Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
1100
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:32am

Hi Tziporah,


I am so sorry that this is such a belated welcome to you. I've been absent from the board for nearly a month - so many things have been happening in my life that it was difficult to also come here. The good news is that life has somewhat calmed down (but I'm still crossing my fingers and my toes), which means that I'm back on iVillage.


I am so very happy to see you here, participating and sharing in our conversations! I hope that we'll get to know each other better in the coming weeks.


Welcome again!


(PS: I love the sound of your name!)


Please visit these other great message boards:
Cranio-Facial Abnormalities
In Vitro (IVF)



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 5:14am
now we have another thing in common--the frozen shoulder. i've thought about doing yoga, which is also a good relaxant and energy restorer. if you know any good resources, let me know.
in my religion, there is a nighttime prayer, but i am lax in saying it. i really should work on that, since it does have the element of forgiveness in it and talks about not having troubled thoughts during sleep. because my sleep cycle is off, i am sometimes too stimulated to sleep, with my mind working overtime.
the main thing right now is that i'm pulling myself out of the slump i've been in for the last few weeks and my fingers are starting to really heal. the next critical step will be not falling into a self-jmutilation relapse. that will be the real challenge. i really believe having to report my progress, as a result of making a public statement, has been a good tool for me. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 5:49am

I know what you mean about being lax with prayers. I'm not observant, but I do talk to God and I do pray in my own way. But sometimes I run around so much, I forget. Which, personally, isn't good at all for my own balance.

Have you thought about blogging? iVillage now has iConnect. You can chose to keep you blog private, only have certain people who are on your friends list to read it, or to have it private. It can be a useful tool in addition to therapy and to this message board. To my own huge surprise, I'm enjoying blogging. I'm also wondering whether members here would like to have a private group on iConnect. I can set one up if you are all interested. Have to remind myself to ask everyone later. My blog page is http://members.ivillage.com/cl-libelulle


Please visit these other great message boards:
Cranio-Facial Abnormalities
In Vitro (IVF)



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 1:35am
i see your point about blogging. maybe my messages are too long for this board. i'm still thinking about it.
the last few days haven't been so good and i found myself ruining the very same places on my fingers that had just healed. i'm depressed about whether i'm really doing the right thing with this new business, or is it just another diversion. i've also been obsessed with the word processing parts of this course i'm taking. i can't seem to get all the operations right and it's frustrating me and keep trying to make it work. so, the combined obsession/depression has meant i've started picking at my cuticles, the very places that were just beginning to heal. that leads to recremination and even feeling worse. you know the story. i found, however, i didn't enjoy doing it. it didn't make me feel better, just worse. and i still remember how i told everybody here that this time i was going to succeed. ha ha ha. i want too, though. so i have been zigzagging--even while writing this, i've been doing it.
i should put gloves on again. maybe what i need most is to believe i can succeed. i can ask for help with the word processing--i know that--it's just my pride. and i do have control over the nail biting. my fingers aren't in great shape, but they've been worse. i know if i could just get the hang of this word processing thing i'd feel better. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 1:43pm

No, your posts are not too long for this message board. Have you seen some of my posts?!?


What I meant is to use the blog as another tool, another place where you can write about other things. You can write about the course you are taking, the anxieties and challenges you are facing, about your goals, your motivations for setting up this new business, about working with a coach, etc, etc, etc. Getting them onto a blog (you can chose to keep the blog private, by the way, and it'll only be see by people whom you've chose to share the blog with) will give you the time and space to put everything in their place with the correct perspectives.


The road to success is most often not a linear one, and almost never without interesting challenges along the way. We both know this is true whether we are talking about setting up a business, finishing a course, resolving not to SI, or healing. Sometimes we go through a period where it's easy. Then we stumble. At times we wonder whether we're ever going to reach our goal. Sometimes, we fall and we find ourselves in a deep, dark pit. Each day that we hang on and do our best is a step forward in the right direction, though. Don't ever give up. I have trust in you. I know you can do it.


I wish you a good and happy Passover with your loved ones.


Hugs,



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 1:30pm
thanks for your Passover wishes. things are still not so great. i'm trying to hang on. i got the word processing more or less, but still need to have someone come and help me with it after the holiday. in the meantime, there have been other things. there was a cup of tea on my desk--i think i put it on top of the scanner myself--a very dumb thing to do. the scanner got soaking wet and a friend who's a technician came fixed it, dried it out, but it still doesn't work right. that means it may have to be taken to the factory, a real pain. and expense. then, i started losing things, like a hot water bottle, pieces of cake. i couldn't remember where they are. finally, i told my husband to bring someone who could see and help us look for them. my husband, like myself, is also blind. it isn't easy for me to acknowledge i need help because of my blindness. but, i realize sometimes i have no choice. i was just getting obsessed and depressed--both at the same time--at not knowing where these things are.
this story has a partial happy ending. while writing this post, his friend came up and found both the hot water bottle and the piece of cake. and i've accepted within myself that the scanner may be damaged and that i need help with the word processing.
in general, this is not an easy time. my therapist is on vacation, as he is also celebrating Passover, and i don't have another session for another nine days. most of the time, i spend sleeping. the messages about everybody's sleeping patterns from Feb. helps a lot. at least, i'm not the only one who sleeps a lot when depressed. i don't like sleeping so much, as my sleeping cycle is totally off, but it helps--it's an escape from the emotional pain. although i'm still engaging in biting my fingers, and cut my hair super-short again, and also picked at my heals a little, the urges are starting to subside. i just want to be able to sleep without having bad dreams all the time. i really wanted this holiday to be spiritually uplifting, not depressing and anxiety-producing. i still have five days of the holiday left. i hope i can redeem them and make them better for myself. you have no idea how much your last message--your words of encouragement and hope are just what i needed. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Sat, 04-07-2007 - 11:37pm
things aren't still great. true, the bad dreams have mostly subsided. still, i'm struggling. last night i went to a lecture. my fingers were in good shape, starting to have healed again. i put my hands under my purse and told myself i wouldn't pick at them. i would keep my hands in this position and just concentrate on the lecture. still, by the time it was finished, i had ruined several fingers. i knew why--i was starting to feel depressed about myself, couldn't find one good thing to like about myself. i know this is just one more reason why i bite my fingers--a symptom of not liking myself. here's the question for anyone who's interested: how do you stop yourself in the middle of an impulse? i knew what i was doing, a little bit here and a little bit there and i was embarrassed--there was a room full of people and everyone could see what i was doing, and i had the feelings of shame and disgust about what i was doing, biting my fingers. still, all of this didn't help. the depressing feelings were so overwhelming. at least when i got home, i put some oil on my fingers and put gloves on them. i didn't sleep much during the night, but at least i didn't bite my nails either. there are so many underlying themes that lead me to si: depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. so much emotional work to do. i know i won't be able to stop doing this permanently until i work on the underlying causes. still, since i've been writing on this board, i enjoy doing it less than i used to. maybe that's hopeful progress. i feel like i need more words of encouragement. it's so hard going through this alone. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 04-08-2007 - 8:16am

