Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
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Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
| Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:32am |
Hi Tziporah,
I am so sorry that this is such a belated welcome to you. I've been absent from the board for nearly a month - so many things have been happening in my life that it was difficult to also come here. The good news is that life has somewhat calmed down (but I'm still crossing my fingers and my toes), which means that I'm back on iVillage.
I am so very happy to see you here, participating and sharing in our conversations! I hope that we'll get to know each other better in the coming weeks.
Welcome again!
(PS: I love the sound of your name!)

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Yes Joy I understand that in some cases criticism and abuse do warrant cutting all ties and the love is not there or not expressed AT ALL, so that is one possibility, so is the possibility that people love AND criticise. I'm not saying either is right or wrong.
Tziporah, how have you been the last few days? And maybe a silly question, but I'm curious how long (or short as the case may be) is your hair?
cl of the Self-Injury
It's sad but true in my case.
cl of the Self-Injury
Hi Amanda and to Joy and everybody else,
warning-a super--long message.
I had a very good Shavuot--Amanda, you spelled it right.
The "spiritual awakening" was really just reconnecting with the events that are recalled on the specific holiday--for Jews, the Sinai revelation, the reading of the Psalms--because it is believed King David was born and died on that day (the Hebrew date), and it was also nice being in synagogue and sharing meals with my husband's family. After getting back into the rhythm of really pursuing my studies seriously, it was also good just having a day to disconnect from all that--all of this contributed to a feeling of relaxation and more openness to a "spiritual awakening" of sorts.
Joy, I understand your feelings about religion. If you can find it, I think you would find M. Scott Peck's book, The road Less Traveled, especially the section, found in the middle of the book, where he details three cases of how religion affected his clients. The first case had to do with a young Catholic woman who became obsessed and left the church, the second about a man who was laughed at by his family for being religious and finally found himself by going into the ministry, and the third about a man who was abused by his fundamentalist parents. Peck himself is a religious-oriented person, but, as a therapist, allowed each client to find the path that was right for him or her. For me, this was the most powerful part of the book and the one I think of most often.
Well, the therapy is continuing on the topic of conditional love. At this point, we have discussed that it is a question of my parents accepting me as well as my accepting them. This will be a long-term discussion in therapy, I imagine.
As for me, the week has been really stressful.
On Thursday and Friday, I was dealing with a lot of client issues--getting new clients and also dealing with some who preferred other coaching styles. Then, on Friday, I had a great trial session with a new potential client and the rapport was just fantastic. We related on many levels--same background, same issues, same age, etc. One of my other clients also had told me she wanted me to become her paying coach. So, even though I had lost a potential client, I was feeling quite buoyant.
Then, right after that, my parents told me that they are planning to come in Sept. I thought it was going to be Nov. right away, the stress mode must have kicked in, because within the hour--still Friday afternoon, I had a really bad diarrhea attack and my stomach didn't settle until Saturday. The first time was the worst, but I just kept feeling not-quite-right, tensed up.
I know they will focus on all the things I am still not doing right--and of course we are discussing that in therapy.
I also started cutting my hair again--it is super-short right now. And my cuticles have worsened over the past few days. The left fingers have some really nasty sores on them--but so does the right hand, although a bit less.
I have been thinking about my parents a lot, but there have been other things as well occupying my mind.
I was in a coaching class on Monday and I made a comment that required some censure from the trainer. I don't want to go into it too much, but he felt my comments were inappropriate. It was painful. After the teleclass, he emailed me and suggested we talk about it privately, which I agreed to. So, we set up a skype call for yesterday. Then my skype had a virus in it. Finally, the technician figured that out. Then, at the agreed-upon hour, he called me--the trainer, that is. He couldn't hear me, although I could hear him. Something was wrong with the microphone. I tried calling his office and kept getting this stupid recording and my tech guide--the one who fixed the virus--was also unreachable.
By this time, I was really tied up inside--upset about the actual class, upset about the skype not working, upset about not connecting with the trainer, upset I not being able to find a tech guy to fix the mic problem.
Shabtai, my wise husband, said to just forget it and do other things. I couldn't. I was just too tied up.
Well, today we called another technician who came early and fixed the problem in about two minutes--the microphone was not properly connected. After that, really before that, if I take things chronologically, I got an email from this trainer who said he would be willing to talk with me via land-line. I am sure that is not going to be an easy discussion. that is scheduled later for today.
i still have a lot of anxiety. Beyond the actual incident itself, there was this feeling that I was being ostricized by the other members of the teleclass, although one person did write me afterwards and said she appreciated what I had said. But, obviously, she is in the minority. Still, her comment helped mitigate the pain somewhat.
