Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Belated Welcome, Shavtay2007
1100
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 10:32am

Hi Tziporah,


I am so sorry that this is such a belated welcome to you. I've been absent from the board for nearly a month - so many things have been happening in my life that it was difficult to also come here. The good news is that life has somewhat calmed down (but I'm still crossing my fingers and my toes), which means that I'm back on iVillage.


I am so very happy to see you here, participating and sharing in our conversations! I hope that we'll get to know each other better in the coming weeks.


Welcome again!


(PS: I love the sound of your name!)


Please visit these other great message boards:
Cranio-Facial Abnormalities
In Vitro (IVF)



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Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Fri, 03-04-2011 - 6:11am

Tziporah,

Were you able to access your private messages?

siggy line


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Fri, 03-04-2011 - 9:45am
Hi Tziporah, I saw that Karen replied to you in the other thread about the post you were having trouble accessing. The post was reviewed and determined to be in violation of iVillage terms of service and was therefore removed. No need to reply to it. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 4:19pm
Hello, Amy and Karen, Thanks for everything in regard to the problem. Karen, I received your note sent to Poppy. Amy, I also received your explanatory post. I was just so riled up about it. I went oerboard myself. Well, back to the regular routine. It's been a difficult period. I've been on the mg10 of paxxil for about two weeks. Really nervous. Angry. Old buried complaints coming up again. Even so, I don't want to go back up to the higher dose or add another medication, as this new doc is suggesting. In this book, Prozac Backlash, it says that these negative symptoms are often misinterpreted--the anger is seen as the unmasked symptoms, rather than as a withdrawal effect. Also, I have been going through a rough patch. some people suggested i should upgrade to the 2010 microsoft office. the 2003 office was so easy to use--a very easy menu bar. they replaced it in the 2007 with this ribbon thing and added even more things onto it in the 2010. well, i spent money upgrading--it was not cheap--and then had the "fun" of having to learn how to use it. i liked some of the added features, but found it incredibly hard to use. especially, when laying out tables. just couldn't get it. i was angry at all those people, but mostly my husband, who had supported the idea of this upgrade. i've been really nasty to him. anyway, today a friend of his came and was able to downgrade me to the 2003 version. the feeling of release--like being let out of hell. now i can get on with my life. that's the real challenge--getting on with my life. and that's not easy either. in therapy, he's been trying to get me to start an exercise program--not just for the health benefits, which there are, but also as a psychotherapy measure for getting me into a more structured format. his theory is that once there is structure, i'll begin to see success. his reasoning is that because i'm really afraid of success, i procrasttinate and sabotage myself. it's really not just success, but FINANCIAL success- or rather, the responsibility--having to manage money--a very old and still very sore point. well, you'd think doing five minutes of back exercise a day would be a cinch. right? wrong. I thought it would be a cinch, but it's so hard! So, last Thursday, in our weekly session, he worked on that point--explaining the theory behind it, which I just explained to you. then, the phone line disconnected and we couldn't reconnect. subsequently, we arranged for a Sunday session. again, he said i had to do this assignment. okay, okay. Monday--nothing. Tuesday--today--almost nothing. then in the evening i decided i better do it. just what i