Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
1100
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:32am

Hi Tziporah,


I am so sorry that this is such a belated welcome to you. I've been absent from the board for nearly a month - so many things have been happening in my life that it was difficult to also come here. The good news is that life has somewhat calmed down (but I'm still crossing my fingers and my toes), which means that I'm back on iVillage.


I am so very happy to see you here, participating and sharing in our conversations! I hope that we'll get to know each other better in the coming weeks.


Welcome again!


(PS: I love the sound of your name!)


Please visit these other great message boards:
Cranio-Facial Abnormalities
In Vitro (IVF)



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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2001
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 7:11am

(((((((hugs)))))))

I am going to probably post 2 replies to you because you wrote on the 27th and the 29th, and right now I don't know whether I can remember what you said on the 29th. Since my father's death last October, my brain has gone all holey - it probably looks like a colander right now.

Right now all I want to say to you is; whoa! Stop. People who get good jobs easily are very lucky, and they are most probably getting a job in the same industry for which they already have prior experience. Prior experience is also conducive to success!

Second of all, what is success? You know, I am sure that you do a lot of things in your life that touches a lot of people, but that you are taking these for granted. How many people have you helped, Tzip, in real life? I know that you have helped many here on the boards. So perhaps your coaching practice is slow right now, but in terms of helping others and touching others, you are a huge success.

Many you should tap:

Even though I bite my cuticles, I deeply and completely accept myself.

Even though I beat myself up with self-defeating comments, I deeply and completely accept myself.

Even though I worry that I am not good enough, I deeply and completely accept myself.

And why not tap good things?

I now start to treat myself lovingly because I deeply and completely accept myself.

I now treat myself with respect because I deeply and completely accept myself.

* * *
How did your surgery go? I hope that it was a success, and I hope that you recover quickly!

How was the class on coping? I think that you are the perfect person to give that class because you know how difficult it is to learn a coping skill, remember to use it and implement its use on a daily basis. If someone who didn't have any problems using their coping skills gave the class, that person just wouldn't understand the struggles that a lot of people have.

(((((hugs)))))








iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Tue, 01-05-2010 - 2:47pm
Hi Poppy,
Condolences on the death of your father. I didn't know he had passed away. From what I know, I assume you were close. Is that right?
It takes a long time to come back to oneself after something like that. I know eventually this will happen. time is a great healer.
anyway, everything you said, as always, is right. it's just the same thing my t. says. somehow, though, i can't seem to internalize it. you're priobably right--saying the affirmations you've suggested would help. i just need to do it.
as for the surgery, it got a bit more complicated than originally intended. i not only needed to have the original surgery, the fistula removed, but also needed an exam somewhere else. since that exam also required anesthesia, they did both at the same time.
the first two days i've spent mostly in bed. sitting is just plain uncomfortable.
but i'm trying to get back into things.
thankfully, it was only a local anesthesia, not a general, which would have made me even more tired.
the doctors are happy so far and i'll be seeing them again next week for the post-op visit.
feeling a bit depressed.
Tziporah
web: www.life-ladders-coaching.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 01-11-2010 - 11:20pm

Thank you, Tziporah. He was a very good and kind man, and a caring as well as loving father. He was very much a hands-on dad even before it was popular or modern to be so, which in turn has helped shape my brother to be the good father that he is. We miss him sorely.

How was the post-up visit? Are you doctors happy with the recovery? And how are you? Are you able to be more active now? I am sorry to read that it was more complicated that anticipated, but I hope that you are healing well.

Do you know that the person who created EFT is retiring, and he will be retiring EFT also as he doesn't want to be liable for anything in the future. So the website will be closing down in March (after people had written to him to allow them to give them more time). He is thinking on how to step away from EFT legally (again, for liability reasons). We'll see.














iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 01-18-2010 - 8:37am

I'm rereading an older post. I am sorry that your aunt's phone call and hearing about your cousin pulled you into a dark space about yourself.

Having many friend who are very successful overambitious overachievers that make me look like a primitive slug, I've had to learn to not put myself down and not to compare myself in ways that only make me look and feel bad about myself. I remind myself that I can't compare myself with them since we don't work in the same industries, and that the standards for success are different for each person. If success were only measured in the job title that one has or the salary that one receives, then I'd be at the bottom of the heap. But you and I both know that living a happy and successful life entails much more than that, and that each person has to decide what their values are and rate themselves according to these personal values.

