Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
1100
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:32am

Hi Tziporah,


I am so sorry that this is such a belated welcome to you. I've been absent from the board for nearly a month - so many things have been happening in my life that it was difficult to also come here. The good news is that life has somewhat calmed down (but I'm still crossing my fingers and my toes), which means that I'm back on iVillage.


I am so very happy to see you here, participating and sharing in our conversations! I hope that we'll get to know each other better in the coming weeks.


Welcome again!


(PS: I love the sound of your name!)


Please visit these other great message boards:
Cranio-Facial Abnormalities
In Vitro (IVF)



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Sat, 05-31-2008 - 10:32pm
Hi Luosha,
We are seven hours behind Austrailia, which I think is two hours behind NZ, so that would make nine hours. Anyway, you can look on a world clock to know exactly how much.
Your message hit home--as usual--I think you understand me quite well. You are also right. I do tend to beat myself up and my therapist says I am a n expert at beating myself up. So, you are right. The normal behavior would be to make the mistake, admit it, get up, dust myself off, acknowledge the mistake and chalk it down to a learning experience and move on. Instead, I keep beating myself up for being so dumb or stupid and promising myself I will NEVER beo dumb like that again. Sometimes, I do recall what I learned and am more cautious next time. Often, though, I do not, and I end up repeating the same behavior or something similar in the future. Thanks for pointing this out to me. I needed to be reminded of it.
Likewise, I also engage in biting my nails when I am annoyed with myself--the way I hurt myself physically, in addition to recriminating myself mentally and emotionally. Thanks for mentioning that, too. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Sun, 06-01-2008 - 10:15pm
Hi everyone, the last three days I have been struggling within myself emotionally--an issue I will bring up in therapy, which Ihave in a few minutes. Anyway, yesterday was the hardest and I started engaging in si again, not just little cuts, but more serious gashing--I bit my nails till they bbled and the cuts are deeper. I had a really bad episode during the night, just woke up and started with it. Most people need an instrument to get started. The instruments I need are with me all the time. I knew I was doing it and it was bleeding and painful but could not stop. Afterwards, I applied tissues to the bloody mess and went back to sleep. In the morning, when I woke up, I messed up another finger. Now I am wearing gloves and realize I will probably need to do that 24/7 until they start to heal again. It is always the same. I get them to the stage where they are just starting to heal, or have healed a few days, and then some tension starts, something triggers it, and it all falls apart again. In this case, I know exactly what the triggers were and although I triedd to challenge the thoughts, it didn't help. I am disgusted and annoyed with myself for doing it. It is so frustrating, always getting to this position and then falling back into it. My t. says I should learn to live with it, but as I said recently, to Luosha I think, that is not acceptable or good enough for me. I really do want to get to a state where I do not do it at all, not just to the state of most-times-okay with occassional slips. At least I put on the gloves before I made a total mess of everything. At present, one finger is really bad, a second moderately bad, and a third slightly bad, with a few other fingers havingvery small cuts. "bad" means they have bloody sores on them. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Mon, 06-02-2008 - 2:20am

Tziporah,


Sorry to hear that things are rough right now with the anxiety and SI. I guess it would be harder not needing an "instrument" to SI, then again there were times when I carried things on me and other times when I would make use of things I had on me that I wouldn't normally use. Right now the biggest problem for me is my hair. I think that's part of my OCD. I can't stop touching it and it "bugs" me. I don't know how to describe it. Maybe you know what I'm talking about, and of course I have hair cutting scissors beside my bed and clippers on my dresser.


As far as repeating our mistakes I think it sometimes is necessary. I don't know why that is but sometimes it just happens that way. Maybe we really weren't ready to move on, didn't learn all there was to learn or there was a positive intention behind the mistake. There is a positive intention behind every action and if we can find out what that is and another way to fulfill it then we can possibly avoid the mistake again.


