Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
1100
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:32am

Hi Tziporah,


I am so sorry that this is such a belated welcome to you. I've been absent from the board for nearly a month - so many things have been happening in my life that it was difficult to also come here. The good news is that life has somewhat calmed down (but I'm still crossing my fingers and my toes), which means that I'm back on iVillage.


I am so very happy to see you here, participating and sharing in our conversations! I hope that we'll get to know each other better in the coming weeks.


Welcome again!


(PS: I love the sound of your name!)


Please visit these other great message boards:
Cranio-Facial Abnormalities
In Vitro (IVF)



Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Wed, 07-16-2008 - 4:48pm
Hi everyone,
Me again.
Well, coaching school started on Monday. Time to get down to work, which means the anxiety level is up. More nail-biting.
First therapy session, last Thursday, talked about how good I had been on the two-week therapy break, which coincided with the school break. I even thought, could you believe it?, what do I need therapy for? everything is great. Sure, sure. laugh.
By Monday, the next session, back to being subjected to deeper probing. Not easy.
And tomorrow I got another one.
Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Sat, 07-19-2008 - 5:07pm

Hi Tziporah,


I know it's an anxiety provoking situation, with coaching school. So, how is it going otherwise? Are you enjoying it? I bet you're doing well at it.


LOL about "what do I need therapy for?" Not laughing at you, but of course laughing because I've been there.


Sorry this has to be a quick post but I am so busy right now.


Amanda


cl of the Self-Injury

Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Sat, 07-19-2008 - 10:32pm
Hi Amanda,]
I am enjoying coaching school and I am finding I am good at understanding the material. It's the business part that has really got me. I am starting to think that maybe I should just hire someone else to do it.
As far as therapy? Well, the first situation was so easy, just recounting everythi ng that had been going well, and there were long silences. I got tricked into thinking that everything is solved. After all, I managed two weeks without therapy, didn't really bite my cuticles that much, handled a lot of stressful situations, wasn't anxious about anything. Ha ha. There wasn't anything to really stress out about--I mean, no coaching school.
Start therapy, start coaching school, nail-biting is back and anxiety is up. Get the connection.
At the time my mind did not get the connection.
Now it does. Laugh.
What really made me think I didn't need therapy was the fact there were long silences, almost nothing to talk about. And I kept thinking: if I have nothing to talk about today, what am I going to talk about in the next session? Don't worry--that problem cleared up fast enough. Tons to talk about, unfortunately.
Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Sun, 07-20-2008 - 5:42pm

Tziporah,


I know that you are an excellent coach, and that having someone else handle the business end of it isn't such a crazy idea.


I've been in the same situation in therapy, where I had nothing to talk about. I'm glad you did have a couple weeks where you didn't have as much to worry about though.


Amanda


cl of the Self-Injury

Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Sat, 07-26-2008 - 5:07pm
A lot of challenges right now. After a few days of not working, the computer is working right now. Still, the computer technician is supposed to come tomorrow. Have been waiting for him since Thursday. Meantime, there was a backup in the kitchen drainage system on Friday, right in the middle of Sabbath cooking. Plus, one of the main electric clocks is not working properly. Fortunately, the plumber came right away and fixed up the mess--a stuffed-up drain. Tomorrow, the electrician is supposed to arrive. Plus, a filling of mine came out. A lot of expenses.
On the good side, thee is a circumcision in the family on Monday and Shabtai will be given a great honor--holding the baby on his lap during the ceremony.
Still, I had to go for my monthly ritual immersion this week, a custom practiced following a woman's menstrual cycle. The ritualarium attendant said she noticed I was gaining weight. Just the kind of thing I needed to hear. Like: if she can say that and she sees me every month, what are my parents going to say when they show up in early Sept? It put me in a bad mood.
Unusual for me--I stayed at home the entire Sabbath. Shabtai must have been disappointed I didn't go to synagogue at all, but he was understanding about it. Didn't force me.
I am feeling a little better now. But I am really reaching the decissive part of the coaching course, the business part. I have been getting internal clients from within the student body to coach--the first step--and I have been good at that, as well as getting praise for my responses in classes. But now I have to get external clients--a much harder challenge. And start to design a website, with all that that entails. And set up the practicallities of the business. I want to graduate by June. There are two graduations per year, December and June. I still have a way to go, but in order to graduate by June, I have to have all the required material in by mid-April, which includes, among other things, setting up the business, external clients, writing some term papers and other material, being supervised in coaching by a trainer, etc. I know going through these things will help me grow. It is just so tensing. When the computer breaks, it is even more stressful.
So that is wht is going on with me right now.
Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Sun, 07-27-2008 - 2:59pm

Oh Tziporah, I'm sorry to hear of those other things that got in the way and stressed you out even more. I find that often times a bunch of stuff will go wrong at once - like the computer and the plumbing, but maybe it's time for things to turn around.


