Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
1100
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:32am

Hi Tziporah,


I am so sorry that this is such a belated welcome to you. I've been absent from the board for nearly a month - so many things have been happening in my life that it was difficult to also come here. The good news is that life has somewhat calmed down (but I'm still crossing my fingers and my toes), which means that I'm back on iVillage.


I am so very happy to see you here, participating and sharing in our conversations! I hope that we'll get to know each other better in the coming weeks.


Welcome again!


(PS: I love the sound of your name!)


Please visit these other great message boards:
Cranio-Facial Abnormalities
In Vitro (IVF)



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 05-23-2007 - 8:33am

Hey there - congratulations on healing hands! That's really great news, and you've made me happy to read



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Thu, 05-24-2007 - 4:55am
i know what hospitalizations can do--i've had them with my husband being hospitalized over the years. it makes everybody else exhausted, stressed out, etc. trying to function and keep the normal routine is almost impossible, a tall order. i hope you're managing to keep some order amidst the chaos. i also hope your father will come through this okay and be out of there real soon. ]
as far as i am doing--since writing this message, i started biting them again, making my fingers bleed. i'm trying very hard to avoid a total downslide--returning to a full-blown mess. when i noticed myself doing this, i asked myself if this is really what i wanted to be doing? why was i even anxious? after all, at the time i started doing it, Tuesday night, there was absolutely nothing to be anxious about. realizing that helped and i was able to overcome it. it's now Thursday, and although i have continued picking at them here and there, my fingers are still in very good shape. although i'm still engaging in thehaircutting, it's also much less.
not that i don't have stress. i actually do have some stress right now. my maid is in the hospital and i don't have my second therapy session this week, because my therapist is away, and there is a lot of clutter around and i'm tired. i am also bothered by a certain problem that i would talk about in therapy, if there was a session. my goal right now is trying to make it till Monday when i have my next session. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 05-24-2007 - 5:26am

We are all being a bit grumpy right now, and we are needing quiet " Me Time". Though my youngest brother is here, I am not hanging out with him because I just need to be alone...


I don't know whether I mentioned this. Probably have, but I've forgotten. Have you ever tried guided imagery for your anxiety? It has helped me a lot. I usually listen to the CD at night before I got to sleep, or when I'm anxious. The guided imagery CD's that I like are Belleruth Naparstek's but there are others. You just have to find one that you like overall (sometimes I don't like the voice, and my anxiety levels go up instead of coming down).


How's the yoga going? I have to start again. I've started bellydancing classes (finally!) which I am enjoying, and now I am looking for tai chi sessions somewhere.


I am sending you calmming and healing vibes to last until Monday when you see your therapist.


Have a good Shabbat, Tziporah.




