Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
1100
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:32am

Hi Tziporah,


I am so sorry that this is such a belated welcome to you. I've been absent from the board for nearly a month - so many things have been happening in my life that it was difficult to also come here. The good news is that life has somewhat calmed down (but I'm still crossing my fingers and my toes), which means that I'm back on iVillage.


I am so very happy to see you here, participating and sharing in our conversations! I hope that we'll get to know each other better in the coming weeks.


Welcome again!


(PS: I love the sound of your name!)


Please visit these other great message boards:
Cranio-Facial Abnormalities
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Sun, 08-07-2011 - 3:12pm
Hi Karen, Thanks for asking about me. Much appreciated. I meant to write back several weeks ago after you sent your previous email. Then just kept putting it off. Biting my cuticles again. Some really nasty sores. Nothing really happening in therapy. I seem stuck. Haven't had a session in a few weeks because of summer break and don't really miss it. But I'[m scheduled for one this week. Anyway--the elevator is finally here! Yay! YAY! They still have some repairs to do--touchups you could call it, but it's working. It couldn't have come soon enough, because last Sunday--a week ago now--Shabtai took a very bad fall on a flight of steps outside and partially ripped his tendon above the knee. He's now home from the hospital, but he can't do much--he has to keep off the leg and must keep the knee absolutely straight. He has a leg brace and uses a walker to get around the house. Someone has to come to bathe him and he sits in a special chair with slats in it. We put in railings in the bathroom for support. A real "renovation". he's still very unsteady--partly from fear that he'll fall and partly because the injury is just starting to heal. He needs a lot of things so I am on call most of the time. Fetching drinks, getting him books, etc. He really sincerely feels baad about having to depend on me for everything. Hopefully, he'll be able to walk again unassisted, but this will require months of physiotherapy. Feeling very depressed about the economic situation, especially with what's been going on in the past week, with markets taking a severe slump. Looks like things will get worse before they get better. Shabtai thinks we'll recover financially. I'm not so optimistic--especially because of the economy. Not doing anything businesswise. And my parents have started to talk about coming again. I'm just hoping I'll be able to lose some weight, that the elevator will be finished--the touchups I mentioned previously, and that Shabtai will be on the road to recovery by then. Still doing yoga and reading a chapter from the Bible every day. I started from the beginning again, after not doing this for many years. Have reached Gen. 49. I'm really enjoying doing these things--the yoga and daily reading. Besides that, Shabtai's father is very sick and the prognosis is poor. Everyone is sort of mentally preparing for... you-know-what. Hope your husband finds a job soon--ditto for you, too. At least you have him home now. Where are you living? With your mom or somewhere else? How your son doing now that he's graduated? Write back when you can. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Mon, 08-08-2011 - 12:04pm

Hi Tziporah!

It put a smile on my worried face this morning to see you had responded.

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Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Tue, 08-09-2011 - 3:28pm

Hi Tziporah,

I just had to stop in to tell you about what happened today.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Wed, 08-10-2011 - 2:24am
Hi Karen, Thanks for your encouraging words. I keep hearing a lot of stories about tendons, knees, etc.--not all of them promising. I just hope Shabtai can walk again independently. I just can't imagine him being this dependent for the rest of his life. He is sometimes angry, depressed, despairing, frustrated, etc., says it's like being in prison. I am glad he's voicing his feelings and I allow him to do that. Still depressed about everything I wrote in my last post. Not very optimistic about anything. I can't imagine the feeling of an unattached kneecap. it must be weird. As for the ear-ringing, you have my sympathy. I laughed at what you wrote about my parents--coming on a surprise visit. They're not the type--they are the type of people who like to plan things--especially when it comes to things like coming to see me. I wouldn't come on a three-thousand mile visit without announcing it first either. They sent me an email about their upcoming visit--slated for the end of Oct. they want to come for 2 weeks. I sent a suble hint--maybe 1-1/2 weeks. I am nervous that the elevator won't be totally fiinshed--continuing delays, some of which are unavoidable. My parents think it's finished. What I mean by "finished" is this: all the little details, putting in a timer so it can work at set times, painting the exterior, repairing the fllor of the elevator. things like that. You know what I thought of when I read that story about the puddles? that you thought of me with regards to my blindness--groping around on all fours in the dark hallway. Not the association you had--"messy house". funny how we each had different associations with the same incident. My fingers still a bloody mess. Chewing on a piece of skin as I write this. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Wed, 08-10-2011 - 5:02pm

Hi Tziporah,

I want you to leave your fingers alone.

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Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Mon, 09-12-2011 - 7:50pm

Hi Tziporah!

