Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
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Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
| Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:32am |
Hi Tziporah,
I am so sorry that this is such a belated welcome to you. I've been absent from the board for nearly a month - so many things have been happening in my life that it was difficult to also come here. The good news is that life has somewhat calmed down (but I'm still crossing my fingers and my toes), which means that I'm back on iVillage.
I am so very happy to see you here, participating and sharing in our conversations! I hope that we'll get to know each other better in the coming weeks.
Welcome again!
(PS: I love the sound of your name!)

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Was it Skype that you were installing? If you call a landline from Skype/your computer, the cost is between 2 and 4 US cents per minute, with a connection cost of around 3.2 cents per call. For me it makes a huge difference as overseas calls to the most popular countries are around $1.50.
Hugs,
Crisis Center: Rape & Suicide
as for your comments about accepting help and acknowledging my blindness and lowering my standards, etc., word-for-word it's the kind of thing my therapist keeps pounding away at with me. i'm very resistant to the idea. intellectually, i can accept it. emotionally, i resist it. that's the problem.
as for the thing about the radiation, i'm sorry to hear about it. is it you who's going through it or someone else? that wasn't clear to me. either way, it's a bad deal, no fun ... i hope you get through it okay. anyway, knowing you, you are a survivor and will pull through.
i had a good Yom Kippur. more relaxed now.
as for the extra message that keeps appearing, tell me how to delete it. pasting it out doesn't work. tell me if it continues to appear or has disappeared. thanks for calling my attention to it. Tziporah
anyway, in therapy i'm working on the heavy stuff. a lot of the time i'm tense and anxious. i have a lot of pai in my shoulders and neck. a lot of stress and anxiety. during the holiday break, i rested--did a lot of relaxation. but since being back at home, i've been very tense. i've bitten my nails again and mostly resisted cutting my hair. i still have a lot of doubts and negative thoughts--trying to combat them, challenge them. also trying to get more relaxed by going into the alpha state. another therapy brek coming again because of more holidays. it's just not the right time for a break. i hate this on-again, off-again rhythm. even though it's hard, the steady flow is better. this on-again, off-again thing just adds tensions. i find talking about the issues in therapy helps, even though it's painful. then i think about what we've discussed and i try to come to some clarity and conclusions about it. i'm so tense right now. Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Yes, I know about Jajah but I don't use it as most of my friends are on Skype (and none on Jajah that I know of), and I had also convinced most of the factories I work(ed) with to get onto Skype, too in order to save costs. Once they figured out that they could contact me for free they installed it quite quickly (which greatly impressed my boss and a couple of colleagues lol).
My mother is the one who is undergoing radiation therapy right now. She had an operation last month to remove a growth. Fortunately it was an early stage cancer, but they've got to do the radiation now. Which is quite grueling at first. It's also quite difficult to be at the clinic, and to see young adults and children with cancer. Or the very old patients. Or the ones who have small children. It's heartbreaking, so I am determined that something good has to come out of this (apart from my mother's good health).
Tell me how you post a post - give me the steps. I am wondering whether you had inadvertently posted something in the second box below the main box where you normally post. This second box was not available before, and it normally where we put a signature.
I am glad that you had a good Yom Kippur! In about three weeks it will be my turn to celebrate with my family. This year I am doing the cooking as my father is too weak to do so. It's not going to be easy since he's going to be at my side all of the time heh. He's going to tell me to stay in the kitchen for the whole of the 2 or 3 hours it takes to cook that goat!
Crisis Center: Rape & Suicide
Glad you had a good Yom Kippur.
Your tdoc is in Richmond Hill too? You mean we live close to each other? no way! But if I'm going to go all the way to Richmond Hill, I'm going to see my pdoc. The one I'm seeing now is at school here in Hamilton.
they say that goat's milk is closer to human mother's milk and less fatty and healthier than cow's milk. probably so.i know about women who've drunken it. i've had goat cheese, but since i'm not a milk fan, i stay away from milk of any kind.
anyway, let me know how you do goat cooking. i think it's just great.
yeah, yeah--i know about women's place in the kitchen. after all, when the angels came and asked Abraham where Sarah, his wife, was, he said, "in the tent". the kitchen, of course. she was supposedly busy preparing the meal for the angels. Gen. 18.
i know a lot more people are on skype than jahjah. my computer program--the braille program--crashes every time i try to put skype on it. problematic.