ONly a few more day to go until you can see you therapist again. When he goes on a vacation, does he not have a colleague you can contact?


How do you stop yourself in the middle of an impulse... difficult question and one I cannot answer since I don't have strong self-harm impulses. I have always stopped myself at the very beginning, and somehow I can distract myself easily. How I do this I really don't know. Maybe it's my natural laziness that helps in this case. But also do the deep breathing, the yoga or stretching and the visualizations a lot.


How are you doing this Sunday?


Hugs,



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 04-08-2007 - 8:36am

Sorry, I had to split this into two replies to you.


I forgot to put something in my previous post. It could be that you are losing things because you are tired/not getting enough sleep. I know that when I don't get enough sleep, I tend to be careless, forgetful, and I make very stupid mistakes. I hope that the dreams will subside, and that you will soon be getting enough sleep.


Ok, reasons why *I* like you - you can use this as a starter list for you:
* you have a very pretty ame
* you are strong
* you are resilient
* you are incredibly smart
* you are eloquent
* you are nice
* you are kind
* you are caring
* you are thoughtful


((((((((((hugs))))))))))



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 12:01am
Libelulle--what would i do without you? your list of things you like about me gave me a real lift, which is exactly what i need right now. what i like about you--you seem to know just how to respond to everybody with what they need. i guess that's why you're our cl.
i went away to a friend's with my husband for the last day of Passover. as i was walking down the stairs with my luggage, i realized i had forgotten to take along gloves just in case. i felt a little tense, but too tired to go back up and get them. although i engaged in picking my cuticles a bit, i mostly controlled myself. i also slept a lot, which was good, because when i sleep, my hands heal. but that backfired on me last night. i came home and was awake the whole night. i started to pick at dry skin on my heal and eat it and enjoyed it. i just couldn'[t stop. that's part of my problem--i have various ways of hurting myself. i seem to rotate from one to the other. i need to get the tension out somehow. i think i know what triggered this episode--i had coffee late in the day. and i also met with someone who also self-mutilates and has ocd in the neighborhood where i was staying. she turns to me for help. she's going through some things and really wanted to talk with me. i guess my mind started working overtime on it afterwards--and the coffee was a bummer, not a smart move at all to drink coffee late in the day.
anyway, after a sleepless night, i now have a full day's work ahead of me putting the house back together after the Passover holiday. plus, my maid just gave birth and although i have a replacement, it's not the same thing. she's new, not familiar with the routine, so i have to be around, helping her.
also, i got the scanner---remember i poured water on it--i mean, tea fell on it--to fix. and the business course to finish. i doubt i will be able tofinish it. i'll just do as much as i can.
i got only two more days till my next therapist and i also have an appointment with my psychiatrist the same day--she handles the meds part. i'm going to tell her about my sleeping problems.
after the weight gain of the holiday, eating really delicious food and chocolates, my husband and i have decided it's time to get back on the treadmill and exercise bike and get back in shape. i hope i can do that, because the physio says my shoulder is in bad sahpe.
i want to take myself in hand, no pun intended, and getback into a structured self-improvement routine.
thanks for the list of things you like about me. i posted on the self-esteem board. guess who i met there? Amy/aimster.
i'm trying out other boards so i can connect more with women who are dealing with emotional issues similar to mine. it was good to connect with someone i already knew.
thans for caring so much and letting me talk toyou through this board. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 1:19am
Poppy, it helps to keep you posted on what's happening with me. my last message was a little frantic--definitely i was stressed out.
since Tuesday, the house is now 90 percent back to normal. the technician also came and took the scanner. when i told him i felt like such an idiot for being so hard on myself, he said not to be so hard on myself. having accepted within myself that this was likely to be the outcome, a factory repair, it wasn't painful to give the machine to him.
when my therapist is on vacation, i don't have a backup therapist, but i can call my psychiatrist, if i'm really in trouble, or even call him if it's r real emergency. today i had my first therapy session after the break and we discussed your reasons why i should like myself. it was helpful and generated some important insights into the way i think. i also have an appointment today with my doc and will tell her about my sleeping problems. although i'm tired and zigzagging, i'm feeling a little more optomistic. your messages are a key part for me. thanks for your love and support. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com

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