I'm sorry to hear that the lady at the ritularium commented on your weight. To me that is inappropriate, but I am also a different person as an individual and also culturally, so I don't know if my upset is just me.


I'm glad you are still doing well with the coaching and if there is anything I can do to help make the business part easier let me know.


I'm sorry I haven't been online much. If you want to chat at our usual time on Skype this week I will make sure I am available. I wanted to go to a wellness workshop on Tuesday night, but I should be home in time for our usual time (your Wednesday morning). Let me know.


Amanda


cl of the Self-Injury

Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2008
Fri, 08-01-2008 - 7:28am

Hi, no pressure, but I was wondering how you

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Tue, 08-05-2008 - 11:34pm
Hi everyone,
Well, I thought the computer problems were over. They were not. Excuse my French--a real pain in the you-know-where.
After trying to configure a special program for the computer which has speech and braille output, we finally learned the program doesn't work on the newest models of computers. A big waste of time and money for the technician who was trying to fix the latest problem, and a waste of money and time for me. Instead of working, I was waiting for the tech guy to fix something that was impossible to fix.
Once that problem was solved, he put in the right program. More time and money to make all the adjustments.
Finally, yesterday--Tuesday, here it is already Wednesday, he spent more time with the adjustments, but forgot to adjust the phone lines. Now the modem is on the main phone line. Impossible to talk on that phone--interference noise. I told him to fix the plugs and he did, but he forgot to check and the problem has reoccurred again.
That problem I discovered awhile ago when I woke up. Just enough to get my stomach cramping and enough to get me to knick at a cuticle until it bled.
It's a small thing--the cut on the cuticle and the phone line problem--but I am so tired of chasing after the tech guy. I tried fixing it myself, but there are so many plugs here I can't seem to find the right one.
I mean, this office is so wired up, it is absolutely mind-boggling.
Part of the problem was that our electricity is connected to a generator. On the Sabbath, we disconnect from the regular grid and use generated power. This is a religious stringency, since we do not want to benefit from work done by other Jews who have to violate the Sabbath by moitoring electricity. Well, the generator keeps falling--not literally, but figuratively. A lot of people in the neighborhood are on it--during the summer, when electricial use is at its utmost because of air conditioning, the demands are high and the generator falls. So, the repair guys come during the week to fix it. What do they do? Turn the electricity on-off, on-off, on-off, in quick succession, which ruins the applicances in the house. That is how this latest computer problem started--it burned out the internal computer board.
Now more money for getting special devices hooked up to the fridge, air conditioners, and yes, computers, so when this happens again, the appliances won't .jump.
Just took a break to bite my bloody cuticle again. It hurts. Now put a bandaid on it. D-mn.
Now put a bandaid on the adjoining finger. You can see where this is going.
Well, the slightest stress just knocks me over. Got my period.
Oh, yes, that attendant at the ritualarium did act inappropriately--Amanda, not just a cultural thing.
Luosha--in case you missed this before, I was notoffended by your personal message. The whole lack of communication was/is because of this computer business.
I had wanted to learn the web marketing course on ivillage ilearn, actually registered for it. Got as far as finishing lesson 1 and then the computer went bust again. Course closes in two days, Aug. 8, and have barely started. Doubt I will have time to finish it before it goes off line.
The computer tech set up the English accent on the computer to a really weird southern drawl which is so annoying. Insttead of just saying "welcome" the speech output now drawls out: "wellll-come". Instead of saying my name as "Tzi-po-rah" it now says: Tzipra. Little things, really, but it gets on my nerves.
Will try to readjust myself.
The worst part of this whole thing is that during the worst part of it, when my computer was down for days, I slipped into a really bad funk--deep depression. I started to question whether I should even keep up with this coaching. Maybe G-d is sending me a message, like: "this isn't really what you should be doing." Imean, after all, how many times does the computer have to break down before I get the message?
I tried really hard to tell myself it was just a challenge, a test, not necessarily a sign to give up. At the time, I was reading a book on possibility thinking, which was very optomistic. That helped--the only thing that helped.
when that failed, I mean, the depression and despair were even deeper, I reminded myself of the classic depression rule: never make any life-changing decissions under the cloud of depression. When that didn't work, reminded myself my parents had paid for this tuition to coaching school--did I want them to pour yet more money into my failes studies? Wasn't not finishing college enough? they had also paid for that and I know they wish I had finished it--they told me so. I still don't have a formal B.A.
In the midst of all this, had another EFT session. My back was really hurting. He said my back was internalizing all my stress. Then the guy says: "Maybe you like to suffer. You really don't want to get better." It sounded like one of those things my t. occasionlly says. I was really mad.
Like, I'm sitting hee, paying to come to see you, etc., etc. Whould I be going through this if I didn't want to get better?
Conclusion: psychotherapists, eft practicioners, etc., they're all the same.
Really mad about tht.
Well, the day after that--two days ago, in therapy, he starts working on the fact I have a lot of anger inside about everything. It is true enough. He must have worked his butt off to get me to admit it. Which,of course, I did. I did admit the anger. Then the chest pain started.
Then, yesterday, when most of the computer problems were solved and I could start working again, what do you think happened? CDepression lifted immediately, like it never had been, like waking up from a bad dream or nightmare.
I have started reading the Bible every day and studying it with comentary. Learning Samuel II--up to Chap. 19. Very interesting. I least I can pat myself on the back for that. Truth is, I do feel better on those days when I do learn Scriptures.
Sorry for this being so long. Had to get it out of my system. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2008
Wed, 08-06-2008 - 2:06am

