Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
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Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
| Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:32am |
Hi Tziporah,
I am so sorry that this is such a belated welcome to you. I've been absent from the board for nearly a month - so many things have been happening in my life that it was difficult to also come here. The good news is that life has somewhat calmed down (but I'm still crossing my fingers and my toes), which means that I'm back on iVillage.
I am so very happy to see you here, participating and sharing in our conversations! I hope that we'll get to know each other better in the coming weeks.
Welcome again!
(PS: I love the sound of your name!)

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The problem with switching doctors is that we have opened up so much of ourselves to them and taken them into our confidence, and placing ourselves in their hands with the *faith* that they will take care of us and heal us. There's most probably some transference there, too. So when we want to switch, it feels like a betrayal. It's different with the dentists. Why? He hurts us with his procedures. When you think of dentist you think not such great thoughts. When you think of therapist you think of an anchor or a lifebuoy.
I agree with your coach. See how this unfolds. Often we feel very guilty about taking a different approach to our work and projects, especially if we had been working 12-hour days on them. But if you get your things done anyways, at a pace that is more reasonable for you and that leaves you time to do your other things that are also important - yoga, religious studies - then why not? If it means a more balanced life and one that has a lower stress level, then I say go for it. Do you really need to achieve your goals this Friday? Isn't Tuesday or Wednesday next week also acceptable (unless there is an official deadline for something, that is). I'm all for working hard. I'm not for working under duress and a lot of stress. Been there, done that. Now I want a good quality of life.
No, your pdoc won't change her behaviour. You can change yours, though. Get a second even a third opinion. After all, you want the best for you. And you are the *client*. It sounds like a lot of power play here, not mere laziness or negligence. It isn't healthy when the psychiatrist is playing games. Run!
What if out there is a compassionate as well as excellent doctor who sees her/himself as someone who will work alongside you to see what is the best solution for you and with whom you have a better relationship?
A podcast is talk only, without the video part. What operating system do you use on your computer? Here's the link to the Yoga Journal podcast http://www.yogajournal.com/podcast/ Ask away if you have questions!
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Crisis Center: Rape & Suicide
i talked it over with my husband and he suggested waiting a week. if she didn't call by then, i figured i could start looking aroun. she did call yesterday--seven days after the actual incident--which is a long time for my docs but normal for her. i rescheduled, but didn't want to be the first in line. this way, third or fourth in line, i can always call up before i leave and ask if i should come on time or later--less waiting time. anyway, i guess it's the hassle of having to start from scratch that ultimately kept me from going somehwere--the hassle of having to tell the whole story from beginning to end again. it just seemed to daunting to do that.
hi have a feeling you;'ll be disappointed in me for choosing this route, that you would have been more proud of me had i chosen to go elsewhere. the truth is, as far as her medical knowledge goes, she is very good. it's just her office ettiquette that isn't. there is transference because she reminds me a lot of my mother--all women therapists do that to me. the truth is, i see her just for meds monitoring, not for psychotherapy. anyway, i feel okay with my present dosge.
i also talked about the way things are going in general with my t. we established that as soon as i get into a place where i feel happy, i sabotage it by starting to doubt myself. this is triggered either by something i read, which i then take personally and apply to myself, by comparing myself to others, or thinking i would be better doing something else instead. we decided that for the next two months i'll concentrate on Bible study and then by Passover time see how i feel about it. that sounds good to me.
anyway, today i am really fed up with one of my long-term cases. i made a suggestion and she blew up at me. i am handling her case as a favor to a rabbi who referred her to me. to go into it would be a time-consuming thing, but suffice it to say i'm also angry. i don't feel i have to be treated this way. i know it's her meds, or her feeling overwhelmed by her very real problems, but i feel like i' be very happy if she never called again. i mean, if she wants to self-destruct, am i obligated to watch it happen? i know i should be able to just let it go, go back to being the epitome of kindness, but i guess i'm just burned out. that is another reason my t. said this time a\out might actually be a good thing for me. i'm not sure about anything, but i decided with my coach to listen in on some teleclasses from the coaching school--no obligation. i am willing to help people who genuinely want to help themselves. i know this client isn't doing it intentionally, but maybe i just need a break. i'm just frustrated at how she gets herself into easily avoidable messes. it's so absurd.