I just wanted to let you know that my hubby found a job and we are moving to Dallas this weekend.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Sun, 09-25-2011 - 10:13pm
Hi Karen, Your last email still seems so appropriate--right on the mark--even though it was written almost two months ago. things have settled into a rhythm. the first few weeks were really the hardest, when Shabtai was confined to bed and could do very little for himself. I was exhausted. the only thing that saved me was doing yoga. I actually felt my body getting stronger from doing it and I found it helped me to be able to get into all these weird positions I had to get into in order to help him--down on all fours, sprawled out, getting up from narrow spaces. I wasn't expecting that and it was a surprise fringe benefit. I continue to feel how it's strengthing me and I like that a lot. now that he's more mobile it's much easier. I don't have to be on 24-hour call to fetch him everything. it wasn't his fault. if the telephone was too far away, he couldn't turn himself to reach it. if he needed something from another room, he couldn't walk to get it himself. that's what it was like in the early days. he's started home physiotherapy. we were really lucky--the sick fund we belong to sent us a great physio. very upbeat, responsive to our questions and needs, and knows her stuff. turns out a friend of mine also has her for her own husband and she also agrees with me that she's tops. since she's been working with him, he's improved quickly. he is no longer confined to bed. at first he couldn't get any shoes on and had to wear sandals. now he can get a pair of shoes on. he does all these lifting and standing exercises. at first they were very hard and hurt. now he sees he can lift his foot higher and that encourages him. he also has to walk and that's getting easier. as he gets stronger he walks more. pretty soon he'll be starting at a local gym with a physio there. too bad we're going to lose this physio, but she says he needs the gym to use their machines. i have to confess, i never would have believed Shabtai would do anything in the way of exercise, but he's very committed to do this thing. he really wants to get better and get back to his old routine. he's started to go out every day, which is good. still, he's home most of the time and still tires easily. well, after six weeks of lying around, that's understandable. as for me, I have to be around, because he still needs help sometimes getting things. also, I have to assist with some of the exercises. it took me awhile to get to the point where I could be patient. now I'm at the point where most of the time I enjoy being with him, although sometimes it still annoys me that I have to drop whatever I am doing when he's in need of something. nail-biting--I mean finger-biting--up and down cycle, sometimes more, sometimes less. feel a lot of shame and disgusted with myself for doing it, but still sometimes find it cathartic. this morning I'm in one of those moods where I wish they would just magically heal themselves and all the rough places would be made smooth. I've started to get nervous about my parents' visit again--due date for their arrival: Oct. 31. mostly nervous about my figure. I started to add some aerobics to my exercise routine. in the morning when I get up, I first do my daily Scripture reading. then I sometimes learn something. after that, I do my yoga and then say morning prayers. I downloaded some yoga videos and recorded them on audio tape and take a daily yoga class. occasionally, i follow a routine I got from a yoga book. but I like the tapes better. then, I use the exercise bike or treadmill later in the day, usually before lunch time. I have found that i'm stronger because of the yoga and doing the aerobics is easier. I hope I can keep up this routine for the long term. of course, one of the reasons I'm doing it is in the hope that I'll be able to lose some weight by the time my parents come. I keep trying to tell myself that I'm doing all this for me, and not for them, as my psychotherapist says, but I can't fool myself. lol. it's also for them. and yet I keep having this feeling that no matter what I do, how hard I try, they'll still say some remark about my weight and/or stomach and that gets me anxious and depressed and starts the self-hate and nail-biting. that's really where I'm holding right now. there is more I could write, but this is a long enough message as it is. the elevator is working. they just have to finish up some details--like putting in all the braille symbols to correspond to the print ones, fix up some things to meet fire department regulations, put in the intercom, etc. but at least it's working. still, i hate chasing them after all these little details. if they were just more organized and coordinated, this whole thing could be wrapped up. did I mention my parents now skype me for their weekly call ? well, they like looking at my face. lol. I'm starting to get depressed about it. every conversation is a repeat performance: how's Shabtai? how are you? how is his family? ARE YOU DOING YOUR EXERCISES? at least now I don't have to lie about my answer. still, it's annoying. I keep reminding myself they keep repating the same questions because we have nothing really substantial to talk about. and that gets me thinking--what in G-d's name will we talk about when they're here for two weeks? actually,k there are some things that are very much up-in-the-air. Shabtai's father is deterriorating and has been in ICU on a respirator for the past week. situation critical. could be any time now. his mother isn't in such great shape either with her stroke. who knows what will be happening when they come? I'll probably be busy with Shabtai at the gym. well, I did write more! lol. couldn't help it. I hope things are okay with you. I've thought of writing over the last few days. Take care and write back when you can. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Tue, 09-27-2011 - 2:49pm

Hi Tziporah!

