Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
1100
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:32am

Hi Tziporah,


I am so sorry that this is such a belated welcome to you. I've been absent from the board for nearly a month - so many things have been happening in my life that it was difficult to also come here. The good news is that life has somewhat calmed down (but I'm still crossing my fingers and my toes), which means that I'm back on iVillage.


I am so very happy to see you here, participating and sharing in our conversations! I hope that we'll get to know each other better in the coming weeks.


Welcome again!


(PS: I love the sound of your name!)


Please visit these other great message boards:
Cranio-Facial Abnormalities
In Vitro (IVF)



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Wed, 01-04-2012 - 11:50pm
Hi Karen, It's okay to babble about yourself. I babble about myself quite a lot. lol. I also enjoy it when Shabtai's home. When he's home, I'm usually up and active. A lot of times when he would be out till late in the evening, I'd just sleep the whole time in bed or just lie in bed listening to the newscasts over and over again on the radio and then get up five minutes before he'd walk in, so that he wouldn't see me lying in bed. Now, because of the fact that he can't walk up and down steps yet, and the places he used to go to in the evenings for study groups all have steps with no elevators, he's had to join new study groups and leave off going to the ones he used to attend. this means he gets home a lot earlier--8 p.m. instead of 10p.m. so I'm up most of the evening doing things and I enjoy it a lot more. eventually, he wants to resume his former schedule when he will be able to go up and down steps again. hopefully, by then, I will have this new habit ingrained in me and won't go back to the former. I'm sure part of the reason I would just lie in bed is because I was lonely. it's very hard being in a quiet empty apartment at night and I guess the radio provided a human voice to listen to. I don't have trouble if he's in another room. just knowing he's here is comfort and i sometimes like the fact that we're doing different things in the apartment. after all, it would be hard being glued to each other 24/7. even in the apartment, we each need our own space. then again, sometimes it's nice being together. last night, we listened to a lecture on a cd-rom disk together and it was very enjoyable. we stopped it occasionally to discuss certain points. as for getting the tasks done, well, i know you hate laundry. time yourself by the clock. i used to do this with someone who hates laundry. you estimate how long it's going to take. then you look at the clock before you start and when you finish. you can then see if you estimated right, or whether you beat the clock. sometimes doing something else while you're doing the laundry, like talking to a friend on the phone, or putting on a tape of music can speed the process. "whistle while you work". remember that from Walt Dizney? as for moving, my move to a foreign country wasn't something I decided beforehand. originally, I came here, planning to stay only a year while I studied in a university program. in the middle of the year, i dropped out and entered seminary. after that, i just knew I wanted to stay in Israel and that was that. i was absorbed in seminary life so I didn't have the normal moving adjustment problems. that came later, after my marriage, when I moved from a city, (in this case, Jerusalem), to a small town, where we're still living. back then, in 1978, it was very quiet here--busses would stop at 6 p.m. in the evening, and if you wanted to go somewhere, you had to walk a few blocks to a main junction where several major bus lines converged. since then, the area has been built up considerably, so now we're on a major strip of highway and there are busses all the time coming into the neighborhood. also, after I married I didn't know Hebrew fluently. now I do and that has made a great difference. the hardest part for me was getting to know people here, because I didn't have children. with children, you naturally get to meet the other mothers in kindergarten or at the doctor's. i didn't have those leads. eventually, i made friends with people, but it took a couple of years. as for family, well--one of the reasons I moved overseas was because i needed to be far away from my controlling parents. i think at the time it was unconscious, but now i realize it was necessary and probably an underlying motivating force. plus, i didn't have no family in the vicinity. my husband's family--his parents and sisters--and extended family were always nearby and i became a part of them. so, for various reasons, i think you will see that my situation is quite different from yours. i don't think the blindness made it any harder. that's just part of who i am. of course, i needed some help learning how to get around, but after that, i managed okay. i don't know a great deal about m.s. what do the treatments involve? i also didn't know there's a danger of getting lost. perhaps you should have a nametag or necklace or wristband made that your husband can wear which identifies his name, address and his medical problem, so if that ever happens, he can be assisted. i think these kinds of things are available in medical supply stores or can be found through the hospital he's with. i sure hope your insurance picks up the bill. i don't see why they can't or won't. sounds like you're managing the anxiety okay. i can't imagine enduring a migraine for six days. i'd go out of my mind. i'd go crazy from the agony. i know that migraines can be aggravated by eating certain foods and helped by avoiding them. of course, with your special eating needs, i don't know how that would work. i've also read that when a migraine strikes. running one's hands under warm water supposedly opens up the blood vessels in the head and reduces the pain. i've also heard that biofeedback can help. hope you get through the list of dreaded phone calls. we're both procrastinators! lol. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Thu, 01-05-2012 - 10:42am

