Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
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Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
| Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:32am |
Hi Tziporah,
I am so sorry that this is such a belated welcome to you. I've been absent from the board for nearly a month - so many things have been happening in my life that it was difficult to also come here. The good news is that life has somewhat calmed down (but I'm still crossing my fingers and my toes), which means that I'm back on iVillage.
I am so very happy to see you here, participating and sharing in our conversations! I hope that we'll get to know each other better in the coming weeks.
Welcome again!
(PS: I love the sound of your name!)

Please visit these other great message boards:
Cranio-Facial Abnormalities
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hI kAREN,
the gps thing--that they choose longer ways than humans. Well, call it technological logic. I mean, they're not human, right?
Well, human beings don't always think logically either, do they? laugh. That's one thing I get pointed out to me in therapy every week!
Seriously, the weirdest thing happened to me in therapy last session. I was very tense and thinking many insecure anxieyt-producing thoughts. He suggested an alternative reframe and then said, "did you just hear what I said?"
I hadn't, but was really embarrassed to have to admit it, so I said, "I guess I don't remember."
and he said, "You didn't hear me."
Can't fool those guys.
Well, then he asked, "how come you didn't even hear what I said?"
typical therapy question.
truth is, it really bothers me. how come i didn't even hear it?
it's really important, because that's a lot of the core work--that I don't hear the positive alternatives in my mind, but get solely truned into the negative alternatives, and that makes me really tense.
after i get tensed up, comes the nail-biting--correction: finger-biting.
it took the whole Sabbath and many hours of rest until I could get out of the anxious tense mindset. finally, I was able to pray about it, which felt very releasing.
my fingers are starting to heal again.
thanks for the rest of the message. gret comments.
Tziporah
i DON'T THINK
web: istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Hi Tziporah,
So it sounds like you were so caught up in your own anxiety that you weren't really ready for the therapy session.
Agree with everything in your last message:
yeah--it is worse when you're sitting in their office instead of over the phone. Still, this guy is a no-nonsense, hard-to-fool kind of therapist, so believe me--even though it's on the phone, it's not a piece of cake either. he can cut me down to size in seconds!
as far as cats, well, i dislike them immensely and their smell has a lot to do with it. also, don't like their claws.
and as far as the money is concerned, I'd also love getting a little extra. this is actually bothering me, because I always thought of myself as a spiritual person, and now I feel I am becoming so materialistic--worrying about money so much, so totally involved in the business.
I'm still managing to do some religious learning every day and that helps--very refreshing for my soul.
today started out pretty good. I had an appointment with my web designer. then we ran into a major snag. the computer can't read parts of the files that are being created. I called two technicians: the regular one who comes to do most of my repairs, and then the one who handles all the special software that has been put in for blind people. the first tech guy is going to come sometime tomorrow--hopefully--the second one can't even fit me into his schedule until next week. it feels so frustrating. just when I'm ready to moe forward, every single time, there seems to be a major technical problem. i have even gotten to the point of thinking: "what am I doing all this for?" it's just so darn complicated. what should be a cinch is rarely so.
finger report--so-so. sometimes better, sometimes worse.
just had another day of major hair-cutting.
some good things have been happening. this friend I was anxious about telling the elevator to--well, her daughter is my maid and I had her break the news to her mother/my firend. she didn't give me a hassle.
also, I'm still getting excited about the elevator. I open the windows and the trucks, tractors, builders--all of the crew, are right there below on the ground. they're sometimes so close in earshot, it's possible to make out what they're saying to each other. for sure, you can hear the trucks and hammering a mile away! laugh.
Tziporah
web: istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Hi Tziporah,
Money is a neccessary thing in this world today.
Thanks for the encouragement. I guess it's because I've never had such a tight money squeeze before. I grew up in a house where money was not a problem--whatever was needed: clothing, medical expenses, special machines, sleep-away camp--we got it all.
When Shabtai was sick and we were in the U.S., we did try to watch our expenses--but there was still a lot of savings then.
Now I'm really down to the bare bones---so this is new for me, counting every cent and dollar.
