Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
1100
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:32am

Hi Tziporah,


I am so sorry that this is such a belated welcome to you. I've been absent from the board for nearly a month - so many things have been happening in my life that it was difficult to also come here. The good news is that life has somewhat calmed down (but I'm still crossing my fingers and my toes), which means that I'm back on iVillage.


I am so very happy to see you here, participating and sharing in our conversations! I hope that we'll get to know each other better in the coming weeks.


Welcome again!


(PS: I love the sound of your name!)


Please visit these other great message boards:
Cranio-Facial Abnormalities
In Vitro (IVF)



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 2:58pm

Quick quick post to tell you that you did it - the second message is gone.

Talk to you tomorrow. I hope that you are having a good Sabbath.



iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 12:06pm

Tziporah.


I've found out from experience that I'm okay on ativan, unless I take three. On a trip from New York to Buffalo to home I took three (one before the flight, one before the city bus, one before the coach bus) and I blacked out and lost several hours oh and on the coach I missed my transfer because I fell asleep, but don't worry I won't do that again. I'll only take one.


I have a lot of anxiety doing the unknown and a bus trip to Richmond hill is one of those things. But as I said before once I've done it a few times it won't be so bad. I plan on reading on the bus. I fear listening to music in case I miss my stop, but that's ridiculous because both busses my stop is the end of the line. And so to answer your question, my anxiety is about the trip. I don't get anxious about seeing this pdoc, although I do with the tdoc at school. I know that this tdoc takes me seriously and we get some good work done, and she thinks highly of me because I'm intelligent and introspective.


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Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Mon, 10-01-2007 - 11:08pm
so, Amanda, bottom line: you're going to the therapist in Richmond Hill? right? Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Mon, 10-08-2007 - 6:57pm
hi Amanda and everybody else.
i've been off on holiday vacation. great. relaxed. visited with friends. had time to meditate. but i also did write occasionally, especially to Jody in the happyllymarred file. so anyone who wants to know what's going on with me can check out that file.
Amanda, i saw in another discussion you're going to the Richmond Hill doc, even though it involves a couple of hours of transportation. i hope the insurance will cover the costs, as you wrote there. i think this is the right decision. we need to have a therapist who thinks highly of us on our side and working with us. we don't need someone whois going to make us feel anxious. i hope this works out for the forseeable future.
i've really been getting into relaxation and meditation, as i wrote to Jody. for anyone interested, and i do highly recommend this website as a very valuable source, for learning more about alpha state, home study, and a free downloadable audio centering exercise, go to:
www.silvaultramindsystem.com
Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Tue, 10-09-2007 - 2:14pm

Yes I am going to the psychiatrist in Richmond Hill. I still have an appointment with the psychologist at school this week too and one with my doctor. It's going to be a busy week. I'll let you know how it goes.


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Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Thu, 10-25-2007 - 4:33am
Hi Amanda. and everybody else.
i've been away for a few weeks. my parents have been here since last week. i'm getting tired physically and emotionally. still, i've been able to keep up with therapy. i've also been keeping up with the daily alpha-state relaxation and guided meditation and i think that's what's helped me the most. i'm much more centered.
i had to read my last few messages in this file to reorient myself. it's been a few weeks now. Amanda, how is the therapy in Richmond Hill going? Okay, i hope. as for my therapy, it's very intense right now. my parents' visit has forced a lot of the painful issues to come up and i'm trying to talk about them honestly. some days are better than others as far as the nail-biting and haircutting go. the less i see of them the better--it hurts to say that, but it's true. on average, it's about four hours a day, which is the most i can handle. they're leaving this coming Tuesday.
i am so thankful i have my husband, Shabtai. his loving presence calms and comforts me immensely. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
Fri, 10-26-2007 - 4:38pm

