Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
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Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
| Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:32am |
Hi Tziporah,
I am so sorry that this is such a belated welcome to you. I've been absent from the board for nearly a month - so many things have been happening in my life that it was difficult to also come here. The good news is that life has somewhat calmed down (but I'm still crossing my fingers and my toes), which means that I'm back on iVillage.
I am so very happy to see you here, participating and sharing in our conversations! I hope that we'll get to know each other better in the coming weeks.
Welcome again!
(PS: I love the sound of your name!)

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cl of the Self-Injury
I'll save you the trouble of figuring it out, or, just in case you tried, it is my parents.
That is one of the goals in therapy that I am working on--letting go of all those "should" statements.
Right now, I am feeling quite good about myself, for a change.
My therapist is on vacation for the next two weeks--not that I have any animosity towards him, I do not. He has always treated me correctly, een though at times his insights have been hard. But I really worked hard since the last holiday break for Passover in April. He certainly cannot fault me for that.
More than that, however, I feel I am in a place where I can manage two weeks without therapy.
I have been trying to do new things in the coaching school--tackling subjects that previously intimidated me, such as starting to think about the business aspects of the course.
I alsowas able to ask my parents, who are coming in Sept., to bring me a few items--something I would not have done previously.
So, I guess I am getting a little more assertive, a little more courageous.
I also am going through a good stage with my cuticle--some sores, but nothing major. And as soon as the cuticle biting or picking starts, I am able to trace the source to the underlying thoughts and am usually able to stop doing it.
So, in general, I feel like I am in a good state right now.
As for the "shoulds"--well, (laugh) I am not really doing any of them and not feeling guilty about it!
Tziporah
Can you tell me what that abbreviation iykwim means?
Anyway, more importantly, your life is not "pathetic", but my saying it won't make a difference. As long as you feel your life is "pathetic", then I guess things won't change that much. It would be nice to be able to see it in other ways.
Is there, or are thee, any redeeming feature(s) about your life, anything positive, even one thing, that you can say about it.
I think you are right to want to be there when your doc and husband talk. It gives you a chance to hear what they have to say and a chance for them to hear what you have to say.
Most doctors do this as a strategy of trying to figure out what can help the patient.
I have also wondered at times where I fit in on my doc's list--am I a "hopeful", a "maybe", a "hopeless case"? Have an idea--ask him. Laugh. No, seriously, ask him.
Do you really think he would spend his time treating you if he really felt there was no hope at all?
There is always hope. But before any changes can happen, you need to start believing you are worthy of redemption, being saved, that your life is indeed worth something. I do not mean this in a religious way. I mean being redeemed and saved in the sense that I have value and my life has value and that is the reason my life is worth saving.
Perhaps, one's life, on its deepest level, is nothing more than a testament to the endurance of the human spirit--the will to survive when there is no good reason to survive.
I think your life is worth much more than that. You were created and put on this earth for a purpose, just like all of us. What is that purpose? If you could only find it out, your life would be worth living, have meaning, and no longer be "pathetic". Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
I knew where the anxious thought was coming from. My maid was talking on her cell phone during house cleaning yesterday about when she is going to take vacation. I knew she would take vacation and I wasn't surprised about it. It is just that the time of her vacation may end up coinciding with a wedding party we committed to giving for one of my husband's nieces.
After having this thought, I tried to challenge it. I tried to think of all the people I could call to come and help out, just in case she really is not here during the time of the party. I was able to come up with several. Worse comes to worse, I even realized I could pull out of the commitment if I am truly stuc k. I then decided to put on gloves. I do not want this bloody mess to get worse. Then I decided to write here. It has helped.
Tziporah
Can you tell me what that abbreviation iykwim means?
Anyway, more importantly, your life is not "pathetic", but my saying it won't make a difference. As long as you feel your life is "pathetic", then I guess things won't change that much. It would be nice to be able to see it in other ways.
Is there, or are thee, any redeeming feature(s) about your life, anything positive, even one thing, that you can say about it.
I think you are right to want to be there when your doc and husband talk. It gives you a chance to hear what they have to say and a chance for them to hear what you have to say.
Most doctors do this as a strategy of trying to figure out what can help the patient.
I have also wondered at times where I fit in on my doc's list--am I a "hopeful", a "maybe", a "hopeless case"? Have an idea--ask him. Laugh. No, seriously, ask him.
Do you really think he would spend his time treating you if he really felt there was no hope at all?
There is always hope. But before any changes can happen, you need to start believing you are worthy of redemption, being saved, that your life is indeed worth something. I do not mean this in a religious way. I mean being redeemed and saved in the sense that I have value and my life has value and that is the reason my life is worth saving.
Perhaps, one's life, on its deepest level, is nothing more than a testament to the endurance of the human spirit--the will to survive when there is no good reason to survive.
