Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
Find a Conversation
Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
| Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:32am |
Hi Tziporah,
I am so sorry that this is such a belated welcome to you. I've been absent from the board for nearly a month - so many things have been happening in my life that it was difficult to also come here. The good news is that life has somewhat calmed down (but I'm still crossing my fingers and my toes), which means that I'm back on iVillage.
I am so very happy to see you here, participating and sharing in our conversations! I hope that we'll get to know each other better in the coming weeks.
Welcome again!
(PS: I love the sound of your name!)

Please visit these other great message boards:
Cranio-Facial Abnormalities
In Vitro (IVF)


Pages
I have been off the boards. During Passover week I decided to give myself a brain vacation--no emails, no contact with school, etc. It was great. I had a very deep creative state and started writing. I also was able to cut back significantly on my si habits.
Now, after the holiday, getting back into the routine has been very hard. The anxiety level is also rising again--due to the new challenges my coach and therapist are setting for me. My t. says the goal right now is learning to tolerate the anxiety. Very, exteremly hard.
After the session yesterday, I started cutting my hair again. At present, the nails are in pretty good shape--nothing major. I have been wearing gloves and that has helped to submerge the urges.
I have a lot to do before the Sabbath, so I cannot write a longer post now. Just to let everyone know I am okay and back on line after a great vacation.
by the way, I finally got skype and Poppy and I connected. We had a great 45 minute discussion before Passover. I think we were both amazed at it. I certainly was.
I have video now on skype, so anyone can communicate with me through that. My skype number can be found in their directory.
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Tziporah,
I am so glad you had a great vacation! Is there anything that you can take from that time off that would help you get through your normal routine? I'm glad that the nails are doing pretty good. That is such a testament to your will and strength. Challenges are good, they make us grow but I can understand how difficult they are and how anxiety-provoking they can be. I hope you can find some balance between challenging yourself and taking care of yourself. I might have to get Skype and hook up with you *wink* Take care,
I see you are kicking in to your job as the solo cl. of the si msb. Great job.
I wish I coould say kicking into my jobs would be easy and a cinch. I am still finding it very hard. I had a hair cutting episode the day I wrote--cut it all off. I felt better after doing it. It was just too tempting. Still, I comforted myself that it was the longest time I had gone without doing it for awhile--almost two weeks! My cuticles are more or less the same--occasional picking at them with an occasional bleed, but not more.
As for getting back into routine--well--it is proving quite hard. I still have not started yoga again, and I am not sure I want to. Doubts. I also have still to start up with the coaching school work and writing in my blog--things that were starting to take off and gather momentum. Truth is, I would rather just write. That is good, but it is also an addiction and an avoidance of what I should really be doing. That is the problem.
On the other hand, I deleted some promotional emails that were just cluttering up my in-box. My coach identified this as being linked to a fear that if I got off all these email subscribing lists I had the fear I might be missing out on something. In truth, I was able to realize I was really missing nothing. Had I not lived without them for a week during the Passover holiday and I had not missed them at all? This thought helped me get over the anxiety and I was able to delete some websites.
I also decided to go for an EFT session myself. I could feel it starting to touch underlying issues and will be continuing with that weekly for awhile.
So, on balance, things are not great, but things are not bad either. Some things in the plus column, some things in the minus column. Which, I guess, on balance, is normal.
My t. is really working on getting me back into a rhythm, as is my coach. So I have my work cut out for me.
Can't wait to talk to you on skype. I hope you go for it. Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
I'm glad you see the positive in the hair cutting - that it's the longest you've gone without cutting it. That is huge! I know I can sometimes dwell on the negative instead of the positive, sometimes it's easier than seeing the good in things, so I'm glad you can pull out the good from it.
Why do you not want to go back to yoga? From what I understand, it was helpful and relaxing for you. Is it just too much time? Is it not important to have time for yourself, for relaxation?
I wish I could make starting up your business easier for you, but of course I can't.
Good for you also for deleting those advertising emails. I really hate those. What i can't seem to let go of is the survey sites that i signed up for lol.
It's good that you realize that it's normal for anyone to have ups and downs (although I'm not minimizing your issues and saying that they are nothing - just that everything doesn't have to be on the positive side for things to be okay)
Hugs,
Amanda
cl of the Self-Injury
cl of the Self-Injury
I'm back. I had to take a break from all the boards, and whilst I monitored what was going on, I hardly posted.
