Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
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Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
| Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:32am |
Hi Tziporah,
I am so sorry that this is such a belated welcome to you. I've been absent from the board for nearly a month - so many things have been happening in my life that it was difficult to also come here. The good news is that life has somewhat calmed down (but I'm still crossing my fingers and my toes), which means that I'm back on iVillage.
I am so very happy to see you here, participating and sharing in our conversations! I hope that we'll get to know each other better in the coming weeks.
Welcome again!
(PS: I love the sound of your name!)

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Arrrrgggghhhh sounds like neighbours all over the world are exactly the same!
www.rainbowinspirations.co.uk
http://rainbowinspired.livejournal.com/
hello, Chris,
Thanks for your message. I've been having a lot of stress lately. I noticed today that almost all of my cuticles have sores on them. Mostly just a little part at the tip of the finger where the cuticle meets the nail. But more extensive on a few fingers. I'm disappointed in myself. I also feel that cathartic feeling when I chew the skin of the bitten off cuticle--no regret. It's soothing. Even now, just bit off a piece of skin and I'm chewing it and finding it relieving. I haven't had this kind of thing for quite some time. Sort of surprised I'm having it now. But then again, not. Just found out my parents are coming in Oct. I thought, because they've just moved into a new apartment, (a move which took a lot out of them), that they'd forego or forget about the visit. They had moved from the house they had purchased as a young couple--which they have lived in for more than fifty years. The packing, the giving away of items, finding a buyer, then relocating and unpacking, a lengthy process. I thought they'd want to rest and, since they had not mentioned it, I naively thought that this year would be different. Then, in their last phone call on Friday, they mentioned it. I jokingly said: "That's news to me!" I don't know where I got that idea from. Wishful thinking, perhaps. And the stress of starting the business. Haven't done anything with coaching since finishing the term paper. People say that's normal. But I just can't seem to get the enthusiasm for it. A lot of inner doubts. I don't even see myself as a coach I can see myself as a Torah teacher, but not as a coach. I have a lot of commitments to the web designer and others, but just have no enthusiasm. I also have a lot of house sorting to do. The house has really been neglected over the past few months while I was studying. I know I should get it in shape, not just for my parents, who are sticklers about neatness, but also for myself. My t. always says I do things to meet their approval. That still is true, but I also decided this time it's also for me.
Yesterday I had a typical day. I was stressed out at the start of it. The dust had gathered on everything. It was thick as flour--that kind of dust. There had been some repairs done and the dust that was left behind! wow! Plus I had discovered in the room where we have an extensive library that there had also been quite a lot of dust there as well. I felt overwhelmed. Then, I decided to call up some of our husband's sister's sons-in-law. They're really quite nice and they're young. I figured, this is a man's job. Heavy physical work and not just the kind of dust the maid could do. Plus, she had enough work on her hands without that. I thought this would take days. One of them came over and in about two hours had everything much better. Relief. But the stress I went through before that.
I also then had some computer tech work to do.
A friend had sent me an abridged CD-rom of Jane Eyre. I rarely read those kinds of things, but I just felt like I needed a break, so I spent a couple of hours reading it. Very good and absorbing. Still, I couldn't rest until I had finished it. Actually, this cd-disk wasn't meant for me, but was meant for a friend who had sent it to me en route. I felt like I had to read it right away, was afraid I wouldn't be finished with it before my friend asked for it. Typical anxiety.
You know what my favorite scene is in that book? The one that made the most impact? It's the one where Jane Eyre, at about ten years of age, is called into the drawing room where her aunt, who treats her meanly, is talking to a clergyman who is the head of a girls' school. The aunt falsely tells the parson that Jane Eyre is deceitful. After he leaves, Jane stands up to the aunt and tells her that she hates her and that she, the aunt,is the deceitful one--feigning piety and charity while being truly mean. She then says something like, "This was my first victory." I thought, self-assertiveness, victory for standing up for yourself. And then: how could she do that? Where did she get that inner strength?
This is what ai think really makes the great works of classical literature great: their ability to really get into their characters, to really pinpoint their natures. And then I thought, I never would have been able to do that, not at nine, nineteen, or even now--really asserting myself like that.
I guess that's where I'm holding. Trying to be a little more self-understanding of myself, a little more forgiving, but also noting the stresses and underlying tensions.
Tziporah
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Hi Tziporah, there is also a reply on the happy or not so happy july thread.
I know it is tough when it feels like the SI is worse, but that does happen sometimes and what you said you are working on - self-acceptance and forgiveness is key to this. The same goes for the lull between finishing school and working on the business. Others are right, this is natural. Perhaps set a goal date of when you will next think about where to go next with it, and even then if you decide to post-pone it or change your plans, that is okay too. The key is to have a plan, and a concrete date,
Hi Amanda,
You could be my t! laugh.
