Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
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Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
| Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:32am |
Hi Tziporah,
I am so sorry that this is such a belated welcome to you. I've been absent from the board for nearly a month - so many things have been happening in my life that it was difficult to also come here. The good news is that life has somewhat calmed down (but I'm still crossing my fingers and my toes), which means that I'm back on iVillage.
I am so very happy to see you here, participating and sharing in our conversations! I hope that we'll get to know each other better in the coming weeks.
Welcome again!
(PS: I love the sound of your name!)

Please visit these other great message boards:
Cranio-Facial Abnormalities
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Tziporah, I found your long explanation of the ritual bath
I love talking religion.
Many Jews who aren't religious do not know about the things I discussed here, let only non-Jews. Unless someone is religious, they probably donot know much about their faith, regardless of what religion they are brought up in.
The reason for the head covering is because women, after marriage, in Orthodosx circles, are supposed to maintain a higher level of modesty. There are some similarities between the Jewish and Islamic concept of modesty. basically, however, from the Jewish standpoint, the ighest level of modestyis reserved for aftermarriage, when a woman should reserve revealing herself only to her husband.
I sm not sure about the Islamic position, but I know there have been recent debates about Islamic women and their right to wear the veil, especially in Europe. Popppy--help clarify. In case you didn't know, she is Moslem.
Some nuns also have special modesty requirements. Right? or wrong?
as a child, I was always fascinated with the Bible and always wondered what it is really like to be a nun. i almost got up the nerve once to ask a nun what it is like, but never actually did so.
I've read some books about it, but i always found this topic fascinating.
what city are you from?
it should follow that people who have religious leanings should have a calmer life due to their faith and trust in G-d. having said that, I have met religious people who have suffered depression and anxiety. so being religious, whatever one's creed, does not mean that one is automatically immune to these kinds of things. prayer and study of religous texts sometimes helps, but i have needed long-term psychotherapy. i did find that having a therapist who is religious was much easier than having one who was not religious. many religious people find this to be the case.
thanks for the tip about the website. i have a very long-running thread, as the number of messages shows. if you skim through it, you will get some idea of who i am and what my problems are.
anyway, for the record, i am totally blind, so i have no way of seeing those detailed pictures. maybe that is a blessing in this case.
so far, even though i have picked my cuticles for many years, they have always healed. i pick where the cuticle joins the nail, but more often than not, on areas besides that--such as up the sides of my fingers and on top or underneth them. till now, theyhave always healed well and not become infected in most instances.
one problem i have been having recently, during this particular spate of sore fingers, is that i a having more trouble than before in reading braille. sometimes, when the sores are bad enough, i bandage them. if the finger that has been bandaged is one used i braille reading, i have to use a substitue finger, and this often makes it more difficult.
i also have a wscanning machine that is called an optacon. this machine converts the letters on a printed page into a tactice representation which can be felt through electric representation on a stimulus array. it is very hard to really understand thisuless you've seen it. in any event, right now, the finger i use for that machine is sore and this has made reading withit very difficult. i am trying to sensitize another finger to use instead. normally, one uses one's index finger, which is placed over the array. i am now trying to use mythird finger.
if my finger becomes permanentlyinjured, this will be a major problem.
fortunately, i do not have to use this device too much. it is an oldalternative reading device that blind people use and it was developped in the 1970s. today, there are modern scanners which convert theprinted material to synthetic speech and/or braille output, just as is done on computers. the technology is incredible. that is wht i usually use. but sometimes, i use this older machine as a backup. this is the first time i have had this problem for so long and in such a srious state. usually, before, when i had sores on the finger used in reading with the optacon, they would heal relatively quickly. sometimes covering the array with a tissue or wearing plastic gloves would help. they allowed me the ability to read the image without pain from the electric tactile representation hurting my finger. this time, however, i have found deciphering the image harder because the skin has become tougher and there are pieces of hanging skin sometimes which obstruct deciphering. sorry for the gorey details. even writing this is enough to make mystomachturn, but perhaps that is what i need to go through. just li9ke others here have to really go through bad self-injury experiences. this current phase of soreness on my fingers has been the worst i've had, since starting to write here two years ago. then it was pretty bad, too.
right now, six out of ten fingers are in bad shape.
i had another therapy session today. have them twice a week. told him about the sorry state of my cuticles. told him about how bad it makes me feel. the shame. the embarrassment. the humiliation.
he said it was just my usual habit of focussing on what is not going well, instead of focussing on the progress i'm making. his current strategy is trying to get me to focus on the positive things i am able to achieve. his thinking is that the more i can do this, the less i will need to engage in si--cuticle picking--as a way of continuing to beat myself up.
i can't explain it, don't know why it is, but during the session i felt this inner pain as he worked on it. as usual, he made me sweat--not physically, but mentally.
i felt like only you all would really understnd this--just had to write.
finally, your comments about your son were quite interesting, since it is rare to hear about males engaged in skin-picking. is he on meds?
well, there were some bright spots this week. especially today, when i had to be assertive in a difficult sitution and was able to do that.
just bit a rough piece of hanging skin. shoot. chewing on it now.
haven' taken paxxil for three nights, but am going tonow, before going to bed. maybeit will help. feeling a bit anxious. this last therpy was hard. but then, as regulars here know, my t. is aggressive , makes me work every session on every detail. no let-up. just keeps wanting more.