It felt good!
So now I am back. I'll read through the posts later on - have got to go shower and take my parents out for a late lunch.
I hope that you had a good Passover.
Talk to you soon!
Get a survivor siggie here!
Crisis Center: Rape & Suicide
I have gone to two EFT sessions. I could feel them working internally, but I found them unpleasant in the sense they were as penetrating and deep as any therapy.
I have also been gaining a little weight--already starting to worry about my parents' upcoming visit. They will say something about my bulging stomach--you all know the story.
Of course, my t. has been his usual self, really going into that one, why their approval is still so important to me? I can't even answer the question and he keeps demanding an answer. Won't let up on it. He is correct, of course, but it does not make it easier. I just feel like I need their approval, that it hurts when they come and it reminds me that I am still failing, still haven't done all the things I promised myself I was going to do after their last visit.
I am trying to get back into doing anything--even if it is just one thing. He said I have to take into account the fact that I have been going through some disruptions, and also that my parents and I have different values. True, true, true.
I had another big hair cutting episode, cut it real short again. Could not hold out for as long as I wanted.
At least my nails are healing after the last week which was a bloody mess.]
My t. and I also broke for Passover and then last week he had to cancel out. I don't think this helped matters. Not that I enjoy the sessions--who does?--but I see I need them to keep me balanced. I accept that.
So, how are things going? still trying to get back into a regular rhythm, any rhythm, one day at a time. Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
I have enjoyed being with him. We rest a lot, sit and bed talking together. But he wants to get back to his routine and I need to get back to mine. that is what I am trying to do.
I started to feel anxiety yesterday and it continued today. Couldn't place it, really. It just was. So all the usual places I bite on my fingers are bitten again. Shut--replace the U with I.
Of course, after doing it, ripping up the cuticles, and this time I was aware I was doing it, not what happens sometimes--you do it but are somehow not conscious of it. This time I was fully aware. Anyway, after that came the usual disgust and shame. How could I do this to myself after getting them to the point of really healing? Although almost all the fingers have sores on them, they are mostly contained to one spot on each finger. Not all like that, but most are. Some have sores on both sides of the same finger.
I think the anxiety is still connected with the coaching thing. My coach says just to take the courses and not worry about the part that deals with setting up a business.
Still, all of this being so, today was actually a very good day for me. I learned something new, a very interesting religious work, but it is the kind of thing that can only be read in the original text. there is no way it can be done in translation. A great rabbi, known as the Chida, took the book of Psalms and rearranged it according to the Hebrew alphabet. So all the verses with the first letter come first, then those with the second, etc. Not only that. He also arranged it that instead of a straightforward alphabetical order, all the verses in the first chapter are listed which have the first letter at the start of the verse, then the second chapter, then the third, etc. A very complicated rearrangement. Anyway, I read the first five letters in this sequence, which took about an hour, and felt a tremendous cleansing inside. I also cleared out junk emails today. In addition, I started learning Bible with commentary--have not done that for about two months. My t. said I should try to get back into doing the things I was doing before. My coach also says the same thing. They compliment each other. So, looking back, even though I bit my nails, ate the skin, and had some anxiety, it was a good day.
Finally, I find reading the emails here very inspirational. I really can relate to the messages that were sent to Rubie and I hope Viv, etc. and her son succeed in the surgery. thanks for the link on his particular ailment. I will check it out, as I have never heard of it before.
I have read that we need to stay in contact with our support group. They give us the strength to keep on struggling to improve. I have really felt that here on this board.
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
I am so glad to read that your husband is alright. I hope that he has a full recovery soon.
I'm sorry I haven't been online very much. There's a lot going on in RL, and I'm feeling somewhat stretched these days. I also had a terrible dream the other week, which is tough because I can't remember the last time I had had a dream like that.
Re the anxiety, do you think that it could have been the release of the anxiety that you felt when Shabtai was ill but that you had to put aside in order to take care of him and make sure that he had all that was needed? This happens all the time with me. I am as strong and grounded as a huge tree with deep roots when the emergency is there, for as long as I am needed but after everything comes back to normal I crumble because that when I can.
What you wrote about the Chid and what he did with the book of Psalms is fascinating!
Right - I have to go now. Have a good Shabbath, and talk to you next week.
Lots of warm hugs,
Get a survivor siggie here!
Crisis Center: Rape & Suicide
Pages