the word, decorum. decorum-Tziporah.
a lot of people think of the bird image as flying, and i also think of them sometimes--the freedom of birds to fly. actually, though, i associate it more with the birdsong since i myself sing. i also associate my name with its Biblical source. Jewish legend says that Tziporah was an impulsive type, quick to react, and i have a certain streak of impatience in me. my husband often jokes that i was born in the eighth month and preceded my twin because i had no patience to wait till the ninth month and let her go first.
anyway, thanks for your reassuring reply. it helps. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 12:46pm

By now it would already be Sabbath there. Though you will read this only after Sabbath has ended, I am wishing you a good Sabbath; may you find peace instead of anxiety in your heart.


Yes, reaching to others by sharing your experience and insight is also healing, in so many ways. Sometimes I have insights when writing about my own experience. Instead of a self-help group, this is more of an online support group. A lot of those who post here also go to regular therapy sessions as well, so this message board isn't their only source of support, though for others it is one of the rare source of support. Online support groups are great because you get to come whenever you need to come, you get to meet many people from everywhere around the world, and it's anonymous. This anonymity allows us to shed the masks, be ourselves without being afraid of being judged.


I can well imagine that you are stressed right now, what with setting up a new business! What are the coping skills that work for you? One thing that helps a lot of people at first is to have a list of all the things that can distract them when they are feeling unsafe or when they are anxious. When I had a list of my own, I kept a copy everywhere - by my computer, by my bed, in my purse. We always thinking (when we're grounded) that we'll remember all the things that help us. Well, guess what? I had spent a whole year telling people to try to do a meditation or a guided visualization to groud themselves to safety... and when *I* was suffering from anxiety attacks I totally forgot to do visualizations, until my therapist suggested it. That was very humbling! Give yourself half and hour to concentrate on that activity, then after that another half an hour doing another activity. When I had severe anxiety attacks, these would normally ebb after about an hour or an hour and a half at most. I'd tell myself that after half an hour, if I were still anxious, I would be allowed to flee the scene (I was in school at that time). Of course after the first half hour had passed, I'd tell myself that I was going to spend another 30 minutes concentrating on what I was doing then. Listening to music, a podcast, a play or comedy also helped enormously. To this day, it's rare that I leave the house without my iPod. Some people find it soothing colouring. There are some mandalas that you can download on the thread entitled Resources and Coping Strategies. I just borrow my nephew's old colouring book and his markers.


Have you ever tried yoga to help alleviate some of the anxiety and also help with sleep?


If writing helps to ground you or to keep you grounded, you can keep a journal, a blog, come here... Do you sing when you are anxious or feeling unsafe? BTW, I admire people who can sing. I wish I could sing - maybe one of these days!


Gentle hugs,


Please visit these other great message boards:
Cranio-Facial Abnormalities
In Vitro (IVF)



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 12:54am
thanks for your response. it's Sunday morning here now. i didn't go out on Friday night to synagogue--too tired, but did go Saturday morning and found it calming. i am observant, which means we disconnect the phones during the Sabbath. i also live in an observant neighborhood, which means, among other things, cars are not allowed to pass through. this means that there is a pervasive quiet, which is awesome and incredible. our minds get so used to noise during the week, and suddenly there is this quiet--you can almost hear it. that's when i can really sit and meditate.
i've been going through long-term insomnia, which means i lie awake in bed most of the night. i was in that state Friday night and started biting my fingers again. i was so fed up and disgusted with myself. i got up and put gloves on. this helped. i couldn't get at them and the urge subsided. next morning, before leaving the house, i put gloves in my pocket, so in case i got too embarrassed, i could use them. just knowing they were there must have helped--but i didn't need to use them. last night, i had another sleepless night and bit my nails occassionally.
but i made a decision Friday night. i took stock of myself, a moral inventory, and realized, as you had implied in your emial, that my si is a symptom of deeper problems. and it is those problems i really need to be working on. after all, that is what therapy is for. i have been through this process before--making a decision to stop hurting myself and starting to let my nails heal. i realized one important difference, though, this time. every other time, the only person who knew about my attempts was my therapist. i didn't have group support, nor did i make a public statement about it. technicaaly, you are right, of course--this is a self-help support-group forum, but it does have a little of the group therapy in it. perhaps this is what will make the difference, for all the reasons you suggested, the safety that comes from anonymity. i think stating my intentions publicly also helps. i didn't go to synagogue Friday night, but i remember saying i would, and realizing i didn't keep my word made me feel a little guilty--like i lied--but perhaps this is the very thing that will help me overcome the si, knowing i've made a public statement and commitment.
i have used some of the coping strategies you suggested--journal writing, listening to classical music, deep relaxation. i used to do yoga--in high school. i also have exercised, which helps when i actually keep it up. and, of course, there is therapy--a strategy which shouldn't be underestimated for its benefits and strength. i also use a lot of cognitive therapy self-help workbooks, in oder to get in touch with my thoughts. perhaps as a result of wanting to change, i started reading another one last night.
your comment about anxiety waning after 90 minutes is actually a physiological fact. most people can't tolerate more than 45 minutes, but if left alone, anxiety actually wanes after a maximum of 90 minutes. for those of us who suffer from anxiety attacks, this is of importance--there is a natural end to it. of course, no one should sit around waiting for it to peter out by itself. that's what therapy is about--learning what to do when it occurs.
you're right--i'm also great about giving advice to everybody about what to do and then forget to apply it to myself when i'm in the exact same situation. funny how that is.
i'll keep you posted on my progress. right now i'm very motivated and want to succeed at overcoming the self-mutilation. thanks for your words of wisdom and support. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 11:27pm
hi. publicizing my intentions has actually helped. over the last few days i've become more active as a result. i made an appointment with my psychiatrist to talk about things--i've haven't seen her for a half-year and was scheduled to see her anyway. but i guess my current situation gave me a little push. i also went to a physical therapist about the chronic pain in my shoulder and it turns out there may be something wrong--a acondition called frozen shoulder, which means that when i move it i experience a lot of pain. i also talked to my therapist about my insomnia and anxiety about my business venture. he said it's "cold feet" and it's clear i'm in the right direction. about the insomnia, he advised to replace the worry thoughts i have at night with gratitude thoughts about all that's going right at the moment in my life. the si is strongest when i'm anxious and a lot better when i'm calmer and happy. i also sleep better. actually, although i'm still engaging in my si, i've noticed a decrease in proportion to the lifting of my mood. my fingers are also starting to heal. sometimes i wear gloves, but this isn't always practical, as sometimes i need to use my hands for certain activities that require touch. being able to report to you, and to everyone else by extention, is a great motivator--it means i have to try to live up to my commitment. oh, one more thing--i started an online business course, the one on creative projects, to improve my word processing skills, and this has given me a tremendous lift to my self-esteem. my husband is also very encouraging, which also helps. thanks for being my sounding board. Tziporah--feeling happy, happier than i have in a long while
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 1:29am

