Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
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Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
| Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:32am |
Hi Tziporah,
I am so sorry that this is such a belated welcome to you. I've been absent from the board for nearly a month - so many things have been happening in my life that it was difficult to also come here. The good news is that life has somewhat calmed down (but I'm still crossing my fingers and my toes), which means that I'm back on iVillage.
I am so very happy to see you here, participating and sharing in our conversations! I hope that we'll get to know each other better in the coming weeks.
Welcome again!
(PS: I love the sound of your name!)

Please visit these other great message boards:
Cranio-Facial Abnormalities
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Your signature looks great.
Hi Tziporah,
In reference to the webpage.
Each time I've tried to write this message, for one reason or another, I've been unable to post it. Once it was the internet. Another time I deleted it by mistake. Or I was interrupted. etc. etc.
Anyway, although it's been only a week, it feels like so much more time has elapsed and the topics in it almost seem irrelevant.
After trying to write this response so many times, here is the short-short version.
I'm glad the car door is fixed. Much safer. and nicer, too, being able to have someone sit beside you and not in the back seat.
I thought the rosery was just a quick ritual--saying Hail Mary a few times and that's that. I didn't know it could take as long as 45 minutes.
I know about strings attached.
As far as marriages go, you are correct. It is part of this "disposable, throw-away" generation.
Everything is made of inferior quality nowadays, so that you have to end up throwing it out and buying a newer model, which, often times, is not as good as the older ones.
I think it is a staggering statistic that out of 24 couples, 23 are already divorced.
Now to what's going on with me.
I've been struggling, but trying--so I guess that's a good thing.
Things haven't been going easy with the business--I'm getting stuck in a lot of technical mire--I'm now at the point where I think I should just take a virtual assistant. I can't seem to get the hang of anything. I'm going to have a discussion with this web designer on Friday. Depending on what he says, I'll decide what I want to do. I'm feeling frustrated.
Yesterday the hard disk in the computer broke down. I lost a whole day's worth of work. I had a scheduled meeting with the web designer. I was frustrated at having to miss it--no computer. As it turned out, though, he also couldn't make it--but I didn't know that at the time. In the evening, was tired, but did manage to do some things.
Today, the internet was down for a couple ofhours. More delays. I spent the time doing other work, preparing for my online classes, but I keep feeling this pressure--that I'm doing other things instead of what I really should be doing.
Tomorrow--Wednesday-- and Thursday we are going away. Wednesday there is a family circumcision in Jerusalem and Thursday we are taking a day trip to the Galilee. I'm looking forward to the day trip, but feeling so-so about the family celebration tomorrow. Thinking about it, I ripped a finger pretty bad. It hurt when I was doing it, and it's a finger that usually is left untouched.
My fingers are in so-so shape, not bad, not great.
I am thinking, as I said before, about getting a virtual assistant to help me with everything. But, of course, that means even more money. and money is tight.
That's also part of it. I know Shabtai wants to really get away--and he's right. We haven't had a vacation in months. It's just, that with the computer repair, and the taxis to Jerusalem and the Galilee, it's a lot of money. If it was just me, I'd take the bus to Jerusalem, but Shabtai doesn't like doing that.
I'm also nervous--will I find someone I can sit with at this ceremony, or will I be put at a table with nobody to talk to. Shabtai is a little nervous about that as well. Asw blind people, we are often put someone in a corner and "forgotten".
It's also extremely hot out--hot and humid--the kind of day that all you want to do is sit at home near an air conditioner. I told Shabtai maybe it was worth postponing the day trip because of the heat. He said, "but we'll be in an air conditioned car." can't argue with that.
Plus, I really need new clothes and shoes--more money. Got the picture?
I feel like I'm complaining a lot in this message.
It's just all the frustration. The loud speakers for my computer had to be changed. The technician bought me a set of speakers that are very big and clunky--very high quality--but it sounds like the voice is coming through a microphone. I told him I really didn't want them. We had an argument. Shabtai said I should take them. The tech guy said these speakers sell more than all the others. Well, I did take them, but I'm not happy. Feeling that I was assertive, but it didn't help. Tonight Shabtai said he'll exchange his speakers with mine. I keep feeling we could have gotten better, considering the money involved.
I know it's important for me to get out of the house--the therapeutic part of these outings. But I'd just as soon stay home.
I'm also feeling frustrated because there are certain websites I'd like to get into and I'm having trouble accessing them.