Tziporah -


I am sorry I have not been in touch lately.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Sun, 10-28-2007 - 4:29am
Hi Jody. you can write whatever you want without being worried about whether i want to hear it or not. that is what sharing on this board is all about, isn't it?
i can totally relate to what you are saying. the only difference is, in those categories that you mentioned, marriage and church, i did what i wanted instead of doing what they wanted. my husband certainly was not the kind of guy they would have chosen, and the fact that marrying him meant i would be living in a different country from them, was certainly not an easy pill for them to swallow--and i can understand that. initially, after meeting him, they told me to break it off and i did that for awhile. but after a month of not seeing him, i missed him so much, i renewed the relationship on my own and my husband--at that time, my future husband and i sought advice from a cleric as how to proceed. so, i certainly did not give in on the marriage issue. as for church, we are both members of the same faith, my parents and i, but i belong to a much more orthodox congregation than they do--more religiously observant. i think they consider me a little fanatical, perhaps, but they also were not able to sway me on this one either. in high school, for a time, i joined a different church from my parents and that did upset them greatly. i think it was part of my general adolescent rebellion and self-exploration. i was very determined, however, and they couldn't do too much. finally, i did return to my own faith, but it took a few years to achieve that.
my general trying-to-please-them hasn't manifested itself in these big issues, marriage and church, but more in subtle things like how i dress, the way my house is designed, etc.
i have been trying to work on not needing to seek their approval in therapy, learning how to separate from them and become emotionally independent. it's tough enogh with seemingly trivial issues such as mine, but for me they weren't trivial. my parents are very visual in their orientation, and as a blind person, i can't be that way. that's where a lot of the conflict comes from. i am calling your attention to this therapeutic concept of "separation" and "emotional independence", because it seems to me that this will become a major focus of your therapy, if you decide to proceed with it.
the realization that you are resentful again, as misplaced resentment and anger, which is mostly anger and resentment towards yourself, and that this has been making you physically sick, is tremendously and vitally important. any therapist worth his name would consider that a great insight and breakthrough. i hope you will use this self-discovery as a means of motivating yourself to finally address the real issues. it is very tragic and sad to have been married by force or against your will, or to have to belong to a different church than the one you would like to attend because these issues are so personal and central to our identities. you will have to decide for yourself on these issues, but to base your life in such personal areas on anyone else's preferences, is asking for trouble. at some point, the whole thing will boomerang. perhaps you have come to the point where you can honestly face these realizations. it is as shattering as an earthquake, but can be the start of a newer, healthier, more mature and honest self. i have found that therapy has helped me in working through my own earthquakes, meaning, defining my own identity. i hope you will be able to do this for yourself too. stay healthy and stay in touch., Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 12:49pm

Hello there my friend.

I apologize for not having welcomed you back and given you a huge hug! You have been missed here, and you have been in my thoughts quite a lot.

Things have been busy. Everyone had been on vacation for the Eid celebrations, but that is now over. My mother has just finished the radiotherapy treatment, so no more daily visits to the clinic. I'm going to take a break soon as I've been so exhausted lately, and take that opportunity to recharge and think about the future.

Is it my imagination or are you sounding so much more grounded and confident?

Lots of hugs,



iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 7:42pm

Glad to hear that you're doing well with your meditation and alpha state stuff Tziporah. Also glad to hear that your husband is a great source of support for you. I'll have to look into that alpha state stuff for myself it sounds interesting. It sounds familiar too. I want to be aware of all kinds of things that I can use to help others as well as myself too.


My therapy is okay. I went to Richmond Hill once, then I had a week off then I had a phone appointment. My pdoc didn't call me when out appointment was which upset me. I called the office and the receptionist said that she had to step out and she'd call me later. I called the office again later and it was closed and I got upset again. And then I called my pdoc's cell. I was upset as it rang because she never answers, it's always off, but I was surprised when she did pick up. She said she'd call me back when she got some place private. Again I got a little, I don't know, uneasy. I guess I didn't think she'd call me back. She did though, but when she did she said she had this carpool thing that she had to do, can she call me back in an hour. I said I have to go to reiki. When is that she asked. I said I have leave about now. When do you get back? 8:00. Okay, I'll call you at 8:00. Again, I was disappointed. From my previous experience I figured she'd forget about me again. So, I went to reiki. When I got to reiki I told Jennifer what had happened that day. Let's just say it was a bad day and I did something bad and dangerous. I said that I didn't want to tell her everything because she might have to report me for being a danger to myself or others. She asked me did she want her to commit me? No. Twice actually. She didn't take me to the hospital like she said, she just made me go into the other room and either journal or talk to Nadine until she was done with her other clients and then talk to her again before she left. At 8:00 I went outside to wait for pdoc to call. She didn't call and I called her cell 3 times and waited and waited. By 8:20 or 8:30 Jennifer came outside and told me to come inside it was too cold. I had lost hope that she was going to call. I talked to Jennifer for a bit. I gave her my pills because I would take them between that time and the time I got home. Then my phone rang. It was my pdoc. Wow. We talked about the day and my weight and meds and everything.

Amanda

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