Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
1100
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:32am

Hi Tziporah,


I am so sorry that this is such a belated welcome to you. I've been absent from the board for nearly a month - so many things have been happening in my life that it was difficult to also come here. The good news is that life has somewhat calmed down (but I'm still crossing my fingers and my toes), which means that I'm back on iVillage.


I am so very happy to see you here, participating and sharing in our conversations! I hope that we'll get to know each other better in the coming weeks.


Welcome again!


(PS: I love the sound of your name!)


Please visit these other great message boards:
Cranio-Facial Abnormalities
In Vitro (IVF)



Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Mon, 03-26-2012 - 1:17pm

Hi Tziporah,

Yes, the shots are an ongoing thing for life, you know unless they find a cure for MS.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Tue, 03-27-2012 - 3:31pm
Hi Karen, You got my sympathy with those shots every day. The only way to endure it is to remember the alternative. That's what I would tell Shabtai when he was on dialysis. It was either that, or... Anyway, I have to plead ignorance when it comes to MS. I know nothing about it. But you learn when you're faced with it. I didn't know anything about the kidneys either until Shabtai got sick in 1980 with kidney failure. Good thing you have the science background. You can separate the truth from the hype. Short-term memory. I've been noticing that Shabtai is starting to have that. And his memory is very sharp. Like today--he said, "did I recite the Grace After Meals?" and then two minutes later repeated the same question. I think it's stress-related. He also gets very angry or depressed sometimes--very unlike him, because he's very stable emotionally and has a strong faith. Between the death of his father half a year back and this accident, he does have a lot to contend with, so I understand where it's coming from. When he gets into either of those moods, I just try to listen and occasionally say I understand and empathize, bvut don't try reasoning with him, because when a person's in that way it just doesn't work. After awhile, he'll return to his regular self and he'll start to laugh at something or other. Then I know he's come out of the mood. As for me, yesterday I actually woke up feeling quite joyful, but today have been depressed most of the day. Yesterday took care of some red tape stuff. We're going to get most of the money back for the treatments and dressing materials we've purchased, but we won't see it for at least a month. Of course, we have to go through this process every few weeks--applying for reimbursement from our sick fund. Also, Passover is coming up and we have a big minus in the bank. I finally overcame my aversion to did and wrote my parents an email detailing the situation right now--not all of it, just the medical part. My mom and dad called back and said they'd help out and not to feel ashamed about it--but that's very hard for me, not feeling ashamed about it. Oke, I should be able to support myself by this time in my life. But I can't. A lot of women in our community don't have jobs, although a lot do. I sometimes think it's because of the fact I'm blind I can't get a job. True, the unemployment rate in the blind community is quite high, around 70 per cent, but there are a lot of blind people who are working. I thought of the fact, which I heard on the BBC last week, that half of the people under age 35 are out of work in Greece and many are leaving en masse--and these are university grads. For all these reasons, Shabtai says I shouldn't be blaming myself, but I do anyway. In any event, have no energy tolook for work now.
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Tue, 03-27-2012 - 4:34pm
Hi Karen, Just a reminder that this thread is open to everybody, not just Karen. It's just that we've been writing to each other for quite awhile. But if anyone has any thoughts about anything I write, please add your thoughts. I was in the middle of my message when I pressed the wrong button and my post was submitted midway. Well, to be honest, I'm a bit lazy right now so I'm not sure where I left off, and to find the last post I wrote will take some computer footwork/fingerwork, which I don't really feel like doing right now. Would rather just write. Anyway, I wrote my parents about the situation, without mentioning the minus in the bank, and they generously helped out. They said if I need more help not to be embarrassed about it. But that's always been hard for me. Not feeling ashamed about it. I thought of the difference between asking G-d--my Heavenly Father for things, vs. my earthly father. I have no shame in asking for many things from the first, but feel aa lot of humiliation from the second. I think it's because they've helped me out so much already, and I haven't always produced the results they and I were hoping for. They put me through coaching school, but my practice hasn't really taken off. To be honest, have no incentiveo work right now. Have no interest in seing most of my friends. Today spent most of the day trying to find something on the computer--researching a certain topic--and in the end used something I found last night for my class presentation today--so I basically wasted a lot of time. Also felt like watching a movie online again and spent time trying to connect to that and failed. Still have that urge. Anyway, to make this long email short, we found out in the afternoon that the company we were hoping would custom-make this orthopedic device decided not to do so. Means Shabtai had to cancel some of his