I feel the pressure to really get this business going. A matter of long-term survival.
Every technical hitch and glitch, like with the computer, often means laying out extra costs.
I really don't have anything to spare. So that adds even more pressure.
Jewish holidays coming next week--more expenses.
I'm about ready to forget buying new clothes and shoes, even though I need some.
Leather sofa is also starting to rip--the longer I don't fix that, the worse the rips get and it gets harder to fix.
I made a decision--worse comes to worse, just replace the genuine leather, which my parents gave us, with a fabric. My dad worked in leather all his life.
The only thing I treated myself to has been buying a book I wanted--for $24.95. laugh.
The window in my office is open. It's 6:45am. The first workers just pulled up in their truck. Right under the window.
Start of another day. Still excited. I have started to think: "if we can pull off this elevator thing then maybe we can pull off this business thing." Guess where I got that thought from? my therapist gave it to me--in thesame session I wrote you about the other day.
Tziporah
web: istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Hi Tziporah,
Your therapist is right, if you can make it through this construction project everything else is easy.
Hi Karen,
Believe me--the elevator thing is a breeze. A lot of work and mess, but because it is something we wanted and worked hard to get, it's bearable and sometimes even pleasant. I hear the tractors, the hammers and the workmen talking to each other--it's been a week, and still I sometimes pinch myself to see if it's really true, really happening.
My therapist's point really had to do with my attitude towards the business--apply the same strategy I/we used with the elevator to the business.
The elevator idea took about 15 months from theory to reality. A lot of the difficulties had to do with red tape from all the licensing bords, drafts and redrafts of the engineering diagrams, running after the appartment owners--who were spread out in various locations around the country--municipality and district boards, each part of the process requiring completion before we could move on to the next. it involved convincing people of the necessity of it--a selling job of sorts, and also weeks of waiting till we would get the decision from each government office. plus legal stuff. and, of course, a lot of preparation costs--every time the engineer wrote anything, we had to pay him a couple of hundred dollars. plus the surveyors, and the lawyer's fees, and the licensing fees, etc. etc. etc. all of this before drawing up the contract and making the final selection of who would do the work--more money, time, fees, consultations, etc., etc., etc.
many times during this process we were anxious, unsure, discouraged, etc. there was real opposition from some neighbors. we know this, because the neighbors were given the right to petition the district stting their opposing views. the district board overrode their oppinions, but we were told by the district officers, who didn't name names, there had been several opposing petitions.
when the construction started last week, some of those opposition people started photographing the building site, probably trying to look for some way in which we could or might defer from the finally approved plan.
and now we're just praying no faulty construction is involed. we have hired someone to be at the site constantly to oversee that everything is going as it should. this person is familiar with construction projects.
so, after this long description, my therapist's point is: just as this elevator thing didn't happen without a lot of difficulty, persistence, and challenges, etd., it is going to be the same with regards to the business.
meanwhile, my finger biting is getting worse again. also, a lot of negative self-talk.
Monday, the computer tech guy was here. i told him the computer doesn't always start. of course, when he tried it, it worked. you know that story--things always work when the technicians are around. today, Wednesday morning, it took me about 40 minutes to get the computer to finally turn on. part of me wants to give the computer to him gain, but part of me is anxious of yet another costly repair job, which we can il fford financially. so, for now, i live with it.
then, on Monday--i probably wrote you about this--i had a meeting with my web designer. he was supposed to teach me how to get into the html subpages in the website so I could make my own modifications. only thing is--i couldn't get the computer to comply. apparently, it doesn't work with jaascript. and the files i need, of course, are in javascript. if i can't figure this out, this could be a long-term problem. this latest thing, plus the computer stalling at startup, are just the latest technical difficulties.
more and more i keep asking myself: "with this amount of hassle, why am i doing it? it's so expensive."
today, when I thought of this refrain, i asked myself, "and what about all the time and money you put into coaching school, the internet, getting the website? if you quit now, that will also be wasted money."
plus, this question: "and what would you be doing instead?"
i couldn't think of an answer to that last question.
so the therapist's point is that there are going to be difficulties in this business thing, just like in the elevator. perhaps it's the frequency of them that makes it so hard. hardly a week goes by when I'm not stumped by something.
