Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
1100
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:32am

Hi Tziporah,


I am so sorry that this is such a belated welcome to you. I've been absent from the board for nearly a month - so many things have been happening in my life that it was difficult to also come here. The good news is that life has somewhat calmed down (but I'm still crossing my fingers and my toes), which means that I'm back on iVillage.


I am so very happy to see you here, participating and sharing in our conversations! I hope that we'll get to know each other better in the coming weeks.


Welcome again!


(PS: I love the sound of your name!)


Please visit these other great message boards:
Cranio-Facial Abnormalities
In Vitro (IVF)



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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 9:26pm
Yes I see her, sort of. We've made our appointments up to the first week of December. Of that one of them is an office appointment. The rest are phone appointments. I have the option of changing that arrangement, but at the time I made the appointments I didn't know if ODSP would cover the transportation cost so I didn't want to set up all these appointments that I would have to pay for myself when I can't even make ends meet as it is.

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Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 11:56pm

Just my 2 cents.

Amanda, it's okay that you talk about the problems you and facing and your difficulties. IMHO, it's more important to do so *because* you are a CL. We are a group of peers here. Yes, the CL is a leader but these are more tasks to ensure that the boards are active, that the boards are a safe place for everyone to come and talk, that there are no disruptions, and that members get the information and the support that they need. Otherwise, we are a group of peers who are here because we all have something in common, and together as a group we are stronger than alone in our corner wondering whether we are normal or not. Though we each have our own problems and lives, and we basically only meet here, this board is powerful because of all the support we each give to each other.

Why is it important to share about our difficulties when we are a CL? Inevitably people do look to us, and we are usually the first ones to respond to a post especially a newbie's first post. If we never share about what's going on with us, members will tend to think that they are somehow weak or not normal because, for example, Poppy never goes through what they go through. When I started to share on the PTSD board, it only made the board *and* the members stronger. WHen I am the one who is going through a tough time, members come out of their shells, put aside their own problems in order to listen to me and support me. Helping me helps them in a lot of ways.

And let's face it. We're human, too, and we need support, too and this board is really very, very good at giving great advice and real support.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 4:23pm
Amanda, hi. i'm sorry you're going through a hard time right now. we all have them, you know, and just because you're the cl doesn't mean you have to put on a front or pretend you're superhuman. in fact, it's more real to admit you're struggling like the rest of jus. if i had a choice between two leaders, one who was faking it, or one who had gone through the struggles i'm going through, i'd definitely choose the second one. so, as Chris said, when talking about her new counseling ventures, the fact that she's been there, is making her a stronger counselor--i agree with that. why do you feel you have to pretend by putting on a front? certainly around here that is not necessary at all.
as far as the policy about counseling sessions on the phone or in person, i have found that different therapists have different policies. i worked with one therapist who was willing to let me have some sessions over the phone because traveling from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem was a real "schlep"==Uiddish slang for pain-in-the-... very inconvenient. i have also met others who will not allow for any phone appointments at all, except for emergencies, and even then, only in order to clarify a situation and schedule a meeting. to aavoid any misunderstandings or hurt feelings, the best thing to do when starting with any therapist is to get a very clear explanation about phone policies, missed sessions, fees, and everything else connected with appointments. charges for missed appointments, until when you an notify about cancellations without being charged, etc.
of course, if a therapist said she would call at a certain hour, i would also expect her to do so. but then, is she in her office or calling from home? if she was involved in a carpool, chances are she thought this was a five-minute call while you probably expected a full session. that's why clarification is so vitally important when it comes to phone policies.
bottom line--you want a doctor who is reliable and responsive, not one who you can't trust to return calls when she says. but you also need to know that therapists often consider in-person sessions one way and phone appointments another way. so straighten this one out in order not to be hurt again.
at least in this instance, you had others you could call on for help. i hope things will calm down soon. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 5:15pm
Poppy, you put your points forward quite eloquently and articulately. there is strength in unity. as a cl, you can respond to Amanda better than i. i agree with everything you say.
i'm taking this chance to respond to your message to me. you know you are a perceptive madamme, you always got me figured out. it's not your imagination. i am feeling more grounded. my parents' visit turned out much better than i thought, especially because i was more forthcoming in my communications. when they did something i didn't like, instead of just stuffing it inside or remaining silent, i let them know how i felt. my biggest victory was last night. they were going to be leaving and my mother started in with the kitchen clutter routine again. i was starting to get angry. i said, "Mom, you're leaving in an hour. if this is how you'd like to spend your last hour, i'd prefer you leave now." i NEVER could have done that before. i attribute it to the extensive therapy, the centering exercises i've been doing, and the prayers and blessings i have gotten from rabbis that this visit would be successful.
i am still biting my nails and cutting my hair from time to time, and i still am feeling the anxiety, but the episodes are getting shorter.
now, with them gone, it's time to get back into some routine and semblance of order. the visit was tiring emotionally and physically, and i slept a lot, but i think i'm caught up on that now.
i really thought about what i want to do now. i decided to start with the yoga thing. i have been copying out the exercises from a yoga book,as this book is on loan to me. i feel it sort of goes together with thealpha-state thing i've been doing. my coach at school is also a yoga instructor, which helps. i want to gradually add more things on, but take it slow. i've been doing this alpha state for about a month and am now ready to add on something else.
i'm also feeling anxiety about the coaching thing again, have not really been doing too much with it. i guess i had some good excuses--the holidays and my parents being here. but now i nee tobuckle down and get to work. i know that. it's just getting into the rhythm.
anyway, i hae to add that i am sure my progress over the past half-year, since March when i started writing here, has really been profound, much more than i could have ever anticipated, and i have everyone to thank for their encouragement and support. you're right in what you told Amanda about needing to open up and get real. Poppy, your perceptive comments about me have really all been right on target as well. take a break after the last few months and recharge. you deserve it. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Avatar for why1040
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 5:20pm

Hi Amanda!


