Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
1100
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:32am

Hi Tziporah,


I am so sorry that this is such a belated welcome to you. I've been absent from the board for nearly a month - so many things have been happening in my life that it was difficult to also come here. The good news is that life has somewhat calmed down (but I'm still crossing my fingers and my toes), which means that I'm back on iVillage.


I am so very happy to see you here, participating and sharing in our conversations! I hope that we'll get to know each other better in the coming weeks.


Welcome again!


(PS: I love the sound of your name!)


Please visit these other great message boards:
Cranio-Facial Abnormalities
In Vitro (IVF)



Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Thu, 07-22-2010 - 11:38pm
Hello, Karen,
I 'm so sorry this is happening to you. Everyone is getting hurt from the economy in their own personal ways. My accountant and I have agreed on a very strict allowance system that will give me just enough to survive. He's also talked to my parents about my need for financial help, a very humiliating experience, and I will be calling them today--something that will not be pleasant, to say the least. I neer dreamed this would happen to me.
I can imagine what it must feel like, the suddenness of it all. That is how I felt every time Shabtai would be bombarded with another medical crisis. Did I ever tell you this story? I was supposed to pick up a package from a hotel in Tel Aviv and my husband had a doctor's appointment. I always used to go with him to these appointments and they were always routine. So, I figured, I'd leave him at the doctor's while I went to the hotel to get the package. Twenty minutes later my husband was back in the taxi, stunned. The doctor had given him a routine exam--all was well. Then, with one foot out of the examining room, myt husband said, on impulse, "You know I have these funny round things on my feet. Maybe it's a fungus." the doctor took one look, was frightened, and asked, "how long have you had this?" Without any pre-ambles, he said, "Do you know what these are? You have tumors. You have skin cancer. We'll take a biopsy, but I know that's what it is." Of courswe he knew. This was Karposi's Sacoma, a common unwanted side effect of a compromised imune system and cyclosporine. End of this story--two weeks later we were on an airplane to the U.S., on our way to the hospital where he had received his transplant. For the next year we lived in a tiny flat, cutting costs to the max, and only made one brief visit back to Israel for the fall round of Jewish holidays. That's how sudden that crisis was.
And there were others. Like the time he had diarrhea and ended up in the hospital, dehydrated, his kidney under threat.
So, although I haven't gone through precisely the same thing, I can fully understand the suddenness, the shock, the total upheval.
That is how I also felt the day my accountant told me the bottom line was approaching. The supposed bottomless pit was drying up. Shock. Utter shock.
You know? I had a session with my therapist yesterday and remarked how "calm" I seemed about everything. Perhaps that is because there is nothing to do but to get on with it.
One thing has helped me tremendously, and you may find inspiration and encouragement in this as well. I've been reading a book about pre-war Europe. The descriptions of poverty, how people wore one pair of pants for years, how they survived in heatless, electric-less appartments. After that, you realize anything is possible. I guess stories of the Depression would be the American equivalent.
Maybe you've heard of this song by the late, great Curtis Mayfield, in which he says:
"Just be thankful for what you've got.
You may not have a car at all.
But remember, brothers and sisters, you can still stand tall."
That's helped a lot.
I guess you could say that about your situation. It will not be easy living with your mom, but at least you have the cats, at least you have a roof over your head, at least your son is old enough--not a baby or small child.
I hope you and your husband are working hard to get whatever employment you can. Not easy, but necessary.
Maybe this is a good time, although it might not seem so to you, to check out that ivillage offer about getting an education in psychology. Maybe you can try to get a scholarship, or talk to the people at the college where you volunteer. Sometimes, these things are blessings in disguise.
You will get up from this. You hae always told me that, and I'm now telling you the same. You will rise from this. It is devastating to have one's house taken away.
I've lived in one room holes-in-the-wall, barely with enough room for a bed and a table. I've done that for my husband's health. You'd be surprised how it is possible to live on very little, if you know how to use community resources. During that time, the only thing we had was a tea kettle. We ate meals by other people. We moved, one year, while waiting for his transplant, five times! we lived in Jewish community houses set up for those who had nowhere else to live. Each person had one bedroom to themselves and shared a community kitchen. Another time, a distant relative of my husband's, who was in the U.S., snuk us into an old-age home and we had one large room. Eventually, we had to leave there before being detected. You'd be surprised what you can do, how little you can live on.
Having been brought up in the lap of luxury, where hunger was never known, where maids were always part of the house, I never had experienced that kind of lifestyle before. Even now, living on this allowance isn't easy.
But you do what you have to do and get on it with it.
More or less, in much briefer form, that is what I told my t.
I hope this message, and stories of others who have survived financial hardship, will bring you the strength, inspiration, and comfort you need.
Tziporah
web: www.life-ladders-coaching.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Avatar for cl_nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 07-23-2010 - 8:55am

