Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
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Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
| Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:32am |
Hi Tziporah,
I am so sorry that this is such a belated welcome to you. I've been absent from the board for nearly a month - so many things have been happening in my life that it was difficult to also come here. The good news is that life has somewhat calmed down (but I'm still crossing my fingers and my toes), which means that I'm back on iVillage.
I am so very happy to see you here, participating and sharing in our conversations! I hope that we'll get to know each other better in the coming weeks.
Welcome again!
(PS: I love the sound of your name!)

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in sports, athletes and teams have coaches. their job is to bring out the best in their players and look out for pitfalls. when they see problems, their job is to point them out and offer ways of improvement. they work with th players to come up with strategies for eliminating bad practices and strengthening good ones.
there are also drama coaches, vocal coaches for singerrs and other artists. they do the same thingm, trying to draw out the potential within the artist and eliminating flaws.
from this background, in the late 1980s and early 1990s was born the idea of coaching business. by guiding business organzations in order to bring about a more effective work team, andby coaching managers, businesses could become more productive and earn more money. this became quite popular and every business started to have consultants or coaches.
after that, it was realized that the concept of coaching was also applicable to life strategies. for example, worklife balance, time management, better study habits, professional clutter organizers, fittness trainers, retirement consultants, and so on. and from that point on, a whole new industry was developed. now, there are hundreds of coaching schools one can attend for training and certification.
with the advent of computer technology, it is now possible to coach people not only in person, but also via the internet through email and by telephone. that means, if you wanted it, for example, i could coach you in your study habits so you could succeed in college, coach Mrs. Jones in helping her to organize her weekly schedule, and coach Mrs. Smith in striking a balance between work and her kids. and i could do all this via the phone and/or internet and they could be in Ashkash, in the middle of hicktown, or whereever, and i'm here, where i live, very similar to this message board, where people communicate worldwide to each other.
so, that's the explanation of what coaching is.
i actually got turned on to it from a woman i was counselling and after that i took an introductory course and liked it. out of nowhere, i found myself in this new venture.
now, after all the indecissiveness, i finally made the big decision, which has been making me tense for the last month. i finally enrolled in a coaching school. my parents said they would pay my tuition. this is grreat financially, but it's already putting a lot of pressure on me emotionally, as i feel like i have to succeed. if it was my own money, whether i failed or succeeded, would be my own loss or gain. but now that it's my parents' money, i feel like i can't afford to fail and let them down. well, you can just imagine how my therapist is pulling that one apart.
i really wanted to write about something else entirely. last night, after a cople of days of biting my cuticles, i noticed they were healing again, which made me feel great, of course. then, i had to do some work which involved traveling and meeting with someone for a conference. the matter was resolved--a little complicated, but manageable, and i was on my way home, and guess what--what do you think happened? you guessed it. i started biting to of my fingers and they started to bleed and i had to ask the taxi driver for tissues. i tried to figure out what was putting me in this anxious state, and i couldn't come up with anything--at least not on a conscious level, not anything i could connect the behavior to. that's what's so frustrating. sometimes, i know why i'm anxious. this time, like other times, i couldn't connect it to anything specific, nothing beyond a general tension. how does one handle that?
any advice or thoughts on this would be helpful. Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
This kind of sounds like me having a panic attack after the fact. The only thing I can think of is to stop when you catch yourself doing this and BREATHE concentrate only on your breath. Or get a stress ball. You can make one with a small balloon and flour.
HTH
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
i'm feeling anxious again and my cuticles are a bloody mess. i read some of my earlier entries which also talk about the early-morning anxiety. it's the tension about all the things i have to do, the big things, the little things, everything. i had a relaxing Sabbath, but afterwards, the anxiety started up again.
i've enrolled in a coaching school and courses start this week.
i have the dishes to do.
i have to set up meds for my husband, something i do every week.
i have to go to the post and clean out the clutter.
the painter is coming today---we're in the middle of major house repairs--a real mess, not imaginary.
got the idea?
all of this, and more, knowing i have to all this, just put me in a tense mood. felt it the minute my feet touched the floor when i got out of bed. and i started making the cuticles a bloody mess.
it's hard.
