Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
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Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
| Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:32am |
Hi Tziporah,
I am so sorry that this is such a belated welcome to you. I've been absent from the board for nearly a month - so many things have been happening in my life that it was difficult to also come here. The good news is that life has somewhat calmed down (but I'm still crossing my fingers and my toes), which means that I'm back on iVillage.
I am so very happy to see you here, participating and sharing in our conversations! I hope that we'll get to know each other better in the coming weeks.
Welcome again!
(PS: I love the sound of your name!)

Please visit these other great message boards:
Cranio-Facial Abnormalities
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I have not posted on this board in many years.
I think that is what Poppy said your name is.
Anyway, when I read your latest message, I felt i had to write IMMEDIATELY to answer the question about being afraid of success. I also found it hard to understand why anyone should be afraid of success, because, as you said, who wouldn't want success?
This question was answered for me by Dr. Abraham Twerski in his little and profound and powerful book, Life's Too Short, (St. Martin's Press). here is what his answer to this puzzling question is, and it is, i think, the correct answer:
success means that once i've succeeded at task a., i will then be asked to take on task b., which will demand more of me: more knowledge, more skill, more responsibility, higher stakes if things don't work out or i can't do what is expected and demanded of me. that is also why people often sink into depression when they are promoted. maybe at the inferior level they will not be found out, but now, at the higher position, they will be found out for what they truly are--idiots. who cannot perform adequately.
example: bank teller is promoted to a higher position in the bank, an assistant manager. now this clerk is not just doing simple transactions, but has to make decisions, know more about finances, report to higher-ups. being a bank teller also requires knowedlge, of course, but mostly it is just cashing checks, handling deposits and withdrawals, relatively simple tasks.
this is the explanation Dr. Twerski gives.
a related anxiety is what he calls "the mind-field". imagine walking across a plot of land. until now, nothing has happened. i am still safe. but who knows? my next footstep may be on a land mind which will blow my leg off. this overwhelming anxiety leads to paralysis. even the fact that until now i have been safe does not matter. it's the fear of the future. this mind-field can occur as success increases--the stakes are higher.
since increased success is manifest by greater demands being put on the person, the rule applies: lower responsibility, lower demands, lower risk, less anxiety. versus: higher responsibility, higher demands, higher risk, more anxiety.
Dr. Terski also explains that some people avoid success because so much is hinging on it. example: a boy from a coal mining family is the first one to graduate high school. now he has to take an entrance exam for college. what it he fails? he'll be letting the entire family down. that weighty expectation fills him with anxiety, he forgets all the material he studied, hs mind goes blank on the day of the test, and hefails.
i hope this answers your question.
as far as therapy goes, i talked about the incidents over the last few days in which i had to make decisions. he seemed pleased. pleased, i think, that i wasn't just going through the regular depressing monologue again. i have to keep that up, not just have that kind of session occasionally.
how did you go through eight therapists?
Tziporah
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Hi Poppy,
I still owe you a response to the NFL question. will get to it.
anyway, thanks for the info about Karen.
I could relate to what you said about fear of filing documents. I have no trouble with that, unless it's something connected specifically to finances. then i get paralyzed.
when i had to order something from the U.S., i was afraid they were going to ask me all sorts of questions about payment. i had just gotten a debit card. i went into a phobic state, a high-anxiety state just thinking about it. even just discussing it in therapy was enough to make me go into that kind of state. eventually, because i needed the item, i overcame the anxiety and ordered it. none of the hassles i had anticipated occurred. this is what my therapist calls "anticipatory anxiety". i guess that is what you have as well, or better put, are describing.
i guess, as your example shows, when we need the document, or whatever it is we're afraid of, badly enough, we then are forced to go through the action and then overcome the anxiety. and--surprise, surprise, it usually is not anywhere nearly as bad as we thought it would be.
i have paralysis when it comes to dogs. anyone that barks--that is enough to stop me dead in my tracks and totally imobilze me.
Tziporah
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Hi Tziporah.
For me, success would mean that I would be in the limelight. In the limelight, I'd be easier to find. I'd be an easy target.
And that is the other reason why I'm paralyzed.
It's really never as bad as we thought it would be. Having to arrange for official documents is easier now, though these days I just forget. Thank goodness IDs and passports are valid for 5 years, though.
