Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
1100
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:32am

Hi Tziporah,


I am so sorry that this is such a belated welcome to you. I've been absent from the board for nearly a month - so many things have been happening in my life that it was difficult to also come here. The good news is that life has somewhat calmed down (but I'm still crossing my fingers and my toes), which means that I'm back on iVillage.


I am so very happy to see you here, participating and sharing in our conversations! I hope that we'll get to know each other better in the coming weeks.


Welcome again!


(PS: I love the sound of your name!)


Please visit these other great message boards:
Cranio-Facial Abnormalities
In Vitro (IVF)



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Thu, 01-19-2012 - 3:05pm
Hi Karen, Glad you're back online and was able to write back. Really needed to hear from you. you're right, of course, about my sister being the visitor. she did respond to my email and said i was right about arranging how to get from the airport to my place a week before her arrival--that it wasn't necessary to do that now. i guess it was just her nervousness. maybe she's also nervous about the visit going well. we get along, but being sisters---well, if you have a sister, you'll know what i mean, and if you don't, brothers can be the same way. lol. actually, i was feeling good most of yesterday afternoon, evening, and this morning and afternoon. got a lot of things accomplished with Shabtai and I also was involved in an important matter that is affecting our neighborhood--so i felt productive, worthwhile. then we had a very nice "lucky break" at a store where Shabtai is getting orthopedic devices for his foot. the people there couldn't decide exactly what is suited for his particular problem, so they called up his doctor and they arranged to meet with his doctor, us, and them at the doctor's clinic next week and the doctor was willing to reschedule his appointment--bring it forward. then, Shabtai wanted to buy winter slippers for home. they showed him a pair which was reasonably priced--but a bit expensive for our budget--but i was willing to let him buy them because he really needs them. lest this previous sentence sounds like i control the money decisions in our house, it's not like that at all. we discuss it together. if i really thought it was unreasonable, he would have deferred, or convinced me of the wisdom of buying the item. well, just then--surprise--in walks somebody who immediately recognized Shabtai. this was a guy who had studied at a boy's seminary near our house about twenty years ago and who used to come over Friday nights with his friends to relax. well, he ended up giving Shabtai a very nice discount: "for all the pistachio nuts we ate." so, I was feeling pretty good after that. in the meantime, my back started to hurt. again. i was tempted to delay it, put it off--going to see my physiotherapist, but i remembered his warning that it's better to treat it right away and not to wait. at some point the pain got bad enough and i called him up. when i walked in, after asking how things were in general, he said, "i'm angry with you. you're getting heavier." i told him all my friends say i'm looking thinner. in the wasteline and hips that is probably true, but in my tummy and rear probably not true. still, that was enough to plunge me into a down mood again. after the therapy, there was a memorial service in the neighborhood for someone who had passed away last week. he was in his fifties, a very well-known personality locally, and left a widow with teenage children. because he was so well-known, they had set up tents to accomodate all the people who were expected, and despite the nasty weather, a lot of people did show up. i had come back in a taxi with someone who lives here and he started to discourage me from going--a ton of people, etc. my back was hurting, and although i wanted to really go and hear the rabbi who was going to deliver the main sermon, instead i opted to go home. i did feel regretful, did condemn myself for not going, especially when i was already dressed and didn't have to dress up especially. i still could have changedmy mind and gone back down, but didn't. i did get into bed and promptly fell asleep--i was genuinely tired. but still, i had this regret. like i should have gone. why did i let this guy talk talk me out of it? it's several hours later now. cuticles stil in various stages. still biting my cuticles and chewing on the skin. mostly depressed about my physio's comments on my weight. feeling like i'll never succeed with it. the only source of accomplishment i feel right now is the knowledge that i think some action has been taken regarding the community project i mentioned before. at least, that's what i've heard from someone who seems to know, although i haven't heard anything not from thepeople i communicated with directly. but then, i realize that it will take time for those i talked to do deal with the matter at hand. now, if i had a therapy session with my t.,he'd be telling me to focus on that and not on the depressing stuff. i'll try. Karen, take it slow with the website i mentioned. they're great, and they can really give you great advice ifyou decide to contact them. they have a "technology center" at their headquarters and are very up-to-date on what's available, plus prices. i know about costs--anyone who has a medical problem has expenses. i hope you'll be able to work something out. or maybe there are charity groups, church groupss, etc., who can be of help. for example, Shabtai's walker, wheelchair, raised toilet seat, and the brace he had to wear the first few months, all came from a charity that specializes in medical-related issues. we had to put down a minimum deposit, but really it was nothing more than an open check. so i would start asking around about these kinds of places--because public assistance can take a very long time, as you said. in case you don't know of any, i'd just ask at the hospital, a church, or community center. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Thu, 01-19-2012 - 5:13pm