need--another session of "why aren't you doing it?" so i forced myself to do it. not that i felt positive about it or anything. more a question of accountability. but at least i did it. knowing this guy, he's not going to give up easily on this point. laugh. he'll keep pushing me to do it. fingers are starting to heal. still feeling very overwhelmed with everything about coaching, businesswise that is. i have this presentation i'm supposed to give Saturday night about coaching. feeling so unenthusiastic about it. just wish i could get out of it. i also have a low-grade cold that just keeps clinging to me. i wonder if it's a psychosomatic response to this unenthusiasm, part of the withdrawal effect from the meds (in Prozac Backlash it says that flu like symptoms can be part of the withdrawal), or just a simple cold. Shabtai's sick also. I just got this bad cough which means speaking and snging--i'm supposed to sing and accompany myself on the accordion--just not looking forward to it. I had a phone interview with a Jewish community phone line last night about coaching. not the same phone line i use for my weekly classes. the interview went well. part of the ambvalence about this upcoming coaching thing is that the person who is promoting me wants me to talk about blindness. very much not looking forward to that. another step forward-the local class i was teaching in the neighborhood on Saturdays has been increased. till now, i was sharing this slot with another teacher--one week she taught, one week me. now she's stopped doing that, so i have the slot every week. more work--more class material to prepare. but it will get me out of thehouse every Saturday. that usually increases my energy, the getting out factor. so that's good. last topic: Karen, as a Catholic, i wanted to ask you something about nuns. I have been watching some videos about related topics on youtube. mostly, people becoming nuns or videos of diferent cloisters. well, one thing they keep talking about is wearing the habit and the black veil. you told me once, way back that that has to do with them being "widows". funny, though--they never explain that part, that they are "widows".. what they say is: they are now "spouses;/brides" to Christ. my question: if that is so, then how do friars define themselves?Are they also "spouses"? i don't mean this in a funny or commical or put-down way. i'm really interested, because, if thenuns say they are "spouses", there must be some equivalent for friars and priests. If there is such an equivalent and priests say they are "spouses" as well, it feels to me very much like a "gay" marriage. meaning--same sex. Christ and the friars married to each other, just as the nuns are married to Christ. at least--that's how my logic works. the only alternative thing i can think of is: perhaps priests consider themselves as married to Mary. but that would seem to raise a whole host of theological questions as well. in these videos, all the beauty of this lifestyle is emphasized, (the beautiful music, the simplicity), but there is very little said about the deprivation. i saw one video which talked about certain humiliations novices had to undergo as part of their training. but that kind of video is very rare. for the most part, that kind of thing isn't mentioned. anyway, if you could resolve this question i'd be much obliged. i think i'[ve been thinking about this whole thing with nuns because of the vows they have to take--especially the one in which they accept living in poverty. this whole thing of escaping from the world. no more money decissions--they don't earn money. a community for life--no wondering what will happen when you are old and left alone with no family, i.e. no children, no husband. for me, those two issues, money and the future on my own are very real considerations. i wonder how many people enter the convent as a way of "escaping" this kind of responsibility. it's just something that keeps on my mind. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 4:46pm

