Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
1100
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:32am

Hi Tziporah,


I am so sorry that this is such a belated welcome to you. I've been absent from the board for nearly a month - so many things have been happening in my life that it was difficult to also come here. The good news is that life has somewhat calmed down (but I'm still crossing my fingers and my toes), which means that I'm back on iVillage.


I am so very happy to see you here, participating and sharing in our conversations! I hope that we'll get to know each other better in the coming weeks.


Welcome again!


(PS: I love the sound of your name!)


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 6:26am
Poppy, thanks. it's been about eight hours since i've written. in the meantime, i started biting a finger on my left hand. i know what the problem is. SShabtai's not here. it's much harder when he doesn't come home in the middle of the day, like today. it makes me much more conscious of how alone i am, shut-in. not that i have to be this way. it's just that i don't really feel like i have a good reason to go out. my friends are boring to me, old, familiar, stuck in the same place for years. i've been talking about this with my therapist. that was part of it, before his break. i underestimated how much the internet would affect me. i thik i've found a lot of interesting people to connect with on the net. it's also much easier, safer, more comfortable--not having to go out. but it's not like this is a new phenomenon. since my marriage i've been this way more or less. before the internet, it was listening to the radio. i've always had a hard time making friends in real life. that might surprise you. it's different on the internet. you don't have to get dressed if you don't want to. you can wear whatever you want. if you don't want people to know something, you just don't say it. i guess this is what i'm going through now. when it's a regular day, my husband calls every so often and he has a break in the morning when he comes home, and then the long lunch break. after that, he's here for a few hours before going out in the evening. he spends his time learning and he has a social network of the men he learns with it. for women it's very different. most of them have their children or grandchildren. i don't have that. i can see how this coaching thing is just gluing me even more to the house, or has the potential to do that. when my t. asks about interest, i really don't have any. my husband is also still very afraid of the security situation here. things are calmer, but since the bus bombings of a few years ago, he's never gotten over it--does not like me to go on busses. it's expensive taking cabs everywhere. this had led me to become much more restrictive in my traveling. i can see this is no good. i know my t. wants to work on this after the break. it's very anxiety producing. and there's the issue of the blindness. every time i step out, that comes into play. at least on the net, i don't have to reveal it. unless i divulge it, people don't even have to know.
my tl. says that's the difference between the world of the net and the real world. one is just with people by correspondence--but it's not a real connection, in the sense that you don't see them, hear their voices, etc., for the most part. he calls it a "fantasy world". i've been thiking about this a lot. i guess with Shabtai not here all day i'm more conscious of all this.
i haven't really done that much--well, i browsed on the net for awhile, downloaded a BBC drama and heard that, slept, and now it's about one in the afternoon. i should eat something--at least there is cooked food in the fridge. still, i have another eight hours till he's back. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 9:58am

So I'm your fantasy friend? ROFL... But yes, I know what he means. It's easy to disconnect oneself from our physical surroundings and the physical people whom we live with/who are physically close to us when we go on the internet.

On the other hand, when one feels isolated or without many friends/compatible people available nearby to have a face-to-face meeting/friendship, the internet can open up such a different world. Women who are in rural areas and have no one to turn to to talk about their problems, or have no one to talk to, period. I cringe when I think how my life would have been had I not had access to the internet after my meltdown. I might have gone through more years thinking that I was abnormal, weak and stupid in some way. Whilst the relationships I have with friends on the internet is done through correspondence, as your therapist said, the support and understanding that they have given me equals (and sometimes surpasses) the friendships I have in town. And because I've friends living in various parts of the world, our physical friendship has become a virtual one. If not for the internet, we would still be writing long letters - meaning that I'd probably have lost their friendships by now. Between email, IM, texting through the cellphone and Skype, friendships have been preserved.

Because I spend my time at home - I work long hours from home - I make it a point to have lunch or dinner at least once a week with a friend. Sometimes I will go out 3 or 4 days in a row, then the next week I will stay home, but on average, I do try to go out a few times per week even if it's just for a trip to the supermarket or window shopping at the mall. I do understand that you have many more constraints, including security ones.