I t isn't the first time this kind of thing has happened. There was another similar incident several months ago, with a different trainer, and I am anxious I am going to get a bad name around the school, which I certainly do not want. I have a lot of anxiety about that.
Besides all this, there was an engagement party on Sunday night, and I had to attend--one of my husband's nieces. I really had to force myself to go. I find crowded noisy halls really hard to take. I resisted the urge to ask Shabtai if we could leave and hung on until he called me out of the party.
In retrospect, it was not as bad as I thought it would be. Not great--but bearable.
Then the following night, there was a small family celebration a friend was having and it was important for us to be there as well. As is customary in Orthodox Jewish homes, the men and women were seated in separate rooms. That was okay with me. The problem was, the hostess of the party and her daughter-in-law kept having to get up to serve and there were no other women there, so I felt very uncomfortable. I finally left, to the protestations of the host, but it was a very uncomfortable situation.
Tonight I have my ritual immersion, which marks the end of my menstrual cycle and my being able to be together with my husband again. This is also an old Jewish discipline--one I actually enjoy for many reasons. As part of it, though, a woman has to prepare herself by taking a bath, shampooing and removing any rough edges from her skin. The fact that I have bad cuticles right now is going to be humiliating. The sores are too big, too red, too raw, too gross. I hate when that happens.
The one bright light in all of this--I completed the goal I set myself for the week, although it took me two weeks--I did it. I threw away a lot of old catalogs. That goal was written on the thread started by Luosha or Joy, making a goal for the week.
I have also given a lot of thought to the thread Amanda put up here--about identifying one's true beauty. I know it would be very therapeutic and helpful for me to do this exercise--just cannot do it yet.
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Tziporah, Tziporah - my goodness! You are so courageous.
I can identify with your stress about the trainer being unhappy with something you said. This still, after years of being 'well', stresses me out too. About ten years ago, I had a horrible situation in my church which made me feel really rejected (people were at fault on both sides). It upset me so much that I worry a lot whenever I feel accepted in case it turns to custard again (I hope you understand my idiom). The situation with your trainer would have made me beside myself. I hate it when I know criticism is coming up. I can't sleep, can't eat, etc etc. I do handle it now, but I sort of have to take some time out on other stuff until it's over. I do the essentials but not much else. I would hate it if I had psyched myself up, and then it got postponed! I think that your nervousness is normal. I can't imagine anyone sitting round waiting comfortable and relaxed.
But what sounds similar to my feelings is your fear of rejection. I know, know, know that criticism does NOT equal rejection, and yet I can't believe it in my heart and emotions. The letter to the Hebrews in the New Testament has a verse that used to upset me:
"5 And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
As I read the quote from Heb., I also thought of the quote you then cited in Proverbs. These are words of thruth.
Now that everything has settled down, I can tell you what happened.
First, the technician showed up--not the one who fixed the virus, but another one. The mic was not connected properly. A two-minute repair.
Shabtai said I should learn a little more about computer repairs so I can do some of them myself. After the guy fixed the mic, I asked him to show me how he did it. He said it was too complicated. Well...Shabtai's idea is a good one. I just have to figure out how to implement it.
After that, I communicated with the trainer. He had been away from his office.
We had a serious 45-minute discussion in which we talked about the incident in great detail.
He acknowledged that he had been at fault for not clearly explaining the role of the observer--he said this is a common error trainers often make, assuming everyone just knows what to do.
He also said that he would acknowledge this error in the next teleclass in this module and explain wht is involved.
There were other people involved who said some things that were inappropriate and he said he would take care of contacting them about it.
He then worked with me about how I could reframe criticism in a more non-threatening way. Giving feedback, without the critical edge.
We reviewed the actual incident and he suggested alternative wording that would have been bettr suited to the situation.
I also explained to him my anxiety about now being ostricized from the class. He suggested listening to the class with my mic on mute--which can be done--for a few weeks. He also said that if anyone does ostricize me, he will also deal with them.
I felt better after the call. I realize where my problem areas are and what I need to do to work on them.
He suggested some course modules I should study further, such as: effective feedback.
I know I have problems with group dynamics and will try to discuss them with him or in therapy.
I think the greatest part of this thing has been not running away from the problems, but dealing with them, despite the obsession and the cuticle-picking.
I also had my ritual immersion and the attendant said nothing--thank G-d.
