Had my first session with new therapist
Gosh, I cryed myself to sleep. My mother drove me since I have no car of my own and that was a BAD idea. I thought it would be ok but my mother was in one of her moods and kept ridiculing everything I said and did and was just horrible. By the time I got home, she wanted to fax something which I have showed her how five times on separate occasions and DH has showed her as well, and she still couldnt do it I believe purposely because the fax machine is not the hard we have here, but she does these things to get under my skin and I did it in a cinch and then broke down and told her how insensitive she was being after I had just spilled my guts for an hour and I was really down. Of Course she is never to blame and then she says maybe I am not ready for therapy, hello? She is in total denial. I cant deal with her anymore. Anytime she sees me happy she wants to bring me down. I helped her find so many jobs and she didnt want them and yet she complains about unemployment--aaah! You can see where i am going with this.
The session was really hard because I had to describe things in detail and it didnt hit me until right after and I just wanted to die. My life has just been a lie and I feel like a sucker who fell for it.
Thanks for letting me vent. I cant write no more, just too drained and devastated.