Thanks Tziporah,

We are looking at some help from various gvt. type programs.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Thu, 01-26-2012 - 12:09am
Hi Karen, meant to write all week. things just kept coming up. back hurting right now. my physio was away all week on vacation but he's back this morning. going soon for an early morning session. resting a lot. but i didn't take aspirin more than a few times. most of the week the back was hurting so much. put lots of heat on it as he recommended. i think the lifting i was doing to help Shabtai with his exercises might have hurt my back. his foot is heavy. he has to lie on the bed and i would stand at the foot of the bed and lift his leg while applying pressure to his knee. another exercise involves having to lift his foot, bend it inward and then straighten it out. now he's gotten a device to help him walk up and down stairs, very similar to the brace he had when he first got out of the hospital, but different from the brace, because it has clips and locks which allow the knee to be put in either a bent or straight position. basically, this means that when he walks his knee is locked into a straight position so he won't be in danger of having his foot collapse or buckle under him. when he sits, he can unlock the clips so his foot can bend. the only thing is, he needs help putting this thing under his leg, which means i'll still have to lift his foot sometimes. he has lymphadima in his foot--some permanent swelling, and that's why his foot is probably heavier than normal. oh, well, guess i'll just have to endure it. i'll talk to my physio about it. anyway, we got this device yesterday. as you might recall, we were very anxious it would be quite expensive. we had gone to an orthopedic shop last Thursday and there had been some question as to which device would be the most appropriate, so they called his doctor and arranged for a consultation yesterday. his doctor, another doctor who is the head of the department, and three guys from this orthopedic store, Shabtai and I were all together in this little office trying to figure out which device was the best for him. we had agreed in advance that money wouldn't be a factor. regardless of the cost, whatever was chosen, we'd pay. fortunately, thank G-d, the final choice was very inexpensive, and the medical insurance plan pays for most of it. what a relief! hearing about final diagnoses: i can totally relate. the head of the hospital department was very frank with us. he said Shabtai might never be able to go up or down steps in the normal way. that really floored us. (no pun intended). the thought of never being able to up and down steps, not being able to go everywhere as before, always having to be dependent on others in a wheelchair or with a walker to get around... we made it clear that we were looking for something that would give him the possibility/potential to go up and down steps. the device he now has gives him that chance. it's hard to describe how i felt when that doctor told us the prognosis. plus, his attending doc said he wasn't sure how much more physical therapy would be able to help him--meaning, it had probably done al it could. his physio is an optomistic type. but still, hearing that news was very discouraging and disappointing--despairing. still, i felt relieved that there was something that could help. a miracle really. i thought of all these inventors who come up with these things. i blessed them. as for me, fingers are really quite a mess. sleeping better, but most nights wake up at some time and then i start playing with my fingers and picking at them. Karen, I was so embarrassed yesterday when the orthopedic store people were showing me how to put this machine on his feet--they all saw my messed-up bloody hands. of course, nobody said anything, but it was very humiliating to me. i felt so ashamed. but i also know that the anxiety brings it on. even going to the hospital, afraid we'd be late, was enough to put me in an anxious state and i picked at my fingers. Shabtai was also shown how to put on and remove this brace contraption, so it's not like he can't do it if i'm not around. it's just much easier having some assistance. just stopped writing and picked off a piece of skin and started chewing it. i don't even know why i did that. my t. said it's a "habit", but it's more than that. it somehow relieves the pressure--like smoking a cigarette, you could say. still very anxious about my sister's visit: mostly, that she'll criticize the way I run my house, say something about it to my parents, or that she'll be bored. we haven't seen each other in many years and we live very different lifestyles. tried telling myself that i have these same fears/anxieties when my parents come and the visits always turn out better than i anticipate. also sort of regretful that she's coming during a holiday, because i might not be able to do the religious things i usually do. but then, i have to remind myself that originally i thought coming during the holiday would be a good thing because the family will all be together. last night taught a class on how to get over fears of other people. then i thought to myself that i can use these techniques in this case with my sister. that actually made me feel better. got to go now. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Thu, 01-26-2012 - 2:34pm

Hi Tziporah,

While reading your post to me I was struck by what you said, "i thought of all these inventors who come up with these things. i blessed them."

