Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
1100
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:32am

Hi Tziporah,


I am so sorry that this is such a belated welcome to you. I've been absent from the board for nearly a month - so many things have been happening in my life that it was difficult to also come here. The good news is that life has somewhat calmed down (but I'm still crossing my fingers and my toes), which means that I'm back on iVillage.


I am so very happy to see you here, participating and sharing in our conversations! I hope that we'll get to know each other better in the coming weeks.


Welcome again!


(PS: I love the sound of your name!)


Please visit these other great message boards:
Cranio-Facial Abnormalities
In Vitro (IVF)



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Sun, 08-08-2010 - 6:33am
Hello, Karen,
I'm starting to feel tired. A lot going on. Some of it good in fact.
Just trying to get all the technical stuff squared away. And a lot of financial stuff as well.
Anxiety level up.
Making my fingers sore again.
Anyway, you're right. If I could just leave it all to that Higher Power, I'd be better off.
Your mother sounds just like mother and you sound just like Shabtai.
There was this joke--not really a joke--but Shabtai made it into a joke.
When we were waiting for his transplant, my mother would always say: "You must worry." and Shabtai would say: "don't worry."
So now he repets this refrain: "you must worry..don't worry."
I'm probably more like my mother.
That's the control. I want everything planned out. I don't like leaving things to chance. I get anxious when things are left to chance. What if...?
The computer guy was here. Fixed most everything, but he has to come back again! He said he would. But I'm anxious. After all, it took quite a few days to track him down originally.
I'm glad your husband and son are going into business together. With each one specializing i something else, the combination should work well.
We have n importantmeeting today with the elevator company. So I'm also a bit tense about that.
Still, some good things happening, like I said. We got some good financial news about
We also got some good financial news today, so that helped.
Still, feeling tense in my neck and lower back.
Tziporah
Tziporah
web: istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Avatar for cl_nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 4:26pm

Hi Tziporah!


I'm in a good mood today even though I have had a headache for three days now.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 10:55pm
Hello, Karen,
Last Thursday I was supposed to have a therapy session, but because I was away, I had it yesterday instead. We got to talking about the very thing you started your message with--the reaction of our parents and why it bothers us somuch. My therapist's point is that I this stage in my life, it shouldn't bother me. And the fact that it still does, is a problem I have. I tried to explain to him that when they ask me questions about my business, "how is it going?", I feel the pressure. Just like when Shabtai asks: "when are you going to start making money?" My therapist says they are asking these questions out of interest, curiosity and concern. But I "project" my own feelings onto them, (his word--project), and think they're pressuring me. In reallity, it's me pressuring myself. I feel like I am being judged by them--my performance. Again, he said that's something I feel, not that they feel it. True, Shabtai does feel a lot of presure/anxiety about the money thing. So far, I've been able to hold to the financial limits I set for myself. I should have done that a long time ago. But it's not easy. Anyway, by the end of the session I had to acknowledge he was right--of course. laugh. He's always right. laugh. He said it's this feeling that I'm going to be judged for my performance, that I've set up the mindset of, "i have to succeed. I can't afford to fail." because, if I do, once again people will see me as just someone who tinkers around with things, going from one thing to the next, but not really doing anything. He also worked on that belief. He said that I haven't been just tinkering around. A lot of the things I have done are actually contributing to where I am now, i.e. coaching school, the classes I give, the marriage counseling I did before, my life experiences, etc. He also opened up my website and said it looks "very nice". I'm still not ready yet to show it to my parents. Anyway, you get the drift of this? How our feelings about our mothers and our perceptions of them--which are really misperceptions at this point--open up a lot of undercurrents and deep seeded beliefs--as you said. Very uncanny how you just happened to write about that just now.
I'm sure you're waiting for the shower to be over--how much time between that and the wedding?
How are you related to the bride? Do you alsohave to help with the wedding?
The good financial news was that we got a sizable retroactie payment from a goernment office. That will certainly come in handy. We selected the company we want to use for the elevator. So we'll be signing the contract with them very soon. The lawyer is now reviewing the contract before we sign it.
I'm now in a dilemma/quandary. I can see how having therapy once a week is good--in the sense it forces me to be more self-reliance. But because I missed a session last week, Ihave two sessions this week. I miss the continuity of it--feel like there is too much space between sessions. The intensity of it is lessened.
Still, I guess this discussion is partly irrelevant, because in a month it will be the Jewish holidays again, and a lot of them occur on days when I have sessions, so that will mean rescheduling and doing with once a week anyway. Even so, I feel confused.
I'm still having speaker problems. The sound in the computer just isn't right. The speakers--or one of them, really sounds tinny. The computer sounds come out at a higher pitch, which is also annoying. Perhaps, to someone who doesn't have perfect pitch as I do, or who's hering is sensitive, this wouldn't matter. But to me it is very bothersome. It's also very peculliar. In Hebrew it sounds okay. In English, on the other hand, it doesn't sound pleasant at all. Since most of my work is in English, I'd really like a pleasant-sounding English voice.
So, it's back to running after the computer tech again.He knows he has to come EVENTUALLY!
Tziporah
Tziporah
web: istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Avatar for cl_nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 6:55pm

