Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
1100
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:32am

Hi Tziporah,


I am so sorry that this is such a belated welcome to you. I've been absent from the board for nearly a month - so many things have been happening in my life that it was difficult to also come here. The good news is that life has somewhat calmed down (but I'm still crossing my fingers and my toes), which means that I'm back on iVillage.


I am so very happy to see you here, participating and sharing in our conversations! I hope that we'll get to know each other better in the coming weeks.


Welcome again!


(PS: I love the sound of your name!)


Please visit these other great message boards:
Cranio-Facial Abnormalities
In Vitro (IVF)



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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Wed, 11-21-2007 - 1:41pm

Thanks Poppy,


You know she IS the best and that's why I put up with it. No one has understood me or listened to me or worked with me so well in all my life. So I guess I hang on until I can't take it anymore.


I saw the school psychiatrist yesterday. I posted about it in Jody's post. It was horrible but I'm not going to get into it again.


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Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Thu, 11-22-2007 - 3:55pm
You have my sympathy for putting up with this, and my admiration for enduring her habitual tardiness.
My psychiatrist, not my therapist, but the doc who handles my med, is also the same type as your doc. But I have always made it a point to voice my dislike and frustration about being kept waiting or not having my phone messages returned within a reasonable period of time--48 hours. many docs consider 24 hours more normal. I stay with her because she knows her stuff, and also, because in real emergencies she is prompt.
She finally admitted, after I voiced my protests about her lack of phone response to returning messages, that for her, standard follow-up is a week!
she has also gotten a secretary, which certainly helps.
I cannot let go of the suspicion that this doc enages in these things because you are a nonpaying client at a public clinic. Unfortunately, that is the reallity. The truth is, I see my psychiatrist privately--I pay her out of my pocket. So I have a very strong card in my deck--if you do not act professionally by being on time, I will go elsewhere. She wants my money, just as much as any other businesswoman does. So it is in her own interest to be more punctual. I cannot say she is perfect yet, and I also make it a habbit to be the first one in line, but I do voice my frustrations whenever she pulls this one on me.
One rule my psycho doc has, and in this she has been consistent, regardless of when you get into her office, whatever the length of your session, be it fifteen minutes or an hour, she gives you the full time you have scheduled for.
Does your psycho doc give you your full hour,, or, because she is running late, cut ack on time that is rightfully yours?
So, you may correctly ask, since my psychiatrist is this type of doc, habitually late and slow in phone message returns, why do I stay with her? Plain and simple. I really do not need to see her that much--maybe two/three times a year for monitoring and regulation. If I had to see her every week or two, I would not put up with this kind of behavior.
It is worth your while to seek out alternative routes, so if you are ever caught in a jam, you won't be stranded and panicking. you know the Boy Scouts motto: be prepared.
It may be that the reallity is simply the way it she--she is a punctually late doc. In clinics that is common. And she may unconsciously consider the phone calls less significant therapeutically than in-person visits. I think as patients, we deserve to be treated better.
How many psychotherapists have "punished" the patient if they come in late by deducting the time from their allotted hour? Or, if you cancel too late, or just do not show up at all, you are usually required to pay for the session anyway.
Double standard here, I think. They get the privilege of doing with our time what they want, while we get punished for the same thing.
Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Fri, 11-23-2007 - 5:12pm

I did email her yesterday

Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Tue, 11-27-2007 - 12:53am
You have presented very reasonable and logical arguments as to why you want to stay with this doc. it is clearer to me now than it was before. perhaps it is even more important to you that you are clear about it and that you remember these reasons when she does not keep her phone scheduled appointments.
after reading your last email, in which you said she was seeing someone at the time you were scheduled to have a phone session, a new thought crossed my mind. the problem may be a purely technical one. ask her if she notes her phone appointments in her calendar in the same way that she notes face-to-face sessions. if she does, then there is no reason why she would be busy with someone else in a live visit. she would be able to see clearly from looking at her calendar that this slot of time was earmarked for you. you may have to be a little more prompting, but in the end this will serve both of you better. when you agree on a time with her, ask her if she has noted it in her appointment calendar, so that there will not be this kind of situation again. tell her that you expect her to have that hour reserved for you and that you feel upset when you learn that she has scheduled someone else in your reserved time slot. you are a medical consumer and you can remind her of this fact. if she tells you that she does not mark her phone appointments in the same way she marks her live sessions, tell her you would appreciate it if she would do so. tell her that you have reserved this time and it is unsettling and inconvenient to be repeatedly bumped. ask her how she would feel if someone kept doing that to her. if you have a good relationship with this doc, you should be able to say these things in a courteous and assertive way. if she balks, once again, remind her that you are a medical consumer. tell her why you want to stay with her--the reasons you wrote in your post to me--and that because you value your work with her, you want to continue.
if she continues t bump your phone appointments, and you really feel she is this valuable, maybe youwill have to reconsider your practice of phone call sessions and be willing to see her face-to-face more often, even with all the hassle involved.
as i said, these things, although they may seem trivial, have a direct bearing on the therapy. so it is not trivial at all.
i am glad to hear you are feeling more stable in your life in general. that is a very good thing.
although you may feel i am discouraging you from staying with this doc, this is not the case. i would just like to see you get what is rightfully yours and not be shortchanged. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Tue, 11-27-2007 - 1:39pm

The best and worst quality of hers is that she lets people take all the time that they need and then she gets behind so she takes the convenience of taking up my time to catch up a bit. When I said that I called her and she was with someone it was at 5pm, not our scheduled time. I was hoping to catch her just at the end of the day and she didn't end up calling me back either. Ah well.