I used to have a huge fear of dogs, stemming from when I was a little girl and going home from my best friend's house. One of the people who lived on our street had a huge dog, a greyhound if I recall. It was nice and playful, but I had never played with a dog before. My best friend had a dog, but is was smaller that I was and was already very old. Another neighbour of ours had a big Old English Sheepdog, but he was always kept on a leash. So the greyhound was in a playful mood and he followed me. I was scared, and kept on walking. When he kept on following me, I started to walk faster, then trot then run. My running pace was probably his walking one... but I got more scared, started crying for my mother and by the time I got home a few houses later was screaming for her. My mother heard me despite being sound asleep in her bedroom on the second floor. She sleep-walked to the front door, opened the door, let me in... and as she woke up to my crying and screaming, fainted from the shock.
So I stayed well away from dogs thereafter, until 10 years ago when I went off-roading with a few friends. I was in B's Land Rover, and there was just the two of us. His Doberman was in another Land Rover, and was looking sad and highly disappointed. I asked why, and B explained that the dog was usually by his side during these expeditions. We were both silent for a minute, and as B was asking me whether the Doberman could ride with us I was telling B that the Doberman should join us. And for the next 8 hours, I let go of my fears. I couldn't even smell afraid, so I opened myself up to him. He loved me. He thought I was his personal cushion. He sat on my lap, and slept in my arms with his head just poking out of the open windows. He also wanted to lick me, but that went a bit too far so we stopped at that.
This year, I am working on fear of success and fear of being heard (and being found out as stupid). It's a huge plunge, but I don't want to grow old thinking, "I could have...", "I should have..." and "I was too afraid to...".
And now I am going to shower, get dressed, take a huge inhale and plunge. I have a meeting today, and they will either fire me (I hope not) or I will be starting to write in addition to what I already do with them (yikes - and I'm the one initiating this).
Wish me luck!
I don't think I'm afraid of the spotlight in that people will notice me.
Here is my fear-of-dogs experience. When I was in sixth grade, or thereabouts, my dad wanted a dog. we went to the local dog pound. the barking there was very frightening to me. finally, we settled on a beautiful, small and quiet dog from a rare breed, basenji. the basenji is said to have been an ancient dog in Egypt and was known for the fact that it barks only very rarely, perhaps only once in a few years--mostly growls only when agitated or nagged to much. a very loving dog, and yet i was afraid of her. only was able to pet her, but not even lift her. she was very small, about up to my knee--child's height. only on the day i left for Israel, about twelve years after we got her, did i finally allow myself to lift her. at that time, and since then, i have often felt regret when thinking about Char--her name--because i could have done this so many years before. she was very loving and patient and acceptd me at the level i could master, just as the dog in your story did. she was the most loving dog i have ever met. my dad was also very wise in choosing a very tame and gentle dog.
nevertheless, i think my fear of them had to do with a dog who once jumped on me. interestingly enough, i am not afraid of guide dogs used by blind people. i think that is because i know they have been especially trained to behave well and are very obedient and subject to their masters' demands.
i also have the fear of success and also, inside, have a very real fear that i will grow old and will have regretted not doing so many things i couldhave and should have done. very muchlike this experience with Char, except on a much greater level and about things which are so much more important in terms of the world and life. as time passes and i seem to feel more imobilized and stuck, this fear has grown.
good luck with your meeting. you are brave for taking the initiative. i hve no doubt you can do it. i know you would say the same to me, if our positions were reverse.
today i have a host of offices i have to go to in connection with my recent surgery and the elevator. want to trade places? just joking with you. i have no fear of this kind of thing, but can understand why it would be difficult for some individuals--the fear of authorities, not having all the papers one might need or not having them organized.
let us know how it goes with your meeting.
Tziporah
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
i love all kinds of music. most people just like one style. except for disco, which i definitely do notlike, i like almost every other kind of genre you could think of. early in the week, spent a couple of hours listening to country music from the sixties and seventies and enjoying it quite a lot.
then there was a crisis in the Jewish community and got involed in that. the crisis has since resolved itself, but not in the way people would have wanted. a Jewish person was executed in Florida by lethal injection. anyway, a lot of people found it hard to concentrate on anything else while this was happening. yesterdayi gave a talk about it on my regular teleclass, after having spent hours researching the subject. today, i am off to the clerks, as i wrote in my previous post. ihaven't taken the paxxel for two or three days now. i know i should. Tuesday night i had a bad cold and took an aspirin instead. last night, was just too lazy to get out of bed to take the pill, which i take before bed.
cuticles a mess--a lot of bloody fingers and hanging pieces of skin.