Tziporah]
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
a lot of what you said, my therapist aslo has been telling me. i can report honestly that we are working on these core issues in therapy. you can rest assured, that whn i don't do the work, i get a going-over from him. fortunately, it's been a long time since i've had to endure one of those--although i must admit that when it's been necessary, it produces the desired results. at this point, i am totally open and honest with him. it's slow, sometimes painful, but the therapy is really now at the core level. im still haunted by the need to live up to their expectations, which is impossible, of course. intellectually, i know that. it's just that in mmmy emotional world, i'm still trapped by this need.
he says once i learn to accept myself, a lot of the problem will disappear by itself.
i think a lot of what i wrote about the routine was just because i had a bad day yesterday. Shabtai, my husband, was sick and i was worried about that. the house was a mess after the Sabbath and i was tired from being up most of the night with Shabtai. yesterday was my first day of coaching school, which went quite well, and i'm still in the middle of the house repair stuff.
all of this, plus trying to finish a project on time, was enough to light up the stress buttons. when i'm tired, the typical dish-washing feels like ennormity, but when i'm my usual self, it's no big deal, thankfully. the real issue is the much larger clutter. it's not a question of control, as much as just how and where to start. it's overwhelming. i look at it and go back to sleep. you know what i mean?
i've been doing my si behaviors again. now i'm wearing a full head covering--after cutting what was left. that's the only way i don't touch it, just like waring gloves to totally cover my hands--the only way i don't touch them.
when i'm tired, i sleep and i've given u on trying to regulate any normal sleep routine. that's the only way i'm functioning right now. i'm sure when the paint job is over and the coaching classes get into a routine and i see i can handle it, i'll relax. the real anxiety isn't about the classes, but about making this thing, my business work. i don't want it to be money down the drain. Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
anyway, now it's fixed.
in the meantime, i've been struggling with the si and right now seem to be getting on the top of it. i've started talking about it in therapy agai. today i had this urge to cut my hair--it was just so overpowering. in the end, i couldn't take it anymore. to hell with it--i thought, and just cut the strands off that were bugging me. then i relaxed. now, i won't have another urge for awhile. that's the way it usually is. then, suddenly, i feel like i just have to check again, to see how much my hair is growing ing, and then i find a strand that's too long, and the cutting starts. that's what i told him in therapy. if i could jusst igure out how to get over the urge. and, of course, while i was talking about this, i was biting my cuticles. then, we got into talking about my need to do things in order to please my mother vs. doing them for my own sake and he just listened. after all of that, i thought he'd react, say something. all he said was: "we'll continue on Thursday", and that was that. no reaction at all. a typical psychoanalyst's finish to a session. after that i slept. funny thing, i feel better somehow for having talked about the si behaviors. somehow releasing. but still, how to get over that urge? it's so hard!
as far as head coverings go, i was very interested to read about how Indonesian women cover their heads. in the Jewish community, depending on where you live, women either cover their heads with stylish wigs or hats and kerchiefs. i cover mine with hats. inside the house, i like to air out my head and usually wear a very light hairnet. when the urge gets especially strong for the haircutting, i have found that the only thing that helps is to (don't laugh) cover my head in a woman's slip. it's the only thing that is long enough to cover both the head and the nape of my neck, where i also cut. the elastic band of the slip keeps it in place and it's more comfortable than a hat.
that was another thing i told my t., that somehow it feels good to cut the hair off--not just for venting and releasing the anxiety, which it does, but also for the sheer weight. it gets to the point where the hair feels heavy. i just like the lightness i feel once it's cut off. i enjoy cutting it, hearing the hair fall into the wastebasket. sounds crazy, doesn't it? but that's the way i am.
he sugested i might never get over these habits, that i might just have longer periods between episodes. but i would considernot getting over them completely a major life defeat. i still want to do that--get over them.
you will be proud of me, Poppy. i now have a blog! can you believe it? i started coaching school assignment--we have to, or rather, are advised to, have a blog. so i've opened a blog where i will be posting my thoughts on my coach training. for you or anyone else who is interested, the address is: mylife26.wordpress.com.
i need a push in order to get things done. don't worry--in this coaching sschool, they say you can do things at your own pace, which is true, but they also give a subtle push. that is really the dynamic of coaching--it sounds paradoxical, but it's not. Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
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