Passover plans--very disappointing. Another company who does the same kind of thing has to give us a final answer. Shabtai is trying to look at this optimistically, bless him, and says that perhaps this is a blessing in disguise--that maybe we can bypass this device totally and that his feet will soon be ready for surgery. As always, he is more positive than I am. I want to believe he's right. Not sure, though. A lot of disturbing things have been happening in the Jewish community of late and that's also very depressing. In the evening, earlier tonight, starting picking at my 1st, 2nd and 3rd fingers on my left hand. Just when they were starting to heal, of course. Thought of starting therapy again, but then, can't afford it, and besides, what can he tell me that I don't already know already? I'm not sure this entry/thread even belongs here-maybe better on the depression board, not the anxiety board, but I don't want to lose writing to you. Karen, you really know what I'm going through, because you're going through it too. I need that. Like I said, don't have anyone here I can share all these thoughts with. Cetainly not my friends. Hopefuully, the red tape will untangle soon. In the meantime, are there charities you can get food from in the meantime? Churches? that kind of thing? there are things like that here. Just bit my cuticles again. I really should put on gloves before I totally mess them up. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Thu, 03-29-2012 - 11:54pm
Hi Karen, Just reread your message. As far as turning on the gas stove in the middle of the night and then forgetting to turn it off---my mil had that problem with my fil who was senile. Finally, she just would clsoe the gas every time she was done cooking--there's a switch by the stove that you can flick to turn it off. At least that's how it is here. Better safe than sorry. I'll try to make this short--I've been writing long posts lately. Spent the last few days doing nothing--not really nothing, but you know what I mean. Had another of those urges to watch an online movie. This time it was "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest", a movie I had always wanted to see. Before youtube changed it's terms of service, it was very easy to connect to links. Now it's a lot harder, so I had to spend a lot of time until I found a link from a website that worked. Finally found one, after trying for several hours. Watched it straight through. That was Tuesday. Maybe Wednesday--can't remember. Anyway, yesterday had the urge to watch it a second time. Couldn't find the link I had used previously. After that, just slept most of the day. Felt bad about that, because the maid was here cleaning the kitchen for Passover--Jewish religous law requires deep cleaning as part of the pre-Passover prep to get rid of all the bread-containing subtstances and their residues. This meant deep cleaning for the oven. Felt like: "she's busy. everybody's busy. I'm not." ended up just in bed and told her and Shabtai I was "sad" because of his situation. True enough, but mostly just frustrated with myself, ashamed of myself. Everyone else is busy doing things, and I'm just lying around doing nothing. In the evening, finally watched this movie a second time. Finally got it out of my system, I think. Used to be, I'd have to watch online movies every day for a week or more before I got it out of my system/had enough of it. This one was long enough, over 2 hours, to make that happen quicker. Still, kept thinking about it after I went to bed. Have you ever seen it? Trying to figure out which parts are authentic in real psychiatry and mental hospitals and which aren't. As for me, have been thinking a lot about reconnecting with former friends. Finally am willing to admit why that's hard for me. Two reasons: 1. Some of them don't now how to keep something private, so I'm afraid to open upto them. This is true with two of them in particular. I told each one some things and they went on to tell the other without my permission. 2. One friend, in particular, I thought I'd never end up being like her, and now I think I'm becoming a carbon copy of her. That may sound snobby, and I accept that, but I thought I would never do the kinds of things she does, and now I find myself doing them. 3. Just feel like I really have nothing to talk about with them. Feeling more and more like I need to resume therapy. But money--none to spare. Trying to look at Shabtai's situation positively. If he hadn't had this fall, his swoolen legs would probably never have been attended to. After all, nobody had told us about this lymphatic drainage therapy in the medical establishment for 25 years, so what was different now? In fact, it was an orthopedic supplier who pointed it out to us--the seriousness of the problem and actually got us in touch with a therapist who put us in touch with another therapist in our area. Finally, after about the sixth or seventh treatment--lost count--starting to see tangible results. It isn't an easy treatment--especially in the summer-wearing this layered stuff. But at least there is air conditioning in most places! So I guess every cloud has its silver lining. Still get angry sometimes about the real inaccessibility that Shabtai has to fomer places he used to go to regularly. That hurts. Thinking about looking at the depression msb here. May end up writing there. In the meantime, haven't done anything with that yet. Just woke up and now I'm feeling tired again. Took an aspirin for a huge headache--pill must be making me drowsy. Can't go to sleep right now, though. Have to cook and do other things. Probably just as well. AllI've been doing is sleeping. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 8:12pm

