Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
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Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
| Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:32am |
Hi Tziporah,
I am so sorry that this is such a belated welcome to you. I've been absent from the board for nearly a month - so many things have been happening in my life that it was difficult to also come here. The good news is that life has somewhat calmed down (but I'm still crossing my fingers and my toes), which means that I'm back on iVillage.
I am so very happy to see you here, participating and sharing in our conversations! I hope that we'll get to know each other better in the coming weeks.
Welcome again!
(PS: I love the sound of your name!)

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(((((((((hugs)))))))))))
I spent the week-end going through funerary ceremonies for a friend of mine, who was cremated yesterday. Right now I am exhausted, so I am going to spend the day resting.
I wanted you to know that I've read your post. I have a question though: if I had asked you about the website and offered to check it out for you to give you some technical help, would you have felt as you did when it was your father?
Tziporah, sometimes you have to give yourself leeway. I would estimate that 99% of websites are designed for visually-enabled people, and most designers don't think about those who have difficult seeing or are blind. And a lot of websites are just plain complicated when it comes to signing up. Don't be so tough on yourself, okay? But I'm glad that you managed to sign up, though!
More hugs,
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Poppy, you're a smart cookie. you know the answers to your questions just as well as i do. of cours,, if it had been you instead of my dad there would have been no reaction. it's because it was my dad.
i have to explain. my dad is brilliant in math, an engineer, very smart and a logical thinker. whenever i tried to do anything like math homework with him it was always a struggle for me. and when he tried to show me how to work technical gadgets, it wasn't just once or twice but twenty times, even if i already got the hang of it. so i made up my mind years ago never to have him show me anything technical again.
but i don't think that was the problem in this instance. he asked about how much it cost, if there were any hidden costs. there aren't. the point is--i felt like he was checking up on me, like i was still a kid, like i couldn't make a good decision about money. my paents have always said i should never have a credit card. i think this is because i'm blind. i've never heard them restrict my sisters in this way. somehow, i'm still a kid to them, a kid who doesn't know what she's doing. that was the thing. anyway, you can imagine how sensitive that topic is.
you're also right about the websites. some websites are just plain hard and some are harder if you are blind or visually impaired. i know that's true, because different groups of blind consumers have been working with microsoft, aol. and others on the complicated issue of web accessibility. it's complicated from the standpoint of converting the gui graphic user interface into a verbal link. a lot of the producers of websites, digital products like microwaves, washers, and other home appliances, and cell phones never think about the blind consumer--and if they do, it is often an afterthought. so they end up desigining products that are hard for blind people to use--or impossible for them to use. these consumer groups are trying to get these producers to think of this group at the planning and design stages, to incorporate accessibility into the products. thank you for reminding me of it.
accepting my blindness is still a very sore topic for me and one my therapist is trying to get me to deal with. it's painful and i resist when he's tried in the past. just before break, he again tried to get into it and i again resisted. i told him it was painful and he said we should explore it. i've written about this already. mostly, i've been psyching myself up for the upcoming therapy. i haven't done much else.
i found a good website that explains psychotherapy in very understandable terms and gives real-life case examples. i think the site is called about psychotherapy.com and it is written by the clinical psychologist, bennett pologe. anyone can look it up on google and i recommend it not only for people considering this option, but for people who are already in treatment. i have found reviewing the principles behind therapy, the process it involves, and how it works very helpful. it's giving me strength for the next round. still, i have felt some pain in my chest after reading it and when that happens i just go lie down for awhile. that's what i've been doing mostly, mentally preparing myself for it.
as i wrote in an earlier post, they go off on their vacation and leave you do sweat--think things over. it is well-known that often what happens between sessions is where the real work takes place. and he knows how to use this technique--when i'm in a tough place and he wants to implement a treatment and i resist he uses this strategy--think it over, go in a corner somewhere and think it over, of course, you know you'll end up doing what he wants. but i have to allow him to do it within myself. that's also part of it. well, this has been a long in-between sessions--almost three weeks and most of the time i have been doing that--thinking things over about myself, where i am, how my life has become. i'm not especially happy at the moment. i want to change, make it better.
