Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
1100
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:32am

Hi Tziporah,


I am so sorry that this is such a belated welcome to you. I've been absent from the board for nearly a month - so many things have been happening in my life that it was difficult to also come here. The good news is that life has somewhat calmed down (but I'm still crossing my fingers and my toes), which means that I'm back on iVillage.


I am so very happy to see you here, participating and sharing in our conversations! I hope that we'll get to know each other better in the coming weeks.


Welcome again!


(PS: I love the sound of your name!)


Please visit these other great message boards:
Cranio-Facial Abnormalities
In Vitro (IVF)



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Sun, 08-22-2010 - 10:43pm

Hi Karen,
Warning: very long post.
Thanks for writing back, even though you had a migraine. Really appreciate your devotion and dedication.
As far as the laundry goes, if you can't do it, can't your dh or son just put it in the machine. I mean, it's not that complicated. Right?
Or, maybe you could ask one of them to help you sort it out, if it has to be done according to color and fabric types. The point is, when you're feeling this bad, get help!
Maximum--just tell dh to take it to a laundromat.
I think you get my drift.
I hope that helps and I lso help by the next time you write, you'll be feeling better.

As for me, you're right. I've heard this before--the big guys were also unknown once-upon-a-time. It's just that it seems so easy for them. Like: presto: they just hit the magic button, got the magic formula, and they were off and running, flying, etc.
I just finished reading Dr. Phil's Self Matters. A very good book, by the way. It starts with him telling the story of a guy who was unhappy in his job and knew it, but it took him ten years to split that scene. After telling the story, Phil McGraw reveals that he was that guy. The rest of that book is his plan for reconnecting with your authentic self. Then comes the epilogue. He tells how he left his job, moved to California, and presto--he's big time. Of course, that's not how he words it, but everybody knows the story of his spetacular rise to success through Oprah. anyway, he says how much he loves his life. Who wouldn't? I mean, the guy's got it made.
This is not to say he doesn't work, and work hard, and continue to produce. He does. But...
I was going to write in the previous line: "and he's stinking rich". I stopped myself. It doesn't sound nice. And he does do good things with his money, helping out people, etc.
I think all of this is just mirroring some inner resentment that I have. They all make it look so easy, or they just got lucky, or someone was pulling for them and got them started--like Oprah with Dr. Phil. I don't feel like I have any of that.
It's hard to admit all of this, because materialism, having enough money, is somehow antithetical to being a spiritual person, which I claim to be.
But I also know I need money in my daily life, and all I can see is it's depleting quickly and I'm not even sure I can be a success at my business. And the alternative is again having to turn to my parents when the money runs out--and that's so humiliating, like being a kid/child again.

I will take your suggestion about reading Katherine Martin's books seriously. Right now, I just purchased a book, something I've wanted to do for several months. I was saving it for my Jewish New Year's present. the Jewish New Year starts in a few weeks. I have to really cut back on everything--even buying books i'd like to get. I even had to force myself to get this one--do something positive for myself. But this was a book I really wanted, so I allowed myself this luxury. Plus, my husband just made a book purchase yesterday--so if he could, I could. laugh.

The other reason I'm hesitant about buying or reading the books you suggested is because I'll just do what I always do--compare myself to these women. That is a big thing for me--always comparing myself to them, and it's usually unfavorably comparing myself to them. They can do it, why can't I?
I also thought it might be helpful to talk to my t. about this before just buying such books. He knows how much I am susceptible to them, how much they influence me. Of course, this could be a good thing, if I could learn from them, without the comparison part thrown in.

The elevator. Here's the thing. I'm really afraid of two people (three), if you count my parents as one entity, and another friend.
Starting with this friend--weveral months ago someone let slip that I was intending to install an elevator and she began asking me a lot of questions. was it ture? etc., etc. at that time we still hadn't gotten all the paperwork done and still didn't have our final permit. so I said something like: "why would I want to do that?" and "do you see any tractors around here?" she is a great person, but the type who asks and asks and asks without letup. also, she is the type who says she'll guard a secret but then spreads it all over town. so i've learned that when it comes to anything about Shabtai or me, to be very careful about what I tell her.
So, now that we have our permit, our rabbi said we had to put up a notice in the building entrance, (inside the entrance hallway), thanking the appartment residents for allowing us to build this elevator and apologizing for the noise and any other inconeniences this will cause and assuring them we will try to keep this kind of thing to a minimum. he also told Shabtai this announcement should stay up until the work is totally completed--several months.
So, my anxiety--she'll see the announcement and start asking questions. "I thought you told me you weren't building an elevator?" How am I supposed to answer that?
Of course, the announcement has our name on it. But, of course, it's going to be obvious to everybody very soon anyway. I mean, by the end of this week the tractor should be working digging up ground, etc. You can't hide from a tractor and dirt, can you?
Well, my thought was: "just because it's a tractor, how are they supposed to know it's connected to me?" But, knowing how small neighborhoods work, everybody will know.
It's only a few dys since this announcement was put up, and I'm already getting questions and feedback, like: "what happened to the people who opposed it?" and "you should have built it at a different side of the building." and "if I were in your building, I'd have signed up for it. the neighbors in your building were stupid not to join in."
This friend, and others, are the type who will ask, "where is the money for it coming from?"