Hi Tziporah!

I am guilty on procrastinating on those gosh darn phone calls.

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Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Thu, 01-05-2012 - 5:07pm

Hi Tziporah,

I'm back.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Mon, 01-09-2012 - 3:11pm
Hi Karen, I hope I am writing this in the right place. My internet is all screwed up. Thanks for the thought on procrastination and putting off those dreaded phone calls. I have had some of those myself of late. Made one tonight which I was really dreading. Didn't go as bad as I thought. Still have two to do. Will do them when I finish this! My husband just got a nasty foot infection--the latest in recurring episodes that happen periodically every two months or so. More like six weeks. As a transplant recipient, his immune system is shot. What helped him has been taking shark cartilate. It sounds gross, (it's made from the cartilage of sharks), but when he was having Karposi's Sacoma, a kind of skin cancer, it stoppped the growth of the tumors and made the exisitng ones disappear gradually. We went to9 a doctor who had knowledge in both conventional and alternative medicines. I'm not saying this is what your husband will need--just commiserating with you about the immune system and M.S. As far as the possibility of blindness, here's my suggestion. The organization I would contact is: The National Federation of the Blind, headquartered in Baltimore. They have chapters in all fifty states and I know for sure they have one in Dallas. They have held their national conventions there so I am assuming they have a chapter there. Here's a story I was involved in with them. When Shabtai had his second transplant, 1988, cyclosporine, the mian anti-rejection drug, was only available in liquid form. They have a diabetic division, because diabetes is also a leading cause of blindness. Anyway, they had developped a special syringe so that a blind person could draw out the amount by themselves. I called them up and finally got in touch with a diabetic who was blind and who had also undergone a kidney transplant. He sent me this little gadget and also a lot of pamphlets on diabetes and blindness. Well, my husband learned to use this syringe by himself and used it until this med was finally released in capsule form. In the bed next to his, was a guy who was diabetic and who's kidneys were failing and who was also losing his sight. I gave one of these pamphlets to his wife and she read it with interest. I also shared this material with the medical personnel at the hsopital and also at his former dialysis unit. the social worker at his dialysis unit said she had never heard of them before and found it helpful. So, even if you weren't to become a member, they'll still help you out. If I was in the U.S., I'd probably become a member, because they are very active in many issues facing the blindness community. You can find them on the wweb by typing in Nationalfederationoftheblind.org. I wouldn't wait until he's totally lost his sight. It's much easie to learn alternative techniques while some vision is still intact. They also have their own training centers, a monthly magazine, and pamphlets in which people talk about their experiences with blindness. They really have a great positive, no-nonsense, encouraging and supportive attitude. Cuticles are slowly healing, but I'm feeling depressed generally. Feeling squeezed financially, angry that I'm/we're in this financial mess, angry at the continuing never-ending list of things that cost money and must be fixed, ashamed that my parents are helping me out, (although grateful, of course), pessimistic about the future, (while Shabtai is hopefully optimistic), knowing I have to make changes and finding it very hard to do. I cancelled the Sabbath guests we were supposed to have this week--just can't afford it. I read what you're going through--sounds a whole lot harder than what I'm dealing with. Karen, youkeep inspiring me. If you can do it, so can I. Do you know how long I've put off making those phone calls? lol. Well, I'm going to be a good girl and finish them off now, thanks to you. Did ytou get through your calls? Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Mon, 01-09-2012 - 3:55pm
Hi Amy, I agree. Much easier just doing it. Putting off the work just makes it worse. Also, once you get started, it isn't as bad as feared--usually that's the case. Still, it can take me days/weeks/months/years to do the thing I should have done yesterday, the day before, last week, last month, last year... My therapist says I'm not a total procrastinator. Rather, a selective one--my words, selective one, not his. In some areas, where I'm really motivated and committed, I will do the thing right away. It's with those things that I don't like doing, because they're boring, or not important, or because doig then would bring up a lot of underlying conflicts, those are the places I pocrastinate in. I think that's true for most people. Well, after I wrote my last post to Karen about 30 minutes ago, I made the two remaining phone calls. Yay. In both cases the people I needed to talk to weren't available, but I did leave messages. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Mon, 01-09-2012 - 5:59pm