Today I am feeling better. Something like a bad sea storm that has now blown over. Calm waters again.
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Hugs Tziporah, things do sound quite stressful. I have not been around much and I'm sorry. I am so busy and not feeling so well right now. Hopefully things will settle down next week, at least I do not have as much stuff scheduled yet.
It seems like a lot of stuff piled up on top of one another for you, like the teleclass and the technical issues just keep building. I hope things are straightened out. I will read the rest of the posts in the thread to see if there are more updates and then post again or add to this one.
Added: I'm glad you got a little clarity from the trainer. How are you feeling about that now?
cl of the Self-Injury
Sorry for the cl-hat. I am in the middle of looking into my own boards.
I am sorry that you have been going through such a rough time, and that the news that you parents are coming 2 months earlier had literally made you sick with anxiety. I hope that you will find a way through your difficulties, worries and anxieties. Please do remind yourself that last year's visit was better than the previous years - I am remembering correctly, right?
I am glad that your trainer is fully supporting you. Good!
I am tempted to call you through Skype right now, but I don't want to bother you. I am usually on invisible. Should you ever want to talk or just say hi, please just try.
I'm sorry I haven't been on the board much. My father had been ill, and we were rather afraid at one point because he was not eating and he just seemed not to care that much. My brother is here right now. He's only here for a week, but that has given both my parents such joy. My father is eating a lot more, and he was enthusiastic about going out and even going out of town for the day. Apart from that, I seem to have picked up another board... I'm now cl-ing the Reiki Healing board. I started out subbing there because it's a board that I care about. After nearly 2 months they asked if I wanted to stay, and I accepted. Going back to the reiki and doing daily reiki sendings has been good for me as well. I'm going to start doing hands-on reiki again. Two of my friends have said that they will be willing participants as I get back to it. Hopefully we can start next week.
Talk to you soon, Tziporah.
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I will try calling you on skype. A lot of obnoxious people who are looking for "sexy girls" have been calling me. A lot of them are also Arabic--I guess they think I am Arabic. It is so annoying that I have tried everything from blocking users to becoming invisible. The downside is that when I really want to talk to someone or they want to talk to me via skype, we often cannot connect.
Right now, I am going through another stomach upset. I have started to have them of late again. This one is stress-related, I think. I decided I did not want to be anonymous on the upcoming teleclass call, an idea I had originally thought was good. It feels like deception in a way. I think I have the right to be as present as anyone else. If they click off because I'm there, then they have a problem. Not me. Writing this makes me feel powerful in a good way. It is their problem, not mine. I do not have to feel like I am being rejected.
I told this to the trainer and he agreed that I can introduce myself on the upcoming call. I know intellectually there is nothing to be nervous about, but I am still tense.
Today I have another EFT session. I still haven't been able to get myself to start practicing between live sessions with this practicioner. I know I should. It just hasn't worked out like that yet. I am not doing any self-healing consistently, not alpha state, not yoga, not any other exercise. I know I should, but just can't seem to get started. I think it's because I see them as long-term commitments and that feels so overwhelming.
I am also trying not to be nervous about my parents' upcoming visit--not easy either.
My nails are at the healing stage again. Most of the bloody sores are gone or near healing. It seems like each stage of si has its own challenges--the open bloody sores have their challenge, letting them heal has their challenge, and keeping myself from repeating the process all over again has its challenge. Never-ending.
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Email me what day would be good to talk! Today my nephew is here and my brother is going back to Canada, so I'm busy with family things. Tomorrow I go to the stone market with some friends. I haven't been there in years, and it's a place which I love love love... And I think I'll be at home the rest of the week!
Tips for Skype:
a. Never use the "Skype Me!" function. It'll only get people looking for hookups out of the woodwork.
b. In your privacy settings, (at the very top under "file"), for "Allow calls from" choose "only people in my Contact list". Same thing for video and chat.
c. In the "about me" part of your profile, my friend has added the following:
1- *If* we know each other, "ask: me via chat if I am available for call, *before* you double click.
2- If we *don't* know each other, know that I am *not* into chatting with people I don't know.
All of this might help you. I find that only allowing calls and chats from people that I know as well as never using the Skype Me option already cuts down on a whole lot. In three years I've only got one request from a person I don't know, who didn't explain who he was and what he wanted from me, and who didn't bother emailing me either.
Do you know about reiki? Would you like me to send you reiki?
Talk to you doon - I have got tons of questions regarding EFT!
Hugs,
~ Poppy
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