Then there's my parents. Dr. Phil's advice, certainly worth taking, anyone who's going to sabotage your plans, keep them out of your zone. They will try to protect you, claiming they have your best interests at heart, etc. I've learned the hard way,through a lot of personal emotional pain, that when I've told my parents most things of major import, they respond negatively either by worrying about how it will all turn out, or criticizing me for doing what I'm doing. So with this elevator I took the position that I wouldn't mention anything about it. After all, until the permit came, why een mention it? If the permit hadn't come, I would have just caused tem needless worry. That worked well.
But now we've got the permit. If they weren't coming right after the Jewish New Year, I'd also not say anything. after all, when they come, they'll see it. if their visit had been a year away, they wouldn't see it till it's done.
But now, unless something happens, which it probably won't, they're scheduled to come in Oct./Nov. They haven't told me the date yet. stupid me--I thought I could just say someone is doing building work here, not have to reveal it's for me. But with this announcement up in the appartment entrance, they'll walk in, read it, (they know a little Hebrew), or they'll run into a neighbor--everybody knows them, and bam. Of course, the thing to do would be to prepare them beforehand. Like when they arrive. The anxiety--they'll start asking questions. lots of questions. money questions. decorating and engineering questions--my mom's a decorator, my dad's an engineer.
I talked about this in therapy already. He said that I don't have to go into any details. Just say, it's Shabtai's money and this is a decision we've made. at this point, i'm an adult. i'm not a child who is beholden to them on explaining anything. true.true. but this reminds me of a huge fight we once had over Shabtai's salary. very verbally violent, especially because it was in a pblic place. even if it was in a private place, it would have been bad. we didn't talk for about three days after that. it was during one of their visits. just writing all this, i feel my stomach knotting up.

last night was rough for me. two things happened. first, there was a call from my parents. they were at my sister's beach house. they put the phone on speaker, so everybody could hear it, and passed the phone around. it felt like they had tons to tell and i had nothing to tell. of course, there is what to tell, but it's all anxiety-producing: how the business is going, how my website is developping, how the elevator is......
get the picture?
so, i talked about the weather and hated myself for being so boring. finally said the phone line was poor, sort of true, because having the phone on speaker phone does make the connection noisier--but not impossible to hear. after that call, i was so tensed up.
maybe i need xannax again. but i don't want to start that up-it just makes me drowsy.

then there was the faculty hour training call with the training program i've been using. he made some comments on my website. important comments. but it left me feeling confused. his strategy and the web designer's strategies are different, so i'm not sure what to do. bit one of my sore fingers.
then got up today and bit more of the same sore finger.
all the other fingers are okay, but this one, the left thumb, is really messed up. so i put a bandaid--several bandaids--on it.
and Shabtai keeps asking me when money is going to start flowing in. like: "are you going to start this week?"
my parents and Shabtai, each in their own way, keep telling me, "so what's going on with your web? your business?" the refrain: "i'm working on it", is starting to sound hollow.
i haven't even started to tell you about the backpain, my weight, etc.
signing off.
Tziporah

Tziporah
web: istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Avatar for cl_nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 08-22-2010 - 11:24pm

Hi Tziporah,


If you do compare yourself to the women in Mrs. Martin’s books, it wouldn’t be a bad thing at all.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 3:25am

Hi Karen,
Thanks for writing back.
Two ideas for your migraine:
a. they say diet has a lot to do with it. some foods bring it on, others help reduce it.
b. i read somewhere in Prevention that soaking your hands in warm water can reduce the pain of a migraine. the warm water affects the muscles/nerves that trigger it and the warm water causes the constriction that is the source of the migraine to relax.
much simpler than dietary changes because you can do it right away.
of course, for long-term help, learning about which foods cause it and which prevent it could be helpful.
as for driving your dh to his job and having to drive back alone, you're brave for doing this. try putting on a good radio station for music or talk you can listen to in the background.
i am assuming that you have a cell. if you do, then you know that should you really get into trouble, help is just a cell call away. that can heighten the reassurance.
You are right about the Katherine Martin books. I'm going to see if I can find them online for free, as money is tight. In any event, there are no shortage of stories about courage. I have a book called courage--I should really brainwash myself with it.

