Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
Find a Conversation
Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
| Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:32am |
Hi Tziporah,
I am so sorry that this is such a belated welcome to you. I've been absent from the board for nearly a month - so many things have been happening in my life that it was difficult to also come here. The good news is that life has somewhat calmed down (but I'm still crossing my fingers and my toes), which means that I'm back on iVillage.
I am so very happy to see you here, participating and sharing in our conversations! I hope that we'll get to know each other better in the coming weeks.
Welcome again!
(PS: I love the sound of your name!)

Please visit these other great message boards:
Cranio-Facial Abnormalities
In Vitro (IVF)


Pages
sat in a warm tub for a long time before going to the ritual bath. filed down my heels with a pumace stone and filed my cuticles with a soft file. there still pretty messed up, but a little smoother than yesterday. feeling less anxious now--maybe because, according to religious law, i can now sleep in the same bed with myhusband again. more relaxed. also had a very busy and productive day yesterday which probably helped. i want to get back to where i was previously, that is, cuticles all healed. just like they were when i was at the ritual bath last month. i don't want to go into another slump and tensed up time like this last month had been following my previous immersion.
Tziporah
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
I hope that you don't mind that I only reply to you once a week. I'll try to pop in more often here as Amanda hasn't been here for a long time. I hope that she's okay.
What wonderful news and relief to know that you are all healthy. I am so glad for you, Tziporah.
Honestly, I think that negative thoughts can be an insight to our current disposition, but we have to be on guard and not let them take over and lead our lives. I listen to my negative feelings and thoughts, but with a distance. Then I try to see where it's coming from, what the triggers were, and then I release them. I get my friend to release her negative thoughts and feelings by visualizing a huge garbage bin that is then hauled away by her guardian angels to be processed into neutral healing energy. Or I visualize dipping my feet into a container filled with healing light, which absorbs all the negativity inside of me. I just spend a few minutes doing deep belly breathing, and feeling the tension and negativity levels decrease and my muscles relaxing gradually. Then I do a few positive affirmations, which includes forgiving myself as too many times we also berate ourselves for have negative thoughts or for struggling.
What about faking it till you become it? so you fake being a positive person with a heathy outlook. How would that person be? What would she be thinking? What would her body language and gestures be like? What would the tone her voice be? How would she be handling the situation (muttering "brilliantly and without effort" is not an answer - but what would she be thinking and doing to stay on top of her situation)? Then ask yourself how it feels to be positive and in charge instead of reacting and replaying the same tapes.
I am glad that you are less anxious and that your cuticles are healing! I didn't realize that one could not be in the same bed as one's husband when one is having one's period. We also have a ritual cleansing at the end of our menstrual period, but on our own and in the privacy of our own house.
I also did not realize that during that time of the month that you could not sleep in the same bed with your husband.
too tired to write again.
just feeling depressed.
stuck on a typing project and the person i need is out of the country till next week.
thinking about how much i don't believe in myself. if i did, i'd be doing things, going places.
my t. says i engage in avoidance-true, instead of doing the things that would empower me-true.
feeling depressed since he said that. that was the last session i had on Monday.
a lot of doubts about eerything, about myself. none of these exercises seem to appeal to me.
my t. said, a few sessions ago, "i feel like a gym coach. telling you to just do the exercise and not resisting me. like--do it even if you don't understand why."
i know he's right about that too. he's right about eerything.
Tziporah
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
What you need right now are huge gentle hugs:
((((((((((Tziporah))))))))))
I wrote that using a big huge font size!
Tziporah my friend, why don't you take care of yourself for an hour or two. Give yourself a break, pamper yourself, be kind to yourself.
Then when you come back to what you have to do, instead of meeting it head on, ask yourself whether there's an easier way of doing it. Ask yourself what a lazy person like Poppy would do, what ways would I find to make it easier, then try doing it just to prove me that I am truly lazy and should take a more disciplined approach :::Poppy winks:::
There isn't just one way of doing things, and one doesn't need to take the most difficult way in order to prove oneself, although I read this a lot on the boards. A lot of people feel that they need to suffer a lot and take the hardest way in order to qualify for a reward. What I see happening is that they struggle with themselves more than anything else, and instead of moving forward they either get stuck or sink or they beat themselves up when the whole purpose of the journey is to heal. Now, as a life coach, what would you tell that person and suggest to her?
Changing the subject completely, I was reading an article about a former NFL (National Football League) player, Alan Shlomo Veingrad. You can read the article here. In it, it mentioned the concept of goyrl. Could you explain to me more about this concept of destiny?
Tziporah, let's take a break from what we're struggling with and let's be nice to ourselves. Just for a few hours.