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Tue, 01-31-2012 - 3:47pm
Hi Karen, Sorry for taking a few days to answer. I know when I write, I really look forward to your answering quickly and I appreciate it when you do. I should do likewise, but I don't always. Anyway, I can totally relate to where you are coming from. do you know how much time I have spent and still spend just lying around? probably years of my life--if I were to calculate and add up all the hours, days and months. I've learned to attribute it to my depression. having your husband home--it's very nice, especially when there aren't kids, so it's him or being home alone. my husband also gets tired a lot, and although i may not be tired myself, he enjoys having me come into bed with him. i also enjoy it, although sometimes i might be busy on the computer or something. but there is a downside to it. if he sleeps or takes a nap during the day and i join him, i end up staying awake at night all night long. especially now, since he is on antibiotics yet again for another foot problem, he tires quickly and falls right to sleep, and i'm left there just wide awake. of course, if i try to get up, he wakes up immediately and begs me not to get up, and i usually acquiesce. then in the early morning i finally doze off. the last few days have been like that. today, i worked really hard and was up all day, and took a brief nap in thelate afternoon. so i am tired. except that i have some pain where i had surgery about two years ago, so i'll probably take a painkiller. if i do, it should help put me to sleep. at least my back is better and i should be having my last physiotherapy this Thursday. it's a very different routine when your husband is home a lot, and also different when you're the caregiver/nurse/wife and he's sick a lot of the time. and when the two are together... i have been in that role off and on throughout my marriage, so i have learned to adjust to it. but it takes wisdom and love and tons of patience also the need to keep some space for yourself. believe me, there are many things i wouldn't dream of telling my husband, not because we don't have a great marriage, but because i don't want to hurt him--so when i feel frustrated, angry, depressed, anxious, etc., i have found sharing those feelings with a therapist much better. believe me, all the reactions are normal. as for myself, still very undecided about whether or not to end therapy, and the person who usually advises me on these matters isn't well right now. i have been putting off sending money for my next batch of sessions. seem to always "forget" to do it. a sign of my ambivalence, i guess. i know there are still issues i could work on if i want to, but i also have a sense i'm not that interested in changing my routine. sort of comfortable being slightly lazy. but also smart enough to know it's not the ideal. people have all these great ideas about what i could be doing, and although some of them sound promising, i'm not very energetic or enthusiastic about actually trying out any of them. fingers still a mess, especially several fingers on my left hand. very dry, rough, hanging skin and it's taking forever for them to heal. at night, when i lie awake, just play with them, trying to make them better by chewing off the hanging parts, but just making them worse. glad to hear you're getting that year's worth of free meds. definitely worth having. those med costs add up. lying around in bed? well, at least you can blame it on your "monthly visitor". i'm past that stage, so i can't even use that anymore as an excuse. lol. take care. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Thu, 02-02-2012 - 12:31pm