I know that would make face to face appointment seem more logical, but my transportation allowance is cut off right now (from disability) my original form expired and the new one was apparantly not filled out correctly. So I have a new form to get filled out and I made an appointment with my doctor today to do it. Disability said that if I get it in before the end of the month they will back pay me for the month which I desperately need but my appointment with my dr isn't until December 3. That

Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Wed, 11-28-2007 - 2:30am
Amanda, you do not have to appologize for blabbing about yourself. I am interested in what you have to say--totally interested.
I have to be honest and tell you my gut says this doc is just not professional enough. Most doctors stick to the format of set times--fifteen, thirty, sixty minutes. Of course, a patient does not want to be rushed in and out like on a factory assembly line, but neither should a patient take up so much time that others get short-changed of time that is rightfully theirs. otherwise, a patient could go on chatting all day long! occasionally, perhaps a patient needs longer, but if this is the norm, then the backlog problem will be chronic. i just keep feeling like this lady just does not have her act together enoughand you will be the one who will get hurt in the end.
if you could have ideal conditions in therapy what would they be? would it be seeing your t. every week, every other week, once a month? How much do you need to see her for the sake of your mental health?
Is this depression that your mother thinks you are in due to lack of proper therapy or something else?
I have stayed in my pajamas for more than two days, not because i am depressed, but because it is simply more comfortable. but if this is unusual for you, then maybe it is a warning sign. i keep focusing on this doc because getting proper care is so important. it is hard enough fighting the beauracracy, let alone having to deal with a doc who is so unpredictable and unreliable. my doc is often late, as i said, but when it comes to sticking to her time slots--whether it's fifteen or sixty minutes--she goes by the clock. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Wed, 11-28-2007 - 3:43am
Since writing this message, things have gotten better. i have started to write again. i write on average 2-3 times a week. i am doing yoga every day and feeling much better doing it. i am also looking into different alpha state courses and trying to figure out which one i want to take. i also started a coaching class--one per week again. going at a slow but steady pace.
actually, things are going quite well. so, why did i do si last night? i have been doing si on and off almost every day--pick at a nail here, pick at a cuticle there, cut my hair a bit. after doing it a bit the anxiety passes. i think part of it is because of the therapy--getting deeper. but that does not explain everything.
yesterday i had an exceptionally good day. in the evening, lying in bed, i suddenly picked at a cuticle with my fingernail and made a gash. it really hurt and bled, not just a simple little pick of the cuticle. i felt the pain instantly. i was disgusted with myself. i couldn't understand it. if things are going so well, why this? i thought the more i got into yoga and alpha, the less i would do the nail-biting. it has decreased, but not totally stopped. that bothers me.
Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 11-28-2007 - 6:57am
Please don't apologize for talking about you! We want and need to know what's happening with you, because we care very much about you, Amanda.

I hope that you will get your transportation stipend soon. I hope that your therapist gets her act together soon, too, because as wonderful as she is, you are paying for her being disorganized. Being professional has nothing to do with the amount of money exchanged. If it did, then people who volunteer should all be slobs and flakes, and yet they aren't.


((((((((((hugs))))))))))



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 11-28-2007 - 7:08am
Hey, Tzipoprah (I have a tendency to want to call you Tzip. Sorry!)


Wow, you do sound a lot more composed and grounded. So much more focused. We can read it in your post. Good for you!


I am glad that you have been able to put yourself on your path again and that you have started to have a routine again. Are you enjoying the yoga?


Tziporah, is there a little negative voice that is telling you that it's not going to last, that you don't deserve this, etc? It's the only thing I could think of (which reflects on me). It could be as you said - because the therapy is getting deeper again.


Hey, my performance is Saturday. I am going to morph myself into a dancing alter ego heh heh heh. She has hair that goes down till the middle of her back, and doesn't have any complex about wearing a cropped top. Well, not quite an alter ego. That was me years ago. I'm reconnecting with a part of me that hasn't seen light in a long time.


I'm sending you a lot of hugs!



iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Wed, 11-28-2007 - 12:41pm

Tziporah,


Others aren't getting shortchanged because she lets patients go overtime, she just goes overtime and I actually admire that about her. She is working more than she is getting paid for and I think it shows she genuinely cares about her patients.


I had a phone appointment today at 9:30 and when she didn't call by 10 I called the office and cried and ranted and she called me back! She said it was good that I called because she needed a reminder so maybe that's what I have to do

Amanda

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