well, i'm trying to get my hands to look good so that by the time i have to see the psychdoc next week they'll be in good shape. my hair will be short, but at least, starting to grow in a little. i am more sure of myself about the question of not wanting to increase the dose. it's not perfect, but i feel better at this lower dose, more awake in the sense that i am not just coasting along under the influence of a drug, that i can decide more freely about what i want to do.
i'm not sure what you meant by your question about the computer. i have a new computer from last year, so it should work with everything. i'll check out the podcasts. i'm still using a good download sight, yogatoday.com that was reccommended on the yoga message board. i feel good doing it. Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
You are being proactive in a very good way.
Regarding your long-term case, what have you decided? Sometimes we need to re-establish boundaries and remind people when they have gone too far. You are certainly within your right to be angry, and a time out sounds like a more than reasonable plan for burn-out. Just a word for your client, though. Does she even realize that she has choices and that she can avoid messes? Because I've seen some people who are so tunnel-visioned that they've got to be told, and they've got to learn, that they do have choices and stepping into poo is a choice that they made not their only option. And now, back to you: go for the time-out. Maybe if she hears the message from yet another person her brain will finally start thinking about it. It often happens that way. I'm sighing because in my family, it often happens that way. I feel a bit like a Cassandra, talking about physiotherapy or acupuncture that no one (my parents) really takes into account until a doctor or a good friend brings it up. Hah! I tease them about it.
I didn't know about the yogatoday.com site. Thank you so much for that. I'm going to try it out!
You are sounding so much more confident and happy, Tziporah. There's sunshine in your writing voice. It's so nice to hear. Don't sabotage yourself, please. You sound lovely.
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Crisis Center: Rape & Suicide
as i said in response to Abby, i also think that it was easier to stay--after all, i have a psychotherapist twice a week and she'sjjust handling the meds. if there was something really out of line, he knows me well enough by now to catch it. and he is honest about things when necessary. so i feel safe. i have also discussed the matter with him, so i have his feedback.
in general, i can sythis week was a very good one. i haven't talked to any difficult clients this week and actually enjoyed that--not being hassled by them. as to what i'll do ultimately in this one particular case, i'm not sure. for now, i am just letting things be. if she wants to talk to me, she knows my phone number. if she doesn't call again, i will miss her, but not be sorry about the relationship ending. perhaps periodically changing the people we work with can be a good thing. maybe after some time handling things by herself, she'll come to the realization she needs my help, or the help of someone else, or maybe her husband will finally wake up to reality and put his arrogrance aside and become more supportive. or maybe the whole house will crumble and the social workers will finally get involved. whatever happens, the outcome may be for the best, whether or not i am part of it.
i am reminded of the story of Jeremiah. he warned the nation of Israel about the inpending doom, that their Temple would be destroyed and Jerusalem ravaged. they didn't want to hear his message and eventually that is what happened. fter that, he accompanied the exiled inhabitants to the banks of the Euphrates. at that point they pleaded with him to cross the river with them into Babylonia. he said he couldn't do that. they had to cross the river alone, enter exile, face the consequences of their actions, and then start to rebuild their lives.
i feel like this situation is like that. i can warn her about impending harm to her children if they do not get the treatment they need, how things will keep breaking down over and over until they are repaired right once and for all, how money is being needlessly spent on shoddy workmanship, etc., etc., etc., but a person can only say so much. if she doesn't want to hear it, that's her choice. she many have to go through the terrible experience of destruction and disaster before she or her husband wakes up. i can't be with them at that point. just like Jeremiah couldn't cross the river with the exiled, i am not willing to stay at her at all cost. so, i am at peace with it now.
i have had a very good week, doing yoga, studying Scriptures, and i even participated in a telecoach class from the coaching school yesterday. in general, i am very happy right now. my t. is encouraging me to acknowledge these things and reinforce them and not sabotage my current progress.
my si behaviors are also decreasing. every day my cuticles look a little better, healing a little more.
the morning anxiety has decreased markedly. i am beinning to wonder that it had to do with the cases i have been involved in.
as for yogatoday, say thanks to the cl. on the yoga message board for putting me onto that. i use them several times a week and rally like their workouts. Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Tziporah,
I think you're right about your assertiveness with your t/pdoc. It is a good thing. We need to have a hand in how our cases are managed. It's especially strong of you since she is like your mother and I guess that standing up to your mother would be very hard.