Thank you so much for your kind words Tziporah.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 11:58pm
Hi Karen,
I'm glad to hear that my words were helpful.
The last few days have been difficult, but I've been trying my best.
I started physical therapy again. I may have written this already. My back started to hurt. I ignored it for about a week and then realized it wasn't going to go away. So I've started going twice a week. Three times a week, what I used to do, would be better. But I can't afford it.
I was supposed to have a therapy session yesterday. Didn't really miss it. I was surprised. If I had had a session, there would have been something to talk about--rest assured. But I told myself I'll have to wait till Thursday. I did start to notice a substantial significant increase in my cuticle biting on Monday, so I definitely was having anxiety-producing thoughts. I put bandaids on some of my fingers. They aren't in great shape. But not bad either. Sometimes I bite a piece of skin, like now. It's cathartic.
Anyway, the first six weeks of this business coaching course that I took ended. There was a contest to get a grand prize and I entered it. A very good grand prize: $1,000. Well, it took a lot of time for me to figure out how to use the blog where the essays of the contestants are supposed to be posted. I was one of the early ones to enter. I thought at had a pretty good chance. Over the week end, a lot more people entered, and then I started to doubt. I've been going back and forth between these two extremes. I've tried to use those visualization techniques where you imagine yourself winning, being successful, and whenever the the thoughts of doubt start, I have tried to set them aside. The contest ended on midnight, Sunday, and I spent time on Sunday and Monday looking at all the entries.
On Monday morning, local time, I suddenly had an idea and jumped out of bed. Now, you must realize, this was at three o"clock in the morning. Still Ihad some time left, because it was still before midnight in the U.S. I wrote this great lengthy entry. Only thing was, when I tried to submit, it erased. So, now I was under pressure to beat the deadline and wrote a much shorter entry, a postscript to what I had written before. Only problem, there were a lot of spelling errors, so it looks a little sloppy. Still, I posted it anyway.
Then I started to vascillate again. On the one hand, I had had a novel approach--most people just wrote one entry, while I wrote mine in parts, like chapters of a story. I thought doing something novel like that might increase my chances. After all, contest organizers often look for something different--the person who does something that nobody else is doing. My entry was definitely like that. In the blog, it appears at the end and at the top, in line with the dates posted, so it is noticeable.
Then, I started to think about who the winner would be. Some of the people hae done an incredible amount during the training, achieving fantastic results. They certainly deserve recognition. They not only did a lot, but these people also coached others who weren't as far along as they. However, one of them is very well off business wise, and that might not work to his advantage. After all, maybe the organizers will look for someone who is just starting out. That would be me, and several others. And then there are those who are between these two extremes. The trainer is a very, very smart guy and is giving nothing away as to what his final criteria for selection will be. Whatever, I don't envy him because he really is going to have a hard time. I tried to make my entry stand out. I'm just anxious that the sloppy spelling will cost me in the end.
After all this, I decided to stop obsessing about it. I disciplined myself. I told myself I wouldn't look at the blog more than once a day and I started to work on other things. It's not in my hands anyway, and I've done my best. Those kind of thoughts helped. Also, I decided not to tell Shabtai about it. If it turns out I win, then, it's a great surprise. Otherwise, why get his hopes up?
He's really tensed up anyway about the money situation. The accountant talked to my parents, I talked to my parents, the accountant talked to me. They figured out a strategy, not one I like. I'm going to talk to my t. about it.
Well, I've been reading a lot in the Scriptures about how G-d gave sustinance to the Children of Israel in the Wilderness, (Ex. 16), and that has been helping me and giving me spiritual strength.
Well, I saved the best part for last. My website is now up. It is called, I Still Have My Life. I'm going to change my msb settings. It's open now. It's still being developped, but--surprise surprise--you, and everybody else, and especially long-term si people like Poppy, will now be able to see a photo of me! Yay.
Wow, did I ever have to overcome procrastination to allow myself to be photographed.
Tell me what you think of the photo.
I also started to think about signing up with online coaching companies to get more clients. Anything to get some income flowing in until and in addition to my business.
So, here is my new web, which I will be changing on my settings:
ISTILLHAVEMYLIFE.com
The life-ladders website closed.
But my livejournal blog is still open. I really have to revamp that. I haven't written in it fo two year
web: www.life-ladders-coaching.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Tue, 07-27-2010 - 12:21am
Hello, Karen,
I got so caught up in myself, I forgot to write what I wanted to, concerning you.
First, in case I didn't say so before, I'm very glad my words helped. I hope they will give you and me the support both of us need right now.
About your son's school supplies and needing a few shirts--are there churches, thrift shops, second-hand places, kids who've graduated high school, etc., etc., where you can find this stuff?
Believe it or not, I never bought a wedding gown. I went to a community organization that lends them out to brides. I've also gotten skirts from such places. I might start doing that again.
Also, if you saw my previous message, tell me how I change the info following my name--the technical way of how to do it. I forgot how it's done.
Whenever I had to change anything on the msb, Poppy would always have to coach me on it anew every time.
Laugh.
Tziporah
web: www.life-ladders-coaching.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Tue, 07-27-2010 - 9:32am