you'll be interested to know i told my therapist about the message you sent me--no. 131 i think, the one in which you wrote me about my high standards, my perceptions of failure, etc. actually, i read it out to him. he said the insight it contained was "tremendous"--his words. to get a compliment from him,you have to work very hard, so believe me, he was impressed. he said i should condition my mind by reading it every day. his homework for the week.
as usual, he's continuing to pound away at all the myriad beliefs i've been carrying around in my mind for years, beliefs that have been limiting me. it's very slow, painstaking work. i have to struggle within myself to come to acceptance with what he is saying. his latest, and a very hard one for me, is that i don't owe my parents anything anymore and to stop pleasing them--rather, stop trying to please them.
the therapy is naturally causing me to be more anxious as i try to work through his propositions, which means i'm biting my cuticles more. i have gloves on right now while i'm writing this.
i have to go to the ritualarium again tomorrow night and my cuticles are a bloody mess. i hate having to do that--a real bummer. you stand before the attendant naked before immersing and she checks to see that there are no hairs on your body, uncut nails, dry hanging skin, ink marks, etc. part of the rite is not having anything come between you--your body and the water--that would invalidate the immersion. so there is no way of getting around it. i'm not embarrassed at standing beore another woman, and it is done in a private room, no one else present when a woman is immersing besides the attendant. and she's seen me so many times in this way--my birthday suit--that i'm used to it. but having to show my hands for inspection when my cuticles are bloody is always very embarrassing and humilating. and i'm still cutting my hair--not every day,but about once-a-week on average, so it is also short. forget about letting it grow in till my mother and father come--that was a wash-out.
i'm also trying to increase relaxation exercises. it's a contradiction. or, at least it feels like one--on the one hand, more anxiety in therapy because of the deep probing, and the other, trying to relax more. still, i'm trying to do both. maybe it's not a contradiction. if i didn't relax, or try to anyway, perhaps the tension and anxiety would be even greater than it already is.
i know hwat you mean about sitting in cancer clinics. i've also had to sit in them on occasion. very depressing, to say the least.
i hope your mother pulls through. good thing they found the growth early.
oh, i almost forgot. you're right. i put that extra message in the second box, the one that's for the sig. how do i get rid of the thing already? Tziporah
anyway, in therapy i'm working on the heavy stuff. a lot of the time i'm tense and anxious. i have a lot of pai in my shoulders and neck. a lot of stress and anxiety. during the holiday break, i rested--did a lot of relaxation. but since being back at home, i've been very tense. i've bitten my nails again and mostly resisted cutting my hair. i still have a lot of doubts and negative thoughts--trying to combat them, challenge them. also trying to get more relaxed by going into the alpha state. another therapy brek coming again because of more holidays. it's just not the right time for a break. i hate this on-again, off-again rhythm. even though it's hard, the steady flow is better. this on-again, off-again thing just adds tensions. i find talking about the issues in therapy helps, even though it's painful. then i think about what we've discussed and i try to come to some clarity and conclusions about it. i'm so tense right now. Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
you're right, of course, in that if you've already started with a therapist and you're going all that distance, it's better to resume with someone who knows you and who you know, rather than starting with someone new. still, it was just a thought.
anyway, as far as Canada's geography goes, i'm very bad at it. have no idea how far Hamilton is from Richmond Hill. the most important thing, of course, is that you're getting the help you need. better to go further and get good help than to stay closer to home and get help that is fraught with issues and conflicts. it is inconvenient, but that is perhaps part of the test of your commitment to the treatment.
if a person believes a treatment to be beneficial, whether it is a physical or emotional problem, they will go anywhere to get it, no matter how far away. i mean that literally. when my husband needed a kidney transplant, and when he had other med problems after that, we went to the U.S. being a citizen still, i'm a citizen--he's not, made it easier for us. still, there was never any question in our minds. we were going to do whatever it took, no matter howmuch the cost. that's the way it is when it's a health issue. so, compared to that, 45 minutes is a pain in the ass, but no more than that. Tziporah go for it.
anyway, in therapy i'm working on the heavy stuff. a lot of the time i'm tense and anxious. i have a lot of pai in my shoulders and neck. a lot of stress and anxiety. during the holiday break, i rested--did a lot of relaxation. but since being back at home, i've been very tense. i've bitten my nails again and mostly resisted cutting my hair. i still have a lot of doubts and negative thoughts--trying to combat them, challenge them. also trying to get more relaxed by going into the alpha state. another therapy brek coming again because of more holidays. it's just not the right time for a break. i hate this on-again, off-again rhythm. even though it's hard, the steady flow is better. this on-again, off-again thing just adds tensions. i find talking about the issues in therapy helps, even though it's painful. then i think about what we've discussed and i try to come to some clarity and conclusions about it. i'm so tense right now. Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Thanks Tziporah.
