Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
1100
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:32am

Hi Tziporah,


I am so sorry that this is such a belated welcome to you. I've been absent from the board for nearly a month - so many things have been happening in my life that it was difficult to also come here. The good news is that life has somewhat calmed down (but I'm still crossing my fingers and my toes), which means that I'm back on iVillage.


I am so very happy to see you here, participating and sharing in our conversations! I hope that we'll get to know each other better in the coming weeks.


Welcome again!


(PS: I love the sound of your name!)


Please visit these other great message boards:
Cranio-Facial Abnormalities
In Vitro (IVF)



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Thu, 05-06-2010 - 5:05pm

Hi Karen,
I had a good day today. I worked on an article I was writing in Hebrew. It took time to research. Since Hebrew isnot my native tongue, (English is), even though I'm fluent, it takes longer--grammar usage mostly. The vocabularyis all there, but the grammar is the thing. I can get by with making mistakes when I talk, but in writing it really shows up if you make a mistake. Unlike English, but like many other languages, there are masculine and feminine genders.

It took a few hours and I wasn't tired. So when Shabtai took his nap, I kept on working.

Then it was time for therapy. He didn't pick up and I had the thought: "He's getting bored with and disinterested in me." I've read about the therapist who falls asleep during sessions out of sheer boredom. However, since this kind of thing has happened before, I told myself he could be at a conference or be on an emergency. (My therapist was trained as a social worker and works for a Jewish social service agency and he does a lot with abuse cases and sometimes he has to be on call, or in court. He's in an advisory position and is often involved in conferences.) All of these situations have occurred, sometimes planned, sometimesunexpected, so I told myself to give it a little more time. Very occasionally is phone just doesn't work.
Well, I called twice more, leaving messages each time, waiting several minutes in between and the last time he finally picked up. Something wrong with his phone.
I decided not to tell him about my initial thought--that he must be bored with me--but I did tell him about my decission, that if things weren't moving by Sept., I was going to stop therapy. He said, "I didn't give you an ultimatum." and I said, "I know. But I'm giving myself one."
He didn't argue with it. He said I had made a lot of changes, but I was stuck on not being able to change my negative thoughts into positive ones, and he felt that until I could do so, I couldn't expect to make alot of progress, because my thoughts would get in my way every time. The anxiety and depression and put-downs and comparisons I told myself would prevent me from moving.
I told him I was going to try to take action, "small steps", as he put it, and he thought that was a good strategy--ignore the thoughts.
Then we got into a discussion about why I felt directionless. He said that even though i felt it was like that, that was not the case. first, I should know by now that "feelings lie", and that I shouldn't pay attention to them. Second, he said, that even when a car is going in a set direction, from destination a. to destination b., it doesn't always go in a straight line--it does turn left and right on the way. I hadn't thought of that. I had always thought of it as just a straight line--basically what my sisters are doing: straight directional careers as a lawyer and fund raiser respectively.
Then I started to think of musicians who are doing a lot at one time. I could think of two people like that. Leonard Bernstein, who was a composer (West Side Story), a conductor (New York Philharmonic)), teacher and supporter of Israel. I also thought of Curtis Mayfield. I had read his biography on wikipedia. He was a composer, singer, multi-instrumentalist, record producer businessman, black activist.
At first, my t. thought I was getting into a negative mindset--complaining that I was multi-directional. but then I started to reflect that this had been a lifelong pattern. After citing examples of that, he said that if this was the case, I had to begin accepting it.
Then we got into this discussion of why I felt that I often waste time. He challenged me on that--what made my days productive or not. This was definitely harder going and he said I was going tohave to relinquish my parents' definition of what productivity and use of time was.
That's where the session ended.
After that, I dozed off.
After that, I got up. I went into the bathroom and---started biting a cuticle. I was thinking about the end of the session. It's a very problematic issue for me.
After that, I got a coaching promo about a free teleclass and--forthe first time--I actually felt the old spark come back, something I hadn't expected.
I'm not feeling happy about the sore finger, but I am happy about feeling the old spark again. It's been quite a long time since that has happened.
Tziporah

web: www.life-ladders-coaching.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Avatar for cl_nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 05-06-2010 - 8:19pm

Hello Tziporah,


I think it is perfectly normal to keep some things to ourselves and not tell anyone.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Thu, 05-06-2010 - 11:15pm

Hello, Karen,
I didn't know your mother went through cancer. From your posts I have a certain image of her and I guess her positive attitude to the disease doesn't strike me as being congruent with that. Just goes to show that you can never really know anybody and that you have to be open to changing perceptions about someone.

My rabbi does have a positive attitude. But he is very weak and ill. His health has never been good. I have seen him give a two hour sermon while having 104 degrees fever. A friend told us he is very thin now. Throughout his adult life he has had serious health problems. I believe he will have a positive attitude, but this is a severe test for him medically.

I can't even tell you what this is like for us emotionally. My husband and I are both devastated. We just can't imagine the world--our world--without him.