Hi Tziporah,

Thank you for that vote of confidence.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Thu, 01-12-2012 - 3:19pm
Hi Karen, I'lll tell you exactly what I thought as I was reading your message--my reactions to the various parts of it. Fear of the dark: either could be because of the possibility of M.S. leading to blindness. many people equate blindness with total darkness. having never known anything else, i can't tell you if they are identical, but i have heard from people who have lost their sight that it isn't exactly the same thing, and people who lose their sight, especially as adults, retain memories of color, objects, and other things. as a blind person from birth, i have no idea what color looks like, just as a deaf person from birth has no idea of what sound sounds like. the other thought i had was that darkness could be equated with the unknown, a state in which you are entering at present--there are so many unknowns: what effects will the M.S. have on your husband? you know what COULD happen, (from the list of possible side effects you told me about), but that's not the same as: what WILL happen. from how I understand it, it doesn't seem like everyone with M.S. gets all the symptoms---some get this, and some get that, and some get both. do I have that right? plus, the financial unknown and how your future and that of your dh will be. I also was surprised that your t. went in the direction of separation anxiety, because from what you've writen here, it sounds like you have done okay. plus, there was the initial reaction of anticipation of looking forward to getting away from the family for awhile. so I was surprised that separation anxiety thing was suggested. maybe your t. doesn't know that much about M.S. and all the things that can accompany it. those were my immediate reactions when I read that part of your message. As for suffocation, and your fear of that--well, I just said to myself: "wow! I can't believe it! you got that, too?" because I definitely have it. when we were kids and my sisters would get on top of me, things all kids do, I'd panic. also, whenever I had a general anesthesia, as soon as they tried putting on the oxygen mask over my face I'd freak out. in the end, the surgeons were usually very willing to leave that part until after I was out of consciousness. surprisingly, when I would wake up with themask on my face afterwards, I didn't have the same anxiety--probably too sedated. I also think this is part of the fear I have about being buried in a grave--that I'll be covered up and won't be able to get out. sounds crazy, but there have been instances of people who have been buried alive. i know it sounds morbid, but I'm really afraid of that. on the other hand, putting on pullover shirts and sweaters has never been a problem and i have never associated it with sufocation. financial squeeze--tell me about it. now we may have to buy an orthopedic device that will enable Shabtai to go up and down steps--something he can't do as yet. the first question every vendor and doctor who has discussed this with us is: "can you afford it?" very, very expensive! i'm talking about in the thousands. as far as your crying a lot, i think that's so normal, and don't put yourself down for doing it. i think it would be abnormal if you weren't doing that. this is a major change. the good thing about therapy is that gives you a safe place where you can do that freely without being criticized or mocked or judged for doing it. there are things i tell my t., especially my anger with family members, that i can't say elsewhere. that's the "safe environment" part of therapy. i rarely cry in front of Shabtai--i really have to be very stressed out or emotionally quite intense before i can do that. one day, just after his father died, i was under a lot of stress. my regular maid was on maternity leave, the replacement maid suddenly got sick, the house was in disarray, and my parents were coming in a few days and they are very critical about the house never being neat or clean enough. Shabtai was with his family, receiving visits who were paying condolence calls, and I felt like i was about to lose it. i started to cry a bit, but not that much. Shabtai sensed it, because as soon as I had gone home, (his sister's house and our house are across the street from each other), and I had just walked in, the phone rang. he was on the line and I just broke down and cried. boyy, did I cry! but it felt so good afterwards! but i couldn't do it in front of him. on the other hand, I've cried tons throughout therapy with all my therapists. lol. so, don't judge yourself for doing it. in the long run, you'll be better off for having allowed yourself to cry. i also like having my husband at home. this week he's been home a lot because of his foot infection. enjoy sleeping late after he comes back from synagogue. like till 10-11 a.m, something i don't do too often on my own, although sometimes i do. still picking at my cuticles. a bloody mess. my t. says it's because i'm dealing with a lot of things, although he also says i'm functioning better. how that can be happening both at the same time i'm not sure, but he says it's possible. didn't get that part about your having made a mistake when talking with your mom--that your husband got lost. is it that she doesn't know about the M.S., or that you don't want her to know how it's affecting him? Signing out for now. hope you have a good week end. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Fri, 01-13-2012 - 12:25pm