Seriously, you have said everything he's said.
See, I told you you could be my t.
Yesterday I was sitting in bed and thinking. I finally felt the first urge of getting back into coaching. I had this sudden burst of energy. Life! life! I jumped out of bed. It really worked for awhile. I told myself: I don't want to sink back into depression. I don't want to just sit around wasting my life, wasting my time. I have to fight off this depression before it gets a total grip on me again.
The depression part has been coming back. I've beenoff pills for about half-a-year now. Don't really want to go back on them. I need to learn to train myself, train my thoughts, not rely on a pill to obliterate them.
That feeling of despair. In the original episode of the depression it was despair over the Intifada--back in 2000. Now, it's despair over the steadily increasing unemployment, factories closing down, especially in the pooer outlying areas of the country--but not only there, the likelihood that those laid off will never get another job, kids going to bed hungry in Jerusalem, all of things news items from last week, plus a radio commentator who said that if you're unemployed and over 35--that's considered "old". I know I shouldn't listen to the news. It's just depressing--worse every day. I know it does nothing for my mental health and happiness. And the result? the same feeling of despair that I had back then, when terrorists were killing innocent people almost every day or week. Just no way out of it. I was also in-between things then. So I know I'm vulnerable.
But it's more than that. A lot of anxiety connected with starting this business.
Shabtai's supportive. But sometimes I wonder: "how did I get myself into this mess anyway?"
I know zilch about running a business. Am totally ignorant about accounts, anything to do with math and banking, money-management, etc.
I feel like I don't know how to make it start.
Shabtai says to get a business coach--a good idea--more outlay of money.
I feel so overwhelmed.!
You're right about the other stuff as well. Just thinking about my parents all the time will make it center in my life.
The thing I was really anxious about, cleaning up the piles of dust--well, in fact, one of Shabtai's relatives came over, a guy in his early 20's, and within a few hours he had the place dust-free!
a lot of worrying and nervousness for nothing.
si easing up a bit. less tense. more relaxed.
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
cl of the Self-Injury
I meant to answer the other message you sent, but haven't yet.
Right now, I just got a call from my parents. Really nothing more than the usual hello. Nothing that hasn't been said a trillion times before. I'm not going to get nervous about it. Right? Even though they're coming in mid-Oct.
My first thought, after they hung up, was: "if I have nothing to talk to them about for five minutes, what am I going to talk about with them for two weeks?"
The usual thought.
Started to feel stressed out.
I remembered around lunch time, a few hours ago, what you said--that by making the negative thoughts my focus, I make them center stage.
I just started reading a book on self-talk and the author makes the same point. I figured I'll try strengthening myself by reading it.
I wish I could ask them to come less than their usual 2 weeks, but I feel there is something disrespectful in doing that. After all they have given me, can't I tolerate them for two weeks?
That's the best thing about this msb--I can get support whenever I need it. My t. is great, but he's probing, not always supportive, although he tries to be. Deep down I know he is on my side.
Still, there is a big difference between a therapist and a self-help board.
I'm glad you're doing so well with your work. I'm still not clear how you got a meeting with that government minister. I assume it's part of your job. Right? You're getting paid now? I hope so. You deserve it. You've work hard to get to where you are.
Tziporah
Tziporah
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Hi Tziporah, congrats on all your efforts and self-work lately. You are
I am sorry that I had fallen off the face of the earth. Too many things happening all at once.
Would Skyping towards the end of the week be good for you? I'll try to drop by at the week-end to catch up and let you know what's happening with me!
Hope that all is well with you and your husband!
All this stuff about how at the end of the day nobody asks you: "how comes you didn't spend one more hour at the office?" All that stuff about how the greatest fulfillment comes from having kids, not your job, etc. etc. etc.
Before that, depressed about the fact I had a falling-out with someone I had been helping for a couple of years. I made a bad mistake. Said something totally inappropriate, (profanity), but then, to put it into context, she had been complaining about how she didn't have a devoted husband who helped out like I do, and she was a busy mother, while I am not, and she also used a profane word. She had said this kind of thing one time too many and it pressed my buttons and I then said the inappropriate expression.
Not making excuses. Just explaining how it was.