In my book, you are a priceless friend. You have so much wisdom and knowledge, and you have the ability to create your own job. I know that you are scared and that you self-sabotage, but when you find the way to circumvent this you will be such a good life coach for so many people. That is something that I have no doubts about. What you do not all people can do.














iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 01-18-2010 - 8:40am

Hey Tziporah,

I think in one of your posts you were wondering what to do with your time? Do you still have extra time now? What about posting in the other folder? Amanda seems to be away from the board now, and she hasn't posted a daily affirmation for some time now. Maybe you can post a daily affirmation during the week day?














iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Wed, 01-20-2010 - 12:50am
Hi Poppy and everybody else,
i didn't want to respond until i had the results of the operation. i still have some pain, but much, much less than during the first ten days. i also have begun to see the incision closing up. i have another doctor's visit on Sunday and I'm sure it will go okay--i'll get a good report.
as you may recll, this operation involved removing a fistula--which is sort of like a growth, from my rectal area, so it was very painful to sit on chairs or go to the bathroom. i'm now able to sit on chairs without pain, which means i can do work in the office again.
the other part of the operation was a gynecological problem, and befause they were anesthetizing the lower part of my body for the main surgery, it was decided to do a detailed exam of the uterus at the same time, which was an invasive procedure. as paqrt of it, they took a biopsy. the doctor, who is easy to communicate with, said i should have the results between seven-ten days post-op. well, i waited for ten days and then called him up. no results, but he wasn't worried. he said it could take up to two weeks. but this started me on an anxiety spiral. i had all sorts of ideas, like perhaps the biopsy was botched--something which once happened to my husband, which would mean i was no closer to trying to figure out my gynecological problem than before the procedure, because when he did the exam itself during the operation, he couldn't detect any problems--hence the decision to take biopsy samples. i had thoughts of good money being wasted. Shabtai told me that if it was bad news, heaven forbid, the lab would be running to find the doctor, so no news was good news. still, i felt anxious.
the two week mark past. by that time, the doc said he'd contact the lab, but i didn't hear anything from him, which only increased my anxiety even more. and although i tried calling him on his cell, i couldn't get through.
two weeks plus two days--yesterday--i told Shabtai to call. i started to think that this doc probably thought i was a hysterical patient or a nudnik nudgy type. my husband did call and left a very diplomatic and courteous message urging the doc to call back. that was yesterday afternoon. by evening, i started to feel anxious again and decided to try calling him again.
this time i got through. it turned out the doctor had also been trying to track down the results but had been unsuccessful. thelab didn't know where the results were. he felt confident the results were okay, because, echoing Shabtai's point, if they weren't, the lab would have contactedhim by now. still, he was also frustrated, plus, something i couldn't have known, his father had just died and he had just come back from the funeral, so he was not working. still, he said i should try contacting the surgeon who had done the main operation--perhaps the lab got things mixed up and had sent the biopsy report to him. this is indeed what happened.
i can't believe the other surgeon wouldn't inform either the gynecologist or me about it, but this is what happened, and he even said i should call the gynecologist to let him know the results. a surprising lapse for someone i consider to be a very good doc--i have known this surgeon for many years.
well, i did call the gynecologist back-0-which he said to do, even though he is now in mourning, and he was relieved to hear the mystery of the missing report had been solved.
as usual, my anxiety was for naught. my thoughts were getting carried away. i know this is what my therapist will tell me when i relate this to him tomorrow. even though this happens quite a lot, i still never seem to learn the lesson and get carried away.
the other thing you wrote about, how i am spending my time--well, for now, i am focusing on trying to complete this major typing project i undertook. it has brought up a lot of internal conflicts and i have been trying to address them in therapy. i know on the one hand this is a way of avoiding the real and main thing i should be doing--coaching--but i still can't even begin to deal with that yet. at the same time, i keep wondering how i got myself into this "mess". the typing project is complicated, more complicated than i anticipated, and the person who asked me to do it is coercive--and i find it very difficult to refuse her.
so, as you can see, a lot of material here for therapy! laugh.
my last session with the t. on Monday was really painful. i kept feeling this pain in my chest, which i haven't felt for a long time. all i could think of was that the things we were talking about must be really sensitive, otherwise it wouldn't hurt.
anyway, as is his main strategy, the t. kept telling me i have to work on changing mythoughts. replacing the initial negative evaluations with more beneficial positive alternatives. so, when you suggested writing affirmations, my first reaction was: how can i do that? i can't even seem to generate any positive affirmations. of course, i should try. but i don't even know how to start. i've never been one to really use this method, not like Amanda, who really seems to have it down pat.
anyway, i also went to the ritual bath this Sunday night, following my month-long period of being separate from my husband, in accordance with Jewish custom following menstrual bleeding--remember, this is what caused the gynecological concern--that the bleeding was so prolonged. well, i actually got my cuticles all cleaned up by then. i was really proud of myself. then, by Monday morning, i had ripped them all up again! due to the anxiety. my t. said it had to do with the anxiety i was feeling on several fronts--still no info about the biopsy, questions about what i will do when this typing project ends, the feelings about the project, etc.
plus, Shabtai has been sick for the last week.
and other self-esteem issues. you can see this is getting to be a long post. if i wrote about everything, it would take pages!
of course, Poppy, everything you write, is right on. i mean, all the remarks you make about not comparing myself to others, the comments about living a happy and successful life. this is a reall therapeutic issue.
basically, this is how i've been spending my days. i get up in the morning early, do some religious learning, listen to the BBC and follow the coverage of the earthquake disaster in Haitii, then either rest with Shabtai--if he's home, or do some intense typing for a couple of hours. sometimes i put on music. it's cold and rainy out--we need the rain, but i don't feel like going out in the cold. after lunch, late in the afternoon, take a rest. by then, i'm tired. don't forget, i get up about 5:30am. in the evening, listen to some interesting programs on the BBC and then do some more learning. i'm still giving my regular classes and that has been really a high point for me. i guess this is the structure until i finish the typing project, which i'm trying to finish quickly. that is another issue--how to structure my day when i'm between projects.
thanks for persisting in sending me all the emails you have, even though it took me awhile to respond.
they mean a lot.
your friendship means a lot.
Tziporah
i'm not checking this message for typing or misspelling errors--too long to reread right now. so, if there are any, apologies.
web: www.life-ladders-coaching.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2001
Wed, 01-27-2010 - 11:31pm