You are also exercising your assertiveness with this client. It is important not to get dragged under by these type of things.
The last few weeks have been difficult, but ultimately, rewarding. there is so much to talk about. I don't even know the new members on the board--that is how out-of-touch I am. Wow.
Anyway, to catch up on things...
In the end, I decided to stay with the psychdoc and I made an appointment--not to be the first one on line, so I wouldn't be left waiting outside in a hallway. There was a patient before me and then I got in--only had to wait ten minutes.
Amazing isn't it?
As to the difficult case I was working on, we took a break from each other. I decided--if she wants to call me, she knows my number. And, to be honest, I didn't miss her that much--I guess I also needed the airing out.
Tonight she called. three weeks of no contact. She said she had felt overwhelmed--she was angry at things and I was the object of her displaced anger. I also told her how hard it is for me morally to not intervene when I see things that are so out-of-line, like child neglect.
We both agreed the time-out had been good for us. She learned that she can actually manage without me--not perfectly, of course, but much better than she might have thought. And without me around, her husband had to become more involved.
I have talked about it with several people. I still have to learn not to absorb the pain, to set boundaries, and not force the client to do what I think is right.
How do I feel about things now with her? Well, maybe a little better. She did get medical help for her kid, which was necessary. She recognizes she needs help to stay on top of things. But, probably significantly, after the phone call, I bit a cuticle--si again--a reflection of some anxiety within me. My psychdoc said it would be better if I stayed away from these heavy cases and I was feeling emotionally lighter without them. Why did I reconnect with her? A real sucker at heart, I mean, too compassionate, just cannot stand by idly when someone asks for help, even if it is going to, or might, get me into emotional straits.
I have been trying to restart the coaching. It hasn't been easy. My computer had two breakdowns and I lost all my files, including my writing project I was working on. Surprisingly, I'm not upset about that. Maybe the writing was meant to be a therapeutic exercise, nothing more.
My cuticles are not in great shape, I must admit. I read in this book, Seek Sobriety, that I've recommended before, that when things are going well people drop off staying in touch with the support group. After all, if things are going well, what is there to say? I think this was my mistake. I should have been in touch here more often. I was just so tied up within myself. Too many things to sort out. And then I got confident. My nails were starting to look good again. My doc said I could stay at the current dose. Then things started to unravel.
It's really the anxiety I have to work on now. I'm mostly not depressed--more tense and anxious and less depressed.
Still, the news here is not good at all, good enough reason to be depressed.
I'm trying to rebuild all the lost files. I decided, since this is happening anyway, I might as well try blogging. Surprised?
Well, I actually got into the ivillage blogs, started a blog, have a profile, but now I'm stuck. After trying to do it myself, I realized, accepted, I need help, so I wrote a message on the ivillage tour msb. I really need someone to walk me through it. Anyone here interested? I really need to blog as part of my coaching schoolwork.
Mainly therapy is now concentrating on doing things despite the anxiety, learning to make decisions despite the unknown, doing new things despite the anxiety that comes up because it is unfamiliar. Very hard work. I try to do one thing a day that is new with coaching.
I'm still doing yoga and learning the Scriptures. These things are still intact at least.
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
My cuticles are just as bad as they were a year ago--it feels like I'm starting all over again from the very beginning. I know this is only a feeling, not a fact. I've made a lot of progress over the past year. It's just the anxiety from everything that is going on--the violence in the country. Not just the terrorists, which would be bad enough, but even other things. Yesterday there was a news piece about a man who was stabbed by an angry neighbor because he had parked his truck in such a way as to block the neighbor from being able to get out of a parking spot. Can you imagine it? He stabbed the guy to death and left a young widow with two babies and a third on the way! Very upsetting. The country was not this violent when I emigrated here. It is definitely worse.
Shavtai, my husband, says I shouldn't listen to the news, and he is right of course. Especially the evening news--right before bed. Not right before bed, but a few hours before. But enough that it stays in your mind.