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Mon, 05-28-2007 - 10:51pm
i'm struggling--trying to hang on, which is why i'm writing. i didn't have my regular session on Monday. my therapist had an emergency and i got a message that i wouldn't be getting a replacement time, but only my next regular session on Thursday. and he's also due to go away the second week of June--something he told me about previously. when i don't have the sessions, i struggle more, but i also grow more in a way. i am forced to rely on my own resources for making decissions. that's the good part. bad part--my nail-biting, obsessiveness and depression get worse, stronger, and the struggle to fight against the bad moods and urges is harder.
physically, i'm feeling sore. my neck andshoulders are very sore, partly because of the stress i think and also because my physio is also away. i don't really want to go back for more physical therapy, but if things don't improve, i probably will. knowing him, he'll probably call when he gets back to check on how i'm doing. he's thoughtful and nice in that way. i'm too sore to do yoga orany other exercise for that matter. mostly, i rest and put hot water bottles on my neck and shoulders. that helps. i'm able to sleep better at night since starting to take theneletonin supplement my psychiatrist suggested and that's continued despite the current stress-a good sign.
with each day, though, the urge to bite or pick at my cuticles is getting stronger. i picked at the rough skin on my heals on Sunday, but stopped that after a few minutes. not having the therapy session yesterday was a real blow for me. i needed it. things haven't been going easy for me as far as this new business idea--the coaching idea--is concerned and it's bringing up a lot of real dilemmas for me and i don't know what to do. fortunately, i have my husband, who is quite supportive and understanding and encouraging. that helps. still, as i type this, i keep touching my thumb, thinking about the rough skin on it, thinking how i should just continue picking at it. my fingers are still in very good shape, but Monday was harder andslowly i'm giving into it again and i really don't want to. right now, when everything else makes me feel like i'm failing, i keep telling myself that at least in this one thing--the nail-biting, i'm being a success. but it's getting harder to hold on and not totally give in. i pick at the cuticles, then stop, then start, then stop, then start again. i feel like this is a critical stage, a critical phase. if i can justget over it, past it, through it, hang on, i'll do okay.
i realize not having had the session is actually good. it's forcing me to make my own decissions about what to do concerning this career thing. but i'm also quite obsessed and depressed about it. plus my sore neck and shoulders. writing here is the one place i feel i can share all this. reading Chris's last message to Abby also helped. i'm trying not tojudge myself harshly. still, i want to succeed this time, not letit be like the other times when i relapsed. i have to learn to cope with stressin a healthy way, not through biting my cuticles and ruining them and hurting myself. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 10:01am

Hi Tziporah,


I wanted to let you know that I have read your post, but that I'm having to catch up with work and the other boards, and that I'm still pretty tired so I didn't get to reply to you yesterday.


You know, I'm wondering whether the soreness you are feeling isn't also because you are growing emotionally, and that your body is manifesting the growing pains? Maybe if you stretched your body it would help you feel more comfortable and more settled in the emotional space you are in now? Stretching your body to widen your physical "private" space/widen your aura? Does that make sense?


Hey, I might have to start working on my own stuff soon. The project I am working on is winding down earlier and we won't be working with our client on a second season. It's a long story, but it means that a) I have to look for another job, at least a part-time one that allows me flexibility or that will allow me to telecommute and b) my plans to start working on my own stuff (jewellery and accessories) can be moved to this summer or at the very latest this fall instead of the beginning of next year. As you said, starting something is scary, and with me it's even scarier since I won't have the financial cushion I was hoping to earn through this project. But on the other hand I don't want to postpone it or push it back even further either.


Right now, I'm telling myself since I have a few lemons, I am going to make lemonade. I have a choice between staying angry and letting the anger take over or taking a risk and see where it goes. If I fall flat on my face, then I'll find a way to get up again - but at least I will not spend the rest of my life wondering, asking myself what ifs, or regretting not having pursued my dreams. And if it works out, I'll be happy. So at the end of the day, it's a win-win situation. And you know what? I've fallen before. Many times. If I survived then, I'll survive now.


What are the coping methods are you planning to use to cope with stress? What are the reminders are you going to use to remind yourself to use these coping methods when you are stressed?


Sending you gentle hugs,


Please visit these other great message boards:
Should I Stay or Should I Go?
PCOS



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 10:09am

Hey Tziporah,


It just occured to me that your scanner most probably can't read my siggie at the end of my posts - where I have my name, where I have the links to the boards I CL since it's a .gif or a .jpg file.


So here are my boards:


Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhptsd
Crisis Center: Rape and Suicide http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlcrisis
Self-Injury http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhselfinjury
Finding Your Best Life http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhbestlife


I've also added a link to my blog on iConnect.


I usually change my siggie every few months. Just before this one, there was a picture of yellow daffodils. I just changed the siggie today. There are no pictures on this siggie, just Poppy in orange on the tope of the letters gradually changing down the letters to a golden yellow. It's very cheerful and warm, a bit like the sun.