i also talked with my coach tonight and that was good. she's very positive--gets me back on track with the goals i've set for myself.
i am tough on myself--and you know that too. that's just the way i am, i guess,
i bit another finger today and the one that was sore before is now healing. i am really determined to make this next round of therapy work--get into the painful core stuff, stop avoiding it. from reading this website and from my own experience, i know that if i want to get better i have to do that. Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
I just read all the emails I had missed (there were about 23) and I can't answer them all but ((((hugs))))) Tziporah and you CAN do it!
CYE
((((((((hugs))))))))
Tziporah, may I ask you something? I'd like to apologize beforehand if you find it offensive, and you don't have to answer this at all. Have you always been blind? I don't know why, but it's something that I've been wondering for a very long time now.
In any case, I think you are one of the most interesting persons that I have ever met and I am glad that we are both living in this age of the internet because otherwise, we wouldn't be here talking. I don't know what you look like, but I also think that you are a very beautiful person. You have a beautiful energy, Tziporah. It's gentle, it's soft, it's glowing. For me at least, you are already perfect as you are.
I know how annoying parents can be. Both my parents are very protective of their children, but it's my mother who voices and embodies it. On the other hand, they had also brought us up to be independent and efficient. So when the other day I took my mother to the clinic for a check-up, and she was going on and on with "have you this and have you that" I just laughed and reminded her I'm her daughter and that she taught me how to be very efficient in my tasks, and I'd done all that before she was even in the clinic.
Another one of Poppy's ignorant questions (sorry), this time about credit cards. If you use a credit card, how can you be sure that you are being charged the correct amount of money by the merchant? You'll get your statement later on which you can read via your scanner, but otherwise, what do you do?
Lots of hugs to you my friend. Talk to you soon.
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i was born sighted, but lost my sight in the incuabor due to the incorrect administration of oxygen--a very prevalent cause of blindness among premies in the 1950s, when i was born.
as far as credit cards, etc. go, it is the same as with handling cash--sometimes a blind person will be riped off, but in general there is a certain faith and trust between the blind person and the merchant, and most business people want to protect their good name out of self-interest. so, it is not a real worry.
sighted people get ripped off just as often as blind people do.
i have also thought about the fact that without technology and the internet we would probably never have met. my thoughts, however, had to do with the fact that you are Moslem and i am Jewish. i have never knowingly corresponded with a person of the Moslem faith before. i'm sure it happens a lot on the internet without people being aware of it. however, in real life such connections are probably often impossible. i;m sure the same could be said about Christians and Moslems, Hindus and Moslems, and Portestants and Catholics in Northern Ireland, blacks and whites in certain countries, etc.