No worries, we understand about the protectiveness towards our board members, etc.

Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 11:54pm

Hi Tziporah,

I can clear up some of that confusion for you about Nuns and Friars etc.

siggy line


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 4:17pm
Hello, Karen, Thanks for the explanation. I don't know why it is--but I was always interested in religious-related things since I was a kid--especially church-related things. I was always fascinated by them. I guess that curiosity lingers. I guess it's more of this curiosity--what it's like to live that kind of life day in and day out--not so much the initiation, but what happens afterwards. I have seen some youtube videos which talk about the initiation, but much less is mentioned about what happens after that's finished. actually, M. Scott Peck mentions it sometimes in his books. I certainly don't believe in the theology behind it. Again, I think what appeals to me is the structure of it--a very regulated kind of life, the structures that are part and parcel of that lifestyle. but there are other things. issues of security, i guess you could call it, things like: not having to worry about money issues, not having to deal with infertility issues, not having to about being alone without anyone in old age. even things that are hard for me as a blind person--like having to choose what clothes to wear. the uniform dress takes care of that as well.all of the things that are hard for me. my fingers--a bloody mess. exercised today. just very tired. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Thu, 03-10-2011 - 1:23am
Hello, Amy, Thanks for your message. I guess we can put that unfortunate msb incident behind us. As for office 2003 vs. office 2010: your words were so timely! as i wrote before, i had become so frustrated with the 2010 version and one of Shabtai's friends reinstalled the 2003 version. well, things were going okay--for awhile.yesterday, Wednesday, i had to print a file handout for a neighborhood project and prepared the file for printing. printing time: no go. all the old thoughts came back: why do i have to have a glitch at every step? why does everything have to be so hard? why can't it be easy for awhile? of course, as i realize, this isn't just about tech stuff. it's about things being harder for me as a blind person. this was just my frustration about that coming out again. one of the myriad things i'm working on intherapy--aceepting the blindness. back to the story of the printer. it was low on ink. i found that out because i had to call the technician to figure out what was wrong with it--why it wasn't printing out the file. so, the tech guide who had put in the office 2010 had to come up and check out what was wrong with the printer. while he was here fixing the printer, he again started pressuring me to reconsider my decision--i told him i had gone back to the 2003 version. "there are so many more options with 2010... things you can do with it that you can't do with 2003..." and the killer: "try it out for a week and if you don't like it i'll reinstall the older one." to say i was tempted was an understatement. all the self-doubts came back. i felt like saying, "ask Shabtai." in the end, i just said, "no." i told him i have a lot of pressure things coming up--the elevator is due here soon and i have to organize that, Passover is just over a month away--very heavy cleaning always in preparation for that. i said i just couldn't spend more time on this. but, you know Amy, even after he left, (without getting me to do the upgrade), that shred of self-doubt remained. you know the feeling: "maybe i should have..." so, you can see why your words were so helpful and timely. my feelings about it: the 2003 version was so easy to use. why couldn't they have just built on that existing layout? why did they have to change the whole configuration? my feelings: the person who must have designed 2007 oand 2010 must have been drunk at the time! laugh. i mean, how could they come up with such a crazy idea as this ribbon thing? so often, things that are easy-to-use in the technology field, with simple schemes and layouts, are then upgraded to complicated schemes and layouts. very frustrating. oh, yeah, that was another one of this technician's claims--that if i would just put in windows 7 along with the 2010 version, i could configurate it to behave like the older 2003 version. that is probably true, but i just don't want to deal with it right now. so i ended up telling him: "maybe in the summer when i have nothing going on i'll reconsider." by the time i got the file printed out, sorted out the ink problem, and this tech guy left, i had a killer headache. at least Shabtai's friend, who is also a tech person, is supporting me in my decision--not to mention my husband, and now you. well, i did the back exercises yesterday. felt a bit better about it--proud that i did it at least a second time. another structural change that i made. i often say my daily prayers in the afternoon. now i've started saying them in the morning. leaving it till the afternoon meant that sometimes i'd be too preoccupied and just wouldn't do it. this way, by doing it in the morning, i get it out of the way. that's really how i feel about the exercise--somehow the same kind of feeling--i've gotten it out of the way. all my therapists have always noticed my emphasis is on: finishing the jobk getting the task, whatever it is, out of the way. versus. the attitude of "enjoying the process" and not just focusing on finishing. this whole thing of doing the exercises touches so many layers--how i feel about my body, setting up structures, how i feel about the task when i'm doing it, exercising not because my mother says i should. fingers starting to heal again--but really not in any great shape. certainly won't be better/presentable by the week end, when i'm supposed to give this live presentation about myself. definitely still not enthusiastic about this event. wish i had never committed to it. haven't even tried practicing on the accordion or singing--still feeling physically lousy with a cold and bad cough. very cold and rainy out. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Thu, 03-10-2011 - 9:37am
Tziporah, I think you'll do better than you expect on the presentation thing. You will, and you'll be glad once you've finished it.

As for 2003 Office... I agree. It's so much easier to use and while I know the newer versions have a lot more to offer, I have found them to be overwhelming for me. Simple is good. lol

I'm glad you got the printer thing figured out. I hate it when I run out of ink mid-project.

Avatar for nawleansdarlin
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-1999
Thu, 03-10-2011 - 7:51pm

Hi Tziporah!