Hi Tziporah,

Avatar for cl_nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 07-27-2010 - 2:01pm

Hi Tziporah,


Wow, what a lot of information.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 12:10am
Hi Karen,
I totally relate to what you're saying about "strings atached". I feel that way with my parents.
It seems to me going to Mass and helping with the Rosery are small prices to pay, but then again, if you're not into that kind of thing it can seem like torture. From what I know, Mass is about an hour, and the rosery--well it depends on how many times you have to repeat it. Laugh.
I actually know a fair amount about Catholocism. In junior high and high school I attended a wonderful music camp in Maine. Its emphasis was on classical music, but there were opportunities for jazz, folk, rock and the like. The choirs used to sing a lot of laturgical music, which, of course, all the great and lesser-known classical composers have written over the centuries. We also performed in local Catholic churches. So, I picked up some church Latin. One summer, the person from whom the directors had bought the property--the land--on which the music camp was subsequently built, died. The choir sang at the funeral, which was Catholic. Because I was also in choirs at home, I sang in other churches on Sunday. I also sang at a Christmas Eve Mass. So, I knew quite a bit--though, not everything, of course.
I'm not sure if the margins on the website can be changed. I am using a professional company to set up my site and they use standard templates. Their standard is to have navigation links running down the left side of the page, with the other sides open. I'll ask about it in my next communication with their representative, but I doubt anything can be done about it.
I'm glad your son has the things he needs for school. That's what families are for--to pitch in, to help out. It's very good, even with all the strings attached, that your family can pull together like that and that everyone can donate something.
I'm having to get used to that again. We used to eat with Shabtai's family every few months on the Sabbath. We ate dinner at his sister's last week. Now, this week, in order to save some money, he's asked if we could do that again. I'd rather eat at home, but I understand where he's coming from.
It's very painful, this whole transition. We used to give a lot of charity to seminaries. we've had to cut back. Yesterday, the son of one of the directors of such an academy called to ask what happened. I told him the truth. I didn't even tell Shabtai about the phone call. Why add more anguish?
On Monday, I got an email from an online coaching company. I applied. This will bring in some needed income. I think I've been accepted--the director wrote me a favorable email yesterday. I'm waiting for confirmation. I've decided not to tell Shabtai about things unless they turn out positive. Why get his hopes up to have them dashed?
My finger biting lessend yesterday. I guess it evened out. I am still picking at them, but not as much. Some fingers are okay, some are not.
As you may know, I used to teach brides the pertinent religous laws prior to their marriages. I stopped because a large number of them would get divorced. I know that in many cases they were right to do so, but the pain was always great. Last night, I heard of yet another incident. One of the brides Ihad prepared is now going through this terrible thing--her husband up and left. She's stuck with three kids. Of course, thisis not in a vaccuum. Unfortunately, he is mentally ill. The thing is--she always says that people didn't tell her about him beforehand. I know I didn't know the guy beforehand. And when I found out after the wedding who he was--what his situation was, I tried very hard to make it better for them. But still, last night, when I found out about it, the guilt just swept all over me. The self-doubt. Maybe I could have prepared her better. Maybe I missed some warning sign or other. Shabtai said, "I'm going to tell your therapist about this." and then, "I really shouldn't have told you. It wasn't your fault. Stop feeling guilty."
Of course,k he won't tell my therapist. He just says that whenever I start engaging in counterproductive thinking--this is a good thing that he does challenge me. It's very uncanny--he will often say the very words my t. uses.
I think I've surprised myself. I think I've done okay, considering. Perhaps it's because I'm very concentrated in my thoughts on doing things that are related to the business.
Yesterday, there was a conversation with someone about plans for the elevator. Again, a quick rush of anxiety, fear, trepidation. I couldn't challenge it, not in the way my therapist would have liked, but at least I didn't engage in it too long. After a few minutes, the fear went away.
Thanks for the tips on the procedure needed to change my signature.I'll do that soon.
Tziporah
web: www.life-ladders-coaching.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 1:20am
Thanks. Your instructions were very clear.
I think I've done it correctly. If not, let me know.
Tziporah
Tziporah
web: istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 1:26am
Hi Karen,
Last message for now. Your instructions were also clear about resetting the settings on my profile.
Also, thanks for your words about whether or not I win the contest.
The growth is in the process. The destination--winning the prize--is just the bonus.
Thanks for showing me that.
Tziporah
Tziporah
web: istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 9:15am
It looks good to me.

Pages