Tziporah
web: istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Hi Tziporah,
You went through a lot of grief to get the approval for that elevator.
Hi Karen,
Long post.
You're right--government agencies are usually a big hassle. A pain-in-the you-know-where.
You stilll haven't gotten the point I was trying to explain. Simply put: my therapist was trying to say that just like I went through a lot of grief before the elevator was finally approved, I'm going to go through a lot of grief before the business is up and running. And probably, just like I couldn't-was not able to, feel excitement till the actual elevator construction started, (tangible, touch it, see it, hear it results), it will probably be the same with the business. Different challenges, but the principle is the same. You have no idea how much anxiety I felt during the months of government hassles. Now that the construction work is actually being done, all of that has melted away, miraculously vanished.
Of course, there are still daily concerns. The builder wants to alter the original plan and we are adamant about not letting him do anything of the kind. And there is going to be some breaking of walls in one of the rooms--mess anticipated. So far the noise level hasn't been disturbing, but I imagine that will change as the work progresses.
Also, Shabtai is doing most of the communication with the builder, so that takes a load off my back.
In the business, he really isn't involved, beyond his also being anxious bout the technical glitches.
The computer technician was supposed to come yesterday. He said he's backlogged with work. What could I tell him? "I'll wait." Then, his mother had to be taken to the hospital--so that's changed everything. Of course, that was his first priority--I understand that. She's in and out of there almost every week and a lot of the burden falls on him.
I'm just anxious this present problem will be unsolvable--it has to do with being able to modify the webpages myself. If I can't do that, then any and every time I need to make even a small change, I'll have to go through the web designer. If there's no other way, then that's what it will be. But, obvously, he wants to be more in the background, not having to do all the hands-on work. Now that the basic structure of the webpage is up, he wanted to start teaching me how to do most of it myself and be there just for the really complicated stuff.
That's what the technician was going to do yesterday--try to solve this problem.
So, that's what my therapist was trying to tell me--a lot of grief before things even out. So, when I have the discouraging thoughts about wanting to quit and how did I ever get into this mess?, etc., I'm supposed to remember the elevator--a lot of grief before the excitement, and then apply that to the business.
On Wednesday, my parents told me the dates for their visit. Felt anxious again.
Yesterday, Thursday, I had another therapy session. The usual, "replace insecure thoughts with secure ones", and he wanted me to supply those. Hard for me to do. I'd say one or two possibilities and then he'd say, "more. What else?" and I couldn't do it.
Then we started talking about how I feel like a "fraud", which I wrote you about awhile back.
He said it's like I'm having to "apologize" for being who I am. I didn't have this when I was a teen or in college--just did what I wanted, and if people didn't like it, if my parents didn't like it, that was their problem.
Taking the particular things that were involved at that time out of the equation, he asked me how that mindset had changed and how I could get back to that mindset again. Not in an abrasive rebelious way, but as an independent and healthy adult.
Karen--If I knew the answer to that, I'd be a genius! laugh. As it was, all I could tell him was, "I don't know." which, in this case was not a cop-out answer, (a lot of people use the I-don't-know phrase when they want to avoid answering the therapist's questions), but because it's the honest truth. Long silences in this session. Hard work.
Today, woke up and bit a finger again. Really hurts. Bandaged it up. Then answered an email from the web designer and now you. Now I have to start Sabbath cooking.
One good thing. I had a difficult teleclass on Wednesday. Something controversial came up and people were very upset and vocal. I managed to restore peace. Yesterday, one of the main people running the phone line on which my classes are given, called me. "I hear you're getting the Nobel Peace Prize." she said. She wanted to compliment me for how I handled a very tricky situation. That was a great pat-on-the-back, because I wasn't sure if I had handled the situation right.
Tziporah
web: istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
Hi Tziporah,
I get it now.
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