I'm glad you had time to write a nice long note to me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Thu, 11-03-2011 - 3:10am
Hi Karen, Long time--no write. Like: long time--no see. First, tere were all the fall Jewish holidays--a slew of them that come one on top of the other. Very intnse time spiritually, but also very enjoyable. We usually go away for part of it, but because of Shatai's injury, we stayed home. I did tons of cooking and tried new recipes and succeeded at them and that was encouraging--to know I could succeed at something new. Right after the end of the holidays, Shabtai's father passed away. He had been in the hospital in serious condition for several months, so it was no surprise. In fact, in some way it was a relief--the way he was living couldn't be called "living" in any sense of the word: unconscious, on a respirator, in ICU, most body systems failing, etc. etc. In Judaism, the funeral takes place as soon as possible after death and following that is a seven-day period when the family sits in mourning and people can come to pay their condolences. So, most of that week I was busy with that. Plus, if you could believe it, that's when my maid gave birth--actually she gave birth a bit before that, but it was then that we found a replacement maid. It was during that week that the replacement maid took sick herself and I was stranded. Fortunately I finally got a replacement. On top of all that, I was starting to get nervous because my parents were coming right after the seven-day mourning ended and I wanted the house to look decent. Then, if that wasn't enough, there was a clog in the washing machine. Somehow or other, a wad of toilet paper got caught in it and although the washer washed the clothes, the water was foul. The stinky odor pervaded the entire apartment and nobody could figure out what was causing it for a day or two. All the clothes also abosrbed the foul odor, which meant I had to rewash everything over and over again until the residue odor disappeared. I finally just broke down and cried. Poor Shabtai--he was going through his own grief over his father and now had to deal with me as well! If it hadn't been for him I don't know how I would have made it through. Well, b the time my parents came, the house was decent-looking enough and inroads into the massive pile of laundry were being made. I explained everything to them--the craziness with the maid, the washing machine debacle, and of course they were aware of Shabtai's father's passing. Still, that didn't--or I should say, hasn't prevented them from continuing to make critical comments. Comments about all the things that need to be taken care of in the house, my weight, my dress, etc. Plus, their own mental states ren't so terrific either. My mom has a lot of memory loss. My father is tired and sometimes short-tempered--I think my mom is getting on his nerves--I can't blame him. He also admits to being less efficient than before. All they seem to want to do is sleep. I know part of it is jet lag, but not all of it. It's probably boredom plus depresssion--butr I don't think my dad knows he might be dpressed. It's a no-win situation. You know the story--gradual mental decline. ]Well, I discussed all of this with my therapist nbefore they came. "how can you respond better this time?" Basically, I'm just not letting it bother me too much. When it started--the comments about the state of the house, I felt a surge of anger inside, but I reminded myself: "that's the way they are." Still, it's very hard to be with them for hours on end, especially when there is so little to talk about. And when there is something to talk about, my mother forgets it and you have to repeat everything over. The first week of their visit is almost over, and there's another whole week to go. Very depressing and mentally exhausting. I'm also starting to think abou what I want to do once they leave. Shabtai has already resumed his regular routine--more or less-and I have a lot of free time again. I never thought I'd be one of those bored housewives and I feel like that's what I'm becoming. As far as my weight--well, I tell myself I'm doing yoga almost every day. My tummy is still flabby, but I do feel stronger generally. One thing we talked about in therapy was not trying to change myself to please them--ormising myself that "next year I'll finally be the way they want me to be." Instead--trying to do things that are right for me, not right for them. My father called up awhile ago. I'm supposed to meet them at their hotel today. The thought of it. What am I going to do there the whole day? The guilt--I should be happy to see them, right? And after all they've done for me--and they have helped me out tremendously and I appreciate that, am grateful for it. But there's the shame of needing their help also. So many emotions. All mixed up. For awhile, I took the meds on and off, taking them one day, then skipping them a day or two. Now I have started taking them regularly again. The only things that are really going well are my learning routine and exercise. and I feel I'm getting a lot of strength from both of those things. Karen, I didn't mean for this to be so long! I guess it had to come out. How is it going in Dallas? I hope the pilot project your husband is on is successful and you can stay in one place for awhile. What did you mean by your comment: "You have a lot to lose. I didn't."--when you talked about being open with my parents. So sorry to hear about your mil and dialysis. I know about dialysis--Shabtai went through it. No picnic, believe me. Write back when you can. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Sun, 11-13-2011 - 9:54pm

Hello my old friend!

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