i started therapy on Thursday after the long break. it was less painful than i thought it would be--but then, i later reminded myself, it was only the first sesion. i got down to work, didn't waste time on stupid stuff and talked about the things that i knew i should address-starting from the place where we had left off before the break. at the same time, my cuticles were really almost all good. i had to go for my monthly immersion in the ritualarium bath Thursday night and i got my fingers nice and smooth--filed down the rough edges. i was really feeling good about that--no rough edges. i thought i could hold onto it, maintain it. i should have known better--but at the time i was very optomistic. already, before therapy Thursday morning, i had a long haircutting episode and cut my hair really short, although i had intended to let it grow out until my parents' visit. after cutting it, i felt better. i thought to myself: now i don't have to worry about that anymore. i comforted myself with the fact i still have six weeks till they come--it's just the beginning of Sept. and they're not coming until Oct. 17--time enough to let it grow in so it will be decent--perhaps short, but decent enough. it lasted about two days--the cuticle thing. by Saturday morning, i was very anxious again. i had had a series of anxious dreams in which i was quarreling with eerybody and in all sorts of impossible real-life situations--meaining, the people in the dream and the places were real, but in real life the characters themselves would never have met. my husband said it was because i'm worrying about my parents' upcoming visit. i thought that is true, but also atrtribute it to the start of therapy again. it's funny--during the break i was mostly burdened by a lethargic depression. now, it's this tense energy and anxiety. i don't know which is better emotionally. in any event, my si wasn't so active in the lethargic state. now, most of my cuticles are sore and bleeding again. it happpened that fast. and now i feel disgusted and ashamed. i'll tell him about it tomorrow and he'll ask his usual question, "how come?" how the hello am i supposed to know? beyond the fat that he, the therapy, must be pressing certain buttons that arouse the unconscious. i don't know. i go through periods of quiet and then have a stint with these kinds of dreams. i almost gave in and took the Xannax, but i didn't want to do that--get drowsy on it--and in the end i overcame it. still, today, getting up, i've already picked at two cuticles and made them bleed--all before doing anything. i bandaged them now. back to the regular daily struggle of keeping my fingers "safe", so to speak. i guess it's because in the depressive state, i'm unhappy about my existence, but don't have to do anything about it on a conscious, real level. but in therapy, i have to commit myself to making real changes on a conscious level--much harder to do and accomplish. i need strength for this exercise. Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
I have to run right now but wanted to post this before I forget. Just read it and thought of you. It's from the Washington Post Magazine:
Editor's Query
Tell us about a time you had perfect timing
Sunday, September 9, 2007; W07
I was planning my first Passover Seder in 1995, and I was nervous, though I'd persuaded my mother to come down from New Jersey and help me.
In a bid to get some sympathy from a friend, whose name was Ky, I started by asking whether he'd ever been to a Seder. He said, "No! When is it?" I sighed, and told him the date. He said, "I can come, but I have to leave early to pick up a friend at the airport." Rather than admit that I hadn't meant to invite him, I thought "the more the merrier," and told him that he could leave whenever he wanted to.
After Ky had left for the airport and the Seder was over, I spotted the glass of wine we had left on the counter for the prophet Elijah, who, tradition has it, visits every Seder. I asked my parents what the hostess was supposed to do with Elijah's wine. They agreed that Elijah had come and gone, and that I could drink the wine.
The moment I lifted the glass, the door opened, and a 7-foot-tall stranger walked in. He cheerfully said: "Hi, I'm Elijah. Where's my wine?"
So I simply changed the trajectory of the glass, as if I'd picked it up to hand to him in the first place. Everyone was speechless as Elijah sipped his wine -- until Ky came in the door behind him a minute later.
Who knew Elijah flew Southwest?
Markell Raphaelson West, Laurel
*~ *
When I was growing up many of my friends were Jewish. In fact, most of them were Jewish. In Indonesia, having friends of other beliefs - Christians, Catholics, Hindu, Buddhist, Confucianist (?) and even atheist isn't something that is very rare.
Talk to you later!
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Just remembered that there was something else I wanted to share. Also from the Washington Post.
Dutchman Offers 'Cure' for Nail Biting
By ARTHUR MAX
The Associated Press
Saturday, September 8, 2007; 1:45 AM
VENLO, Netherlands -- Do you find your fingers drifting into your mouth when you're nervous, anxious or just bored? Are your nails chewed to splinters or your cuticles gnawed to bleeding pulp? Nail biting is more than a bad habit. Doctors say it is one of the most common symptoms of stress or of an obsessive-compulsive disorder, especially for teenagers or younger children, and can lead to disfigurement and serious infection.
Alain-Raymond van Abbe, a former health industry and cosmetics promoter, estimates the world's pathological nail biters number 600 million or more. He saw that onychophagy was so widespread that he has opened a business devoted to a cure.
"In four weeks, nail biting can be over _ and over forever," he says.