Tziporah
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Tziporah, Yes, a Nun in the Catholic faith does have a level of modesty to maintain.
Thanks for your information about the customs of nuns and their dress. I found it very interesting. I just watched online the movie, Lilies of the Fild. Iff you haven't seen it, it is a very good film. it involves a small group of German nuns who emigrate to Arizona and how a black man, who is Baptist, helps them build a chapel. i mention it, because the film gives a very good sense of what nuns might be like, as well as touching on issues about their philosophy of life.
i wasn't sure what you meant by the final statement in your description: "they are not allowed to vain." what does that mean?
Your son likes most teens who are on meds--they find compliance very difficult. this is not only common in psychiatric problems. a lot of doctors and nurses say the same goes for long-term maintenance of diabetes. it has to do with teens wanting to be independent and not restrained through enforced regimens and protocols. and, of course, parents do not want to be put in the role of having to nag their children to take the meds. also, a lot of teens are anxious that their friends will find out about it.
has your son ever been in, or is now in, therapy? a lot of times, when the group is right, group therapy is a good option for teens.
that is amazing what you wrote about your house and the hurricane. here in Israel, houses have been destroyed through bombs and missiles. in the U.S, where I grew up, the daily morning news in New York would usually have a report of a house fire. I caanot even imagine these kinds of things and how people cope with them.
your story about your friend who is blind is also amazing for two reasons. first--that you actually have seen an optacon. since then, there are more modern scanners, but this now-obscolete machine is very helpful in non-English languages and also in texts that use diagrams, as well as reading short documents and finding one's place quickly in a book.
the story is also amazing because of what she went through. i don't know how she does it either--has such inner peace. the story reminded me of a comment made by the well-known author and psychologist, James Dobson, in the introduction to his book, The New Dare To Discipline. he talks about some of the children he encountered in his early days, cases that are impossible to ever forget--such as "the mother who blinded her own child." so, this kind of thing does happen. unfortunately.
my experience in therapy has changed over the years. in the early stages, with a previous therapist, i'd come home exhausted. part of it had to do with the long distance between our locations--i was near Tel Aviv and he was in Jerusalem--about the same distance between New Jersey and New York--an hour's trip by bus. but the therapy itself also left me drained and i was just as good as useless and spent for the rest of the day.
my current t. is a very different type and the therapy is a very different kind of experience. i often need time to wind down afterwards, but i don';t get exhausted and sleep. it's like a slow-release medicine, you could say. over time, i think about what he's said and try to work through it. at this stage, i'm not dealing with past memories anymore. all of that has been gone over thoroughly. of cvourse, it impacts on the present, but mostly the work is about the present, not the past. he is working very hard on trying to get me to change my self-concept and to challenge my thoughts and, currently, focusing on how i make decisions. the cognitie method. his view is that once i stop beating myself up, once i feel more confident and less anxious, i'll stop biting my cuticles.
well, he's off for a two-week vacation. just found that out. but, as he reminded me, i often make a lot of strides during breaks. i wasn't expecting this one so iwas surprised.
Tziporah
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
You typed “wasn't sure what you meant by the final statement in your description: "they are not allowed to vain." what does that mean?”
Thanks for the long post.
Wow! If you are already up to the 200th-plus message in my thread, that's pretty good! considering some are just as long as yours, and probably even longer!
I had to laugh when you said I'm "insightful and intelligent." it seems everyone says that about me--my therapist, people who hear me speak, etc. My response: "if only i could be "intelligent" about my life."
my parents have often said i wasted my smarts by not being a lawyer, teacher, or whatever. they have always seen me as somehow doing less than i could. that has been just one issue in therapy.
well, speaking of which, the first time i herd about geshtalt was on a radical radio station in NY in about 1973: WBAI, for anyone from NYC.
I have tried to read some of the Geshtalt stuff and just can't relate to it.
what is the youtube link to the therapy clips you mentioned? i have youtube.
i also do not go to movies a great deal and also do not have a TV in my house. now, with the internet, i can download movies for free. if you want to see Lillies of the Fild, all you need do is type it into the google or youtube link and you will see links to it come up.
this ability to watch movies via the internet has become a real issue for me. on the one hand, i want to watch all the films i've always wanted to see but never had the chance to. on the other hand, it is controversial within the religious circle that i am alligned to. one more therapy issue. lol.
please explain to me what chocktaw is. i have heard the term before, but I am not really sure what it is. is it something to do with native Americans?
anyway, I found the comments about naming children quite interesting, because religious Jews have similar beliefs. they believe that a spirit of "prophesy", is given to the parents at the time of birth of their children when it comes time to naming them. perhaps "prophesy" is not quite the right word, because it is not like what Pentacostal Christians would call "prophesy". this is hard to explain. anyway, the main thing is--for purposes of this discussion--they also believe that the name will somehow have an influence on the child, that the child's characteristics will reflect the name they are given, and that certain names can have negative effects--while others bring blessing.
many people have the custom of choosing Biblical names or those of saintly individuals.