Hugs,
I'll respond to the NFL article and the comments you made in your previous post about religious customs in a separate message so as not to confuse topics.
frankly, though, i'm not emotionally up to it right now.
i spent about half of my therapy session today talking about how depressed i was feeling. my therapist said, "sounds like you're defeated."
i agreed.
then he said, "i'm also feeling defeated." meaning: he's frustrated that his attempts and efforts at getting me to change my thought patterns isn't really working.
he then started to ask, and not for the first time, if it was really worthwhile to continue therapy. i felt like crying. i did a little, but kept myself composed.
i said i needed to talk about my feelings somewhere. if nothing else, it provides a release--sort of like releasing the emotional pressure that builds up inside between sessions.
he said therapy was not meant to be a rehasing of the same old problems, which, he said, was just going to reinforce my insecure thoughts.
instead, i should be learning to think in more secure ways, but for some reason, i wasn't, or have not been able to do that.
i asked what the alternative was. he said he didn't know.
he's a very good therapist and has brought me a long way. i respect him because he is honest.
it's just not wasting his time or mine, or wasting my money. it goes beyond that. i wish i knew how to get myself into a different mindset.
the only thingi can think of right now is that atypical depression, which is what i got, is said to be hard to treat by any method.
we finally got into a ddiscussion about how hard it is for me to decide anything.
he finally said, "we don't have to decide about therapy today. maybe just forget about coaching for a week and work on other things."
still feeling very devastated. if he were to terminate with me, i don't know what i'd do. he's been my therpist for about nine years.
maybe i do need a change in therapists.. but the thought of that is just one more overwhelming thought i can't handle right now.
when i started to write this, i thought of saying" this is a crisis. then i thought: he's giving me anultimatum.
maybe that's what i need right now. he's good at giving me these kinds of ultimatums every few years.
but the truth is, it's deeper. i just can't seem to get my mind to turn around.
Tziporah
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
((((((((hugs))))))))
Why are you feeling depressed, my friend?
What if you spend one week just taking care of yourself and telling yourself soothing and loving things just the way you would take care of your husband? Don't think about how and why and can't, just do it. Sometimes we need to think less and just do.
I'm here for you.
I have been in that spot several times myself.
My husband, Shabtai, said pretty much the same thing you did--that my therapist has used this technique from time to time,threatening--or implying we've gone as far as we can--and then i do make some progres.
my husband thinks it is like that now as well.
i guess it is just the thought of having to find another therapist after solong--i have been with him almost a decade. i had other therapists before, but he is the one who has done the most for me, gone the deepest. if therapy were to end,i'd probably just manage without one.thethought of having tolook for yet another one--my fourth--is jjust too overwhelming.
well, i did try to listen to what he said. towards the end of the session, we started working on decision making, how i get so paralyzed that i cannot make any decision at all.
lo and behold--on the day following the session, i was faced with a small decision and it was enough to bring up the anxiety.
well,i have another sesion tonight so i guess i'll talk about that.
i guess we could compete for the title of Miss Avoidance. lol.
seriously, though, it's all tied up together--the avoidance, the anxiety, the inability to and paralysis when having to make decisions because i thik eery decision will have long-term implications. that is enough to imobilize me.
as far as looking back into the past goes, well, my therapist says that is exactly the strategy i use to avoid. instead of dealing with the present, i either get stuck in rehashing thepast for the millionth time--he knows about it all already, what Haarriet Braiker calls "analysis paralysis". She wrote a very worthwhile book, Getting Up When You're Down. she's a psychologist.
or, i get so tensed up about the future i can't do anything.
he says, just as all the others before him, that i have to focus on the present.
i'll write again after the session to let you know how it's gone.
Tziporah
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Karen aka Nawleansdarlin is indeed a very caring person. She was the first person to have welcomed me here on iVillage eight years ago, and she's one of the first ones to tell me that I was normal.
I can relate to the paralysis. It's something that my ex commented upon years ago - that it was as though I were a deer transfixed by the light and I can't move. Mine has to do with the fear of failure and of falling (I have a fear of heights, too), and the utmost fear that people will find out who I am really inside. I am terrified about renewing official documents. It took me a year and a half to renew my ID card (which took 10 minutes and was no problem), the another 5 months to pick it up. And I only did that because I had to renew my passport, which was only ready the day before I was supposed to leave. Which is why it works for me to have a partner to helped me stay focused on what needs to be done *now* instead of taking too much time to think about the what ifs. And because I am so very good at thinking about so many what ifs, people come to me to ask to think of all the what ifs, and finding a way that will avoid all that.
Pages