I think with respect to your SI you shouldn't have to settle for either it not getting better and living with it or expect it to be all better right away. Can you settle for it being a little better? Are there positives / improvements that you can identify? I am constantly trying to make myself think of the positives and reframe the negatives these days and the more I do it the easier it gets and the more positive I get as a whole.


I haven't checked my email since I emailed you and I'm going to bed soon, so if I don't check it tonight I'll check tomorrow.


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cl of the Self-Injury

Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Mon, 06-02-2008 - 10:47pm
I know what you are talking about with the hair. I have addressed this issue before in my threads. If you scroll back through my emails you will see my thoughts on it.
It just seems the urge comes out of nowhere--one minute I could be fine, and the next minute my hands are all over my hair, just checking it. The only thing that eventually helps is to cut the whole thing off. But I tri to keep it very short in order to avoid the whole process. It usually does not start to bother me again until it is starting to grow out. I never use to have this problem--is something that has started over the last 2-3 years. I have been told this is part of my OCD.
I also like to touch my fingers and check out their present state--are they healing, are there sores on them? That kind of thing. Inevitably, it leads me to start picking at one or another of them.
There is no rhyme or reason to this. this is why I like the theory that some psychiatrists presently postulate--that these OCD urges are a msfiring of the brain, misfiring a chemical change of some sort, just like occurs in epilepsy. Seizures start randomly, without any trigger, and this is due, they believe, to a brain misfiring. In the same way, they think the OCD urges are set off in the same way. I like this theory, not because it lets me off the hook, but because it explains the whole illogical happenstance of it.
I had a very deep therapy session yesterday, emotionally very painful. I hadn't had one of those for quite some time.
I am also feeling generally anxious. I put up some ads for getting new clients and am waiting to hear from them. I try not to check my email too often, but I think about it.
Also i have a lot to do over the next few days and am trying not to stress out about it.
Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Mon, 06-02-2008 - 11:56pm

Tziporah,


Yeah I remember you talking about the hair cutting. My hair is VERY short, clipped with a buzzer with a short attachment but if I can grab any of it I attack it so to speak. I know it is part of my OCD too, but I wonder why this is so hard right now. I have grown my hair out spiky or even down to my chin but since I last cut it off I can't stop cutting it. Ah well, this too shall pass, I hope.


I hope you are doing okay with the very emotional therapy session. I know how hard that can be sometimes, but I hope it helped somehow too.


Still haven't checked my email. I slept 15 hours today! Oy! I want to talk to my dr about the hypersomnia, but I really don't want to take any more meds. I just keep hoping that it will work out on its own KWIM?


Take care. Talk to you soon.


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Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2008
Tue, 06-03-2008 - 2:46pm

Hi Tziporah,


I'm feeling a lot of empathy for you because I've also just been through a really hard time myself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Tue, 06-03-2008 - 4:32pm
Hi Joy,
How were you able to overcome the hair cutting thing? I'm glad you did, though. Just how did you get from doing it to not doing it?
Also, thanks for the cod liver oil. I have omega3 pills. Is that similar?
Anyway, regarding your arms, perhaps one of the following suggestions will help--I can relate to wanting to pull at the wounds, which is what I do with my fingers:
wear gloves. I wear light gloves, like the kind you can buy in pharmacies. This way your hands are covered--a barrier betwen you and the wound. I use this often.
wear long sleeves. So getting at the wounds is harder to do.
I guess the old adage: one day at a time still applies.
Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2008
Tue, 06-03-2008 - 5:25pm

Hi Tziporah!


I am wearing long sleeves today that are tight at the wrist so I can't pull up my sleeve!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Wed, 06-04-2008 - 4:20pm
I believe that cod liver oil has the omega 3 in it. I take omega 3-6-9 which has three different types of oil, cod liver oil, flax and something else. I haven't been taking them lately because they gag me but maybe I should start again.

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Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2008
Wed, 06-04-2008 - 4:49pm

Hi Amanda,


The way I take it, I fill a shot glass with warm water, 1tsp of the cod liver oil and 1 tsp apple cider vinegar.

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