Had my first session with new therapist

Avatar for nicki_petrina
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Had my first session with new therapist
4
Tue, 03-25-2003 - 6:59am
Gosh, I cryed myself to sleep. My mother drove me since I have no car of my own and that was a BAD idea. I thought it would be ok but my mother was in one of her moods and kept ridiculing everything I said and did and was just horrible. By the time I got home, she wanted to fax something which I have showed her how five times on separate occasions and DH has showed her as well, and she still couldnt do it I believe purposely because the fax machine is not the hard we have here, but she does these things to get under my skin and I did it in a cinch and then broke down and told her how insensitive she was being after I had just spilled my guts for an hour and I was really down. Of Course she is never to blame and then she says maybe I am not ready for therapy, hello? She is in total denial. I cant deal with her anymore. Anytime she sees me happy she wants to bring me down. I helped her find so many jobs and she didnt want them and yet she complains about unemployment--aaah! You can see where i am going with this.

The session was really hard because I had to describe things in detail and it didnt hit me until right after and I just wanted to die. My life has just been a lie and I feel like a sucker who fell for it.

Thanks for letting me vent. I cant write no more, just too drained and devastated.

Nicki

Avatar for ateachersangel
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 03-25-2003 - 9:20am
Well...I'm sorry that you had such a hard time. I expect that that's pretty normal given the circumstances- first visit, mom driving you, mom coming home with you, etc. I don't know if it's possible but the only thing I can tell you is that if you can at all get away from your mother, it would probably help you. First, I'm convinced I could not have come as far as I have in my healing if I were in contact with my mother. And, second, I have a sort of peace in my life now that I've never had. I can make my own decisions for my life and how I raise my children, and I'm not being negatively influenced by her. I know this isn't always possible, but man, I just know it's done wonders for me.

I hope you feel better and find a way to have a nice day, Nicki.

Becky

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
Tue, 03-25-2003 - 10:17am
Nicki,

I'm sorry you had such a rough time, and that your mother wasn't more supportive. It is so hard to tell your story, but it does get easier. I can now rattle off the details of my abuse with ease. (I don't know if that's a good thing or not???) Anyway, just know that it gets easier. And there are so many benefits to therapy. Have you made a list of goals--things you want to get out of therapy? That helped me in the beginning to justify the pain I was causing myself. If I thought about what I wanted to get out of it, it helped motivate me to go.

(((hugs)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 03-25-2003 - 12:27pm
Wow. That sounds pretty harsh. Especially when

what you need right now is care, and not hurtful

criticism. I believe that what people used to say

to us when we were little kind of still applies:

"if you show them that it doesn't bother you, and

save your tears for a secret time and place, they

will likely discontinue their hurtful behavior." I

think that you were absolutely correct in telling your

mother that her actions hurt your feelings. Now she

knows, and you know she knows, so she will have to

act more grown-up and less petty. Granted, I don't

know your mother, and would hate to gossip,etc., but

she sounds SOOOOO much like my own (whom I still have to

live with, since I'm only seventeen...argh) that I

can sympathize. So I guess I should take my own advice.

But what do I know? I havent had as much experience with

things as you all have. Hope it helped you at least a bit.

Good luck with the new therapist. ::Hugs::

Val
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 03-25-2003 - 12:33pm
Val, you're right on the money! I have often experienced that we teach what we need to learn. I give myself the best advice when I'm responding and giving advice to others. So, what do you know? Well, I'll say a lot!! :-)