I think it's great you are learning Spanish. When I was growing up, there were a lot of Jewish immigrants to the U.S. Some of them, like my grandparents, came in the early 1900s. Others, like my friend's parents, were survivors of the Holocaust. They all spoke English fluently as a second language, although among themselves, they would often speak in their native tongues. I can recall vividly wondering how my friend's parents, who came from Czechoslovakia, could speak English so well, when it wasn't their native language. But they did.

Then, there was Hebrew school. We had that after regular school several times a week. A lot of the teachers were Israelis who had immigrated to the U.S. Among themselves, they would always speak Hebrew, and once again, I was awe-struck. How could they speak English to us and Hebrew among themselves.

In Israel, where almost everyone is either an immigrant, or descendants ofone, the phenomenon of speaking several languages is not at all uncommon. My husband, and his family, know five:
Arabic--because they originated from Lebanon,
French--because Lebanon was at one time a French colony and taught in school,
English--which they learned in school,
Hebrew--which they used in the synagogue and which they were taught in Hebrew school; also, they could hear Israel radio illegally and that is how many people learned it. Israel is right next door to Lebanon and they could pick up the radiotransmission,
Ladino--a combination of Spanish and Hebrew spoken by Iberian Jewry and equivalent to Yiddish which is the European counterpart, mix of German and Hebrew, the language spoken at home so the outsiders couldn't understand.
When they get together, they often speak in sentences which switch from one to the other back and fourth. It's very funny to listen to.

Then, woe is me, there are the guests who come for Sabbath from seminary. Among them there are the European ones. The Belgeans are the worst! Swiss is not far behind! In Belgium, most of the Jewish population speak German, Flemish, Dutch, French, English, Yiddish, and Hebrew. In Switzerland, for the Jews, it's Italian, French, German, English, Yiddish, and Hebrew. Once again, when they come, they switch back and fourth flawlessly.

Don't you just hate those kind of people! laugh.

The person I met who knew the most languages was a European Jew who settled in Egypt. He knew eleven. A walking United Nations. I always thought he should be n interpreter. Above all the aboved mentioned languages, I know he knew Rhumanian as well.

Considering I flunked every language I ever tried learning in school, and there were several, it is a miracle that I picked up Hebrew. I think it was because, instead of learning it from a grammar book, I was forced to just go out and speak it. I know a few Arabic words, but Shabtai laughs every time I try to speak in the accent, so I'e given up on that. Actually, I have picked up some Aramaic, the language used in much of the early Rabbinic writings.

Well, you are right about changing thoughts, and your premise, that the more I do it the easier it will get, is exactly what my therapist says. Trouble is, I find it so hard to do and often the negative thoughts just come on their own. I don't think a session goes by, when I'll say some idea, and then he 'll say, "what kind of thought was that"" Inevitably, it's a negative thought I've just expressed. and then he';ll say, "is it true?", or "change it to the positive." I HATE it when he does that, but since that's part of the treatment, he keeps persisting in doing that exercise with me. After that comes the ineviable, "how long are you going to continue thinking like that?" or, "when are you going to let go of your parents' messages to you? you know they're not valid anymore." etc., etc.,etc.
Tziporah

web: www.life-ladders-coaching.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Avatar for cl_nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 05-07-2010 - 10:51am

Hi Tziporah,


You are right when you say that my mother’s positive image is out of place. It was.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Sun, 05-09-2010 - 5:14pm
Hello, Karen,
I had a good week end. the girls were nice--the ones that came from seminary for the Sabbath. Had some good conversations.
today started slow. watched a movie--a nice relaxing one with no curse words and anything beyond a cute kiss. if you look for them, you can still find them.
I prepared my class and gave it. I also learned with a friend.
i had wanted to hear a teleseminar on Friday--get up for it. That was the teleclass I felt a spark for. but I didn't get up in time. At least, there was a recording.
Well, after I heard it, I wanted to get the book they were advertising. I decided, I'll follow this method and use it, instead of bouncing from method tomethod--as I have been doing.
But, I couldn't log in no matter how hard I tried. I can call them tomorrow and try to get it.
Then I decided to go through my emails and delete the outdated ones. I saw another email about another teleseminar, someone also offering a business plan. It sounded good. Well, they make you type in one of those letter/number codes, and, of course, there was no audio alternative. locked out. but i'm going to try to check into the teleseminar and see if I like their method. at least i'll tell them they should have an audio alternative.
by this time, i was starting to get angry, feeling locked out of everything.
then i came across another email offering a CD on procrastination. something I could use. a free CD--just that you have to pay postage and handling for it.
Well, when I tried filling in the address, Israel was missing from the countries listed. I tried writing their support site. the site said they were no longer taking personal emails. finally, was able to link up to an automatic form from their support center and procewssed my complaint.
this is the first steps I have taken. I figured out one thing: I'm only going to work with websites I can have easy access to.
I also made a decision. If I can't log into a website, I'll skip it, no matter how good their method is. If the second website can't put an audio on their security check, that will eliminate their site as well. If I can't get the postage and handling worked out on the third site, they'll be gone also. It shouldn't have to take three hours and all this frustration!
I also had a good talk with Shabtai about some therapy-related issues Friday.
So, I'm feeling at least I'm starting to move again.
Tziporah
web: www.life-ladders-coaching.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Avatar for cl_nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 05-10-2010 - 10:16am