((((((((((hugs))))))))))


I know what a frozen shoulder is. I had it for a very long time, and I remember crying from the pain of it. My theory of why it went away is this: one, I started doing yoga and my instructor (at that time one of my closest friends) taught me some move to open up that area and and also relax the neck. Two, I started dealing with the sexual abuse. That lifted a huge burden and I didn't feel that I had to hide myself anymore (I'd also told close friends about what happened to me).


Replacing worrying thoughts with thoughts of gratitude is a great idea. I also try to remember to say a prayers of thanks and forgiveness, and to ask that we be kept safe through the night. Do you have an evening routine where you gradually unwind and start giving your body cues that it's time to sleep? It'll take about a month before it might start to work for you.


I am so glad that you are feeling happier right now. Your voice has changed in this post - I can "hear" that you are happier!


Thank you for sharing, Tziporah.


Please visit these other great message boards:
Cranio-Facial Abnormalities
In Vitro (IVF)



Avatar for why1040
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 7:13pm

Hi there, and WELL DONE you!!

I'm glad things are moving in the right direction for you! Don't worry if they slow for a bit here and there, it's a natural progression. Remember to be gentle with yourself!

I had a bit of a thought while I was driving up to see Liz today. I have a really bad habit of picking at the skin on my lips (I get dry lips) and am combatting this by having a REALLY good lip salve and every time I catch myself picking, I apply lipsalve instead. It makes me feel like I'm doing something nice, it's better for my lips than the picking, and it breaks the cycle. I was wondering if perhaps you could do the same? Maybe get a really nice hand cream or something, and apply it when you felt the urge to pick?

I have no idea whether that would work for you, it was just a thought I had while I was driving :o)

Hugs,

Chris

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 4:25am
your idea is a good one. in their book, Managing Your Mind, by Oxford U. authors Gillian Butler and Tony Hope, in their chapter on breaking habits, they make a similar suggestion. for example, instead of nail-biting, apply handcream or have a manicure; instead of rubbing one's eyes, apply eye make-up; so, now you know you are as smart as the guys at Oxford--a joke.
seriously, i have used the idea you suggested. last night, for example, i decided to pre-empt the urge to pick, and instead of waiting until i had started and then putting on gloves, i applied cream to my hands and then put on gloves. i use the plastic disposal gloves you can get at drugstores. i thought i wouldn't sleep that well, as i had slept a lot during the day, but to my surprise, i actually had a pretty good sleep. it could be that without the possibility of picking my nails present, the urge subsided.
my hands are healing, but there are other problems. i still have anxiety urges and have now started to cut my hair again. still, when i did it this morning, i was able to stop after a few minutes. i asked myself: do i really want to do this? i answered, no. although i couldn't stop immediately, it helped.
i also pick my heals which have very rough skin on them. applying cream to this area would also help. i sometimes use a pummace stone, about once a month, which helps. i've been doing that habit also occasionally over the last few days.
to me, the fact that you sometimes pick at the skin on your lips, confirms what i've always thought and wrote in an early email--that self-mutilation is a form of si. my therapist says the psychological profile is different. well, if it's not exactly the same, then perhaps it's a distant cousin.
anyway, vitamin oil and olive oil and vaseline are also good general skin softeners. i've also put baby oil in the bath water when i take a tub and it also feels very good.
as far as being gentle with myself, i can only say that i'm very critical of myself--which is one of the problems i'm working on in therapy. i demand a great deal of myself. well, that's a whole other story. but i'll keep it in mind.
thanks for your support as always. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 4:33am
i meant vitamin e. oil. in my previous post, i just said vitamin oil, not vitamin e. oil. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com

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