I'm very sorry I seem to only get here once a week!

How did the visit to the doctor's go? Was the doctor please with the healing? I am glad that you are able to sit on chairs again without too much pain. How strange that the surgeon did not forward or at least inform his colleague that the results had been dispatched to him. Does he not have an office manager? Doctors can be so strange at times. Frustratingly strange!

How quickly do you catch your negative thoughts? Maybe this is what you should be working on? Instead of going to catch butterflies with a net and keeping them in a mayonnaise jar, go on a negative thoughts chase, and move them out of your system. Use healing and love energy to heal these thoughts, turning them from negative energy to a loving one. And you can keep a tally.

You wrote about how to structure your day in-between projects. What about putting a yoga or stretching session, writing a blog post, posting affirmations here?

I am away this week-end. Saturday evening is the 100th day (day as in a block of time, not a time of day when the sun is out) of my father's passing. We are going to have prayers said for him. My mother is feeling a lot of guilt right now, and I don't know if I can help her. Funny how I can help a few people here online and I am unable to help my own family. It's so difficult to help them - there are a few issues. Plus I think people tend to listen better when they've paid for it. Hah!








iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Sat, 01-30-2010 - 1:58pm
y internet was out of order for a week because the computer technician i use was on vacation. i didn't miss it, but now have a ton of emails!
well, since writing, the medical situation has been resolved. the doctor finally got the report that went missing. a human error, i guess.
all the tests i had done turned out negative--so i'm healthy. as far as the surgery, the place has healed nicely. no more pain.
i have been working very hard in therapy on my toughts--how i have negative thoughts about everything. anticipatory anxiety thoughts, depressive thoughts, low self-esteem thoughts. my t. says that what i need to be doing is challenging the thoughts, not analyzing why i keep doing it--engaging in them. he's really pinning me to the wall on it, and although it's sometimes painful, i know he is right on this one. he still doubts i really want to go through the process this entails--a lot of "resistance".
last week, i was looking for a certain book and came across a recorded version of one of Norman Vincent Peal's books, which i had read about a year ago. i just put on the cassette version i have it and it started to talk about the negative thoughts and their negative impact on people's lives--somewhere around chapter eleven. i felt it was almost like a Heaven-sent signal, if you know what imean.
well, i kept reading. it made sense.
then, in chapter twelve, which deals with the mind-body connection, in which he claims that medical practicioners now recognize tht negative thoughts can have an impact on physical illness, he talked about a case in which a doctor had said his patient was "lacking in tone"--meaning, sluggish, tired, etc. the prescription Dr. Peal came him was to go for a twenty-four-hour period in which the individual would think no negative thoughts.
the person was reluctant, saying that he'd do it "sometime". however,Dr. Peal said he had to start "tomorrow", because "sometime", was just a euphamism for "no."
the person committed to the challenge. he said it was hard. he hadn't realized how much the negative thoughts had impacted on him. eventually,he committed to long-term practice of this method, and although he had many setbacks, he eventually noticed some improement in his mental and physical health.
i guess i was open to this idea. i didn't try it in the same way that this person did. but i have found my self, over the last few days, trying to think, speak and act more positively.
still, it's been quite difficult. a lot of anxiety and tension, which has resulted in a real setback with my cuticles. just nervous and tense abouteerything.a lot of trivial and not-so-trivial issues bothering me at present. eery finger on both hands has ripped up cuticles!
after just two weeks ago, when i had been at the level of totally sore-freehands.
that was Sunday night.by Monday,i was already picking at them again.
i was supposed to have two therapy sessions this week. Shabtai wasn't home to wake me up, although he did call, so i slept through the second session. maybe somewhere in my consciousness, i mean my unconscious, i needed that break. i've been finding the sessions very intense. he's getting tougher, more demanding.he says it's a question of whether i want to get well or stay sick.
just writing this--i already feel tired.
Tziporah