Hi Tziporah,

Well, I finally got myself up and out of bed just get a migraine.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Sun, 02-05-2012 - 11:54am
Hi Karen, a technical question. what is the difference between "reply" and "quick reply" on the msb? well, you have my sympathies--period-wise. if you're not going to have any more kids--have you considered ending it permanently? even thoughi never had kids myself, i did stick it out. the thought ofdoing otherwise was something i wouldn't consider, but thinking about it now, i wonder why i didn't do it? guess because it felt unnatural somehow and the thought of going through an unnecessary operation. anyway, as long as you have it, use it as a good excuse to be nasty, nervous, depressed, lazy, etc. lol. it's not easy having your husband around ALL the time, and I think that's where a lot of the tension comes from. having him around a lot, or at various times during the day, is very different than having him around ALL the time. believe me--I know. I've been through it. i think his impatience, in your case, is his own frustration at what's happening to him and his inability to do anything about it or control it. i also had an epidural when i had my surgery that i referred to in my last post. maybe that is causing me back pain. something i hadn't thought of before. but the thing i was referring to wasn't that. i had a fistula--which is an abnormal passage between a hollow organ and thebody service--in this case between my the opening of my rear end and my lower back. sometimes when i need to relieve myself it is painful. that's what i was referring to. well, if it keeps up, i'll probably have to do something about it, but i hope not. i don't have enough money to keep up with therapy, and besides that, i'm not sure how much it's helping. i feel like i already know everything hewould tell me, even if i did have a session. so i was up front about it and told my t. he said it's okay to take a break, that i've come a long way, although i could probably go further, but there is nothing wrong in stopping for awhile and then resuming. maybe he's also sensed for awhile that i've wanted to terminate or stop for awhile. still, i'm feeling very down anddepressed. the same issues and no answers in sight. i know ishould get out more, do more, be more busy, but with what? that's where i draw a blank. if it wasn't for the few commitments i have, like going with Shabtai to his physical therapy, or giving my weekly class on the Sabbath, i probably wouldn't get dressed at all or go out of the house at all. i know that's no good. but i just can't see just getting dressed to go outside and sit on a bench for a half hour. i know it's important to get sun on your face, and there isalways the chance that you'll meet someone, and that the change ofair isgood. i just am feeling very frustrated. about your husband's camping. when he was healthier, who did he go camping with? you? or some of his friends? i know you're in a new town, but maybe there's a camping club or something, or maybe your son likes it, and that way you wouldn't have to be dragged along if you don't want to go. i also like the comfort of asoft snug bed. seem to be spending a lot of time lately. depressed. my cuticles--more or less the same. only bright spot at present--and it is a big bright spot, to be sure--my husband is mastering going up and down steps with this new orthopedic device and he's already done the eight steps from ourapartment down to the landing. he just needs to build up his confidence and get over his fear. i'm sure that will come. every time he's more successful, he's surprised. he's recovered from his last bout of illness, so he's back, up and about. that's good for him, but just makes my situation more blatant. i contrast my activities with his. he's involved in things, i'm not. he has a dialy routine and structure, i don't. he has a lot of contact with people, idon't. i finally told him about my frustration and how i have no idea how to solve the problem.
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Fri, 02-10-2012 - 12:21pm

Hi Tziporah,

I'm sorry I haven't responded sooner.

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Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Wed, 02-15-2012 - 4:10pm

Hi Tziporah,

I'm writing again so soon because I just recieved notice that this board is going to close down in a week.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Sun, 02-19-2012 - 11:58am
Hi Karen, Haven't looked at my emails for awhile, which is why I didn't get this message till now. Glad I'm not too late! Also, it was a bit of a surprise/shock to find out you're moving and that this msb is closing. I've come to depend on it, especially now that I've stopped therapy. Plus, you can't imagine what was going on when I read your email! The tiles in the floor of the room where the new elevator is suddenly burst and we had a minor flod on our hands. Just when I was supposed to accompany Shabtai to his doctor about his orthopedic device--he's not happy with it. As if my head wasn't bursting enough and then to read your message! Well, I've calmed down somewhat. Fortunately, we got hold of a plumber who came asap and fixed the mess, but he discovered a major problem that will have to be dealt with at some future date. The whole drainage pipe system is rusted. It was put in when metal pipes were used and the whole thing's rusted. A major repair job both costwise and logistically. Plus, what to do about Shabtai's medical problems remains an open question and the result was that the doctor will have to review several options. I'd like to keep writing you. It helps me. You give me the support I need. In its hayday, this was a flourishing msb, but it seems like we're the only people writing on it right now, so I can see why it will be closed. Question: you didn't say where my thread would be moved to. which board? question: will I be able to see all my posts, as I can now? question: what will happen to the other threads? That's something I'd like to know, because I found reading other people's threads helpful, and I think you can understand that si is a unique problem. Just day Shabtai touched my fingers and almost started to cry. It really hurts him that I'm still doing this, si, and can't seem to stop it, although I want to. So, in general, I'm open to having my posts elsewhere, but hope I can retain the ability to see all my thread from beginning to end, as I do now. I hope you'll be able to respond before this board shuts down, and I will be vigilant and look for your email between now and Feb. 22, which I assume is the closing date. Hope things are okay with you. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com