Plus, I had done a supervised coaching class as part of my final course work. In this class you coach someone for 15 minutes, with the other class members and class trainer listening. Then the person who was coached is supposed to hang up and you discuss the session with the facilitator and the others in the class. Well, it was difficult. The person I was coaching and I were not communicating well. Afterwards, when she had finished and hung up, I mentioned how I thought the person had just gone on and on without really listening. etc. etc. etc. Only one problem, she hadn't hung up yet, as all had assumed, and she heard the discussion. Anyone at all familiar with training of social workers, therapists, coaches, etc. will know that they all go through this kind of training and evaluation, known as "supervision." It's not my fault she was still on the line and hadn't hung up. But what hurt was that she called me to tell me that "she doubted she could ever trust me again." Coming on the heels of this other blunder, I've really begun to doubt whether I am really able to coach. Things always start out well enough but then I somehow always blow it. Someone whom I had coached before the summer called yesterday for a session and we talked briefly. But I felt nothing. Just mechanical. I mean, I did what I was supposed to--used all the techniques, but didn't feel anything: not intrested, not enthusiastic.
Plus, my parents are coming again after the Jewish fall holidays, the usual thing. As usual, nothing whatsoever to talk about with them.
Mostly spend my days now just looking up stuff on the internet. Passing the time.
I came across an article which talks about the mother/career fulfillment conflict. They mentioned the well-known film, Kramer vs. Kramer. I wanted to download it, watch it. I have spent hours trying to figure out how to download it for free. Can't seem to do it. Frustrating. Now I'm obssessed with downloading it. But can't.
Cuticles average state--not great, not bad, somewhere in between.
Mostly feel like coaching is just one more thing to keep me busy so that I can "forget" or "ignore" all the other personal problems.
Perhaps this entry would be better placed on a message board for depression. Guess I'm just so used to writing here--don't have to start from scratch explaining anything.
Believe me, if you hadn't written me, I wouldn't even be writing this. But since you did write, because you reached out, because I can be myself here, honest--tell it the way it really is--I decided to at least write back.
As far as skyping goes, well, maybe emailing right now would be better.
My therapist says I have to change my thoughts, and if I can't do that, at least differentiate between the good and bad ones and keep the bad ones out. I've thought of going backon meds. Don't really want to, though. All they do is drug you up--they just postponed dealing with the problems.
There's a lot more I could say. It's all just depression talk. Right? Laugh.
Thank G-d for this board. At least I can write here. I can't even tell my husband about all of it. Not that he wouldn't care--he would. It would just hurt him too much.
At least he's here. If he were not....
Tziporah
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Isn't there a dvd rental from where you can rent the movie? Or perhaps you can track down the book (written by Avery Corman)? The only reason I said that is because it's such a hassle to download a movie, and it always takes up so much time and space, too. Which is why I head to the nearest dvd rental place. Plus, the huge problem with downloading for free is that it isn't always available and you have to download a program in order to be able to download, etc. It's really quicker to rent or buy - and not guilty feelings about piracy.
Zip, you are at the learning stage. Everybody makes these kinds of mistakes - it's how we learn, and how we become good at what we do. Now you know to make sure that your client has really hung up. I hear the hurt and the doubt, but to give up now is to do yourself a huge disservice. And you've got your experience with the woman using profanity that it might help when you are in a situation like this, to visualize that you are dipping your feet in a container filled with healing light that helps you keep cool and that absorbs everything negative that people hurl at you.
Of course you are able to coach. You are *good*. You are well-read, you are caring, you are gentle. And you don't give up, either. If you were a giver-upper, you would have done so a long, long time ago - you would probably still be back in the US, leading a very different life. People appreciate hearing about your experiences, and how you correlate our discussions to something that you had read.
Mother/career conflict is not something that I have to deal with, though sometimes I do have caregiver/career conflicts! I do understand the pain of not having children when one has longed for them, though. Fortunately for me, it has been something that I was able to make peace with. It crops up once in a while, but for the most part I am okay with no biological kids to call me mama. The kids in my life have found ways to be in my life, and I doubt that they will let me go away anytime soon.
Are your parents coming this month of next month? Remember that you did very well last year when they came to visit. What if you have a small project to do that would take a couple of hours per day to work on? It'll give you some respite?
How is your husband doing? I keep thinking of him when I am reading something on EFT. I have decided that I want to learn this, but I will need to find an instructor! I am putting it on my things to do for the next 12 months.
What if you took the meds for 3 or 4 months as you deal with your problems? It's what I've always done - the meds alleviate the symptoms of depression, so that instead of having my energy and focus on dealing depression and anxiety attacks, I can discuss what my triggers are and work on these. Or maybe a few sessions of EFT if you do not want to go the drugs way?
Email or posting here work very well for me. It's going to be a long 4 months till the end of the year.
Am off to bed. Talk to you soon!
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