Just bit a finger and bandaged it. Still feeling tense generally. We set up this plan where money would be entered automatically into our account here from my other account in the U.S. every firstof the month. Thing is--it's the 23rd and we're already in minus here. don't know what to do. i got to make this business work, if for no other reason than i need the cash.

thanks for the tips about the elevator. you're right about my friend. handling my parents is a bigger thing.
tziporah

Tziporah
web: istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Avatar for cl_nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 11:21am

Hi Tziporah,


Yes, diet is very important in controlling migraines.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 9:44pm

Hi Karen,
Congratulations for driving the car alone for such a long trip! I knew you could do it. I had faith in you. I guess that's it--we believe in each other's abilities more than we believe in ourselves.
Yesterday I wrote you that I was tense about the money situation--down to zero in the bank.
It turned out the bank teller made a mistake. my husband went back to the bank and talked with the banker who usually assists him. all is okay. a real scare that one.

i'm chewing on a piece of skin as i write this. sounds gross, but it somehow eases the pain. just swallowed it. only someone who has si could relate to this.

well, the situation of my fingers. both thumbs are sore and the hanging skin bothers me. yesterday on the way to physical therapy made my right fourth finger bleed a bloody mess. bandaged all of them. but now all fingers are unbandaged. sometimes when I put bandaids on, i then start picking at a new finger. that's what happened yesterday. vs. if i don't have any bandaids on i just keep picking at the old sores but don't start any new ones. i don't know which is better--they're both bad. i guess, in my mind, the second option is less harmful than the first--less sore fingers. but then, the fingers that are sore are really sore! so i guess it's a toss-up.

just generally tense about everything. especially about the business, my weight, my parents' visit, etc. etc. etc.

you're right--i will survive it. just like i've survived their visits every year. and as my t. says, i usually end up enjoying it to some degree, and i've also gotten better at handling it. maybe this year is a little more tense because there is so much to be tensed up about--the business, the elevator, my mother's health, the possibility that they'll bring up the question of whether i should come to the U.S. for a visit next time, Shabtai's father's poor health, a lot of things.

Sometimes i think: i really should have therapy twice a week. it's really hard handling the tension sometimes. then i remind myself that i just can't afford it. plus, this is good training--learning how to change my thoughts myself.
Tziporah

Tziporah
web: istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Avatar for cl_nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 12:35pm

Hi Tiziporah,


That migraine must have been the universe trying to tell me something.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 5:18am
Hello, Karen,
Big day today. They actually started work on the ground. 7:30am the tractors arrived to start digging. Easy to hear the work from the appartment windows. I didn't expect it, but I actually started to feel some excitement. Hard to believe it yet.
At the same time I had another anxiety attack and picked at another finger, making it sore. At least I put on gloves. The urge was so strong.
I have to upgrade my paypal account from a personal to a business account. The only thing is: paypal won't let you upgrade unless your account is completely empty and I have one measely stupid $1 in the account. So I have to get rid of it first.
I tried paying with paypal yesterday and couldn't do it.
I feel like such a dummy when it comes to these kinds of mechanical things.
So I spent the morning watching online movies, which was relaxing. Now have to get down to work. Feeling anxious again--a little less tense.
Every step of the way with this business is such a challenge!
Tziporah
Tziporah
web: istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Avatar for cl_nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 5:46pm

Hi Tziporah,


I think once you get your business up and running at full speed you will be too busy to worry about your fingers and I think you are going to enjoy it.


I can understand being both excited and anxious about the elevator.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 11:15pm

Hi Karen,
You're right about everything, of course. Laugh.
About the noise. There has been a lot of building projects in this area during the last few years, so we're used to tractors, trucks, and hammers. Maybe when it's YOUR noise it's different. Like screaming babies. When it's someone else's baby that is shrieking, you want to get away from it--at least I do. But when it's your own, I suppose it's different. Right? Is that how it was for you?
When we were in the U.S. for Shabtai's health, we lived in one appartment that was half-a-block away from a main subway station. That first night, we heard every subway that went buy--about every five minutes. By the time we left that place, we didn't even hear them! we got so used to them. Right now, the real heavy work hasn't started it, so the noise is bearble--even exciting. Like--this is the real thing. It confirms we're really doing it!

I'm trying to remain confident in myself. Not easy. Every day there is some sort of self-sabotaging talk. Like yesterday--criticizing myself for writing a long article that I want toput up on my website. "people only read short articles. Right?" or, "it shouldn't take all day to write one article. right?"
actually, I didn't work on it all day. Just a few hours.
Have weekly therapy today. A lot to talkabout.
I know about GPS and how they can sometimes be inaccurate. No technology is ever 100% perfect. But it is helpful. At least, after the experience with the blow-out earlier in the week, you know that if you ever get stuck, help is only a phone call away. Thank goodness for the technology that developed cell phones. I generally think people use them way too much and mostly for nonsense. But having one in a car can really be a lifesaver.
Good luck with the night drive.
Tziporah

Tziporah
web: istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Avatar for cl_nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 8:35am

Hi Tziporah,


I was so busy yesterday and then I started feeling ill.

 

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