Hi Tziporah,

Wow, three long posts.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Tue, 04-03-2012 - 2:32pm
Hi Karen, I agree with you about the difference of perspective from mother to daughter and from daughter to mother. It is also true that I probably don't understand my parents as well as I should because I've never been a parent myself. I have known for a long time this is a lack I have. What made me feel joyful that particular day? Have no idea. Just that I did feel that way. I guess it was because I wasn't going through a hassle. Shabtai's attitude about his treatments has become more upbeat. Tomorrow a new orthopedic supplier is supposed to be coming to look at his feet to see if he can make a device for him. In the meantime, the physical therapist said yesterday that there is starting to be visible improvement. She is teaching me how to massage his feet--you have to use special hand rotation movement and fingertip pressure--depending on where the massage is to be done--and she's also teaching me how to wrap his feet in this layered dressing. Since I used to play piano, my hands and fingers are strong and I have caught on to the massage part quickly. The dressing stuff--how it's to be wrapped around his leg--is still difficult. If it's wrapped too loosely with gaps in it, the effect is negated. I tend to miss some areas. Shabtai's feet are heavy and they are hard to lift. That's because of all the excess fluid inside. So when I lift his feet to put the dressing on the underside of his leg, it gets all tangled or tends to unwind and then there are those gaps. Feeling sad about---all the things you mentioned are exactly the kinds of things I'm sad/angry/frustrated about. Wow--could I relate to that. We're so alike in that way. Fingers--a real mess. I've been nervous and under pressure. Pre-Passover prep and the medical red tape. Today we were scheduled to have an appointment in the hospital to see a nurse who specializes in ulcerated skin. So, I had to undo all the dressings before we left. Finding parking was a hassle. Then waiting for our turn. Finally, after more than an hour waiting, we discovered the clerk had scheduled us for the wrong day--one of the nurses told us that ulcerated sores are checked only on Mondays, not Tuesdays--we had gone on Tuesday because that's when the clerk gave us the appointment. I then had to rush home and put on Shabtai's dressings before he had to leave for an early afternoon appointment. This dressing stuff can take 20 minutes to wrap around--as it is in layers, and goes all the way from the ankle to the thigh on each leg. Also had to massage his feet before putting the dressing on. I also had to finish preparing a class I was giving in the afternoon, also go out to eat--since the maid was busy preparing the kitchen for the Passover holiday--and get back in time to give the class. We went to a nice restaurant, but the music was loud and noisy and I had a headache. After the class, collapsed exhausted into bed. Tomorrow have more Passover prep and medical red tape to handle, plus the orthopedic supplier showing up. Left hand fingers totally chewed up, except for 4th finger. Right hand, some fingers still okay. Some not. Wearing gloves at night, which helps somewhat, but during the day I get anxious. Actually, last night woke up in the middle of the night and made a finger bloody. Chewing my fingers on and off. Realize Ido this because I don't like myself. I liked myself much more as I used to be--when I was in my early twenties. But I can't be that way now--circumstances then were so totally different. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Tue, 04-03-2012 - 6:58pm