So if you were to have a hobby, which hobby would you take up? What about going to a yoga class? What about joining a group for businesswomen?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 3:02pm
it's not that my therapist is saying i can't use the internet. he is saying that i should balance it out with live contact with real friends. i can understand his point. since i am prone to depresion, i tend to shy away from social contact as it is--a common characteristic of depresion. and certain social situations also make me feel anxious. that is why he is so insistent on me getting out more.
i haven't found anything i want to do as a hobby yet. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 9:49pm

Yes, we all need balance and we all need to get away from the 'puter - for our own good.

Why don't we exercise together, Tziporah? I need to tone up (and lose weight, too - getting molto flabby hee hee), and knowing that someone is waiting for me so that she can also exercise is a pretty good motivator. You talked about doing yoga a few months ago. Are there any yoga classes you can join?

I'm sending you a lot of gentle hugs, my dear friend. I can sense that you are still tense. May tomorrow be a beautiful day for you.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 9:51pm
it's next morning now, Tuesday. i reread your message. it's more complicated. i'd like to go to a yoga class. i would feel embarrassed, though, doing exercises with others.
it also has to do with the fact that if the instructor is very visual, saying "do this, do that" and demonstrates, without giving a verbal feedback, i'll be lost. but it's also just being with others in a setting like yoga--where you're moving your body around, (it could be any exercise class as well), i feel very anxious about that.
but then, group contacts have always been hard for me, not just exercise groups, but also social groups.
that's also being worked on in therapy, you can be sure.
he's a "bastard" of a therapist--godd, but mean--i mean he's very aggressive and blunt.
perhaps this break has been too long. i thought about that last night. but then, on the other hand, maybe i need this long break to think things over. i don't know.
as far as letters and email go, there is something i miss in getting letters--i remember as a kid waiting in line at camp for the daily mail. there was a time when people connected, met, had long term friendships and even maried, because of pen-pals. in 1964, the World's Fair was held in NY and we went. it was a really big thing. i must have been about eight or nine then. one of the highlights was going to a pavillion and getting a pen pal. i still remember the name of my pen pal and my sister's pen pal. we lost contact after a few letters, but i know people who've kept it up. people write such brief emails now. there was something very nice about getting a long letter that you could save, treasure, reflect on. i still have some old letters.
what is im?
your friend, Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 10:46pm

Exercising in public is daunting for anyone except perhaps the fittest people with a yen for exhibitionism. Could you start off yoga with some one-on-one sessions with an instructor so that you know how the poses are supposed to be/feel, learn how to do the belly breathing and how to incorporate breathing into your flowing poses. Once you know that, you could easily use a CD. Or maybe you could organize a small class somewhere near?

There are also Chair Yoga and Bed Top Yoga tapes that you can use at home (and instead of doing it in bed you can do it on the floor) http://www.stretch.com/bedtop.htm

In the meantime, though, you have a treadmill at home, right? I think we could both do some walking. It will lift our spirits up and dilute some of the tiredness. Shall we walk half an hour a day? We can check-in just to assure the other that we've done our daily walking quota. There's also a community challenge coming up in October, but your parents will be here and I don't know whether you'll have the time or not:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-bhbestlife&msg=570.1&x=y

By the way, that's one of the other boards that I cl.

I love getting snail mail that is not advertisement for something I do not want or bills. Unfortunately, I am also very bad with snail mail. They get written but don't get sent...


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 3:41am
i'll think about what you said. i know there are a lot of exercise programs that i can do at home--aerobics, yoga, or a combination. but part of the point is to get me out somehow. everything just seems to be leading me to being more in-the-house, at-home, not out-of-the-house. that's the therapist's point. in any event, i'm still trying to cope with the clutter and coaching and although i know i should exercise, i'm not ready to do so yet. i'm very tired. i don't expect things to be back to regular until after the Jewish holidays and my parents' visit. i don't know if this is the time to start anything new. and i'm anticipating another intense period of therapy when it starts up again at the end of next week. thanks, as always, for your encouraging suggestions. i'm also trying to keep the si down to the minimum. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 12:45am

Why don't you learn the basics of yoga with a trainer until you are confident about the essential poses... then go to a yoga class. It's always daunting, Tziporah, but if you know what you are doing then it's less so.