Hi Tziporah,


That is interesting that I was pretty much consumed with the thought that dealing with my mother and how she makes me feel is really me making me feel that way and then you talked about that very thing in your therapy sessions.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 10:31pm
Hello, Karen,
The answer to your question: what to do when those feelings about our mothers crop up?
Realize that 9 out of 10 times it has nothing to do with our mothers and everything to do with us. AAs he said, we just project our feelings onto them. So the thing to do is to ask if this is not, in fact, a response or belief we have about ourselves.
So, in the example I gave, my mother's and father's questions about my business are just their curiosity, while I interpret it s them somehow judging me. In fact, I am judging myself, which is what I am projecting onto them--them judging me, vs. me judging myself, which is the reality.
Sometimes, of course, our parents do give us a run-around, and the trick is to know when that is the case, and then to deal with it assertively and respectfully.
It's really unusual, this weather thing--you said you've already had tropical storms. Yesterday I was listening to the news on the BBC. In China, Pakkistan, and the Saharah dessert, in places like Chad, Niger, and Nigeria, they are experiencinmg heavy flooding, which has caused severe loss of lives, loss of homes, loss of animal life, etc. In China, there have been mud slides and the temperature is humid, with more rain expected. The threat of disease, as plumbing mechanisms have broken down, and bodies are left out in the open, is very real. I think it was in Pakkistan, that they said more lives have been lost than even in the Sunami! that's incredible. as far as the Saharah is concerned, they say it's been the severest rain in fifty yers and people in a main oasis have had to flee and sleep on the sand dunes. add to that the devastating fires in and around Moscow, which are said to be killing 700 people a day. Clearly, the world's eco systems are changing and the results are frightening. Here, it's the hottest summer I can remember--100 degrees every day. Just feels like walking into an oven. So, I am not terribly surprised when you say you've already had some early storms. Everything is interconnected eccologically. Unfortunately, much of the damage is already done and irrepairable--like chopping down the rain forests, building on so much land that there's no more room for trees, etc. etc. etc.
Tziporah
Tziporah
web: istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Avatar for cl_nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 08-11-2010 - 10:59am

Hi Tziporah!


I know that the Earth's climate has been changing for some time now.

 

Avatar for cl_nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 08-11-2010 - 8:58pm