I was also reflecting on the biblical passage I had read. I find that the Bible is a very good study in human behavior--stories about people who make mistakes, the same mistakes, over and over again. I find this comforting in the sense that these characters are really human like us, facing the same struggles. But my learning raises a lot of questions and sometimes I lie in bed contemplating on them.
And then there is the coaching thing, how to proceed with that.
My mind just kept going around from one thing to the other and I just kept biting my nails, trying to "fix" them, as it were, cut off the ragged hanging skin. Of course, I made it worse, more often than not. I told myself I will probably have to wear gloves around the clock for the next few days. My skin is so dry--I really should put cream on it. Not just my hands, but on my heels, which are also dry.
I know I should hear the relaxation mp3 tapes again--still have to download them. So much to reconstruct from all the files that were lost. Everything takes so much time to do. I was in such a good place before and want to be there again. Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Hi Tziporah,
Though it has been a difficult month for you it looks like it has also been one full of insight about yourself.
How do you propose to set your boundaries? I'm interested because there are quite a few posts during the year from women who clearly need to step back and set their boundaries vis-a-vis their family, friends, bosses, colleagues. I've got a secondary boundary-making mechanism: my mouth is often quickly to say yes than my brain can process a request that someone is making. So now when someone comes to me, my standard answer is "I'll think about it". This comes after a year-and-a-half of training myself to automatically reply "No" whenever anyone would ask me a question. I'd say no in different fashions - sometime shaking my head, sometime humming the no, sometimes singing a happy "No no no no no!", sometimes saying it whilst laughing, etc. It made me comfortable just saying the word and proved that lighting wouldn't strike me just for saying it. But it also allowed me time to think about the question. Most times I would then say yes but on the times I wanted to say no, I could stick with it.
No absorbing people's pains has become easier for me since I learned to do Reiki. Now I visualize a shield made of healing, loving and caring white light that keeps away their pain. I don't need to feel their pain in order to empathize. I've also learned that taking away their pain whilst making them feel better doesn't help them in the end since they don't become responsible for their pain or for making it go away.
I'm sorry about the computer break-down and the loss of your files. If you want to I can help you with the blogging here, or help you find another blogging client/site if iConnect isn't Tziporah-user-friendly. I haven't been able to access my own blog for the past few months since it all moved to a new platform, and this might be the problem that you are encountering. Drop me an email with the details! My father is in the hospital right now (home on Friday, though) so please don't expect a rely straight away - it might take me a day or two to get back to you.
Do you ever back-up your files? Do you have an external hard disk to do this? *Everyone* need to back-up on a regular basis because you never know when the computer will go bzzzzzzt!
I've missed you!
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Crisis Center: Rape & Suicide
Hi Tziporah,
I'm sorry to hear that you lost your files. That must be a bummer. I hope that you can slowly rebuild them. Don't feel pressured to do them all at once.
How can you deal with your anxiety other than SI? Have you seen my coping strategies thread? It has mine and others' coping strategies. I know you have your scripture and yoga and that's good, but it can't hurt to have even more possibilities.
I'm glad your break from that client was good, but, if I may ask, why go back to her? I know, you're a helper, but this might not be the best of times to deal with such difficult cases.
I know I may not have been much help at the moment, my brain is a little foggy, but I hope you know I am here for you.
I have missed you too.
Of course I had a backup of files--on the hard disc. That was also lost. a total screwup.
Anyway, I am still involved in trying to organize things. Thanks for the blogging offer. I'll deal with it after the Sabbath.
As far as abosrbing other people's pain and setting boundaries, they probably go together. It is something I have to deal with in therapy. I don't have any easy answers. All I know is, I have become more aware and accepting of what I can and cannot do and that I have to protect myself first.
I think your comments about caregiving and burnout, which you sent to A., are also appropriate when it comes to boundaries.
I have heard of the concept of being in a protective shield. I think of it as a rubber shield, like a balloon. The arrows pierce the balloon, not me. I am shielded from it. Still, it is part of my nature to absorb pain. My t. says I have to make the sensasions of joy as real as the sensasions of pain--not an easy task.
Right now, the only strategy that is working for me is: one day at a time.
Have a good week end.
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
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