Hi Tziporah,


I don’t have time for websites that are too complicated.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Tue, 05-11-2010 - 4:46pm
Hi Karen,
Happy Mother's Day to you and anyone else reading this.
I think I wrote you about my frustrations with getting answers to my technical questions. Still no response.
Well, yesterday I just sat around feeling depressed--wasting time.
So, by the time therapy came around, I really needed it. He said that this was my usual pattern--focussing totally on one thing and being imobilized until I got a response. He said Ihad to break it by moing onto the next thing. Do all I could and then realize it was then beyond my control, out of my hands. If I could then move onto something I could do, I would get out of this trap of just sitting around doing nothing and becoming depressed about my nonproductivity.
Well, at the time it sounded logical and I could only agree with his premise. But later, in bed, when I thought of it again, I felt such a sharp pain in my gut. This guy just goes so deep into me sometimes. really pulling me apart in order to put me back together again. in the morning, I wondered to myself if, when therapy is finally oer, if i'll even still recognize myself. I told myself I would--he was just restoring me to what I was before all the different things happened.
Well, today I got up and watched another movie, which I had watched twice yesterday, and I allowed myself the right to enjoy it. After that, I worked on the class I had to give today. Actualy, after the therapy session yesterday, I also worked on it a bit--which definitely made my job go faster today.
After that, I again wtched the ending of this movie--a treat, and then went out to lunch with Shabtai. didn't enjoy the restaurant that much, but some good things came out of it. will explain that another time. and it was good to be outside. hadn't been outside since Saturday. i'm a real homebody.
after that, came home and gave the class.
then, was tired and rested.
in the evening, I had a meeting with one of my former coaches--the person I had emailed last week. we had a good discussion and he gave me some challenges and ideas for moving ahead. we agreed to reconnect in about two weeks.
before that, i started to work on a typing project i have to have ready by Friday.
tomorrow should be a busy day--two classes and a teleseminar.
i have girls coming again this week. then they'll be a break.
besides all that, i hate to admit it--but I picked a lot at my fingers today. we established in therapy it is connected to my fear of success--that if i succeed more will be demanded of me and I feel anxious about that. how will i cope with the greater demands, responsibilities and challenges? so i pick at my nails in anticipatory anxiety.
one finger is really sore and hurts. the others--lless sore, but not great either. that's on my right hand.
left hand actually healing.
this is the way it is--i seem to alternate. one week, it's the fingers on the right hand. next week--it's fingers on the left hand.
crazy, isn't it. the whole si thing is crazy.
i hope you're getting over your latest attack of hives.
you're right about the websites. they just seem to get more and more complicated. and now, all the people are saying if you don't hae something on line, you're going to be left behind. and all the blog sites--it just seems so overloaded, you don't know where to start.
at some point, you could spend your whole day reading blogs and emails and nothing else. it's just gotten so out of control, i think.
Tziporah
web: www.life-ladders-coaching.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Avatar for cl_nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 05-14-2010 - 9:24am

Hi Tziporah,


Thank you for the Mother’s Day wishes.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 5:09pm
Hi Karen,
Great about the art show. A lot of it has to do with exposure. The more you get, the better. You might ask your Japanese customer to spread your name around. Like: Do you have a friend who might like one of my things? etc.
I have to make this short because it is very late.
That stuff about self-confidence. I did have it once and did lose it along the way. That is one of the things I am trying to reclaim or retrieve.
That part about vulnerability and injustice--fits me like a T.
Each therapy session is now very intense. Sometimes as I'm going through it, I feel like he's ripping into me. The last few days have been really intense--a lot of vivid dreams and some critical encounters with people. Too much to go into now. Emotionally tired. Looking forward to the holiday break--a Jewish holiday this week, so time off. I need it.
Anyway,I know this is all part of the process, so I'm willing toyeld and go through it. Less resistant than before. Maybet that Sept. deadline I gave myself was a good thing. It has really pushed me to work harder, although, my therapist said he never gave me such an ultimatum--which is true. I had to give that ultimatum to myself.
Anyway, he can't say I'm "resisting", as he used to do. I am really trying to work harder during the sessions and between them.
I am trying to do the things he says, apply them.
Yeah--when you find that magic fiary godmother to clean your house, send her over--especially before my parents show up for their next visit! laugh.
I think your former therapist is right. In fact, mine has said it as well--even if I don't do more than sit on a bench outside, he said it would be good for me to do.
Well, I have to go now.
PS. Have decided about the technical website difficulties, those that I can master I will use. Those I can't I'll drop.
Tziporah
web: www.life-ladders-coaching.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Avatar for cl_nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 10:52am

Hello Tziporah,


I am happy to hear about your decision regarding your technical problems.

 

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