I just wanted to let you know that iVillage is working on the log in stuff and there is some difficulty logging in currently.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Fri, 08-13-2010 - 8:55am
Hi Karen,
I really look forward to our daily mail back and forth.
A final good luck with the shower.
I think it's great your husband and son are going camping together. I'm sure they'll have a good time.
Nothing like a little peace and quiet.
My husband went on a trip up north for a day and I really liked just being here by myself--doing what I want when I wanted. or, as the case was, not doing anything.
Very nice.
I guess, after the shower, you can unwind in your own rhythm, time and pace without having those husband/son obligations.
I'm an early morning person--always get up around five a.m., so for me that's no sweat.
I get more done in the early morning hours than at any other time. By mid-afternoon I'm running low on steam.
I had two sessions of therapy this week, because I missed my regular one last week. I think I wrote you that already.
I think it was helpful. There was a context between the two sessions--Monday and Thursday, that is lost when it's just once a week. I remember I wrote you about that also--unsure whether to go back to one or two. I was almost ready to ask him for a Monday session, when he said he wanted to reschedule our Thursday one because he was busy. He rescheduled it to Wednesday. Myimmiediate thought was: "Well, I guess he's made that decision for me. Thank goodness I don't have to make it!"
We covered a lot of the same material we have before. How what my parents think about me is really what I think about me/myself.
Anyway, what I really wanted to write about was that I had that disturbing dream again--the one I have every few months--where I'm in my second year of college and I haven't done anything the whole year, not attended the courses, and the school administration is about to inform my parents. In the dream, I panic. I keep telling myself I really don't want to have to come back for a third year. I'd just rather sit and write, would rather find an appartment where I couldlive on my alone, rather go back to Israel and be with Shabtai.
Now, there are some interesting things about this dream. First, I did come to Israel after my second year in college. And I also do like writing.
Well, as usually happens in this dream, it felt so real, like it was actually happening. At some point, I realized, either in the dream, or at the end of the dream, that it was just a dream--that I really was in Israel, really was with Shabtai and that it was just a dream. At that point, I remembered feeling suddenly so relaxed, so relieved. All the tension and pain in my body just went away. I've been having a lot of back pain.
Well, two things came out of this dream. First, the interpretation. Not that I'm afraid of failing--which is how my psychiatrist once interpreted it--I go to her about once a year just for monitoring of my paxxil--one time I told her this dream. This time, I mean this morning, I realized that the interpretation wasn't somuch that I'm a failure, but that I'm afraid I'll be seen as a fraud. And that could be on many levels.
The second thing I realized was the end part: this is just a dream, parallels what my therapist told melast night in the session--that when those thoughts start, the thoughts that seem so real, just to remember they are just thoughts, not real, just like I could realize eventually that this was just a dream, not real.
My t. doesn't go too much into dreams, but this one keeps recurring. Especially after deep therapy sessions.
Tziporah
Tziporah
web: istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Avatar for cl_nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 08-13-2010 - 7:16pm

Hi Tziporah,


Maybe your dream is telling you that in your subconscious you really want to be writing.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Sat, 08-14-2010 - 10:04pm

Hi Karen,
I've thought about that as well--that maybe mysubconscious is telling me that what I reallyshould be doing is writing.
Well, in my website I am doing all the writing myself, so that gives me a chance to try things out.
I guess part of me is scared to just let myself write because it's not that easy to get yourself published.
But I do enjoy doing it. Time just flies by when I let myself go and do it.
In college, I did term paper writing. I'm good at most writing, but especially strong on nonfiction, essays, that kind of thing.
One thing I could do is to combine writing with mybusiness. Have part of my time dewvoted to writing, part of my time devoted to the business. I once read that Jane Brody, the health reporter for the New York Times newspaper, wrote an entire book by just putting aside one hour, 5:30--6:30am each day! that's awesome.
I'm writing this message at 5am. I've been up for about an hour. In the month leading up to the Jewish New Year, it is a custom to get up earlier for Penitential Prayers. my husband goes to them, so I'm up.

This also means that by now the shower is over. yay! As far as the 3-tier cake, I've never made such a thing in my life and wouldn't even know how to start. Forget about making one for 200 people! Totally beyond me. If you have a lot of cake left over, why not just give it to a soup kitchen?
I could see why you'd like therapy on Wednesdays. Makes sense really. Not at the top of the week, when nothing much has happened, nor at the end, which means you're left brooding about it over the week end. For some reason, my therapy sessions have always been scheduled for Mondays and Thursdays. those were the days we had group therapy when I was a teen. When I started my own therapy I also had a Sunday/Thursday slot. Here in Israel Sunday is a regular working day. I guess, because I have always had therapy twice a week, I think the Monday/Thursday interval just feels right. Now that it's once a week, the days will probably shift more. Both my t. and I often change days in keeping with our schedules. I'm flexible when he has a prior obligation, and I guess because I do that for him, he's willing to do the same for me--like what happened last week when I was unable to get home in time from our trip for the session. I can't even recall when the last time was I ever had a session on Wednesdays. But from my current schedule, Wednesday is my busiest day of the week. So, I don't think I'd want that on a regular basis.
I can see how the combination of noise and light emitted from the TV could wake you up[. I remember in music camp we used to wake up to music. Much more pleasant, I think, than waking up to the news. But to each his/her own. laugh.
Tziporah

Tziporah
web: istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com

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