Right now, I'm just trying to incorporate exercise and eating healthy when I can. It kind of goes, "Oooh, I've got ten minutes. I'll practice my shimmy now". And I am very much looking forward to going back to belly dancing classes - it's something that makes me forget the exhaustion. When it's meal time, I try to do something with the veggies that are taking up such a lot of place in the fridge. No choice, really as there's currently NO junk food in the house (and the ones available I absolutely detest pwah! pwah! pwah! ROFL), so whether I like it or not, I'm eating more vegetables and less chips. Also, it's been sooooo hot lately that a nice salad is very enjoyable.

When are the Jewish holidays? Which ones are these? Ramadhan starts in less than 2 weeks. I am not quite sure whether I will be fasting this year or not.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Sat, 09-01-2007 - 11:43pm
thanks for your message, Poppy.
the difference between the Moslem and Jewish calendars is that the Moslem calendar is totally lunar, which means that Ramadhan floats throughout the year. the Jewish calendar is both lunar and solar and the holidays always come out the same time each year. so fall always means it's Rosh Hashanah and spring always means it's Passover. the Jewish New Year starts a week from this coming Wednesday night and ushers in a stream of holidays--about three weeks in duration. a very busy time, intense but always spiritually uplifting.
i'm still struggling within myself. i know i should get into an exercise routine, aerobics, yoga, or both, or whatever. i have to take on a coach, to be coached by someone. that's part of the school requirements. it turns out my coach is a yoga teacher. what a coincidence? we've discussed it a little. at least now i have an authoratative instructor i can consult.
i'm psyching myself up for the next round of therapy which starts on Thursday. from where we left off before break, i'm expecting the treatment to be intense, probably painful, with him going deeper, more drilling and probing questions, etc. no let-up. when he gets going, he's merciless. i mean, aggressive. that's his style. but then, i guess i need it.
i'm also struggling within myself, thinking about a lot of issues. sometimes i bite my nails, my cuticles--like last night--lying awake and just ruining two fingers that were perfectly good. i think this break from therapy was a bit too long. although i hate it, i mean--hate the treatments--i know they're necessary. i think it would have been better to start tomorrow instead of Thursday--another 4 days without it. too long. our regular schedule is Mondays/Thursdays. and then with the holidays in the middle, there will be more disruptions. funny thing how that is--when you don't have therapy you want it, and then when it starts up again you long for the breaks and wonder how you could have been so crazy to actually want it. it's so hard. a lot of hard work. but i admit that there is progress, which keeps me sticking with it, even when it's hard. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Sun, 09-02-2007 - 11:56pm
yesterday was hard. couldn't get myself registered on a website that i wanted and just felt depressed about it all day. very discouraged. almost gave up this coaching thing. everything technical is such a pain in the ..... something that should take five minutes takes me hours to figure out. so grustrating.
that was bad enough. then i talked to my parents and told them about this website. it's an online computer telephone linkup that uses your telephone instead of the headgear, instead of skype and msn. anyway, my dad wanted to know the name of it. he wanted to check it out. i felt lie he was treating me like a little kid again. i could have kicked myself in the ..... for even have mentioning it to him. any time i tell him about something like that, he has to check it out. it was the same with the coaching school. he had to check that out, too. sure, he paid for my tuition, just like he pays for my sisters' college tuitions--he treats us all equally in that way, and i can understand from that point of view he has every right to check out my coaching school choice before putting out money for it. that i could accept. but why would he feel the need to have to check out a website i was choosing for a phone connection? he seemed to imply that perhpas i was being wasteful.l at least that's what it felt like for me. i'm in my fifties and they still think i'm a kid in seventh grade. only thing is, i keep hopping this time it will be different. it never is. i was such an idiot for even bringing it up. how many times do i have to get burned before i learn not to tell them too much about anything that's going on with me--because if i do, i get the babykid treatment? well, the punch line is coming, of course. all of this just led me to pick at one of my sore fingers. today the hands are starting to heal again. if i canjust control myself and not do it, i'll be okay. ps. i got myself registered on that stupid website. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com

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