Hi Tziporah,

Wow, that's a lot of to think about.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Wed, 01-18-2012 - 2:14pm
Hi Karen, Tried writing earlier this week and somehow couldn't get the internet to cooperate. better now. Amazing how we're alike. my mom also tends to overreact and I also am now very careful what I disclose. saves me from a lot of hassles. of course, now that she's losing her memory--very unfortunate--it's not too much of a hassle anymore. but it used to be. my nails aren't so great. but i bandaged them up yesterday and today and that helped. gave them a chance to heal a bit. still got a way to go. getting nervous/anxious about an upcoming visit in early March from my sister. she's going to be here for a week and we're both excited. we haven't seen each other since my last visit to the U.S. in 2000. the nervous part--she's going to be staying here and we have very different lifestyles. her flight is due to land very early in the morning and she emailed me today asking about taxis. a legitimate question, to be sure, but the visit is still some time away. after all, it's only mid-Jan. I said in my email reply that we an arrange it the week before. maybe she's hyper like me--who knows? lol. well, my other sister told me that the sister who's visiting and her husband went on a no-carb diet and each lost lb.25. more power to them. but it makes me feel nervous, because although my husband and i are trying to lose weight, we are definitely not the no-carb type. i eat normally, just try to cut down on the bad stuff. people have said we are both looking a little thinner, which is okay, but next to my sisters--the other one also went on this no-flour diet--well, they're in a different class, if you know what i mean. at first i told my t. i wasn't going to worry about it--not get anxious over it--and that worked for a few days. but now i'm getting more nervous about it. also, the boredom issue is coming back. some days very busy, other days not so busy at all, just wasting time. today, i got up early, but basically slept from 8am--1pm. no good reason really for doing that. attributed it to boredom/depression. i know i should be doing something, but what? hope i can get my cuticles in shape before my sister's visit. i'd like to. i also wish someone would hire me, but i feel like i have no skills. jobs are just plain hard to get. a little breathing space in the financial squeeze. my husband was able to open up some of the savings to pay off an overdraft. we're also going to try to arrange things to get some of our long-term loans readjusted. we have an appointment about that at the bank next week. maybe i told you about the scanner that is attached to the computer that went haywire because of an unnecessary mistake i made. we were going to get a new one, (another outlay we didn't need). fortunately, after several attempts, our regular computer technician was able to get the malfunctioning scanner to operate again, so we cancelled the order we had made for a new scanner. because these devices are adjusted especially to be used with programs that are compatible to speech and braille output, they have to be ordered in advance through a supplier who knows how to configure the software. which reminds me--your husband can keep using his computer even if his sight is limited. there are very good programs that enlarge the print. also, a very nice alternative is speech output, which reads the screen for you. hope things are okay with you. write when you can. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Wed, 01-18-2012 - 6:37pm

Hi Tziporah,

I am only just back online myself.

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