You're the first person who doesn't think I'm out of my mind for wanting to go that distance to see my pdoc. Actually the second. My old prof (who isn't my prof anymore, she was when I was in religious studies 3 years ago but I still see her and talk to her about everything) said that if I'm not going all the time the trip to Richmond Hill could be relaxing. Not true. I'd be so anxious on the bus and the train, but I'm sure it would get better after I had done it three, four, five times, and thank God for Ativan.
I've got to go to bed soon so I am going to make this a short note!
Thank you so much for telling me what your therapist said about my post to you. I think the insight is good because we are having very good and honest conversations here!
Goat story - will tell you that later. Still have to get the recipe out of my dad.
Ritualarium - I know how that works thanks to a Faye Kellerman detective novel heh heh. Funny how one sometimes picks up these things.
Okay, to get rid of the message in the second box. Go up to the top of the page (not top top, but about 4 or 5 inches from the very top). There out to be a line with "your profile", "favourite boards", "board settings", your digests" and "log out". Click on "board settings". Once you get there, find the box under "personal signature". Delete everything that is in that box. Scroll down to the bottom of the page and click submit. Et voila, that ought to solve your problem.
You know I use Mozilla Firefox and there's not editing function at all.
Does listening to guided imagery CD's help you?
Skype: you ought to write them an email to inform them what's happening. Maybe they have a solution for you... If they don't, maybe they (or someone) will be interested in coming up with a solution for you! You can't be the only person have this sort of trouble.
Lots of hugs. I don't know when you will read this but I wish you a good Sabbath.
Crisis Center: Rape & Suicide
my first therapist--i traveled from the Tel Aviv area to Jerusalem twice weekly to see him--on a good day, between 45-60 minutes. on a bad day--traffic, that is--could ben as much as 2 hours. but it was worth it.
as for feeling anxious beforehand, is your anxiety from the trip itself, everything that's involved in it, or from the treatment, the fact that the therapy brings up a lot of things?
i find the latter is true for me, and it makes no difference whether the therapy is a bus trip of some distance or via the phone in the next room. usually, the night before i'm already anxious. i can usually guage it, know when sensitive material is going to be brought up, and it is anxiety producing. the anxiety comes from the vulnerability, which is, of course, part of the process, the nature of therapy itself, the willingness to open oneself up in that way and confront oneself.
there is nothing wrong about taking a xannax, adivan, or any other relaxant on the trip there. just as long as it doesn't make you so drowsy that you can't do the necessary therapy work. however, if you're awake enough during the session and the drowsiness sets in only afterwards, go ahead and use it if you must. sometimes, reading a book, listening to music, (distraction), can help ease the tension. or try the old favorite--deep breathing.
anyway, after all this talk, the real question is: what are you going to do about it? are you planning to stick with the therapist who makes you uncomfortable, or despite everybody else's opinion, do what seems right for you? i think you know what i'd do. i hope you make the wisest choice for yourself. let me know how you decide. good luck. Tziporah
anyway, in therapy i'm working on the heavy stuff. a lot of the time i'm tense and anxious. i have a lot of pai in my shoulders and neck. a lot of stress and anxiety. during the holiday break, i rested--did a lot of relaxation. but since being back at home, i've been very tense. i've bitten my nails again and mostly resisted cutting my hair. i still have a lot of doubts and negative thoughts--trying to combat them, challenge them. also trying to get more relaxed by going into the alpha state. another therapy brek coming again because of more holidays. it's just not the right time for a break. i hate this on-again, off-again rhythm. even though it's hard, the steady flow is better. this on-again, off-again thing just adds tensions. i find talking about the issues in therapy helps, even though it's painful. then i think about what we've discussed and i try to come to some clarity and conclusions about it. i'm so tense right now. Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
about erasing the second box--tried what you told me to do. is it gone now? i hope so. Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
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