Shabtai said we could go out to lunch today because i'll be tied up for hours at all these offices. looking forward to that. also, no more guests till after Passover. Yay. I have had enough on that score for awhile.
so, as you can see, i have been taking it easy, and am gradually getting back into the regular rhythm and routine. i now have the answer to the typing project question. i could have typed a lot of it this week, but was distracted with the matter i mentioned above.
i also have to prepare a class for the Sabbath i am scheduled to give on the weekly Scripture reading. so, i definitely have things to do. plus, since there are no guests, cook for the Sabbath. i am looking forward to that actually. sick of catered food, even though the guy who makes it makes really tasty things.
Tziporah
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Hi Poppy,
first i felt guilty when i would come on to this board and know I STILL hadn't replied to your message and answered your questions.
that is part of this exercise--to overcome the common tendency i have to procrastinate.
I read the article you linked in your message. the word "goyrl", as presented in the article, is athe Eastern European pronunciation of the Hebrew word: "goral", which rhymes with the English word: "corral".
go-ral
It was originally used in the Bible in connection with drawing lots, such as when lots were drawn to determine the portion of land each tribe would receive before entering the land of Israel, (see final chapters of Numbers), as well as in other cases where selections of individuals had to be made. the word became associated with destiny, since, in this use, it was G-d who determined what each individual or group would be allotted. Hence, its broader association with destiny, as in: "it was my destiny;"goral" that i should become a religious Jew."
the article is correct in its assertion that Christian athletes are quite common, but that religious Jewish athletes are indeed quite rare. this is because most religiously-minded Jews feel that spending one's time kicking around a ball is wasteful and that there are much better ways of spending one's time. sure, religious kids bounce balls, but that is quite different fro doing it as a professional. hence, most Jewish athletes are not religious. that is why this example is so newsworthy.
he became religious after he had become a professional athlete. had he been raised in a religious home,it is doubtful he would have considered such a thing.
regarding the ritual bath question, mentioned in other messages here, the reason Jewish religious law requires a bath attendant to be present during the immersion is quite simple. Jewish religious law requires that the woman be totally submerged, so that "not een a single hair of her head is above the water", as the religious law puts it. since an individual has no way of knowing whether the immersion has been total, an attendant is required to witness the immersion. when women immerse, it is done privately, so that only the attendant, who is especialy trained, and the immersing woman are present in the ritualarium.
also, religious law dictates that immersion is invalid if there is any particle or other object that comes between the woman's flesh and the water. thus, nail polish, ink, breast milk stains, glue, bread dough under one's fingernails, and hair clinging to the body after shaving, are all considered substances that come between the body and the water. the attendant inspects the water before immersion to make sure no such barriers are found.
these practices also have Biblical routes, as recorded in Leviticus. following periods of impurity, such as menstruation, birth, and other instances, a ritual immersion was required. (chap. 12--16 throughout). when the priest was supposed to immerse in water he was to have no substances coming between him and the water (Lev. 22).
the reason why a bathtub, swimming pool, or other kind of water is not suitable for ritual immersion, is because the ritual pool must have within it a direct contact to a natural water source, such as rain water, spring water and the like. in modern ritual baths, a drain on the side of the ritual pool connects the pool to a smaller source where natural water is found and a direct flow between the natural pit, which is hidden, and the ritual pool is formed.
it is quite a weird sensation--standing in a pool of warm water, (once the natural poolhs been connected, man-made water, such as bathtub water can be added), and to suddenly feel a cold gush of water come through.
ritual pools are maintained in special buildings designated specifically for that purpose. in the good old days, women immersed themselves in rivers and seas, even hacking ice to reach the water underneath, in order to perform this religious commandment.
this custom of ritual immersion is the precursor of the Christian baptism, in which an individual is supposed to imerse. I have seen baptisms performed in the Jordan River. I have also heard about them being performed in swimming pools. if Jewish law were applicable in this case, which it certainly is not, the baptism in the Jordan River would be valid because it is a natural source of water, while the baptism in the swimming pool would be invalid because it is an artificial source of water. only if a sufficient quantity of natural water could be added, or if the swimming pool was connected to a natural source, would the latter be considered valid.
I hope this lengthy response has been helpful.
well, enough for now. I have to skidaddle to the clerks to get all the documents signed and sealed. (see previous message).
if you or anyone else has questions or comments about religious issues, i am always open to discussing them. i find comparative religion very interesting.
I know a good deal about Christianity, much less bout Islam.
Tziporah
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
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