Hi, thanks for your reply. I did get the message about the email thing. Sorry - I should have replied. I'm really sorry that your computer is giving you so much grief. I would get so frustrated too. (There's so much in your post to respond to that this might be a bit bitty.)


I agree about the attendant being inappropriate - some people would feel self-conscious anyway, and those sort of comments would make anyone feel bad (unless they were trying to gain weight). It was at best insensitive.


We have some software installed at the computers at uni that sounds similar to your software. I sometimes use the disability computers (I'm signed up at the disability resource centre at uni for a mobility disability), and then I have to cope with the talking thing going on too. People seem to have difficulty getting it to adjust to the NZ accent - it's quite interesting for me

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Thu, 08-07-2008 - 12:10am
Hi Luosha,
Thanks for your message. Great idea--the trophy cup. Thanks for describing it to me.
I could really relate to a lot of what you said. A lot of the therapists I have had have described me as being very angry inside. It is not easy to admit it. I don't like being portrayed or described in this way. But, when I sit down with the t. and analyze it, it is obvious. It's not just the anger. Almost all the thoughts I have are somehow connected to, or lead to anxious/depressive/angry thoughts. It is easy to identify the thoughts and categorize them, and much harder to change them to something lse, something more positive. Almost every statement I now say, he challenges.
It is slow and painful work.
Today in the session we established that I respond to everything as if it were a major crisis. Some things are major, like not having children, which would be a 10. But I respond to the computer, which is really a 3-4, as if it was also a 10, on the scale of life events. That awareness, that I respond to evey crisis as if it was a 10, was probably the most important thing I got out of the session.
He said it wasn't that the depression happens to me, but that I create the depression through the thoughts I have and what I tell myself, that these thoughts generate the bad feelings--a classic cognitie interpretation. I can see that.
It is also feeling like I am at the mercy of everyone and everything else.
Plus, if I wasn't coaching, what would I be doing instead?
Which leads to, is my life defined only if I am busy, by what I am doing.
So much to unravel.
So much of it connected to earlier life experiences and my parents' view of things.
So complicated. So tiring.
Well, I'm going to take a rest. I really feel worn out fter the sessions. By the end of them I feel like he's really ripped me open, and then I have to go on my way and close up and heal again.
What job are you doing now?
I think it's great you have increased responsibilities, having more of a voice of input.
Increased responsibility brings with it the sense of: can I do this, live up to what others expect of me? A great challenge.
You are right. G-d is probably teaching me about persistence and perseverance, as well as that His timetable and mine are very different.
Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com

Pages