Tziporah comes from the root "female bird", not "blue bird" as you wrote. i don't recall writing that it means "blue bird."
I love all kinds of music. it must be wonderful living in a city like New Orleans, where jazz is eerywhere--especially old-time jazz.
my dad has a beautiful singing voice and i must have inherited mine from him. my mother also took piano, but i never heard her. as kids, we were all given piano lessons. in those days, the early sixties, every girl took the mandatory piano lessons. my sisters dropped out, but i stayed with it. then, in junior high, i really got into singing. i loved it, felt so free in my body through breathing while singing and i just took to it. i'm glad, though, i had piano first. it gave me a really good music foundtion. after i came to Israel, i took accordion lessons, because accordion involves some knowledge of the keyboard--the right hand of the accordion player handles a standard piano keybord.
along the way, i dabbled with violin and guitar, but they were short side-trips--nothing really serious with either.
you are probably right about Italian and Jewish mothers. i could think of a couple of other similarities, like the huge emphasis on food and knowing how to cook, havinglarge families--especially if you are religiously inclined, and a strong temper--loving and also emotional.
although they are often laughed at, Jewish mothers are held in high esteem by many religiously-minded Jews, as well as non-religious Jews. the matriarch is a strong figure, perhaps, like the black women who single-handedly raise their families. mothers also seem to be dominant in that culture.
however, don't leave out fathers. they are also considered quite significant in the aJewish culture. i am not sure if this is parallel in the Italian culture.
about my mom and her OCD--i don't think she even knows she has it.
Your comment about being ready to confront one's past made me think about what Dr. M. Scott Peck wrote in his book, Further Along The Road, a book i highly recommend. he suggests that most people are not ready or willing to confront themselves and that part of reconciling one's relationships with those who have hurt us, especially parents, involves that they are not able or willing to even admit their having hurt their children or done something wrong. he asserts that most people do not really want to "grow up." they do not want to face themselves and go through the process of self-examintion and coming to terms with certain injustices.he says that, contrary to popular belief, those individuals who enter psychotherapy are not weak, but strong, because they are willing to go through the time-consuming and painstaking, not to mention often painful, process of examining themselves and their lives. this is a very readable book, easy to understand, (in its language and writing style), and i have often found it strengthening as i go through therapy. all of his books have strengthened me to continue with therapy. i have read several, but this is becoming one of my favorites.
well, i probably have left some things out, but i tried to respond to your responses.
Tziporah
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
You typed, “my parents have often said i wasted my smarts by not being a lawyer, teacher, or whatever. they have always seen me as somehow doing less than i could. that has been just one issue in therapy.”
thanks for the link to the Fritz Perl clip. i watched the first few minutes of it. just like all the other geshtalt tapes i have ever watched, couldn't relate to this one either.
i've been feeling agitated again, anxious, making a bloody mess out of my fingers, then having to go in public and feel ashamed for the way they are. really struggling inside myself. and i don't have therapy till March 11--he's on vacation. didn't even know he was going on vacation--he sprung that on me at the end of our last session.
i know it's the issues i'm struggling with inside that are making me pick at my fingers more. wish i could just relax, but can't seem to be able to.
Tziporah
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Hi Tziporah.
It's okay if the messages are short.
I agree with you totally that I reject a lot of the strategies people suggest. I also reject a lot of the strategies my therapist suggests as well. That is why he says he feels like a coach sometimes--if I would just do what the coach says, instead of analyzing the benefits or worthiness of the suggested strategy, i'd be better off and would improve. i know that.
this may sound like an excuse, but i always need to know and understand before i can fully comply. otherwise, my heart just is not in it.
i was surprised by your statement that i feel guilty when turning to prayer or reading the Scriptures. how did you come to that conclusion? please explain.
i often compare myself to other religious people, for example, my husband. i feel like they'[re really spiritual, that they live with an awareness of G-d, that they really feel His force in their lives; whereas i just talk about it, intellectualize about it, teach religious concepts. but don't really hae a spiritual connection.
there have been occasions when i have felt this awareness, but not on a continuing basis, like my husband.
i do try to learn Scriptures every day. if i am able to focus, i get a lot out of doing that. praying has always been harder for me, though.
my t. would say this just one more way in which i beat myself up. probably so. i beat myself up about almost everything, which is why i bite my cuticles.
when i say "learn Scriptures" i mean studying them with commentaries.
my fingers are not in great shape right now, but at least a little better than last week.
Tziporah
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
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