More frustration with my parents. Every weekly phone call is the same--how's the weather, how's the news, and now--how's the website going? all legitimate questions, but tiresome. this is nothing new. we've been through it in therapy. Just shows how little we really have to talk about. depressing.
watched a movie today--or part ofone. laughed a bit. it was relaxing. i haven't done that in awhile.
Just chewed some skin again--from a different finger.
Tziporah
web: istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Hi Tziporah,
I'm glad you were finally able to post.
I'm glad I can complain here. But I don't want this to become a pity party.
It's not just the speakers. The earphones are also off-balance. I keep telling that to the tech guy, but it doesn't help.
I know my hearing is super-sensitive, so I can really hear the difference between the left and right sides.
I have the speakers on right now. Not bad--not as bad as I thought yesterday--but they still sound far away with a lot of bass. Also, they are very big. Two regular speakers and a third one mounted in a box. It just takes up too much room on my desk. I'm still feeling frustrated.
Shabtai has now said he'd rather not go to Jerusalem today--which is perfectly fine with me.
We're still going on that day trip tomorrow, though, just the two of us with a driver. That should be nice.
I can see your point about the 23 out of 24 marriages having "worked out"--in the sense, that if you're not happy, why stay together? But I wonder--how many of these couples really tried to make it work? Still, what you said in your last message is a good example of what is called reframing--seeing the matter from a different perspective.
I put a bandaid on my left fourth finger--the one I ripped up last night. But now, I have started on another one--the right thumb.
Not anxious about anything in particular. It's more like a generalized anxiety.
I sent my parents a link to a free video which explains about online businesses. I hope this will give them some idea of what I'm trying to do.
My website is indeed up, and anyone can look at it. But I don't want to show it to them yet, until some other things are up--like the banner heading, and some reorganization of the homepage and the links into the inner pages.
I'm going to take a morning rest with Shabtai.
Could you post the poem you found for the shower, or give the online link to it?
Thanks.
I'm sure it will be a beautiful event.
Tziporah
web: istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Hi Tziporah,
Sure I can give you the link, http://www.poemsource.com/wedding-poems.html
i had a good day yesterday. I wrote out a blueprint for my webpages--not the main page, but the inner ones. I also got compliments from students in the two teleclasses I gave. That boosted my confidence--let me know I am good at what I'm doing.
Still having a lot of tech troubles. As usual, when the computer has gone through a major rehall, as it has this week, it takes time until everything works again like it should.
For now, I'm finding it hard to log into several sites. Even getting into ivillage has taken me several attempts, and this is an easy site tolog into. Some of the ones I need are more difficult to navigate.
My skype, which is supposed to start automatically, also isn't working.
I hate this tech stuff.
I'm supposed to have a meeting with my web designer tomorrow. After that, I'll make some major decisions. I am really thinking more seriously about getting a virtual assistant. Too much time being spent on this tech stuff.
I'm a little mad at myself--angry. I thought I had enough paxxil. I don't--well, I can skip a day if I must. But the reason I'm mad is because yesterday someone was at the pharmacy and I asked them to pick up stuff. I was debating in myself about getting more paxxil. Should have listened to my inner voice instead of ignoring it. Not a major problem, just another frustration.
I'll look at the poetry link and let you know what I think of the poem. I think I've heard it somewhere--the title sounds familiar for some reason.
Still biting my nails. Their pretty sore. It's always the same thing. They get to 99 per cent perfect and then I screw up. Now, they're not looking so great. Bad sores on at least 3 fingers.
I have a session tonight. I know my t. is going to ask what's triggering it. Maybe I should go back to twice a week. Thing is, though, I can't afford it. Shucks. Plus, I want to advance. You can't just keep having twice-a-week therapy forever and I've already been doing that for about ten years! I'm still not good at replacing the seccure thoughts with insecure ones.
And that's what he keeps telling me I have to do.
Tziporah
web: istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Hi Tziporah,
You talked about wanting to advance in therapy.
Well, we called up this guy and he was blown away. So we went over to his house for a drink. It was really nice. He's built a new house we hadn't seen before, and he has a large family now. We only knew the older children. His wife wasn't there, but otherwise it was a nice visit.
Then he suggested, that since we were in this area of the country, we should visit a certain well-known rabbi and talk to him about our present situation with the elevator and finances. It takes several hours from our house to get to this rabbi's residence, which is very close to the northern border with Lebanon. but since we were now relatively close, we decided to do that too. This friend said he'd call the rabbi's son to make sure he was receiving visitors, so we wouldn't make the trip for nothing. Meanwhile, we continued our trip, stopping by various places we wanted to see. Then, we called this friend back--about two hours had passed by then--and he said the rabbi was indeed receiving visitors. So we went. Considering the number of people who were waiting to talk to him, we were received relatively quickly.