I think your life is worth much more than that. You were created and put on this earth for a purpose, just like all of us. What is that purpose? If you could only find it out, your life would be worth living, have meaning, and no longer be "pathetic". Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Hi, unfortunately I don't have much time to post, but I would like to let you know how much I have appreciated reading your posts over the last couple of days. I am always in admiration of your courage. I'm glad that you're si seems to be reducing, as evidenced by your relatively healed hands. I can empathise with your stress about your maid being away - I know that when I'm struggling to manage stuff, and hiccup can make me feel totally overwhelmed. It sounds like that might have happened for you. Usually (like you) after the passage of time, I begin to see the event in perspective.
Congratulations on all the effort that you are putting in to your journey towards wellness.
When I was battling my way through my unruly emotions, I found this verse from the apostle Paul's letter to the Corinthians quite encouraging:
"
Hi Tziporah,
Yes I would have guessed the "shoulds" came from your parents. That's often where they come from, and knowing a bit about your situation with your parents would also give me that impression.
I want to say I am so proud of all the things you are doing that you mentioned in your post to me and the next one, coming up with alternate solutions to the wedding party, and being more assertive with your parents. That is so great.
I can't remember when you said we'd talk on Skype again, so I'll have to see if I wrote it down in my calander the last time we spoke. I will also check my email. I haven't done that in awhile. (sorry).
Keep up the good work.
cl of the Self-Injury
Thanks for the compliments and the great skype call yesterday. Next Wednesday I have a very busy schedule. I would appreciate it if we could perhaps have another phone call the week after. Sorry. I hope this is okay with you.
As for the wedding party, the maid was here yesterday and I asked her specifically when she is going on vacation. Turns out she will be going on vacation beforehand and should be back by the time of this wedding party--breathed a sigh of relief. Anyway, I told her when it is, so she is aware of the date.
Right now, my cuticles are in pretty good shape, healing nicely. A few hanging pieces of skin, but nothing really major or tempting. I really want them to heal this time.
Today, I had one of those early morning impulses to cut my hair. It was just like my brain gave a message to my hands to touch my head and check out the length of the hair. I cut off a really long piece, then some other strands, felt around my head, and then realized I really did not want to do this. Some of the hair is starting to grow in and I really want to break this cycle. My parents are coming in eight weeks and I want it to look normal for their arrival. Not because they will say something--which they may or may not--but because I really want to break this cycle. Just like I want to break the cycle of the nail biting. So, although I cut some strands, I really did not have a long involved session. It is the first time I can recall telling myself: "I don't want to do this" and actually being able to stop myself.
I also had another breakthrough this week. I asked myself what would be the worst that could happen if my business fails. I realized, after examing it, nothing. I would just be in the same place I am now. Perhaps a little poorer financially, but not much more than that. As for the psychological growth, I can already see how I am becoming more confident, so there is no loss in that.
But I don't want to fail. I really want to succeed at this.
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Tziporah,
It sounds like you are makng some great strides, for example stopping yourself when you had started cutting your hair, or thinking about "what is the worst that could happen" with your business.
I am also glad to hear that your maid will be there for the wedding party.
I don't mind not having a call next week.
cl of the Self-Injury
Maybe I talked too soon.
Thursday was okay, but Friday was a little more challenging, more difficult. I did end up cutting my hair, but not as short as before. It was just starting to grow in. I cut some of the longer strands in it. Again, I told myself, I have eight weeks till my parents show up, still enough time to let it grow out, or at the very least, not be as short as when they last saw it. That is my goal now--to let it grow out a little longer than it was before.
I guess that is an achievement of sorts, not cutting it totally off as I would have previously done.
Also, I did engage in some minor nail biting, but then was able to stop it.
aMy fingers are still in good shape.
I have to be honest and admit that I enjoyed cutting the hair off, enjoyed chewing on the bits of cuticle I cut off. It was relieving in a way.
I wish I could stop it totally. For the present, I just acknowledged my enjoyment of the feelings and tried not to judge myself more than that.
I reminded myself my therapist is on break, and I hve till next Thursday, and there are a lot of things happeing right now--between my parents, the coaching, and the upcoming weding.
Today I have another EFT sesion. I sometimes have a cuticle-biting or cuticle-picking episode on the way thee. I hope this time I can overcome the anxiety.
I hope this time I can avoid doing that.
On the Sabbath, I realized just how much my mind is involved with coaching. I think about it a lot. I don't want to lose my spirituallity.
I kept thinking, no one ever goes to the grave regretting that they did not spend more time at the office. I want to retain my spirituallity.
Anyway, that is about it for now.
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
You say "i spoke too soon", but I don't see it that way. I know we have a tendency to let the negative outweigh the positive. Don't let it fool you that you didn't have those good days before. Plus, I think you did well, even though you cut your hair and cuticles, you stopped yourself after a bit, so that is still something. Good luck with the EFT.
You don't want to lose the spiritual side, is it that the coaching is taking more prominence in your life than the spiritual side? What would you like to do about it?
After severe computer troubles, got it all figured out.
Tired now. Will write again soon.
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
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