Studies show around 45 percent of adolescents nibble their nails. That drops to about 20 percent as young adults learn to cope with their anxieties or become too embarrassed by their self-inflicted deformity.
In public, compulsive biters typically keep their hands out of sight as much as they can, buried in their pockets or behind their backs. They often feel depressed and shamed, and avoid social contacts. Van Abbe says his clients suffer so much from the stigma that none would volunteer to be interviewed or photographed.
He calculates Holland alone has 2 million chronic sufferers, enough to keep his enterprise busy and profitable. He charges up to $670 for a course of treatment.
Van Abbe, whose field is marketing rather than medicine, describes himself as a problem solver.
His treatment relies on a tooth guard molded to fit either the upper or lower teeth. Barely visible, the "preventer" makes it impossible to bite, but can be removed for eating.
"After four weeks, the impulse disturbance is so frustrated that it is controlled. You don't have any problem any more," he said.
After developing his solution over two years and working with about 150 pilot customers, Van Abbe refitted a gabled brick house in Venlo, near the German border, with reclining leather manicurists' chairs where cosmeticians can begin reviving damaged finger and toe nails.
Yes, some of his clients habitually bite their toe nails, including one man in his 40s, Van Abbe said. "If you start young, you stay flexible."
Nail biting is one of a category of obsessive-compulsive disorders known as Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors that is gaining more scientific attention. Others include hair pulling, skin picking or incessantly biting the inside of the cheek.
Lawrence S. Micheletti, an assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Texas Medical Branch, says most research on nail biting focuses on the psychological stress and on the therapies that treat the source of the problem.
But there also is a chicken-and-egg factor, because the ugly result of self-mutilation heightens anxiety. "If you cure the symptom, you reduce the stress, and the person is a happier person," Micheletti said in a telephone interview.
Micheletti, who works with many adolescents in stress management, says nail biting is one of the most common symptoms he sees among his patients.
He said Van Abbe appeared to have developed "a plausible approach" since, in clinical terms, the treatment involves both cognitive and behavioral aspects. But he wonders about Van Abbe's business model.
"I never thought of opening a clinic just for nail biters," he said. "I wouldn't want to rely just on nail biters to make my living."
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in the States, depending on various factors, there is some mixing of the faiths. in Israel, it's much harder. it's also not acceptable in many sectors here. i'm not making any judgments about this--just stating the way it is in reallity. Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
but i could recognize myself in this article--the shame, hiding my hands behind myback or in my pockets. if this guy sells his mouth guard, it might be worth considering. but i'm not about to go to Holland to get fitted out. i'm going to check it out on the web. thanks.
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
the next few days i'll be away for the Jewish New Year--away from the phone, computer, everything. what bliss. just have time to sit and meditate and contemplate about my life, where i am, where i want to go. the one satisfaction i have this year is that although i still am struggling with si, i feel for the first time that i've really made real progress on this issue. every year i would sit in synagogue and think, i'm still doing it. anot her year gone by and i'm still doing it. and i would hate myself, be angry with myself, feel ashamed. what about all the promises i made to myself and to G-d to stop? at least this year i can say--i'm not over it yet, but i've made progress. i am able to talk about it more openly and honestly in therapy and on this board. i can also say that about the blindness too. all my therapists have always said that until i really tackle this issue, get down to working on it, instead ofavoiding and resisting it, i'll have difficulty. finally, after about five-six years with this present therapist, i'm at the point where i'm really willing to do that on an ongoing and consistent, concentrated focused level. that's not to say i've never talked about it. of course i have. but till now, i've resisted it. there are also a number of other things i need to work on--like my isolation, the belief about my ability to really do this new business i'm trying to get into. all of that also gets worked on--don't worry. yu know my t. by now--not the type who just sits back. he knows how to press the right buttons, stir things up. what i meanh to say is, i still have quite a way to go in therapy, even after this long a time. hopefully, this, and the boards, will eventually have a more positive effect on how i handle the si. Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
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