Firstly, I'm so sorry you're going through such issues with your pdoc and all, that sounds like a royal pain the posterior!

Avatar for why1040
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 5:38pm

Gosh, Tziporah, can I just say WAY TO GO!


I have got to the stage where I refuse to allow my mother into my house due to her comments about clutter etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 7:17am

>>> I was upset that she said that my phone appointments couldn't be always accommodated at the times that I've made them. Why not? If I was in her office she wouldn't tell me she had to step out or take another appointment first! Why is a time okay for an office appointment but not for a phone appointment. <<<

Amanda, I've been thinking about what you wrote a lot since I think exactly like you. An appointment is an appointment. It is a service that she is giving to you and that you are paying for. It would seem to me unfair that it can only be accommodated solely to *her* convenience at the expense of yours, especially if a date and a time has been set.

That said, if phone appointments are an inconvenience to her, then she ought to be honest with you, too out of respect to you. Perhaps this is something that you have to discuss in depth with her. I know that you work well with her and that you trust her, but not showing up or calling when she has promised to call seems to me neither professional, respectful or caring of her. You really, really, really deserve to be treated better, especially at this time when you are making great progress in your healing. You've had so many great insights in the past couple of months, Amanda, which we can "hear" from your posts.

I'm sorry if I've offended you in any way. I mean no offense. I think you are a very smart young woman who gives and cares so much, and in my eyes, you deserve only the best!

Hugs,



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 6:52am

I am soooo glad that your parents' visit has been much better than what you anticipated. All your hard work and preparations in anticipation of this have paid off, plus you are sounding so much more mellow, relaxed and sure of yourself! Wow!

I am taking a break this week, and Saturday I have a 2-hour belly dancing workshop. There is actually a week-end full of courses, but my knees have been iffy and my shoulder frozen (when it acts up) so I don't have to push it. I'm trying to adjust to dancing in a smaller space - till now I've always dance in a much bigger space than what will be available in December. As much as I am anxious about dancing in public, I think it's good for me. This is a side of me that hasn't come up for air in 20 years.

I'm also trying to figure out what to do next. In my case, it would be work. I'm going to take it slowly slowly as they say here so that I can figure out how to incorporate the things I want to do because I believe in them and pursuing a paying job that is also challenging and satisfying (and pays well, of course). In the meantime, though, I'm catching up on sleep and releasing worries, anger, sadness...



iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 3:15pm

Thanks Poppy.


It's not so much the members' perception of me that I'm worried of (all I feel is love from you all) :) It's the higher ups. I don't want them to see me as weak and unfit. As it is this week at Danielle's Place they wouldn't let me stay for group and said that I should abstain from my volunteer position for a while until I'm better. That's the same fear I have here. It's not unfounded. They took the Suicidal thoughts board away from me, what's to say they won't do it again?


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Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 3:25pm

Thanks Tziporah,


I don't mean to be deceptive by any means by not posting about myself (as you will see in my response to Poppy).


As far as the counselling sessions go, it was my pdoc's suggestion that I have phone appointments to avoid the long trip, the schlep as you say. And the policy is that I get a full session out of the deal. When she called that night about the car pool it was just to inform me of it and to make another time that was more convenient for both of us so that we could get a full session in, even though it was after hours and she was calling me from home. She did call me later that night while I was still at Danielle's Place and we got a full session out of it.


Yesterday she failed to make our appointment time again, and I didn't receive a call saying it was a bad time, like she said she would do in the future if I was scheduled at a time that didn't work for a phone appointment. I called her cell at the end of the day and she said she'd call me in 5-10 minutes and she never did. I called her cell later and it was off. I called later still and it was on and I got her daughter, who asked if she could call me back and I said that was fine. She never did. I checked my email this morning and she had sent me an email saying sorry she didn't call me back she had been called to the hospital for an emergancy which is totally understandable but then she said that she didn't call me back that night because she didn't want to disturb my family. I think that it should be up to me to make that decision. If she had called at a bad time I would have told her so she wouldn't in the future. Then she said she would call me at 7am today and she didn't. I am very disappointed. In her email she said she was very concerned, but I don't get that indication from her behaviour. She also said we need to take a serious look at my meds. I said no way am I going through a complete med change. I'm not doing that again. I told her I'd start the risperdal, she also wants me back on lithium. So I guess I don't have much choice in that. She wants someone in hamilton following my meds. No problem, my family doctor can do that, and that's just what she had in mind. She said she'd send him a letter. Without her calling me I don't know what's on her mind or where to go next. I talked to tdoc today (the one who makes me nervous) and all I can remember from that is that she thinks I'm using my reliance on my sick identity and basically that I thought myself back into this relapse. How nice, very uplifting.


Sorry to ramble on.


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Amanda

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