The rabbi gave us a blessing and encouraged us to continue with our endeavors.
By this time, about 2pm, I saw I wasn't going to make it home in time for my therapy call. I called my t. and he was willing to reschedule. Shabtai said, "he's also done this with you on occasion, so you can also ask him for it." That is true. So we rescheduled.
After lunch, we went to visit one more place and headed home. We got home just in time, and I mean literaaly, with just seconds to spare, for Shabtai to make evening prayers.
Well, I had some thoughts about all this.
First, the spontaneity of it all. I really enjoyed that, the surprises. We had planned our day trip and our plans were somewhat different. We definitely had not included the visit to this old friend or to the rabbi in our itinerary. I thought, "if I could just give up control, and let G-d direct things, I'd be so much happer, so much more joyful, with all the surprises that would probably come about."
I think you can understand that this belief,. of Divine Providence, is central to my religious thinking.
i actually had another demonstration of that earlier in the week. On Monday, I was supposed to have a meeting with my web designer. Because of computer troubles, I couldn't get in and was feeling quite agitated. In the evening, I got it to work. At that point, I opened my emails and discovered one from this web designer. He couldn't make the Monday meeting either and had written to let me know that. His mother had fallen and was hurt and he had rushed over to help her. That incident had occurred about ninety minutes prior to our scheduled call. So, even if the computer had been working, I still would not have been able to have a meeting with him.
This was the first realization--being able to give up full control of things.
Of course, that is very hard for me to do, because I get anxious when I'm not in control.
Actually, last night, when we were trying to get home in time for Shabtai to make evening prayers, which ideally should be said in a group--which is why we were in such a hurry-I felt some tension about it. Shabtai just kept saying, "don't worry." I would usually be biting my cuticles to pieces. But I actually didn't. iI did keep asking the taxi driver where we were, but that was about it.
I also realized I didn't miss not having the session. Meaning--I need the session, but realize I could get along without it. I didn't have that feeling of: "if I don't have a session, I'll bust." I also thought, that after ten years, my t. is willing to be more flexible, than perhaps at the beginning, when therapists are usually uptight and strict about missed sessions. I think that's because at first the patients have a lot of resistance and missed sessions are used as an avoidance procedure. I've definitely passed that stage. And I did call several hours beforehand, so I didn't leave him stuck till the last minute.
Tech problems. Well, I'm also having problems with earphones. I have a great set, which I like to use with skype, but the microphone part is broken. They're very comfortable. On the other hand, I have a set I can use with skype that has a good microphone, but the earphone part that fits over the ear is very uncomfortable. So, you have my sympathies.
The computer guy who was supposed to come yesterday did not. No surprise. Shabtai had not expected him to come. I was initially angry about it and then resigned.
The tech guy still doesn't believe the two little speakers don't work. But I can prove that to him when he finally shows his face. If you touch the large speaker spot it vibrates. The two other speakers are just dead, novibration.
I think this day trip was a good thing. I needed to get away. I feel refreshed.
Oh, one more thing before I sign off. I was thinking about your husband and his need for a job, your need for income, and how you wrote that he's started to relax since being out of a job. A lot of people are now starting to develop very good at-home businesses. If done right, which is what I'm hoping, it can become a full-time thing producing very good money. I think your husband, with his computer skills, could probably do it. One of the backbones is developping a good website. Have youthought about these ideas? You might want to test the waters with your husband, throw them out tohim and let him think about it. Een if he rejects the idea at first, you might suggest he think about it for a few days. It might grow on him. A lot of people who've been laid off has done this.
The other thing: I can totally relate to the stress level thing. By the end of his office job, Shabtai was experiencing headaches and hated going to work. The change, since he's been out of work and studying religious subjects full-time, is nothing short of transformational. No more headaches. Totally relaxed. You can even see it in his face. It took him bout a year to admit it, but he finally did recognize that the stress was work-related.
Now this is not to say that home-based businesses don't have stress in them. Look at me. laugh. But it's a different kind of stress than the 9-to-5 office stress.
Well, I have a lot to do today, so I'm signing out.
Thanks for letting me know the logging in issue with ivillage is not due to me personally. Whenever I have a tech problem like that, I always think it's something that I'm doing. Sometimes it is. But sometimes it isn't. I've been learning that as well.
My fingers are sore still, but starting to heal a bit.
Final question--when is this shower? The date?
Tziporah
web: istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
I admire your faith in allowing a higher power guide you.
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