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 10:30pm
i have my therapy in a few minutes, but i wanted to write. your words always help me. the si has been getting worse. first, it was justpickingat my left thumb. thenext day it was my right pinky finger on one side, after that, the same finger on the other side. then my fourth finger. all of these were rather small, except for the pinky, which bled a little. still, after writing a bit, the urge subsided. this morning, however, it was really bad again--my worst episode. i was lying in bed, awake, obsessing and worrying about what to do with this coaching business thing. i picked the right sideofmy third finger on my right hand and made a bloody mess of it. thedisgust, the shame, the frustration, after being so good at controlling myself for so long. i guess i really need the session to get back control. thank G-d it's going to start shortly.
your comments about the neck pain being my body's way of stretching to grow emotionally is interesting and something i hadn't thoughtof. i've read that lobsters do that. periodically, as they grow, they have to shed their shells. at such times, they arevulnerable to other predatory fish. but if they don't shed their outer shell, they can't grow a new one, so they have to go through this stage of vulnerability, as it were. the psychiatrist/rabbi, who wrote this idea, Abraham Twerski, said that is what human self-development is like. being vulnerable while growing. your thoughts about my body stretching reminded me of this insight.
i put on gloves, so right nowmy fingers are safe.
thanks for your encouraging words about jobs. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 10:50am

An idea came to me this afternoon in the car. Do you use prayers beads? Maybe this is something that could be useful, not only for reciting prayers, but also to say calming reminders? After all, they are also called worry beads...


Please visit these other great message boards:
Should I Stay or Should I Go?
PCOS



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Sat, 06-02-2007 - 10:45pm
thanks, Poppy. you always care so much.
prayer beads are usually associated with the rosary--not my religion. but it reminded me about my first trip to Israel in high school, 1971. then it was much safer to go into the AArab shuk than it is now. i got a pair of wooden worried beads and really liked them--wore a necklace of them all summer. i also thought of how, in school, when i was bored, i'd wear a candy necklace--a necklace made of candy beads. the idea was to eat the candies off the string. a lot of fun--and a lot of cavities!
actually, others have suggested i get worry beads, including my therapist. i actually have an abacus, which is like worry beads, so i could play with that, i guess. still, the thing that works the most, when i do use it, iis gloves. it's just that sometimes they're not convenient or i'm too lazy to put them onl.
after writing my last message, i had therapy. i needed it. it was helpful. he said my nail-picking is connected to the stream of anxious thoughts i am engaged in. he is right, of course. it helped, and for about two days i was in better spirits. it's been a few days since my last session, and i feel the tenssion rising again. tommorrow, i have another session. it's like medicine, therapy, in the sense that ineed it every few days. only thing is, his break is coming up. when i told him how hard the breaks are, he said; "you know you have to do part of the work yourself." how's that for sympathy? anyway, he got me refocussed on the coaching thing and that helped.
still, i've been picking at my cuticles a bit, and although the bloody mess i reported about in my last message is healing, i picked at the same finger in another place and it bled. i was both disgusted and also enjoyed doing it. funny how those two contradictory feelings can coexist.
thanks again for your encouragement. although i am having slip-ups right now, i feel writing on this board has significantly helped reduce the severity of the si itself. having to report on it has been helpful. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 06-03-2007 - 6:35am

Yes, there's the Catholic rosary and the Muslim tasbih. I didn't know whether you use prayers beads in your religion, too. I think the abacus would work very well, too. And if you run you hand across the abacus, you can visualise that your journey be a smooth as your hand gliding across the abacus.


Were you really in high school in 1971 or was that a typo? I thought you were a few years younger than me and not the other way around! You have a beautiful writing voice, Tziporah.


So what are you going to do when your therapist is away? Have you checked out yoga teachers/studios?


Can I ask what kind of gloves you wear? Some time ago you mentioned that you had run out of gloves so it made me wonder.


Have a great week, Tziporah. Talk to you tomorrow!


Please visit these other great message boards:
Cranio-Facial Abnormalities
Depression Support



Pages