I never really thought about the day in and day out activities of being a nun.

siggy line


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Thu, 03-10-2011 - 11:07pm
Hello Amy and Karen, you guys are great! I agree with Karen--the printers all belong to an invisible union and they all jinx us just when we need them most. Amy--how many times has the ink run out in the middle of something vital? I've lost count. Karen--do I get print-outs of stuff I don't need? Yes. So, I guess our evaluation of that is ynanimous. Really, your answers about printers is great--very humorous but true. Next time mine goes uncooperative, i'll try to recall that it's part of that invisible union and on a perpetual walk-out. perhaps it's a case of being grateful for when they actually DO cooperate and work. as for the word processing program, i guess, from your entries, it's a case of preference. Karen--i assume you're using the 2010 version. right? for now, i'm sticking with the 2003''at least until things calm down with me. elevator is coming soon and now i have to get really serious about straightening out that third room--as we call it--the storage room, or the dump-everything-here place. they have to open the wall to put the door of the elevator in, which is going to cut a bit into the room. Sunday i'll hae to start dealing with it. yesterday i had a significant therapy session. i told him how i had been doing the exercises--mostly as an obligation, to get it out of the way, etc. he said that it was good i was exercising, but that this mindset of "getting it out of the way" was totally a case of missing the point. i was really supposed to be feeling successful that i had done it, not just relief at getting one more thing done. i told him about how overwhelmed i am feeling with everything. like a long list of tasks that i have to check off, and no matter how many items i check off, there are always tons to replace them. like, for example, with the elevator coming. instead of seeing it as a cause for celebration--the end of two years of intense planning, going through the red tape chain, etc., all i could see was the work involved--clearing out the room to make way for it? why couldn't i see the upcoming presentation as an opportunity to expand instead of just one more thing i didn't want to do:? and so it went--a long list of activities he kept telling me i was interpreting in the wrong way. i told him i felt overwhelmed and joyless. he said that this was indeed the case and would stay that way until i really committed to changing. he said that was the central part of it--i really didn't want to change. i said i did, but he asked if i was really COMMITTED. like an addict who knows that if they take another drink or cigarette they are going to ruin their life and they have to resist that urge to do so. if i had the commitment, he said, then i'd be challenging every single depressing thought and i'd be telling myself i didn't want to live even one more day like the way i've been living. in Judaism, there are blesssings that are recited for a lot of things: blessings before and after eating, a blessing after going to the bathroom, blessings for going on a long journey, for natural phenomenon--rainbows, thunder and lightening, seeing the sea, etc. so he said: "why aren't you celebrating when you eat, being thankful that you have food? why aren't you thankful you can eliminate your waste products from your system after going to the bathroom? why aren't you celebrating that you can prepare the Sabbath and have enough food to eat, a house and table to eat it in, and a husband to share it with? instead you see all of that as burdens." i think that's what hurt the most--that he was showing me how spiritually tilted i was--especially when i proport to be a spiritual teacher--and others see me like that. there wasn't much i could say, except to say that i feel like i need more frequent sessions. today, i realized he was/is right. he said i have to challenge every thought and ask myself, "do i really want to think this way?" because unless i do, i will never feel any joy in my life. thinking about it now--when i got up awhile ago--it's 6am here--i realize i have to start keeping a thought record again and start writing down the negative thoughts and challenging them. Karen-i think you're right. most Catholic girls probably do go through a stage of wanting to be a nun. on the outside, it does look very beautiful--the beautiful singing and almost angelic quality they project to others. i'm sure that's also why they have years of preparation before they accept people into the sisterhood, because it is such a rigorous discipline and people have to see what it's like from the inside before they can make a life-changing decision and life-altering change of that magnitude. Mother Theresa is certainly an outstanding figure--it was not for naught that she won the Nobel Peace Prize. i think that most of the individuals who started different orders had/have to be like that--incredibly strong. Tziporah
Tziporah
web: www.istillhavemylife.com
blog: tziporahwishky.livejournal.com

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