web: www.life-ladders-coaching.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Sun, 01-31-2010 - 4:01pm
very anxious on Friday. couldn't relaxed. ripped up cuticles. bandaged them.
Saturday. more relaxed. but did not enjoy Sabbath guests. frustrated.
today tired. starting to find it hard to think positively again. time for another therapy session, i guest, to get me back on track.
one of my fingers very sore from picking at it. hurts a lot.
felt embarrassed by my sore cuticles over the week end. wondered what guests must be thinking about it. felt ashamed that i had to show myhands to anyone. wish there weren't guests, so i could hide my hands.
Tziporah
web: www.life-ladders-coaching.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Sun, 02-07-2010 - 12:49am
well, everybody, my fingers are a bloody mess and i hae to go to the ritual bath today. disgusted about it--not the ritual bath, but my bloody fingers. rough skin, big pieces of it. embarrassed about my bloody hands over the Sabbath, having to show them to the guests, reading braille in synagogue, everyone could see it., tried to hide as much as possible. have started wearing pharmacy gloves again, especially when the anxiety urges are strong.
finally subscribed to youtube and started watching the video movie i wanted to watch--had been obsessing about it all last week, kept trying to download it.
funny, once i was able to download it, the obsesion passed. now i know i can watch it when i want--i now know how to do it. that was the frustrating part.
also, therapy very intense. he's concentrating on my anxious thoughts, examining each one to see if there is any logic behind the anxiety. usually, 99 per cent of the time, as you might well guess, there ins't. it's just needless worry oer nothing, but i still get anxious anyway--that is when the cuticle-biting starts. get the connection?
usually there is some underlying unconscious thought that i'm not aware of which is triggering the anxiety and he starts asking me difficult questions in order to expose it. eventually, it comes out.
very humiliating to have to admit the anxiety was really over something illogical. but i guess that's the treatment and i'e stopped resisting it.
funny, also, how after it's been worked on, worked through, i somehow feel better, more relaxed, more focused.
occasionally, my anxiety does prove to be well-founded, like the incident on Friday, when the seminary girls were supposed to come at a certain time and there was a long delay between their phone call and the time they were supposed to be here. turned out they were lost--they had gotten off the bus at the wrong stop. i then sent a taxi for them, but it took him a very long time to find them. they were in some forgotten nowheresville. Shabtai, my husband, kept telling me they would show up any minute, but i finally insisted he call the taxi to find out what was going on. he then found out the taxi had still not reached them but was in contact with them.
afterwards, Shabtai said: "this time you were right." meaning: usually i'm not.
it felt good to be "right" for once. occasionally, the anxiety is well-founded.
it is tricky knowing when it is really well-founded and when it is not.
a few weeks ago i was at the ritual bath again--then my fingers were smooth and all healed. as soon as i got home, this current descent started. my fingers hae not been this bad, my anxiety so strong and constant, for a very long time. just tensed up about many things, which results in a lot of cuticle picking.
also, cutting my hair short again--cutting it about once a week.
very occasionally, picking at rough skin on my heels.
but the dominant thing is the cuticles and the strong anxious sensations i have been feeling over the last few weeks.
just picked at a piece of hanging skin. don't even know why. maybe it's the anxiety about the ritual bath, one more place where i will have to display my bloody fingers.
i kept thinking about what everyone here has written about how to cope with showing the parts of themselves that have signs of self-mutilation and self-injury on them. as i have said before, it's not possible to cover my hands in the way someone could cover their arms with a long-sleeved shirt. that is at least acceptable. unless it's cold outside, one usually does not wear gloves. and if i were to do that, people would also ask me about that. right?
i sometimes put bandaids on my fingers. but how many of them can you put on? that also looks weird.
as do the fingers themselves.
no good solutions, unless or until they're healed, or until i get control and mastery over my anxious and depressing thoughts. right now, it's the anxiety that is foremost. it alternates--sometimes depression, sometimes anxiety.
Tziporah
web: www.life-ladders-coaching.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com

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