Hi Tziporah,

We are having some really bad weather here.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Wed, 04-04-2012 - 11:32pm
Hi Karen, Feeling tired. Almost every finger a bloody mess. Sleep cycle totally wacko. Sleep during the day--up most of the night. Lie in bed and make my fingers a bloody mess. Sometimes put gloves on, but not always. Condemning myself for being lazy. So much to do around here with holiday preparation and haven't done much of it. Tried to resume reading a book online last night. Couldn't get the online link to work. Got obsessed with it and then angry at myself, Shabtai and things in general. Just woke up and drank coffee and I'm already feeling like I could go back to sleep. But now I really can't. I MUST start dealing with this chaos. You're right about finding a way to express myself. Just that it's not possible. I'll have to explain that another time. Yesterday new orthopedic supplier came. Says he'll be able to make something for Shabtai to use. Will take about three weeks. Shabtai is nervous that it won't really work. I can understand that. But I'm hopeful this thing will actually work. Shabtai is still pinning his hopes on an operation. I'm very nervous about that because if it backfires he'll be worse off than he is now--maybe worse off. Certainly no better. As for being there for our husbands: mine is very expressive about how I help him. We tell each other how much we love each other all the time. Going to write one more quick reply here and then get moving. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Thu, 04-05-2012 - 3:15pm

Hi Tziporah,

My husband and I tell each other and show each other ever day how much we love each other.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Thu, 04-05-2012 - 11:23pm
Hi Karen, Early morning here. About 6am. Usual time for me getting up. Sitting here in the office by the open window. Cool breeze. Chirphing birds. Very quiet. Blissful peace. Woke up and felt good. Did the bulk of the heavy cooking last night. Still have a little to do, but the time-consuming part is over. House is all set up for the holiday. Wore gloves last night and put cream on my hands, so they felt good when I took them off. After a momentary feeling of satisfaction/relaxation, again felt the tension and bit a nail and chewed it. I asked myself why I was doing it. Realized that even though the heavy work is done, there is still what to do and that was making me tense. Then I read your email and I'm now writing before I go into the final lap/home stretch. I was thinking about your sore lips and the fact you bit them in your sleep. I'm not aware that I bite my nails in my sleep. I'm very much awake. If you're doing that in your sleep, when the unconscious seems to come out, then you must really be under a lot of pressure. I wonder if there is some kind of covering you could put on your lips, something similar to the plastic gloves I put on my hands. I know that dentists have this kind of plastic covering they sometimes put on your lips (called a "dam"), which protects the lips while they're working. Maybe you could get that. Or perhaps some kind of wax. maybe you could get some plastic gloves and cut them out to fit the contours of your lips. When I say "plastic gloves", I'm not referring to the heavy plastic gloves you put on before heavy cleaning, but the kind oflight plastic gloves medical personnel often put on their hands before handling things. you can get them at pharmacies. they are very light. Is it the outer lips that you bite or inside where the lip meets the gum of the mouth? It's very tempting to move your tongue around the lips, especially when the sore is easy to get to. Something that happens to me occasionally, involuntarily, is that ocassionally I bite the inner side of my cheek. They say this "tic" is a side-effect of the antidepressants. I actually read that in a book on antidepressants. I couldn't figure out why I would do this. It happens involuntarily and it hurts when it happens and then I have a sore inside my cheeck which I can feel with my tongue. There are antibacterial/healing creams which you can apply inside the mouth, such as polysporin, which are very good at healing sores fast. Aloe vera is supposed to be good at healing everything. You can either get an aloe vera plant and squeeze out the juice from it, or get aloe vera cream. polysporin or aloe vera cream might be a good cream to try on your lips. I thought that before lent people make new resolutions every year, not that a resolution you made many years ago, before your son was born, is still binding. Are the resolutions you make for lent binding for life? Actually, we have something similar, a period of repentance and resolution between the Jewish New Year and the Day of Atonment, which occurs in the fall. It's called the Ten Days of Repentance. The resolutions are supposed to be binding for life. Realistically, though, people know that in many areas people will have to keep renewing their resolutions, especially with destructive habbits. So, maybe instead of looking at this as a resolution you made many years ago and have slipped up on maintaining, perhaps you could look at it as something you are now renewing and realize that it might surface from time to time, and that you'll renew the resolution whenever it occurs. How many times have I made the resolution: "I will not bite my cuticles anymore", and I'm still doing it! So I gave up that resolution for lifelong not-doing-it-anymore and instead hope that during the coming year I'll be successful. I guess it's the one-day-at-a-time approach. Just like with my cuticles, I guess with yourlips. Stress can really trigger it. In any event, have a happy Easter. I'm really looking forward to this Passover holiday. Time to rest and relax. Although we do have a hospital appointment on Monday. Passover lasts for a whole week. What fun. Great special dishes to eat. Time to read and study and be with Shabtai. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com